Neferti saidAnyone ever had this problem and been able to fix it?
A common issue, as you're reading here, you're not alone. It's partly ourselves, but also partly the other guy. For instance, I'm surprised how few guys know how to give really good BJs -- they think it's about head bobbing and running their lips up and down the shaft. No wonder very few of them can make me cum. Looks exciting in porn films, works poorly in reality.
It's actually about suction, and firmly pressing the dick with the tongue against the roof of the mouth. I can make a guy cum without hardly moving my head at all, just using pulsating suction and tongue action. He gets the stroking from drawing him in deeper with the action of the strong suck, then he moves back when the suction releases. Learn to do that rapidly and there's hardly a man on Earth who won't erupt.
I also have trouble as a top. Partly it's because I'm thick and stretch guys to where they have no muscle tension. The anus & rectum lack the multiple elastic and gripping muscle bands of a vagina. Add to that the numbing effect of a condom and it's a tough act.
Position can be critical. Go through them all for fun with him, but also learn which one is best for you when you're ready to finish up. It's different for every man, but my own, oddly, is rear entry with both of us on our sides in bed. It seems to make him tighter, and forces me into a different kind of thrusting. You may need some length to make it work, though, depending on his ass.
There are also condoms with a "light bulb shape" that grip the shaft at the base, but are loose near the head, which lets you slide inside them for a more natural & stimulating feel. You should lube your glans before rolling one on (but never the base of the shaft to avoid slippage), and of course put lots of the same latex-safe lube on the outside. Here's one version, the Trojan Magnum Ecstasy, sold by condomdepot.com. Our local gay adult stores sell these off the shelf, less common in drug stores: