Can't cum during sex

  • Neferti

    Posts: 55

    Aug 06, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    So I'm a top and always really enjoy it. I just have the problem that I never can seem to get off while I'm topping someone. We can have sex for a long time and nothing. Nothing happens even when I get blowjobs or handjobs. The only way I can get off is doing it myself after we're done. I don't use the grip of death when I masturbate and only do it 4-5 times a week. My ex-bf and I had great chemistry in bed and even then I still couldn't get there.

    Anyone ever had this problem and been able to fix it?
  • qd2009

    Posts: 164

    Aug 06, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    I have the same problem -- I'm the only one who can make me cum
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    Well if you do have a boyfriend, you can try not masturbating for a few days.

    For myself, I figured out that I actually had to be attracted to the person I was having sex with, imagine that icon_razz.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    At least you know it's not physical. It's mental. I would suggest abstaining from jacking off completely. When actual sex is your only way to cum, I have a feeling it will happen, even if it takes several weeks.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 06, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    where is it written that a man has to jizz everytime he has sex?

    in spite of what unrealistic gay porn teaches us; jizzing is not required 1,2,3 times per session for many guys.

    if you and your bf are happy with what is goin' on between the sheets.....who cares what else does or does not happen?
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Aug 06, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    I`m a versatile-top and have experienced this problem sometimes.At first I put it down to having been out of meeting guys for a number of years due to caring duties.But I always masturbated easily,usually after a meeting.It always seemed to happen with a certain type of guy I (unfortunately) found very sexy ie masculine.
    I think it`s probably due to my own lack of confidence/self esteem.I`ve worked on that over the years and it`s helped.
    Short of psycho-analysis,etc.,I`ve found,as suggested by Scruffypup,abstaining from sex made me more able to come with a guy.I also found that relaxing with lots of foreplay and not rushing helped.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    Neferti saidAnyone ever had this problem and been able to fix it?

    A common issue, as you're reading here, you're not alone. It's partly ourselves, but also partly the other guy. For instance, I'm surprised how few guys know how to give really good BJs -- they think it's about head bobbing and running their lips up and down the shaft. No wonder very few of them can make me cum. Looks exciting in porn films, works poorly in reality.

    It's actually about suction, and firmly pressing the dick with the tongue against the roof of the mouth. I can make a guy cum without hardly moving my head at all, just using pulsating suction and tongue action. He gets the stroking from drawing him in deeper with the action of the strong suck, then he moves back when the suction releases. Learn to do that rapidly and there's hardly a man on Earth who won't erupt.

    I also have trouble as a top. Partly it's because I'm thick and stretch guys to where they have no muscle tension. The anus & rectum lack the multiple elastic and gripping muscle bands of a vagina. Add to that the numbing effect of a condom and it's a tough act.

    Position can be critical. Go through them all for fun with him, but also learn which one is best for you when you're ready to finish up. It's different for every man, but my own, oddly, is rear entry with both of us on our sides in bed. It seems to make him tighter, and forces me into a different kind of thrusting. You may need some length to make it work, though, depending on his ass.

    There are also condoms with a "light bulb shape" that grip the shaft at the base, but are loose near the head, which lets you slide inside them for a more natural & stimulating feel. You should lube your glans before rolling one on (but never the base of the shaft to avoid slippage), and of course put lots of the same latex-safe lube on the outside. Here's one version, the Trojan Magnum Ecstasy, sold by condomdepot.com. Our local gay adult stores sell these off the shelf, less common in drug stores:

    ex-her.jpg
  • qd2009

    Posts: 164

    Aug 06, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Neferti saidAnyone ever had this problem and been able to fix it?



    It's actually about suction, and firmly pressing the dick with the tongue against the roof of the mouth. I can make a guy cum without hardly moving my head at all, just using pulsating suction and tongue action. He gets the stroking from drawing him in deeper with the action of the strong suck, then he moves back when the suction releases. Learn to do that rapidly and there's hardly a man on Earth who won't erupt.



    That's EXACTLY how I give blow jobs!! I can always make a guy cum. That technique is a little difficult if their cock is too fat. Then my teeth get in the way of being able to press his cock against the roof of my mouth.
    I just wish I could get a blow job like that... I'd like to know how it feels.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 09, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    you need to sleep with better looking partnersicon_lol.gif

    Seriously, you obviously j/o alot more that you have sex so I think you just conditioned your body to react only to very certain stimulation.

    Have more sex!!!!icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    qd2009 said
    Art_Deco said
    Neferti saidAnyone ever had this problem and been able to fix it?

    It's actually about suction, and firmly pressing the dick with the tongue against the roof of the mouth. I can make a guy cum without hardly moving my head at all, just using pulsating suction and tongue action. He gets the stroking from drawing him in deeper with the action of the strong suck, then he moves back when the suction releases. Learn to do that rapidly and there's hardly a man on Earth who won't erupt.

    That's EXACTLY how I give blow jobs!! I can always make a guy cum. That technique is a little difficult if their cock is too fat. Then my teeth get in the way of being able to press his cock against the roof of my mouth.
    I just wish I could get a blow job like that... I'd like to know how it feels.

    Yeah, you gotta be able to hold you mouth wide open, even while you're sucking hard like a Hoover. Otherwise you'll bite the guy. And the thicker he is, the more difficult it is. My mouth muscles sometimes cramp.

    I love to suck cock, and why I love smaller guys. A monster cock dislocates my jaw, whereas a little guy is what I call "bite size" -- so easy to handle, and every bit as tasty. icon_wink.gif

    Plus smaller guys think no one wants them. Well *I* did when I was single! And so I could have as many as I wanted, cause everybody else were being size-queens and passed them up. A cock is a cock, and one that fits neatly into my mouth is a treat! Plus when I bottom I prefer small, too.

    Never diss the small guys... I think they're a treasure.
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Aug 10, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    I think it is mental and it affects the person you are with...like you really wanted to hear that...I feel you havent completely let yourself go or you may just be selfiish with your orgasms...you need to practice with a partner....where r u located??!!
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Aug 10, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    Reply # 2 ...oh dont tell me this...but maybe you should try the BOTTOM!!
  • carew28

    Posts: 658

    Aug 16, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    I have the same problem; I've had it all my life. I'm hardly ever able to cum with another guy. Afterwards, by myself, I cum while masturbating. I think it's partly due to nervousness, and partly due to masturbating at home by myself, which I do frequently.
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Sep 23, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    Eh ive had this issue for as long as I can remember. A few instances lead me to believe that its just caused by something as small as a distracting thought. Once my concentrations broken may as well throw in the towel ;p