is it considered loyalty....or hovering...for your bf to never leave your side when you two go out to gay clubs/bars?

  • rnch

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    Aug 06, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    wadduathink?

    would it be taken as good manners and personal loyalty to stay next to your bf and make guys you know walk up to the two of you to say hello and chat?

    or would it be considered acceptable behavior to leave him and walk around the bar, saying hello to other guys you know and chatting them up?

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    Aug 06, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    If I had a bf I'd rather just go to a restaurant/bar and spend time with him. I don't understand the point of going to a club/bar with your bf since most of the people there are probably single guys looking for action.
  • rnch

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    Aug 06, 2011 12:05 PM GMT
    tks for your reply, joe
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    Aug 06, 2011 12:07 PM GMT
    rnch saidwadduathink?

    would it be taken as good manners and personal loyalty to stay next to your bf and make guys you know walk up to the two of you to say hello and chat?

    or would it be considered acceptable behavior to leave him and walk around the bar, saying hello to other guys you know and chatting them up?




    You could do the first scenario part of the time, and do the second scenario part of the time (taking your bf with you as you circulate) icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 06, 2011 12:08 PM GMT
    When my partner and I are out, I think it's a pretty good balance. We are clearly together, but if there are people each of us need to speak to or something each of us needs to do, then we are off.. by ourselves for a bit.
    It is understood, however, that we need to find the other within a reasonable timeframe.

    We haven't had too much of a problem.
  • rnch

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    Aug 06, 2011 12:26 PM GMT
    so if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?
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    Aug 06, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    This sounds like a trust issue. You're both grown men. So you guys go out to a bar and you might see some folks you know. I don't think it requires that you be joined at the hip for every passing moment.

    If your BF is just not comfortable being alone and likes being by your side then that makes since but if he's secure about being on his own and yet still needs to stay at your side then I'd say he's hovering and I'd deem a trust issue.

    I know some folks in relationships that are perfectly fine going out together and doing their own thing. The don't feel the need monitor or stay connected the whole time. They communicate and let the other know what they are doing. Basically they are secure with their relationship because they know at the end of the night whose bed they are ending up in.
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    Aug 06, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?

    Ah, now that's a different element you've introduced. But to your original question, of loyalty vs. hovering in not leaving one's side, I could also call it love. And a lot depends on the place & circumstances.

    Last night we were at a fundraiser, where we knew most of the people there. Just like at a private cocktail party in someone's home, my partner & I hardly saw each other all night. We were socializing and visiting with people we see far less often than we see each other every day. And most of the partners at these functions behave the same way - they don't stick to each other like Siamese Twins. But perhaps partners aren't the same thing as BFs for your question.

    When a former BF & I would go to a local gay club where we knew most of the others we'd also split off and go our own ways to visit. We'd get back together for some drinks & dancing, compare notes & gossip, then maybe split again. We were very confident in each other, not worried what the other was doing.

    Yet when this same guy & I visited gay clubs during out of town trips we'd hang together the whole time, mainly because we didn't know anyone. We were friendly to others (so friendly that sometimes we'd go off-premises briefly with another couple for a quick 4-way icon_eek.gif ), but ordinarily I think we sorta "circled the wagons" in an unfamiliar place.

    So that in your OP, I think it is "acceptable behavior to leave him and walk around the bar, saying hello to other guys you know and chatting them up." Provided you both know guys there, neither of you made a bar orphan. Otherwise one of you should be introducing the other around, just as a matter of considerate behavior.
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    Aug 06, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    Sounds to me that you are looking for some excuse to get your slut on
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Aug 06, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    Hovering would drive me nuts. If I am with someone it doesn't mean I have to be chained to the hip. When I've been in relationships, I enjoyed going to clubs or parties together and when conversations or whatever would separate us in different directions it was fun when we found each other again. It also sort of depends on the venue. If you're at a club or big event it's generally better to stick relatively close because trouble has a tendency to ensue otherwise icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    lol, wut? You mean a stranger? I think you're now talking about something else entirely.

    So, what's happening rnch?
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWhen my partner and I are out, I think it's a pretty good balance. We are clearly together, but if there are people each of us need to speak to or something each of us needs to do, then we are off.. by ourselves for a bit.
    It is understood, however, that we need to find the other within a reasonable timeframe.

    We haven't had too much of a problem.


    I completely agree with this....

    I'm a bit of a social bird so I usually end up meeting up with familiar faces when I make my rounds..However I would make sure I would introduce a significant other if they haven't met him/her
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 06, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    lol, wut? You mean a stranger? I think you're now talking about something else entirely.

    So, what's happening rnch?




    i suspecdt that, as it sez in the bible.. "...a time for all seasons".

    seasons change, seasons end, a new season starts....


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    Aug 06, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    I like to be near him, and he likes to be near me.
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    rnch said
    meninlove said
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    lol, wut? You mean a stranger? I think you're now talking about something else entirely.

    So, what's happening rnch?




    i suspecdt that, as it sez in the bible.. "...a time for all seasons".

    seasons change, seasons end, a new seaon starts....


    icon_neutral.gif


    Oh no...
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    Depends on how secure both of you are with the stability of the relationship, as well as the kind of people who go there and your intentions for going. From my experience and observation more break ups seem to occur because of what occurs at a bar/club than anything else...

    I know many guys in the gay community here who make it a sport to hit on guys with boyfriends in order to break up or destabolize a relationship. I doubt such things are limited to just my city.
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    Fivealive said
    HndsmKansan saidWhen my partner and I are out, I think it's a pretty good balance. We are clearly together, but if there are people each of us need to speak to or something each of us needs to do, then we are off.. by ourselves for a bit.
    It is understood, however, that we need to find the other within a reasonable timeframe.

    We haven't had too much of a problem.


    I completely agree with this....

    I'm a bit of a social bird so I usually end up meeting up with familiar faces when I make my rounds..However I would make sure I would introduce a significant other if they haven't met him/her


    This is our pattern, too. When we're at our local (non-gay) watering hole with our friends, there are times we may not see one another for quite a while, if we're involved in a deep conversation with friends.

    When we go out to a gay bar-- which involves going out-of-town since there's no local gay bar where we live-- we usually stick pretty close to one another because we just don't know anyone. I don't think it's really ever occurred to either one of us to take off alone on a "browsing" run.

    We still like going to gay bars, though. It's fun to people watch, the music's usually more up-to-date, and let's face it, sometimes you need to get your catty bitch on with your peeps.
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    Aug 06, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    I mean define kiss icon_razz.gif I'm pretty sure with smiling, touching and hugging that I wouldn't care. I'd be more upset if I did it and my bf was upset at me. Have some trust icon_razz.gif. Gay people are very homosocialable. We like to be around other gay people and it makes us happy to interact with them. That being said alcohol + bars + music seems to create some drama overtime, so I never like to know too many people in one place hah.
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    Aug 06, 2011 4:01 PM GMT
    Since my b.f. moved here to California from Connecticut last year, for a few months I tended to stay near him at parties and gatherings - to introduce him to people and make sure he got a chance to know names. Now that he has met almost everyone I know, we separate and move around more at gatherings. Bob mixes easily with people and they all like him a lot. I don't have to 'take care' of him at parties or gatherings at all. So, sometimes we'll find ourselves talking in the same group, and sometimes we'll be in separate conversations for awhile. We eventually catch up with each other, to make sure we're each having a good time.

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  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 06, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    Once my boyfriend got familiar with my friends, there was no issue about him mingling with my friends during a party while I was talking to some other friends. It was actually pretty natural. We would meet up every 10 minutes or so, do our own thing, and then repeat process.

    When we went to the gay club we stayed near each other, even though we went in a group (sort of). He wasn't going to leave me behind which I thought was great. I'd rather him go off with mutual friends than with strangers, to be honest. We've encountered too many gay men who do not know when they are crossing their boundaries ;)
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    Aug 06, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    The understanding,.... you came together.. you leave together... enjoy the evening.
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    Aug 06, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    With one BF I got scolded for following him with my eyes. I was really wowed by him, thought he was beautiful, and so I couldn't keep my eyes off him wherever we went.

    One time we attended a formal art function, all black bow tie, and we were each off doing our own thing. Next time we crossed paths there he told me to stop staring at him, he was getting comments about it. He was closeted, thought everyone believed he was straight (I never could bring myself to tell him that all his straight friends actually knew he was gay, and spoil his illusion).

    So I guess in some situations it's not just about hovering nearby, but even just looking at him. Another reason I prefer to go to gay or gay-friendly places or events, where even a PDA isn't a problem. I hate having to conform to straight moral standards, and suffering criticism & scorn if I don't.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 06, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidWith one BF I got scolded for following him with my eyes. I was really wowed by him, thought he was beautiful, and so I couldn't keep my eyes off him wherever we went.....



    yes, i found out just last night that i was doing that...and that it was making him uncomfortable.


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    Aug 06, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    It depends if it's someone he already knows. Both of us have friends we tend to greet with a hug and kiss and both of us have maintained friendships with guys we used to date so it can get....interesting sometimes. But I don't mind him going off and doing his own thing. We came together, we'll leave together, but we spend some time apart when out at clubs.
  • rnch

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    Aug 06, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    sashaman said
    rnch saidso if either/both of you wandered off from the other, struck up a long conversation with a cute guy, leaned in, smiled, touched, hugged and kissed this other guy...you would be ok with that...since he is your bf and he's "just talking"?


    It depends if it's someone he already knows. Both of us have friends we tend to greet with a hug and kiss and both of us have maintained friendships with guys we used to date so it can get....interesting sometimes. But I don't mind him going off and doing his own thing. We came together, we'll leave together, but we spend some time apart when out at clubs.




    in all honesty, i must say that i have not wittnessed this happening with my bf (although a shoite stirring queen of questionable verasity did tell breathlessly me that it happened)...i was just throwing it out for discussion on this thread.

    sorry if i gave any of ya'll the wrong idea!