Self-loathing bottoms?

  • Patroclus77

    Posts: 28

    Aug 07, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    I am surprised that in 2011 people still show subtle (and not so subtle) signs of being ill at ease with their enjoyment of being a 'catcher.'

    For example, whenever an online profile starts out with over-the-top evidence of the poster's masculinity...it invariably ends with something like "masculine bottom." How many of you have seen profiles like this:
    "Into muscle cars, UFC, NFL, sports bars, alligator wrestling, steel welding, not into 'the scene', very masculine man's man...oh, and I take it up the bum."

    I have decided my new pet-peeve is "butch posturing" ie exaggerated testaments of maleness.

    (not trying to sound bitter...I just want us all to be sufficiently comfortable in our own sexual proclivities to be ourselves both in silico and in vivo).
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    Aug 07, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    If a bottom is masculine and into NFL, UFC, and sports there's no reason why they shouldn't describe themselves as such.

    It's not always sinister. Sometimes it's just the truth.

    If it isn't the truth, then that's obviously annoying. But I doubt those who would lie about such things to meet some heterosexual standard of masculinity are the majority.
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    Aug 07, 2011 5:34 PM GMT
    I would hardly call that self loathing. I would take the intent that the guy is masculine and probably looking for the same. You need to paint a picture for who you are and what you are looking for.
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    Aug 07, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    Some of us are masculine bottoms :p

    You may be reading too much into it. Although I do dislike it when people make it a note that they're a frat/ex-frat guy. As if that means anything.
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    Aug 07, 2011 5:36 PM GMT
    once for fucking all:

    bottom =/= woman
    top =/= man

    Bottom = gay man
    top = gay man

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    Aug 07, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidonce for fucking all:

    bottom =/= woman
    top =/= man

    Bottom = gay man
    top = gay man



    I disagree lostboy,

    When I take it up the ass, I immediately hope that his seed finds my eggs and we can have a child together. Doesnt every gay man?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 07, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    I know what I like and I do it well.....I like tops and bottoms who are confident, talented and understand that good sex is a package experience and success is based on a wide variety of variables... not just "topping and bottoming". One of the best compliments I ever had was from a guy who told me that we had some of the best sex he'd ever had.....and fucking wasn't even a part of the mix.
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    Aug 07, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    I think the term "self-loathing" is highly offensive and most often used to describe people who have different viewpoints than the writer. For most civilized discussion, that term should be stricken.
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    so what u r saying is that every bottom guy should accept the "fact" that they're drag queens at the core of their soul?? icon_confused.gif u need to find a book to read, water the plants, play videogames or something because u truly are reading too much into a person's online profile icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    I disagree lostboy,

    When I take it up the ass, I immediately hope that his seed finds my eggs and we can have a child together. Doesnt every gay man?

    hop-photo-easter-bunny3.jpg
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Aug 07, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    I have a different take on this particular topic. I think that, gay, bi or otherwise, most are still fundamentally men, fueled by testosterone, which tends to induce competitiveness, showmanship, aggression etc. If you think about it, even the so-called "feminine" end of the extreme exhibits this trait more so than women on average, albeit maybe in a different way. So all this posturing for the most masculine or the best bottom etc. is still basically a very male behavior of trying to outdo a competitor for a mate.
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Aug 07, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Lostboy saidonce for fucking all:

    bottom =/= woman
    top =/= man

    Bottom = gay man
    top = gay man



    I disagree lostboy,

    When I take it up the ass, I immediately hope that his seed finds my eggs and we can have a child together. Doesnt every gay man?


    Is this you, chainers?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    I'm masculine, and a bottom guy, so I put it in my profile. It isn't a way to overcompensate. Masculine is just a descriptive word that covers all types of things from interests to mannerisms. That is what profiles are for, to give the person reading it an idea of yourself.
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    yougotit saidI'm masculine, and a bottom guy, so I put it in my profile. It isn't a way to overcompensate. Masculine is just a descriptive word that covers all types of things from interests to mannerisms. That is what profiles are for, to give the person reading it an idea of yourself.


    Oh I like you hehehe
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI would hardly call that self loathing. I would take the intent that the guy is masculine and probably looking for the same. You need to paint a picture for who you are and what you are looking for.


    +1
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    Aug 07, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    hartfan saidI have a different take on this particular topic. I think that, gay, bi or otherwise, most are still fundamentally men, fueled by testosterone, which tends to induce competitiveness, showmanship, aggression etc. If you think about it, even the so-called "feminine" end of the extreme exhibits this trait more so than women on average, albeit maybe in a different way. So all this posturing for the most masculine or the best bottom etc. is still basically a very male behavior of trying to outdo a competitor for a mate.


    This is why you wrestle for top.
  • kcbronc

    Posts: 36

    Aug 07, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    Patroclus77 saidI am surprised that in 2011 people still show subtle (and not so subtle) signs of being ill at ease with their enjoyment of being a 'catcher.'

    For example, whenever an online profile starts out with over-the-top evidence of the poster's masculinity...it invariably ends with something like "masculine bottom." How many of you have seen profiles like this:
    "Into muscle cars, UFC, NFL, sports bars, alligator wrestling, steel welding, not into 'the scene', very masculine man's man...oh, and I take it up the bum."

    I have decided my new pet-peeve is "butch posturing" ie exaggerated testaments of maleness.

    (not trying to sound bitter...I just want us all to be sufficiently comfortable in our own sexual proclivities to be ourselves both in silico and in vivo).


    I understand what you're getting at but I think it all depends on how it's worded. If the person is just describing who they are "enjoys UFC, Nascar, Extreme sports... and I'm a bottom" then they aren't showing any since of being uncomfortable being labeled a bottom. They are just describing who they are.

    If they say... "I'm a bottom, but I'm masculine and like UFC, Nascar..." then I think it might fit in to what you're saying. I don't think it's a major deal, but I would guess they just aren't comfortable with the stigma attached to being "submissive" in the bedroom.

    What I find interesting are the "tops" that all of a sudden interested in becoming a bottom when they see how big I am. Wouldn't that make them Versatile? That is more confusing to me.

  • squash4dave

    Posts: 180

    Aug 07, 2011 7:27 PM GMT
    I wish I had a dollar for every straight man who walked into my Emergency Department with an object stuck up his butt, put there by his girlfriend. Actually, I'm exaggerating the frequency, but you get my point, I hope. Liking the feeling of something up there has nothing to do with how masculine you are. It's got everything to do with your anatomy. For those of you who don't realize it, your prostate is right there. That's why it's pleasurable for so many men. It's society that puts all this emphasis on the manliness aspect. That being said, I'm actually a top. lolicon_redface.gif
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    Aug 07, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    here goes again...icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    I'm a bottom... but I'm not masculine or extremely "Feminine" I guess I'm somewhere in the middle... lol I'm just me. however, if I see a spider on me I might scream like a little bitch that's just how I am.
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    Aug 07, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    I've met some bottoms who need to be more self-loathing. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 07, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    i'm embarrassed by it, can't see why i wouldn't be aside from places like this where i can talk about it.
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    Aug 07, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    I see your point here, but I think it's not that WE as bottoms are self loathing, I think it's that we're tired of people stereotyping us. People assume that if you're the bottom in the relationship you're the bitch, the wife, the woman.. I'm perfectly masculine, and also perfectly able to admit that, Yes, I like being the 'catcher.'

    I also DO happen to like cars, video games, and some sports.

    I think honestly it's more of the heterosexual population who stereotypes though. Obviously the Tops out there know we're not bitches, even if we like you to tell us that in bed. But straight people assume that the one with the hole getting filled must be the woman.
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Aug 07, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    I have never understood why there is such a negative stigma to being a bottom? It's a sexual preference that is not indicative of anything of a person. It has nothing to do with how masculine or feminine you are. I know ALL kinds of people who mix that pot up. Feminine tops and masculine bottoms, and vice versa.

    And honestly, if we are going to have tops than we obviously need bottoms. So why can't we all just respect everyone's preference without making shit up and reading wayyy too much into it.
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    Aug 07, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    HighOctane saidI have never understood why there is such a negative stigma to being a bottom? It's a sexual preference that is not indicative of anything of a person. It has nothing to do with how masculine or feminine you are. I know ALL kinds of people who mix that pot up. Feminine tops and masculine bottoms, and vice versa. And honestly, if we are going to have tops than we obviously need bottoms. So why can't we all just respect everyone's preference without making shit up and reading wayyy too much into it.


    Thank you. I have called some guys a bottom because they have a great ass, and they have gotten so pissy. "Don't call me a bottom." It is so stupid.