My Boyfriend Refuses to Trust Me...What do I do?

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    Aug 10, 2011 11:23 AM GMT
    So, about 3 months ago, my boyfriend found out that I had "chatted" with a guy while he and I were "talking" (not dating). He told me he was pretty much wanting to hook up with this guy during the same time, so I figured that it wouldn't be a problem if I did anything. After he found out, he has now stopped trusting me and is refusing to believe that I am telling him the truth. (This is the one and only problem that is bothering our relationship) I have a bad past of being known as a whore and getting around. He's my second serious relationship and we have been together for 7 months. I have not once cheated, "chatted," sext, or hardly even talked to another guy while we've been dating. My past is always brought up during fights and he now thinks that I am going to cheat on him because of it. I have never cheated and have only had sex with people I was dating or "talking" to. (those could pretty much be considered hookups)

    He is now sexting other guys and sending nude pictures because "he never got the opportunity to explore when he was young," even though he has naked pictures all over his phone from before we started dating and had nude pictures on Adam4Adam. I have told him that he needs to quit and that I pretty much don't trust him talking to other guys.

    We went on a break for about a week without contact and everything was fine. We talked about my past and what he has done and we were going to try and resolve everything. Today, someone talked to him on FaceBook talking about how they had seen a nude picture of me back when I was in high school. (I did send it to the guy and admitted to sending it) My boyfriend now says that I have a bad past and that he doesn't know how he feels about me now. Granted, all my whoring around was done pretty much while I was in high school. There were very few ones in college.

    I can understand completely where he is coming from, seeing as I would get mad too if I were to hear these things come from other people. But, I can't change my past and I have gotten over it. He's the only one who keeps holding on to it. I have apologized numerous times for it and have been completely open and honest about it. But it's now to he thinks that I have an STI and have given him something (even though we've been tested), I am nothing but a hoe and always will be a hoe (I don't have any kind of past closely coming to cheating), and he can't trust what I say because he hears it from other people (even though I admit to everything and agree with whatever is said to him by the other person) What do I do????
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 10, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    I kept waiting to hear about how both of you view the FUTURE together. What are your plans, what are you building as a couple?

    If you continue to rehash the past, your relationship will end. You both need to agree to end the "past and history recounts". There isn't any issues with you being here on RJ or chatting with other guys, so long as you honor the respect you have accorded your boyfriend (if you plan to make it exclusive).

    Make it positive and if you can't, you need to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    I just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.


    Agree, or someone who is too much of a coward to post pictures of their face.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    Come on fellas he's probably looking for insight from us.

    Now I haven't been in a relationship but the guy sounds very insecure and manipulative.

    You've already admitted your past transgression and he's still behaving poorly.

    I'm afraid that what you have with him is not going to last long....Have a word with him. Let him know that if you can not give the benefit of the doubt, then its best to part ways.

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    Aug 10, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    i'm experienced in relationships and here's what i figured immediately as soon as i saw your topic

    no trust = no relationship


    it's a gone basket case sorry to say
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:27 PM GMT

    "So, about 3 months ago, my boyfriend found out that I had "chatted" with a guy while he and I were "talking" (not dating).

    He told me he was pretty much wanting to hook up with this guy during the same time, so I figured that it wouldn't be a problem if I did anything.

    After he found out, he has now stopped trusting me and is refusing to believe that I am telling him the truth."

    OK what I get from this is that you and future bf were talking about 'this guy' and because you and future bf were not yet bfs, you went ahead and fooled around with 'this guy' even though you knew future bf had the hots for 'this guy'.

    Now that you are bfs, you told him about what you did with 'this guy' that he liked but that he did nothing with, likely because he was talking to you and getting involved with you.

    I'm guessing he had thought you were resisting the temptation of 'this guy' the same way he was and now he's found out you didn't resist.

    Have I got this right?

    -Doug
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:29 PM GMT
    Shawnathan said
    Dallasfan824 saidI just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.


    Yes, wiser RJer that is unfortunately true, but to be fair, it is usually something like this that gets guys to go onto forums seeking help.


    But a gay work out website? Me thinks its made up. Ive seen a few of these and they all follow the same pattern. But who cares I guess. I wont help him but others will if its true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    A "hoe"? I've never heard of being in a relationship with a hoe before. How does that work exactly? icon_eek.gif
    a4hoe.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    Lets just say they like to get plowed a lot
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    Shawnathan said
    Dallasfan824 saidI just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.


    Yes, wiser RJer that is unfortunately true, but to be fair, it is usually something like this that gets guys to go onto forums seeking help.


    But a gay work out website? Me thinks its made up. Ive seen a few of these and they all follow the same pattern. But who cares I guess. I wont help him but others will if its true.



    *gets Dallasfan a hot cup of coffee* Here, you may need this.

    I once got into an argument with another member on here about blank profiles posting topics like these. It turns out that apparently now and then a well established member will create a profile and do this because they want this problem they're airing to be unconnected publicly to themselves.

    I was a little surprised and not overly impressed but he had a point. .

    *puts a shot of brandy into Dallas' coffee* Here, that'll help.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    eku1990 saidMy boyfriend now says that I have a bad past and that he doesn't know how he feels about me now. Granted, all my whoring around was done pretty much while I was in high school. There were very few ones in college.

    ...What do I do????

    I was a slut myself when single. I was proud of it at my advanced age, that I could still whore around. I practiced safe sex, I remain STD-free, and I make no apologies. Hell, I had a fucking good time -- what's wrong with that?

    Once I found my man I settled down. I mean, that was the purpose of going to bed with everyone, to find the guy I wanted, right? And once I found him, the hunt ended. Simple to my mind.

    Today he knows I'm on RJ, and I show him these posts, and invite him to join. He hasn't yet. He was on Silver Daddies when we got together, then dropped. I've told him to rejoin, don't lose track of his online friends. I'm not insecure or worried about anything. Nor is he.

    I presume your BF is as young as you. Don't expect a lot of sophistication or understanding at this point. I think you're on shaky ground with him, might be time to make a switch. He's judging you largely by your sexual past, and that's immature. You're young yet -- I would look elsewhere.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    Dude. Move on. Not having trust in you for no good reason shows he's SUPER insecure. Do you really want to live with that? And just because you slept with someone while you were only chatting with this dude and not in a commitment.... NO REASON not to trust someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidLets just say they like to get plowed a lot


    LLLOOOLLLL... I thought the hoe was the one that did the plowing!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Time to go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    Bustamante said
    Dallasfan824 saidI just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.


    Agree, or someone who is too much of a coward to post pictures of their face.



    really???!! He wanted to ask something ... why do you care that he has a photo or not .. He didnt want to get recognized by his boyfriend's spies ..that's the reason
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 10, 2011 3:20 PM GMT
    i think the real problem is that you're a fake profile
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 10, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    My original response was entirely different, but then I re-read and saw:

    "He told me he was pretty much wanting to hook up with this guy during the same time,"

    So what I've gathered about your boyfriend is that he is a hypocrite, petty, and insecure. He has issues to deal with. If you really want to work things out, help him work through them. If you find your time is being wasted, then help each other by moving on. I know the latter will be harder, but it doesn't sound like things are really going smoothly as it is.

    You slept around before you knew him. Most gay men tend to have a similar past of this same thing. The point is you're with him and only him now, and he needs to know that. If he can't trust you, then there is no relationship.

    Good luck!
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    Aug 10, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    Shawnathan said
    meninlove said
    Dallasfan824 said
    Shawnathan said
    Dallasfan824 saidI just assume posts like this are trolls. No history. no pic. no nothing. First post is always some emo thread.


    Yes, wiser RJer that is unfortunately true, but to be fair, it is usually something like this that gets guys to go onto forums seeking help.


    But a gay work out website? Me thinks its made up. Ive seen a few of these and they all follow the same pattern. But who cares I guess. I wont help him but others will if its true.



    *gets Dallasfan a hot cup of coffee* Here, you may need this.

    I once got into an argument with another member on here about blank profiles posting topics like these. It turns out that apparently now and then a well established member will create a profile and do this because they want this problem they're airing to be unconnected publicly to themselves.

    I was a little surprised and not overly impressed but he had a point. .

    *puts a shot of brandy into Dallas' coffee* Here, that'll help.


    Thanks, can I get a shot of brandy too? Straight coffee is so boring!


    *pours Shawnathan a cup* Here you go. icon_wink.gif

    *adds a shot of brandy*

    Something tells me it's going to be a helluva day, lol!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    eku1990 saidMy Boyfriend Refuses to Trust Me...What do I do?
    Dump him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    eku1990 saidMy Boyfriend Refuses to Trust Me...What do I do?
    Dump him.


    Talk to him. Find out why.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    There's really no turning back at this point. It's over. Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship and if it's not there, you're in for a long, long, long (we're talking years here) cooling point at best.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    eku1990I have a bad past of being known as a whore and getting around


    once a whore, always a whore....icon_rolleyes.gif i keed i keed...well i think that is u don't fix this problem that ur relationship is eventually(maybe not now but sooner or later) gonna break because i firmly believe that trust is the base of all relationships and if it isn't there then you'll eventually end up breaking up...just my thoughts icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    A relationship needs trust, a lot of trust... I mean, there clearly isn't even a speck of trust from what I read...so either try to build it together in a positive way or break it up.

    Go on a trip together - just the two of you together... have some personal time with each other... try to go to a quiet area so that you can focus on each other more than on others. Don't go to clubs, bars or anything that can give either of you the temptation to sleep around (cheat).

    Anyways, you need to both start trusting each other again... seriously... or the relationship will NOT last.
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    Aug 22, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    No.... what I think the real problem is, is that you need to speak to him face-to-face about this problem... maybe if you had been open and honest from the beginning, he wouldn't have issues with it. He liked someone who was not even them true selves. It sounds like he started to like you because he thought you were different. And, for the record, your BF never had a hookup or even thought about it. He said that to see if you actually cared because the whole time YOU acted like you were not over your ex... It sounds like you should've been honest and not let it got as far as it got... as to hearing stuff from other people.. yes, you bf sexted which was wrong, but he ALWAYS told you about it... and sad to say and I'm sorry, but sometimes it was on purpose. Somedays, this relationship seems like it is going nowhere. Hearing stuff from other people always makes it worse.. I'm so irritated that I don't even know what I am saying... and yes, this is your boyfriend replying to this!!! I thought we we're really getting over this... especially after our amazing vacation last week... if you have any more questions, feel free to ask me yourselves.. and it wasn't a fucking STI... and maybe the only reason I think it could've even been from you, was because you've SLEPT WITH LIKE 111991 PEOPLE WHO MAY HAVE HAD STUFF.... just nasty...



    and as for everyone else, you have no idea what you're even talking bout... try saying you LOVE someone and have a billion people coming to you talking about how much "fun" it was getting off on cam with your boyfriend when he wouldn't even do it with you.... thats a confidence booster right there. Fuck all gay people... I'm going to bed and placing all of my focus on school, as I should!!!!