"Let's be friends!! =D"

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    Aug 08, 2011 6:49 AM GMT
    Making friends, online of IRL isn't rocket science. You chat, you talk, spend time, communicate etc. The friendship happens or it doesn't.

    Query: What's the PC response or protocol when someone you don't know directly tells you "I want us to be friends", "I want to develop a friendship with you", "Can we be friends?". I mean my gut instinct is to just bluntly say "No wtf who says that that's not how it works you basically just guaranteed we're NOT going to be friends by you saying that", which sounds harsh..ish...but then what exactly do you say?
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    Agreed, but I figure doesn't hurt to try so I do. Usually ends in no new friendships.
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    PC response: Let's meet up at Timmies (cause I'm cheap like that).
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    My gut instinct is similar to yours... I think we don't like people to be that blunt because it's off-putting and backs us into a corner. And it also conveys possible desperation that is just not attractive. Finally, it might just be the other person's angst about whether you like them or whether they're just setting themselves up for disappointment down the road.

    If you don't like them, obviously don't say "no" but say something vague like "yeah, I'm really busy these days but we should hang out sometime." They should take the hint. If they don't, kinda their problem.

    If you do like them, that's a whole other story. You have nothing to lose by going with the flow.

    Friendships develop naturally, though. They don't develop by asking that kind of question. Anyone who asks it is, on some level, desperate.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Aug 08, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    Ive never told someone that I want to be friends with them. It just happens.
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:58 AM GMT
    What is this "PC" thing you mention as it relates to inter-web?

    When this has happened to me and yes...(WTF).
    I usually tell them: "cool, but you'll have to do all the work; I don't do internet relationships well, because I, at the least, pretend to have a life".
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    Aug 08, 2011 7:01 AM GMT
    It's really just for online land I made this topic, I don't think in real life anyone verbalizes that line. Sometimes I'm chatting with someone for the first time and they blurt that out, and I literally have NO clue what to say, because the most natural response that comes into my head is "no", but I can't bring myself to say it because I think it sounds mean. And then I get annoyed because at the same time I shouldn't be obligated to say yes either I mean it feels like a lower level tier of them asking "do you want to be my boyfriend".
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    Aug 08, 2011 7:02 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidIt's really just for online land I made this topic, I don't think in real life anyone verbalizes that line. Sometimes I'm chatting with someone for the first time and they blurt that out, and I literally have NO clue what to say, because literally the most natural response that comes into my head is "no", but I can't bring myself to say it because I think it sounds mean. And then I get annoyed because at the same time I shouldn't be obligated to say yes either I mean it feels like a lower level tier of them asking "do you want to be my boyfriend".


    I'd be inclined to think that whoever asks that is probably a bit socially awkward. And/or, as I mentioned before, desperate.
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    Aug 08, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    Online is great because you can just pretend like they never said it.

    Him/Her :Hey, I want to be friends!
    You: lol, did you see that guys penis on the video I sent you?
    Him/her: Yeah, I think his name is Adam!?


    I tried it in real life once but I almost got slapped.


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    Aug 08, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    Just continue to chat/message each other. Eventually you two will run out of things to talk about, or the conversations will be one-sided. Then things will fizzle out, and the communication ends. I don't see why you need to decide upfront whether or not you want to be friends with someone.
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    Aug 08, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    I've got the same opinion. Had someone on Grindr do the "lets be friends" and I was like, "um, ok" thinking that he should have just started a normal chat. Of course, it WAS on grindr, but then I have looking for Friends listed on my profile.

    I sort of expected some sort of chat back and forth to determine if it was going to work or not, but it didn't really develop. He was not much of a talker so I just dropped it.
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    Aug 08, 2011 9:41 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidMaking friends, online of IRL isn't rocket science. You chat, you talk, spend time, communicate etc. The friendship happens or it doesn't.

    Query: What's the PC response or protocol when someone you don't know directly tells you "I want us to be friends", "I want to develop a friendship with you", "Can we be friends?". I mean my gut instinct is to just bluntly say "No wtf who says that that's not how it works you basically just guaranteed we're NOT going to be friends by you saying that", which sounds harsh..ish...but then what exactly do you say?


    I don't understand, does this mean you're saying no? Yes?

    tumblr_loteimzkhN1qzf4gno1_500.gif
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:19 AM GMT
    Dearest Ariodante: I want to develop a friendship with you.

    (Ariodante runs in the opposite direction as CHIdude is left standing under the moonlight with a ribbon-wrapped Tiffany box)
  • Karnage

    Posts: 704

    Aug 08, 2011 11:32 AM GMT
    I have a similar problem - trying to tell a guy I met online that I don't really want to be friends. We started chatting and he seemed cool enough, so we decided to meet in person. Turns out it was really awkward and conversation did not flow at all, but texting/chatting with him later, he seemed to have fun and wants to hang out again. My problem is I'm too nice to tell him I don't want to icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:37 AM GMT
    chaaxwvn that gif is really creepy. icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidMaking friends, online of IRL isn't rocket science. You chat, you talk, spend time, communicate etc. The friendship happens or it doesn't.

    Query: What's the PC response or protocol when someone you don't know directly tells you "I want us to be friends", "I want to develop a friendship with you", "Can we be friends?". I mean my gut instinct is to just bluntly say "No wtf who says that that's not how it works you basically just guaranteed we're NOT going to be friends by you saying that", which sounds harsh..ish...but then what exactly do you say?


    I take it the offer didn't come with Bacon or cookie tempters?
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    The PC response is simply: 'I like to take my time developing a friendship, but we can still keep chatting for now icon_smile.gif'

    I used to be on an international penpal site where I would get lots of messages out of the blue with 'Nice to meet you, can we be friends ?', mostly from China or India. I had to realise that in some cultures, it must not be unusual to start out with this.
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:54 AM GMT
    Are you talking about on RJ? If you post or even lurk a lot here, you feel like you know the most prolific posters, even if you've never interacted with them. It can be a bit like watching all the cool kids from afar in junior high. Don't worry about being PC, just be kind unless he gives you a reason to be otherwise.
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    Aug 08, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    Anyone who seems overly eager for anything is a potential hazard. That being said - everyone has a different way of expressing themselves and that at times must be considered. Still - it takes time to understand a person's idiosyncrasies and individual sense of humor.

    I actually address "Buddy-Listing" in my profile and how I prefer to establish some common ground before making the distinction. I still get guys who I have never engaged at all buddy-listing me. Clearly did not even read my profile - or just chose to ignore that part. Either way - probably not much common ground. I am not offended per se - but I have no inclination to respond either.

    My rule of thumb is I don't become friends with ANYONE until their check clears. I no longer accept Amex.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 08, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    It is a little bit of a chuckler when someone just asks to be friends.. but we approve it on FB all the time. Of course a FB friend may or may not be a real friend.

    My response is always this (and I've said it here on RJ as well). "I'm happy to make friends and get to know new people. Real friendship is something that takes time, effort and some similar interests and ideas. I'm happy to visit with you and get to know you a bit".

    Basically I'm saying, I'm open to exploring the idea. I never say "I'd be happy to have you as a friend". You don't know the other person and I think its a bad idea. The reality is, you may not to know the other individual at all. Be positive & friendly, but more generic about it in the beginning.
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    Aug 08, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    If the conversation is going really well, you usually know. You can judge by how frequent his response, or how long his responses are, to determine where you are with this guy. Also, the depth of the conversation is a good gauge as well. If you run out of stuff to talk about, or worse yet, you've only exchanged two sentences with one another...and then all of the sudden you get that "let's be friends", or out of the blue "I have buddy listed you mail", that's when I have the "WTH" + *eyebrow raising* moment.

    Luckily that doesn't happen very often. I am a nice-guy magnet ^_^ and I have met some amazing people in real life and in interweb space. Or, maybe I should say, I have a jerk-detector installed in my brain. I literally feel sick or uncomfortable (or in rare cases, eerily attracted to the guy) when I am exchanging msgs with some guys here (or talking with guys in real life), and what do you know, they later turned out to be a total douche. I pay attention to how I feel and that has rarely lead me to wrong places.
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    Aug 08, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said (or in rare cases, eerily attracted to the guy)


    Lol, cityaznguy likes the bad boys!!! icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 08, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    showme said
    cityaznguy said (or in rare cases, eerily attracted to the guy)


    Lol, cityaznguy likes the bad boys!!! icon_wink.gif


    Except that now, after being hurt so many times, I know when to run for the door and not using my own heart as a cushion for the wrong kind of "leap of faith". Yeah, more like leap of death. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Usually when a surge of really strong attraction comes, that's when I know that this guy's bad news. Luckily I have experienced it in a while with the people here. If there's any attraction, it's slowly brewing at a snail pace. I like that. I know at least I got their friendships out of it icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 08, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    I agree with what has been said above. I generally am easy to talk to and have made some outstanding friends here and elsewhere online... it progresses to phone conversations and meeting in person. It always means so much when you chat with someone and the sum of the conversation produces more energy. Recently had that with a new friend in KC.
    Really awesome.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    showme said
    cityaznguy said (or in rare cases, eerily attracted to the guy)


    Lol, cityaznguy likes the bad boys!!! icon_wink.gif


    Except that now, after being hurt so many times, I know when to run for the door and not using my own heart as a cushion for the wrong kind of "leap of faith". Yeah, more like leap of death. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Usually when a surge of really strong attraction comes, that's when I know that this guy's bad news. Luckily I have experienced it in a while with the people here. If there's any attraction, it's slowly brewing at a snail pace. I like that. I know at least I got their friendships out of it icon_biggrin.gif


    I completely get that - though it's just as likely that it's the "surge of really strong attraction" (that awesome, and pesky, rush of infatuation) that causes the problems rather than that the guy is bad news, per se.