Coming out and meeting gay guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    So I'm in the process of coming out and I'm looking to meet some guys who are gay in Chi Town since all my friends are straight. I've started going out in gay friendly areas to meet guys. Everything goes well and we exchange numbers on a friendly basis with the intention of hanging out and helping me get familiar with the gay community. However, I've noticed that either I lose touch with these guys or it's always hard to get in touch with them. Kinda "flaky" I guess. I'm a very social person and I've never had problems meeting new ppl.

    Is it me, them, or do I just need to be patient? Looking for some advice.
  • qd2009

    Posts: 164

    Aug 11, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    Hey, I have the same problem in Madison. I've always attributed their flakiness to them already having their own little circle of friends. So, they'll be spending less time thinking about you. Also as with any group, it's kinda hard to bring someone new to a circle.

    I'd just be patient, and eventually, you'll get your own circle of friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    No it's not you. Trust me... everyone has experienced this at one point in their life or another. Usually, the flakes are younger men because they don't want to feel attached to anyone (both in friendship or relationship)... it's like the "I don't care what happens" mentality... the "live your life day to day mentality"...

    you will find few young men who plan their day and week... so they will be easy flakes.

    If you want to experience the gay community... find men who are around 6 to 8 years older than you, make a connection with them and you wi;ll find that they will keep in touch with you.

    I mean, if you were in TO I would definitely take you out for a walk and show you around.. .you seem like a very nice guy with a nice smile.
  • qd2009

    Posts: 164

    Aug 11, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    _Mohamed_ said
    If you want to experience the gay community... find men who are around 6 to 8 years older than you, make a connection with them and you wi;ll find that they will keep in touch with you.


    Yes.
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    pjs1450 saidSo I'm in the process of coming out and I'm looking to meet some guys who are gay in Chi Town since all my friends are straight. I've started going out in gay friendly areas to meet guys. Everything goes well and we exchange numbers on a friendly basis with the intention of hanging out and helping me get familiar with the gay community. However, I've noticed that either I lose touch with these guys or it's always hard to get in touch with them. Kinda "flaky" I guess. I'm a very social person and I've never had problems meeting new ppl.

    Is it me, them, or do I just need to be patient? Looking for some advice.

    It's probably mostly them. The gay community is notoriously flaky & unreliable. It's the cost of doing gay business.

    Don't become discouraged, it just requires extra patience and perseverance. As long as you understand that you're dealing with a high percentage of flakes, and don't doubt yourself, it'll be OK. Just don't be a flake yourself! icon_wink.gif

    There are good guys out there, but you have to go through a hundred to find a keeper. You're gonna encounter duds & losers, expect that. I like to use the fishing analogy, having once fished a lot.

    You drop bait 50 times without a nibble. And out of dozens of nibbles you get a bite. And then sometimes you manage to haul something in. Only to discover it's not a keeper. Such is the gay world.

    Patience & perseverance, and also a positive attitude, will find you a guy. If you flash that smile around, that you have in your profile pic, you're gonna do just fine. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    pjs1450 saidSo I'm in the process of coming out and I'm looking to meet some guys who are gay in Chi Town since all my friends are straight. I've started going out in gay friendly areas to meet guys. Everything goes well and we exchange numbers on a friendly basis with the intention of hanging out and helping me get familiar with the gay community. However, I've noticed that either I lose touch with these guys or it's always hard to get in touch with them. Kinda "flaky" I guess. I'm a very social person and I've never had problems meeting new ppl.

    Is it me, them, or do I just need to be patient? Looking for some advice.

    It's probably mostly them. The gay community is notoriously flaky & unreliable. It's the cost of doing gay business.

    Don't become discouraged, it just requires extra patience and perseverance. As long as you understand that you're dealing with a high percentage of flakes, and don't doubt yourself, it'll be OK. Just don't be a flake yourself! icon_wink.gif

    There are good guys out there, but you have to go through a hundred to find a keeper. You're gonna encounter duds & losers, expect that. I like to use the fishing analogy, having once fished a lot.

    You drop bait 50 times without a nibble. And out of dozens of nibbles you get a bite. And then sometimes you manage to haul something in. Only to discover it's not a keeper. Such is the gay world.

    Patience & perseverance, and also a positive attitude, will find you a guy. If you flash that smile around, that you have in your profile pic, you're gonna do just fine. icon_biggrin.gif


    this... so much this... no matter what happens... no matter how many times gay men flake on you.. don't get depressed... that's just how it is.

    Art_deco gives really good advice btw so I would definitely take his words of wisdom to heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    Still a work in progress for me, but I've met great people from this board. In fact, I have to schedule drinks with one for this weekend before I forget!

    You should use the board as a resource. Even if someone doesn't live by you, making friends across the country will not hurt when you decide to travel!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 11, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    pjs1450 saidSo I'm in the process of coming out and I'm looking to meet some guys who are gay in Chi Town since all my friends are straight. I've started going out in gay friendly areas to meet guys. Everything goes well and we exchange numbers on a friendly basis with the intention of hanging out and helping me get familiar with the gay community. However, I've noticed that either I lose touch with these guys or it's always hard to get in touch with them. Kinda "flaky" I guess. I'm a very social person and I've never had problems meeting new ppl.

    Is it me, them, or do I just need to be patient? Looking for some advice.
    here is what you do. continue to go out but find things you like to do and find gay guys who like to do them. i do not know if chicago has one but here in dc we have a meetup.com its a great site to meet people have similar interested as you do
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Aug 11, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    I'm in a similar boat. I don't know why but it just seems difficult to meet guys (and not even in the relationship sense, just other guys who I can relate to and talk with). Maybe the part of the city I stay in isn't very gay friendly lol.