Gay guy at the gym...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 10:29 AM GMT
    I know for a fact someone from my gym is gay. He's open about it. I never talked to him directly (excpet when he showed me how to do an exercise but that wasn't much of a conversation and obviously not a good enough chance to "come out" to him). I think it'd be cool if he knew I was gay too and we could talk. It's not that I want him to be my boyfriend or something but he's pretty cool.

    I have no idea how to randomly talk to him and randomly bring up I'm gay (I'm not even out to people). Keep in mind I'm not the most extroverted person.

    Any advice?
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    May 02, 2008 10:37 AM GMT
    How about pulling him aside and casually saying... Hey, didn't I see you at such and such club last weekend? Be sure the club you mention is a common local gay club and I'm pretty sure he will have a pretty good idea you're part of the family. Then take the conversation from there and enjoy getting to know your new friend icon_smile.gif Hope that helps.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 02, 2008 10:46 AM GMT
    Talk to him like you'd talk to anyone at the gym
    talk about working out...about the weather
    whatever so you have a connection
    BUT...
    make sure you don't say anything about being gay
    right then and there
    he'll think it's sexual and a come on
    and then ask him to meet you for a beer or coffee
    that's where you tell him about your being gay
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 10:57 AM GMT
    GQjock saidTalk to him like you'd talk to anyone at the gym
    talk about working out...about the weather
    whatever so you have a connection
    BUT...
    make sure you don't say anything about being gay
    right then and there
    he'll think it's sexual and a come on
    and then ask him to meet you for a beer or coffee
    that's where you tell him about your being gay


    Good advice but wouldn't the out gay guy still think he is hitting on him if he asks him out for a drink? He may be in a no win situation with that assumption no matter how he tries to reveal himself to this guy. Thats why I figured if he just casually mentioned he saw him at a gay club he has thrown his own sexuality out there and then from there he can quickly establish it's not about trying to hook up with him. Heck, I don't know. This place is great. He'll get a ton of ideas and be able to set it up perfectly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    Thanks, both of the advices are good but it would be awkward to start getting friendly with him just like that. We're not even in a the same age group (he's 15-20 years older) so that makes it even weirder.

    FTR I don't even talk with people at the gym. Maybe that's why I think it'd be really unnatural to just start talking to him.
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    May 02, 2008 11:10 AM GMT
    athr saidThanks, both of the advices are good but it would be awkward to start getting friendly with him just like that. We're not even in a the same age group (he's 15-20 years older) so that makes it even weirder.

    FTR I don't even talk with people at the gym. Maybe that's why I think it'd be really unnatural to just start talking to him.


    Wow you are making this one hard since you are saying you are a little shy at the gym when it comes to talking to someone. Don't worry about the age gap. It's just a number. Now we just gotta figure out a way to get you to talk to this guy. Can you accidentally bump into him and after saying excuse me you begin to strike up a conversation? LOL. I'm tapped out on this one dude. I do want to sincerely wish you luck and encourage you to just start a casual conversation with him. Don't think about anything negative that could happen. Just focus on it being a really cool experience getting to know someone with no other intention than creating a platonic friendship. Sending ya positive vibes icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 11:43 AM GMT
    Haha thanks. Yeah it's basically impossible to get someone to know I'm gay when I don't even have anything to say to him. I don't think "shyness" is the reason why I don't talk to people at the gym though. It's just... I honestly don't feel the need to talk to anyone there, I don't see the point. I do what I do and if I need help or want to use a machine with someone else or something, I'll approach that person... but generally I don't even think about striking up conversations with people at the gym. This guy's an exception cause he's gay and thus more interesting to me.

    If I was already used to talking to people at gym, maybe it'd be different. I can strike up conversations when it's actually right generally.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 02, 2008 12:25 PM GMT
    Well I can understand your reluctance to talk, but if you don't, you won't achieve your objective will you?

    My suggestion is you must be assertive and since he has shown you an exercise, do it again. Come up with something, then have him demonstrate. While doing that, ask him some questions about his fitness background, how he makes time for fitness with his daily routine and his approach to working out in general (i.e. variance of routines, etc).

    Take this as a 2 or 3 parter. After you have done this ask him if he minds if you ask him additional questions in the future and that his efforts have helped you.

    In part 2, ask him about YOUR efforts.. your daily cardio routine (or proposed one), the exercises you are doing, etc. During this time you have become familiar with one another, make sure and say hello or wave, etc.

    Finally during discussions, you might ask him about eating habits... how you live your life, drinking.. (and mention the local gay bar as a place you have gone.. and mention your frequency of drinking, whether minimal or not) and guage his reaction.

    SO... build up to the point of saying something that is gay related. Don't just throw it out. Develop a commonality with your fitness first. You've already started it... just continue.

    Finally, you will not be successful unless you get outside your comfort zone. Don't fret about what he might think initially. He already showed you an exercise. I think you will be fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 1:27 PM GMT
    I bet he already suspects but is not entirely sure. If you want him to know, confirm his suspicions.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 1:48 PM GMT
    Honesty is the best policy. If you just want him to know that you are gay, too, for the "comfort" of it, I would just pull him aside and say so.

    Something like, "excuse me, this is kinda personal. But since you are openly gay here, I just want to tell you that I am gay too. Not to come on to you, but I would enjoy being out to you and not feel so isolated here at the gym."

    I am sure he would understand. He would also know how you want him to relate to you at the gym. I bet it gives him a warm feeling in his heart to know that his openess has made you feel better at the gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    I'm with hndsmK on this one. Your point of commonality has been set by the help he provided, work with that. Even if it's just approaching him to let him know that whatever he showed you last time seems to be working well and thanking him again. As you're asking him how he manages his daily routine, make a reference to a partner or, if you're not entirely sure he's gay, ask him if he has family local. Possibly even mention as a response statement that you're single but always open for partner should the right one come along.

    Building a relationship in small steps is a great idea, then you've killed two bird with one stone, a new friend and someone to confide in. Doesn't have to be romantic, just a nice friend. Good luck.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 02, 2008 3:12 PM GMT
    Just go up and talk.

    What do you have to lose? I mean, seriously. Suck it up; be a man and go talk to him.

    Hell, you may gain a friend or even a lifting buddy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    Yeah just let it happen naturally. Do you ever see him out at the gay bars? might be a better place to introduce yourself. I have seen several people from the gym out and a simple, "don't you go to my gym" works great.

    Otherwise, just walk up to him when he is not in the middle of something and introduce yourself. Me thinks you are overthinking the whole thing.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    May 02, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    To offer a bit of a counter point, why are you so interested in this guy? If you don't talk to people at the gym, then why with this guy? If you're interested in him (sexually), than that's cool, and the advice everyone has given so far is great. If you're not interested in him sexually, why bother? If you just want someone gay to talk to, why don't you approach someone on this site in your area, and see about meeting them for coffee or something? That seems like so much less work to me, and doesn't require you changing how you are with everyone else at the gym.

    Just my two cents.
  • chichpa

    Posts: 15

    May 02, 2008 5:04 PM GMT
    I've had a similiar situation which I'd thought I'd share. I pretty much keep myself to myself at the gym so I understand your situation.

    A guy started going to the gym the same time as me each day, I was pretty sure he was gay. The fact that we were there at the same time each day was enough for us to start acknowledging each other. Initially, we nodded and smiled, which then led on to us just saying 'hi - how are you doing?'.

    If either one of us was not at the gym at our usual time it led to 'you're late today?' and comments such as.

    This has developed to first name terms where we chat whenever we see each other and occasionally grab coffee. We have developed a kind of 'friendship' seemlessly. My advice is to just try this approach!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    "Accidentally" wear your high heels to the gym next time you're there. He's sure to get the picture.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    Or, get his "advice" on another gym member: ask him if he thinks the other guy is "family".
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    May 02, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    Do stability ball knee tucks while facing a mirror and ask him to watch your form. icon_twisted.gif
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    May 02, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    Tell him you had a totally wierd dream that he was in. Then make one up....


    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    At least you have the balls to consider doing it to his face.

    I have this guy who goes to my gym who messages me on gay.com and tells me how much he thinks i'm the bee's knees...

    The creepy thing is. He's not out and he's to shy to send me a pic of him. He said he'd come and say hi if he saw me thou.. However i'm kinda creeped out due to the fact theres some guy watching me and I have no idea who he is.. only that he exists.

    He's like a cyber troll??icon_confused.gif
  • gymguy81

    Posts: 455

    May 02, 2008 6:16 PM GMT
    i wish there was another gayguy at my gym id so hit on him but my luck i can pick evrey str8 guy there. curse that damed atraction thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 2:17 AM GMT
    Thanks everyone. You've come up with probably all the possible ways to do it. Now it's up to me if I go through with it..

    To the one who asked why I even want him to know... I just do. He's proud of being gay, he's masculine, could make a decent friend/workout partner that's actually interesting. Doesn't hurt to make a real friend with the same interests/background. Better than just looking for a friend I might have nothing in common with in a club.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 9:28 AM GMT
    athr, wear a rainbow bracelet. icon_smile.gif If the guy is out there, you'll probably have no fears of getting bashed. He'll probably see it and comment on it, if he's the outgoing type.

    It's a nice discreet way of saying you're gay without having to wear a pink tshirt with "I'm Gay" written on it. hehe

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    A simple "Wanna go grab a cold one?" will tell you a lot about him quickly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2008 3:43 PM GMT
    Put a fake mouse in your locker that can easily be thrown out by you without him noticing when both of you are in the locker room; then hop on him like a complete damsel in distress.
    Not only will he know you're gay, but he'd be in high esteem for being a "hero" to you. Unless of course he hops first on your arms before you do on his! Either way, it will serve its purpose.
    I am sooo good at this, didn't they?