Well, chubbtm5, here's a perspective from someone who is in your age group. You say you are angry at the gay community, and feel that the stress on sex, and youth has put you in the position of being lonely.
How angry have you gotten at yourself? It's true that gay men are focussed on having sex with a man who possesses both emotional characteristics and physical characteritics that they find erotic. It's also true that many guys in the 40 age groups are looking for 20-somethings (for example, take a look at the website run by one of the posters above...and you'll see the word "daddy" appear in many spots).
But it is also true that we as aging gay men have the responsibility to try to maintain "sexiness" (which is one part of the duality of what comprises a partner or boyfriend or, even, friend for gay men). And part of that is staying in shape. That takes work, and discipline, yet many are able to do it. All serious users of this website are. Do a search on 45 guys and you will see them.
I plan to stay in top shape for as long as I can in my life. And by top shape, I mean exactly that. Not just the ability to walk around the block.
Let me ask you this, and I mean this kindly. You are on a website set up to allow men of ALL ages who are fit/very fit to connect. Yet, you complain that you are not in shape (in fact, your handle has the word "chub" in it...not that that means you are chubby, so forgive me if I misinterpreted that). So I am assuming that you are attracted by guys who are in shape, regardless of age.
My question to you is, don't you think the athletic guys to whom you are attracted are entitled to be attracted by athletic guys too, regardless of age?
In short, if you want an athletic guy, regardless of age, become athletic.
Yes, it's true that many older athletic guys just are looking for twinks. But that is not generally true, in my opinion.
Finally, finding a real boyfriend/friend is difficult. Hence the number of people on this website who are single, or even, in open relationships, yet are still looking for something in life that they have not yet found.
You've just got to maximize your strengths.