I wish guys would just tell you they don't fancy you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    Rather than string you along for ages with messages etc. It makes it so much easier and saves time for everyone all round.

    I just say "I'm not into you". It's direct and honest and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. We can both then move on to the next one.

    Hear endeth my Fridayeth moaneth.
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    May 02, 2008 10:07 PM GMT

    It doesn't hurt anyones feelings? Well it might. I have several guys who message me whom I wish would pull a Chucky and disappear. However, as obnoxious as they are, I must not totally despise them or else i'd tell them to bugger off and stop stringing them along. Some guys are grateful for just that. icon_lol.gif
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    May 02, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    "It's not you...it's the red pubes" ... icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2008 10:40 PM GMT
    caslon said"It's not you...it's the red pubes" ... icon_eek.gif


    Oh no. Not the red pubes. But hay mine are so god dam blond, this would give One some color.

    Even if you say no thank you. You are not for me. The other does not always move on.
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    May 02, 2008 10:47 PM GMT
    Caslon saidIt's not you...it's the red pubes


    Don't worry. It looks like they're working on fixing that. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Ginger
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    May 02, 2008 11:29 PM GMT
    RED HEADS ARE HOT

    On the matter of stringing you on. Try having a personal trainer who tells you about every one of his conquests. Only after he leaves for a job in TV does he have the gonads to say, you were never type. Just a common street WALKER.
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    May 02, 2008 11:48 PM GMT
    red heads are hot. there was a whole post on it last year. what is the deal with england and red heads. weird.
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    May 03, 2008 12:26 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidRather than string you along for ages with messages etc. It makes it so much easier and saves time for everyone all round.

    I just say "I'm not into you". It's direct and honest and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. We can both then move on to the next one.

    Hear endeth my Fridayeth moaneth.


    It's probably just as important that you be upfront about what you're looking for also. For example, don't pretend to strike up harmless conversation then be disappointed when your dick isn't wet 10 minutes later.
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    May 03, 2008 1:01 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidRather than string you along for ages with messages etc. It makes it so much easier and saves time for everyone all round.


    If we all did that I guess it wouldn't be much fun now, would it! (What a cruel cruel little site we have going here..LOL LOL)

    But I guess we're all here for different reasons.
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    May 03, 2008 1:30 AM GMT

    icon_eek.gifCaslon, is that you! You look incredible!!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 03, 2008 3:47 AM GMT
    ...and then I can just think of the next thread

    How come guys are so tactless?
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    May 03, 2008 4:05 AM GMT
    Redheadguy, for what it's worth, i'd shag your freakin socks off. Photobucket
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    May 03, 2008 5:28 AM GMT
    I've discovered most gay guys are ineffective communicators when it comes to telling someone they're somewhat dating that he is ultimately not interested in the other guy. Instead, they either string the other guy along, or without respectful consideration, simply stop replying to e-mails and returning phone calls. This isn't properly ending things with the other person, but the highest-level of disrespect, inconsideration, and being a true coward in severing ties with that guy.

    Several, several years ago (before I eventually came to a slow-down in dating), I encountered a guy who did this to me, even though he was already seeing someone else. No, I wasn't jealous that I was aware he was with someone else, but I certainly made him feel as tall as a dog tick when I told him off.

    When I think back about it, he reminds me of what the typical gay guy idiot is all about when it comes to being honest and straight-forward about whether or not a guy fancies you. And yet, the mainstream gay community expects me to be automatically supportive of gay marriage?!
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    May 03, 2008 12:09 PM GMT

    DudeSf, everything you said is unfair. First of all, not being a good communicator is not a "typical gay trait." I'm sick of hearing gay guys refer to every negative trait as GAY only. Damn, i'm glad heteros aren't as perfect as gay men exclude them to be, or else we might never have been gay.icon_lol.gif I think the main thing you are forgetting about being gay is how hard it is to be gay. If you are a "typical" gay man, my guess is you haven't been the poster boy for communication. Depending on when you realized it to when you came out, chances are high you had to be secretive and internalize your emotions for an undetermined amount of years that could span a decade or two. That is a lot of internalized angst that couldn't be released. And then there is the living in society and walking on its eggshells, more internalized emotion.

    I find it no surprise that gay men find it hard to communicate, but consequently the language of love is universal. Gay or straight, you should KNOW when a relationship is on the skids. The person, naturally withdraws and unless communication is facilited by either party or an outside agitator (or atleast this is what they appear to be at the time)it could possibly never happen!!

    If you are the concerned party, then you know. I think most guys get angrier because it's over not that they aren't properly informed by their partner.


    "You haven't been the same for weeks, one minute you're fine, the next minute you're freakin out on me...After all we've been through, I deserve to know what's going on..."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 12:37 PM GMT
    This should be the Clueless thread.

    If someone made a sexual comment to me, or I to them, and the response was "Thanks" without a reciprocal sexual comment, I would assume that it should be obvious.
    If it's not obvious on the first statement, then the second should clinch it. I've been shot down enough in my life to recognize this.

    There are always those guys with such huge ego's that they can't believe that someone wouldn't want them (even though the huge ego alone is enough to turn off the staunchest of dysfunctional personalities). On the other hand, there's the truly clueless. You simply have to be blunt (not cruel) in this case.

    The exceptions are the newly out or young guys who've no idea about the culture. The other exception that comes to mind, is the guy who's too subtle in stating his attraction. (That was me for many years due to being shy.)

    There's nothing so simple that it can't be misunderstood. There's always someone who's going to be hurt by a negative statement and that is their issue to deal with. Being honest without being mean is your responsibility. You can't be accountable for someone else's inability to hear what you've actually said.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 03, 2008 1:19 PM GMT
    I'm right kippered on the skrikin' an' scally deeds an' that. The chinnies are bang out of order, innit? Swear down, man. Knock it on the 'ead and that.
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    May 03, 2008 1:23 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidI'm right kippered on the skrikin' an' scally deeds an' that. The chinnies are bang out of order, innit? Swear down, man. Knock it on the 'ead and that.


    LOLicon_lol.gif
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    May 03, 2008 2:25 PM GMT
    cadudesf saidI've discovered most gay guys are ineffective communicators when it comes to telling someone they're somewhat dating that he is ultimately not interested in the other guy. Instead, they either string the other guy along, or without respectful consideration, simply stop replying to e-mails and returning phone calls. This isn't properly ending things with the other person, but the highest-level of disrespect, inconsideration, and being a true coward in severing ties with that guy.

    Several, several years ago (before I eventually came to a slow-down in dating), I encountered a guy who did this to me, even though he was already seeing someone else. No, I wasn't jealous that I was aware he was with someone else, but I certainly made him feel as tall as a dog tick when I told him off.

    When I think back about it, he reminds me of what the typical gay guy idiot is all about when it comes to being honest and straight-forward about whether or not a guy fancies you. And yet, the mainstream gay community expects me to be automatically supportive of gay marriage?!



    YES, You have to Drink the Kool Aid or Can't be part of the cult..... no dissent allowed, LOL


    Contrary to Guilty gear, 'CADUDESF' said it perfectly, There are guys so in love with the 'CONCEPT' of being in Love, once they realize the have what they thought they wanted they end up moving on to the next victim errr boyfriend; while still pretending to love the first [must be some kind of narcissism]. The first is yes, speaking the so called universal language of love -being so convinced that a future based on fake assurances is 'just around the corner'- that when even when their own eyes sense or see changes, or a new guy ends up as #1 on the hot list, they are so head over heals in love they don't want to believe it!!!!!

    Its' good you knew at least he was seeing someone else from the very start! And on behalf of those that had been fooled and bought into the compete package tied up with pretty bows of fake "I Love You's, Always!"- Thank You for making him stand shorter than the tick.! It is the utmost of disrespect and inconsideration having him string you along. Although I am sure it still hurt, Kudos to being the real man within that relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 2:30 PM GMT
    I find that just saying: "You? Me?" and then laughing hysterically gets the message across

    or, if I am in a hurry....

    a quick "as if" might have to do
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    May 03, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    PRDGUY said[quote][cite]cadudesf said[/cite]I've discovered most gay guys are ineffective communicators when it comes to telling someone they're somewhat dating that he is ultimately not interested in the other guy. Instead, they either string the other guy along, or without respectful consideration, simply stop replying to e-mails and returning phone calls. This isn't properly ending things with the other person, but the highest-level of disrespect, inconsideration, and being a true coward in severing ties with that guy.

    Several, several years ago (before I eventually came to a slow-down in dating), I encountered a guy who did this to me, even though he was already seeing someone else. No, I wasn't jealous that I was aware he was with someone else, but I certainly made him feel as tall as a dog tick when I told him off.

    When I think back about it, he reminds me of what the typical gay guy idiot is all about when it comes to being honest and straight-forward about whether or not a guy fancies you. And yet, the mainstream gay community expects me to be automatically supportive of gay marriage?!



    YES, You have to Drink the Kool Aid or Can't be part of the cult..... no dissent allowed, LOL


    Contrary to Guilty gear, 'CADUDESF' said it perfectly, There are guys so in love with the 'CONCEPT' of being in Love, once they realize the have what they thought they wanted they end up moving on to the next victim errr boyfriend; while still pretending to love the first [must be some kind of narcissism]. The first is yes, speaking the so called universal language of love -being so convinced that a future based on fake assurances is 'just around the corner'- that when even when their own eyes sense or see changes, or a new guy ends up as #1 on the hot list, they are so head over heals in love they don't want to believe it!!!!!

    Its' good you knew at least he was seeing someone else from the very start! And on behalf of those that had been fooled and bought into the compete package tied up with pretty bows of fake "I Love You's, Always!"- Thank You for making him stand shorter than the tick.! It is the utmost of disrespect and inconsideration having him string you along. Although I am sure it still hurt, Kudos to being the real man within that relationship.[/quote]




    Or perhaps PRDGUY you are misreading his true feelings and you both end up in a circle where you both wonder whether the LOVE is real.

    Yes, joined finally just to make you see another side may be the truth!
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    May 03, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    What makes me angry is sometimes i just wanna actually chat.. and every 4 sentinces I get back are either "i'm horny" or something about a webcam..

    So I don't see where i'm stringing along if all I wanna do is talk.. it's a chat room?

    I mean I don't have "town bike" in my profile on any site i'm on so why should a guy assume its going to be more then chat.

    It's more annoying when guys assume your going on a date because a conversation went really well. Maybe we should stop trying to fuck each other and work at being friends first.. like how most long lasting relationships started.

    Holy crap I dunno who pissed in my corn flakes this morning but I am in a bitch ass mood.. icon_cry.gif
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    May 03, 2008 4:40 PM GMT
    I agree with Sean_85, that is why interacting with gay men has always been problematic for me. I usually want to start off with being friends, but if you are friendly they think they might have a chance to get in your pants. This is especially true if you strike up a conversation at a bar. Not surprisingly I met my partner at a sports league. We were friends long before (15 months) we were lovers.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    May 03, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    I recommend reading the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...or catch the movie starring Drew Barrymore this fall. Problem is, most guys just can't take a hint when it's usually painfully obvious that he's just not that into you.
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    May 03, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    I would agree with most everyone here. When this sometimes happens to me, I might be apt to say something like, "I'm really flattered man, but really - I'm just way too old for you" or something like that. If the guy is my age, I might say, "You and I are probably meant to be really good friends - because if we tried anything, we'd just break out laughing!"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2008 12:53 AM GMT
    Sean_85Holy crap I dunno who pissed in my corn flakes this morning but I am in a bitch ass mood..



    LOL that is nasty ... good explanation though.


    Cheer up!


    And i agree, i am so sick and tired of men only wanting to bone each other, not everyone is like that.. some people just wanna have a good old relationship. Damnit i wish i was a lesbian.