Strike 3!

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    Aug 10, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    Whether it's a date, a hookup or a friend date, how many chances do you give a person to flake on you? By "flaking", I'm talking about making definite plans to get together and they just don't show up. No phone call, no nothing. Then they later try to shrug it off. How often does this happen to you and at what point do you just cut them off?
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    Short of discovering a serious medical emergency was involved, the second time is enough to put anyone but the closest friend on the forget-it list. And the closest friend would still get a pretty raw expression of frustration.

    There are simple ways you show people respect.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    Kobaltjak said

    There are simple ways you show people respect.


    ..absolutely!
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    Aug 10, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    Pretty much the three strike concept works for me.
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    Aug 10, 2011 5:41 AM GMT
    One strike for me when it involves someone yet to be met. If they promptly communicate with a reasonable excuse and an apology, they get two.
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    Aug 10, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    I'm currently dealing with the same situation. Actually I'm not even dealing with it cause I'm done with it.

    I generally give about 1 chance...depending on HOW they flaked. If I drive out someplace or they say they coming over and don't show, that's 1 strike automatic dismissal. Ditto with if they stand me up, e.g. "meet me at Tracks tonight, I'll txt you" (tracks Denver is known for having the most flaky gay men you'll ever meet, so much so that at this point I do not accept dates or invitations to meet men for the 1st time there anymore.)

    If we suggest meeting up "later on" (no specific time) and they don't follow thru, I'll give 2 chances maybe 3. Only because I know stuff comes up or they may not have the money to meet, etc.

    People who flake in the beginning tend to flake at other points as well. It's like, if you're this unreliable when you're trying to make a good impression, I can't imagine how much more flakey you'll become once you become complacent with me.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Aug 10, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    Two chances,then it`s goodbye.
    What I find frustrating are the guys who seem surprised when you contact them afterwards to ask what`s happening-as if this was acceptable behaviour!
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    Aug 10, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    It depends on how long I've known them. New guys get two chances and that's it but familiars get the two chances and after that I'll leave it to them to stay in touch as I go about my life.
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    Aug 10, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    Twice. After that they are on their own. My time is too valuable. What I do with people like that is say that I am going to be some place anyway and if they show up fine. But I dont make the night about meeting them.
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    Aug 10, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    2 chances, I hate flakes and don't want to deal with unreliable people. If you don't have the respect to even call and say u can't make it, then your done in my book.


    I just started dating recently and have arranged 5-6 dates with different guys and all but one flaked. Wtf are all gay men flakes? What I really don't understand is often these flakes will contact you first or show a lot of interest, then flake. Then they keep txting saying sry and bullshit and its like dude be a man and learn how to make plans..... Or even learning how to cancel plans would b an improvement instead of just ignoring them.

    Uhh sry for the rant, just looking to find a reliable, hot, cool gay dude seems daunting.
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    Aug 10, 2011 1:53 PM GMT
    Once I might forgive, but twice then that's it - drop them like a stone. Shows they have no respect for you and don't deserve your time.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    I only give the guy one chance when in the early phase of dating. I give the benefit of the doubt that shit happens all of sudden to people. It is the responsible of him to call and let me know why he can't make it. If the guy doesn't call, then its pretty much over in my book. If you can't be considerate and followup then that shows pretty much how you handle things. A flaker handling situations are pretty much no good. I wouldn't want to be a part of that drama. So one strike!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 10, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    STRIKE 1 might be overlooked if the excuse seemed valid. If there is a STRIKE 2, then they don't get a STRIKE 3
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    Once. If they don't show up for no good reason. Uhm.

    BUH BYE! I also only wait for a max. of 15 minutes if someone is late for an appointment. Normally people are respectful enough to call you if they're late.
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    twice....
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    Kobaltjak saidShort of discovering a serious medical emergency was involved, the second time is enough to put anyone but the closest friend on the forget-it list. And the closest friend would still get a pretty raw expression of frustration.

    There are simple ways you show people respect.

    This
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidSTRIKE 1 might be overlooked if the excuse seemed valid. If there is a STRIKE 2, then they don't get a STRIKE 3

    Agree. My partner & I are obsessively punctual. If you say 8 o'clock, you can set your watch by our arrival. And if something unforseen happens to delay us, we will phone you. We HATE people who are inconsiderate and chronically late. We are NEVER late, within a minute or two, and all our friends and acqaintances will tell you that. And we have no respect for those who are grossly late, without a phone-ahead.
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    CuriousJockAZ saidSTRIKE 1 might be overlooked if the excuse seemed valid. If there is a STRIKE 2, then they don't get a STRIKE 3

    Agree. My partner & I are obsessively punctual. If you say 8 o'clock, you can set your watch by our arrival. And if something unforseen happens to delay us, we will phone you. We HATE people who are inconsiderate and chronically late. We are NEVER late, within a minute or two, and all our friends and acqaintances will tell you that. And we have no respect for those who are grossly late, without a phone-ahead.



    This is me also. There's seldom a reason for a person to be late AND not be near a phone.
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    If we made definite plans and I went and they were a no show... that would be their one chance... unless someone like died
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    Aug 11, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidBut I dont make the night about meeting them.


    +1
    Then, if you get stood up you're at a place you want to be anyway.
    For me it's long since gotten so that the shocker is a guy who DOES show up, and on time. icon_rolleyes.gif After 20 minutes of no-show I just kick back and order something at the bar.
    Methinks it all points back to our "culture" which is all about flighty promiscuity - or seems that way a lot. Het women and men in general are a lot better about keeping dates because they're conditioned by society to be looking for a spouse. With marriage equality legal for seven years at most (in Massachusetts, woot) and still not the law in most states "we" still have a long way to go before the concept feels normal. Being men, most of us (myself included) will still be horndogs on the prowl. The difference, eventually, will hopefully be that with the prospect of the next one being The One right to the altar more of us will act like responsible grown-ups when plans are made to meet someone. That sense of responsibility just isn't there when you're never thinking past who to sleep with and add to your scorecard next week.
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    Aug 11, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    I'm exceptionally patient but if someone didn't show up after 30 minutes for the first date I'd probably leave. After that if I go on a second date its because I'm genuinely interested and I'd wait for a while.

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    Aug 11, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    wolverinecub86 said2 chances, I hate flakes and don't want to deal with unreliable people. If you don't have the respect to even call and say u can't make it, then your done in my book.


    I just started dating recently and have arranged 5-6 dates with different guys and all but one flaked. Wtf are all gay men flakes? What I really don't understand is often these flakes will contact you first or show a lot of interest, then flake. Then they keep txting saying sry and bullshit and its like dude be a man and learn how to make plans..... Or even learning how to cancel plans would b an improvement instead of just ignoring them.

    Uhh sry for the rant, just looking to find a reliable, hot, cool gay dude seems daunting.


    LOL. oh my God I don't even need to write anything because you've stately EXACTLY what I've wanted to say LOL.

    Guy just flaked on me earlier today by going to the movies without me (or so he said). He just texted me, "sorry"

    You little wimpy bitch...call me and say that.