Why is this an issue??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    If you are with someone girl or guy, why do you believe its an issue to flirt online or even cam online, i would not consider it cheating as really its just harmless, your not meeting anyone,

    so my question is, if your significant other was camming or flirting online would this be a problem for you, such stuff as cam4, adult realjock section, twitter etc

    just wondering opinions on cyber sex/flirting

    this doesnt really personally affect me i have just been told my friend has fallen out with their significant other becuase of the above

    what do you think??? icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    If my guy were to do it I wouldn't consider it cheating but I wouldn't like it. Some guys are natural flirts though so it could be harmless if the guy is also truly committed.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    I think it would be, at a minimum, a time issue for me. Is it the most productive use of one's time when they're in the midst of a relationship with a "significant another"? Is it even the most productive use of the time of the person on the other side of the screen? Are there things you could be doing with or for your beau instead?

    Now I find group-forum communications to be different, as you are into different topics in a collective setting. But isolated communications with a third party for the specific purpose of flirting/sex-oriented camming is usually beyond the pale.

    While apparently harmless on the surface, often the "harm" may come from those who fall prey to comparing the perceived attributes of their one/more desired screen partners with those of their in-the-flesh partners. "Why can't you be more like gymfreak1987? sigh..."

    I think the critical question would be... would I be eager to participate in the cam session/flirt session with my partner right there watching over my shoulder? If he's not present, would I make a point to immediately share the outcomes of my sessions with him? If the answers are yes, then I guess it's all good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:22 PM GMT
    Different people have different boundaries in their relationships, I think look but don't touch is fine though some people disagree.

    I guess if someone was only flirting with other guys and totally neglecting their partner than that is different too. I wouldn't find that acceptable either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:30 PM GMT
    I wouldn't like it. the term most therapist would use is emotional cheating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:39 PM GMT
    Some people just have no honest concern for others and are just blatantly selfish and don't give a fuck. They treat their actions like it's a game and think it won't cause any harm. More often then not they tend to be wrong and thus consequences are sure to ensue especially when caught. Look at cheaters. They have no regards for their actions and intentionally do their dirty deeds because they don't care.

    Something like this usually leads up to cheating in real time no matter how much you say you won't ever meet. It begs to ask why you need to cam online when you have someone in your life who is probably more then willing to help you out. The harm is having trust lost and clearly there's a communication issue going on if you feel need to do something like this and then keep it a secret. If you couldn't freely do it in front of your partner then it's probably a good idea not to do it at all.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Simples.

    Getting off to somebody who is not your partner will make them feel unattractive to you.

    Even if you dont cheat on them then and there, camming is just the first step. How many times in your life have you made a mistake just because you took enough baby steps to lead into it??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidSome people just have no honest concern for others and are just blatantly selfish and don't give a fuck. They treat their actions like it's game and think it won't cause any harm. More often then not they tend to be wrong and thus consequences are sure to ensue. Look at cheaters. They have no regards for their actions and intentionally do their dirty deeds because they don't care.

    Something like this leads up to cheating no matter how much you say won't ever meet. it begs to ask why you need to cam online when you have someone in your life who is probably more then willing to help you out.The harm is having trust lost and clearly there's a communication issue going on if you feel need to do something like this and then keep it a secret. If you couldn't freely do it in front of you partner then it's probably a good idea not to do it at all.




    I agree my first bf would pull this crap. He wasn't up front about it. he would sneak and cam or chat in gay com behind my back. imo its emotional cheating. He told me that he had low self esteem I personally don't get this need for approval of strangers that he didn't even know. If he needed a esteem boost then let me build him up, care what I think. His crap ended up costing him the relationship.
  • mikey_101

    Posts: 250

    Aug 12, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Is this even an issue..... what is wrong with the world when its not instinctive to folks that sexualy explicit camming when in a commited closed relationship is wrong.

    Email contact,
    Camming,
    Meeting for sex.

    this is a slippery slope when in a relationship that is closed to outside sexual contact.

    What the fuck is wrong with people.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    One qualifier for such communication is the instance where you have a particular fetish (e.g., "mascot sex"... stop looking at me like that, I'm just saying!) that your partner is decidedly not into, thus necessitating an online relationship with one or more "third parties."

    Even in this circumstance, the rules would be the same as if you went out and joined a gay rugby club. Your partner has a right to know every time you plan to participate in fetish "games", and he has a right to know who else is playing on your fetish "team," and he has the right to say "no." Few people can hold up to this standard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    gymfreak1987 saidIf you are with someone girl or guy, why do you believe its an issue to flirt online or even cam online, i would not consider it cheating as really its just harmless, your not meeting anyone,

    so my question is, if your significant other was camming or flirting online would this be a problem for you, such stuff as cam4, adult realjock section, twitter etc

    just wondering opinions on cyber sex/flirting

    this doesnt really personally affect me i have just been told my friend has fallen out with their significant other becuase of the above

    what do you think??? icon_smile.gif


    is this like the bill clinton thing when he said he didn't have sex with that woman?
    it is cheating.
    if my sig other was doing this - it would be a problem for me.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 12, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    Every relationship is different. It is all about communication and comfort zone. Are you aware that your boyfriend is doing this, and are you okay with it?

    For me, it would make me uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I are in a monogamous relationship. If he wanted to cam with guys, or flirt, it should be me. He asks me for pictures, and I give them to him. I don't care if he watches porn 7 times a day. But it would make me uncomfortable if my boyfriend went to other guys, in our closed relationship, for sexual stimulation.My ex-boyfriend did all of this behind my back, and eventually it turned into more than 'camming' and into 'so when are you breaking up with your boyfriend?'

    Is it cheating? Not physically. I'd rather it not happen, but I wouldn't deem him as a cheating boyfriend (not sure about that ha). If it did happen, we'd have a lot to discuss..mostly because I know the tables always turn when you do the same wrong as your other partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    not a big fan to be honest...what if the person you're flirting with wants more? then you kinda led him on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    Hey, if you wanna let your man cam with me, I don't care.

    But if my man thinks I'm gonna let him cam with you, he's about to eat a knuckle sandwich.

    (See how that works???)

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 4:34 PM GMT
    I like when guys flirt with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI like when guys flirt with me.


    Flirting is one thing but whipping your dick out on cam and busting off is another.
  • alwaysonpoint

    Posts: 173

    Aug 12, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    When you're in a committed relationship, you don't "share yourself" with others. That applies to the physical world as WELL as the cyber world. Camming is sharing your goods with other people outside of the relationship and can be harmful to a relationship. As far as flirting goes, it's a way of leading someone on to think you are interested in them. It's not good to flirt when you're in a relationship, although it may happen, but it shouldn't be a frequent occurrence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 6:41 PM GMT
    I don't like it, but it depends on the person and the context as far as if I'd consider it cheating or not. I think that a lot of people do it for ego reasons. I'm not sure that makes it better or not...
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Aug 13, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidSome people just have no honest concern for others and are just blatantly selfish and don't give a fuck. They treat their actions like it's a game and think it won't cause any harm. More often then not they tend to be wrong and thus consequences are sure to ensue especially when caught. Look at cheaters. They have no regards for their actions and intentionally do their dirty deeds because they don't care.

    Something like this usually leads up to cheating in real time no matter how much you say you won't ever meet. It begs to ask why you need to cam online when you have someone in your life who is probably more then willing to help you out. The harm is having trust lost and clearly there's a communication issue going on if you feel need to do something like this and then keep it a secret. If you couldn't freely do it in front of your partner then it's probably a good idea not to do it at all.


    This is exactly it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    I don't mind if some sends flirtation messages but I do have issue if he starts to cam with the other person for jerking off purposes...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    If you haven't discussed it as a couple, then "yes".

    It seems harmless that you are chatting and jerking online with someone else. However, the problem comes with the fantasizing. It's not just fantasizing about a porn, where the likelihood of hooking up with one of them is next to none. It's indulging in a fantasy that CAN be tangible if the opportunity presented itself. It's emotional cheating, like someone else said. There are actually several great responses to this posting.