Open or Closed Relationships

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    As we know, a culture full of men is going to have a lot of sex. My boy friend who is 11 years older then I am, has had an open relationship with his ex (my best friend). I know he wants an open relationship with me sometime in the future, I just dont think I could personally have an open relationship. Call me Lesbian, but sex to me means something. I am not queeny (no offense to those whore are) or super fem, but I do take time and care into those I have sex with.

    Whats your opinion on the matter? whats your relationship and why?
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:19 PM GMT
    never have never will just not my thing. Sounds like it's not your thing either. You should do what's right for you.
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:27 PM GMT
    atljoe75 saidnever have never will just not my thing. Sounds like it's not your thing either. You should do what's right for you.


    It is my thing, at least in the here and now, but I agree with this advice. Do what is right for YOU. That's all that matters.
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    Arizonaboy saidAs we know, a culture full of men is going to have a lot of sex. My boy friend who is 11 years older then I am, has had an open relationship with his ex (my best friend). I know he wants an open relationship with me sometime in the future, I just dont think I could personally have an open relationship. Call me Lesbian, but sex to me means something. I am not queeny (no offense to those whore are) or super fem, but I do take time and care into those I have sex with.

    Whats your opinion on the matter? whats your relationship and why?


    Why did I just frown at this?
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    Aug 08, 2011 6:45 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi said
    Arizonaboy saidAs we know, a culture full of men is going to have a lot of sex. My boy friend who is 11 years older then I am, has had an open relationship with his ex (my best friend). I know he wants an open relationship with me sometime in the future, I just dont think I could personally have an open relationship. Call me Lesbian, but sex to me means something. I am not queeny (no offense to those whore are) or super fem, but I do take time and care into those I have sex with.

    Whats your opinion on the matter? whats your relationship and why?


    Why did I just frown at this?


    Good point - especially the typo.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 08, 2011 7:30 PM GMT
    Open relationships just aren't for me. I don't see the point in needing to have sex with multiple people and occupy a relationship at the same time. I know most guys see sex as something entirely different than emotional connection, but if we're going to be open to sex then we might as well be open to emotionally date other people as well. Multiple boyfriends would be strange to me. I've never been able to fall for more than one person at once.

    Guess some people make it work [open relationships]. Me? I'll stick to exclusiveness
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Aug 08, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    5467413.jpg
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Aug 08, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    dfrourke said5467413.jpg



    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    I'm in a monogamous relationship (8 years) and prefer it that way. Its not that I think sex is sacred and filled with layers of meaning. I don't. I would not be crushed or filled with rage if my common law husband wanted to open things up, but I doubt that would ever happen. We just like being exclusive. Life just makes more sense this way.

    I know other couples who have been together just as long who practice what I call 99% monogamy. Depending on the couple, once a month, or maybe just a few times a year they have "special" experiences. It works well for them.

    I think it just comes down to what you are comfortable with.
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    If you talk him into "saying" he'll be monogamous just because you want to be, you're going to cheated on.

    Either deal with an open relationship or drop him and get someone else who wants monogamy (which is fewer than you may think, cause most people won't admit they don't till it's too late).
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    I have not seen open relationships work well for people over the long-term. I tried it once, with someone I had been monogamous with for over six years. Within a few months, I broke up with him. In that case, it was really for the best, but in other cases I've seen it seem to ruin otherwise good relationships.

    I don't judge others who have open relationships. But I kind of see it as a whole other type of thing. It's not just sex. The couples I know that are open - they don't just have sex with others, they also are romantically intimate with others. There isn't much that looks like it's off limits. If that's the case, then I can't see how when things are bad between two people (and there will be bad times in any relationship), things can keep from falling apart.
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Sartre said The couples I know that are open - they don't just have sex with others, they also are romantically intimate with others. There isn't much that looks like it's off limits. If that's the case, then I can't see how when things are bad between two people (and there will be bad times in any relationship), things can keep from falling apart.


    That's polyamory. There are many different types of openness. I don't think I could make that one work.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 08, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    I've not yet been in a situation that warrants considering this, but I can't imagine being ok with it. I think it would mess with my head.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Aug 08, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    Alpha1 said
    dfrourke said5467413.jpg



    +1


    +2
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIf you talk him into "saying" he'll be monogamous just because you want to be, you're going to cheated on.

    Either deal with an open relationship or drop him and get someone else who wants monogamy (which is fewer than you may think, cause most people won't admit they don't till it's too late).


    So true......do what is best for you.
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    Aug 08, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    I just cant do the open relationship thing - I cannot say I actually tried it but after being monogamous for 18 years and then being a wild child for 9 months and now dating again seriously, I see monogamy as what works for me. I can 100% devote myself to someone - the model I have for relationships is my own parental model of two people who stayed married until death did them part and through thick and thin. No matter how hard I try I can't get that "model" out of my head/heart.

  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Aug 08, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIf you talk him into "saying" he'll be monogamous just because you want to be, you're going to cheated on.

    Either deal with an open relationship or drop him and get someone else who wants monogamy (which is fewer than you may think, cause most people won't admit they don't till it's too late).


    I don't think so. In school funny old people who apparently know what they're talking about tell me that monogamous relationships are waaaaay more likely to work out in the long term. All the open relationships I've known, and sometimes have been involved with, ended shortly after becoming open. The older gays I know in open relationships; one partner is unhappy usually the one that didn't age as well. One couple the more well aged partner uses the other partners male pattern baldness as leverage to let him sleep with younger boys. The balding one stays with him because he can't do any better. I personally don't understand the need to have multiple partners and from what it sounds like to me, some people do. For me I find the highest form of eroticism come from familiarity. I've had my preferred special friend now for 4 years. Despite not liking him very much I've never felt the need to switch it up. Everyone's different and if you feel that the situation isn't the purest and is incompatible then maybe it is time to cut your losses and start over.
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    Aug 09, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    Vaughn said
    Alpha1 said
    dfrourke said5467413.jpg



    +1


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    +3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    You are dating your friend's ex and he wants an open relationship like before with you.[/quote]

    Actually, is ex became my best friend after I met my boyfriend
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    Aug 09, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    atlantasouthguy said
    Vaughn said
    Alpha1 said
    dfrourke said5467413.jpg



    +1


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    +4.