I can no longer bring myself to strike up conversations with men in the gym anymore

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2011 9:45 PM GMT
    This shit is boring man...I been going to the gym since I moved here 8 months ago and I don't have anyone to shoot the shit with at the gym. I see other guys almost always have a conversation buddy.

    I go to Ballys and most of the guys there are older White or Hispanic men 30+ years old married with kids and shit. Or if they are my age and I chat with them, they say, "yeah me and my girlfriend..."

    I used to try to initiate little small talks at the gym occasionally. I've told guys I like their tattoos, or if I see them a lot I'll maybe strike up a conversation with them or something.

    But most of the times it has never gone anywhere. I don't know if they are interested or annoyed. I remember one time I had a long conversation with a guy in the steam room...to the point we even exchange numbers, but then I never heard from him again and didn't even see him at the gym anymore.

    I know the gym is to workout, but seriously how many times do I have to keep passing people and nobody nods or says hello or speaks or ANYTHING? Like what's wrong with acknowledging someone?

    I see a guy at the gym often who has very similar features as me. He could be my brother! He is light skinned, Black and has reddish hair. I wanted so bad to go up to him and ask, "Hi, I'm Brian. I notice your hair is red, what you mixed with?"

    But he kept moving from machine to machine and I didn't want to seem aggressive to go chase him down to the next machine. It's like whenever I think about striking up conversation with someone at the gym I feel like I'm being too aggressive LOL.

    Like...if they really wanted to talk to me then they would have initiated something. I hate feeling obligated to always be the one to make the first conversation.

    But at the same time I wish someone would talk to me in the gym for a change. Like my God do I always have to go and leave without meeting everyone all the time? It should be like school....
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    Aug 13, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver,

    Well, the difficulty that comes into play is your overall purpose for going to the gym. Are you going to the gym to exercise? Make friends? Hookup? Some people go to the gym to exercise and nothing more. They are focused on that and probably don’t notice anyone around them.

    For the folks that may entertain small talk, they probably see it as just that, small talk...a brief conversation in between a set or exercises, not a full-blown conversation. The gym is definitely not like school, so you just have to reevaluate your expectations of the social atmosphere of the gym.

    Besides, it seems that in general, the social hospitality you’re looking for is mostly found in the South. Having lived in multiple places, there’s definitely a significant difference in public social interaction in the South...people are much more friendly, speak, make conversation, etc. Change expectations or change living location. Otherwise, use another venue for meeting and talking to people.
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    Aug 13, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    Hmm... I go to the gym to work out, and other than a "hi" or "good morning", I usually try not to have extended conversations as I want to concentrate on what I'm doing.

    It's nice that you're so friendly... maybe at a club it might work better ;-)
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    Aug 13, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    Sounds like you're looking for a chat buddy who is also either single and/or gay. If you're looking to be somewhat social in the gym, what's wrong with the married 30+ guy? Where exactly do you want it to go when you say, "...it has never gone anywhere..."

    I'm also not one for protracted conversation in the gym. I'm there to get my workout in and too much rest because of socializing=not as effective a workout. There's plenty of eye candy, and I've got as much of a sweet tooth as the next guy, but I'm not really there to pick-up. That's not to say that it can't be a social place if that's what you're looking for, but the guys that don't want to chat with you shouldn't be the culprits of your dissatisfaction.
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    Aug 13, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    no one ever talks to me at the gym icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    I have yet to go to a single public gym - I go running out and doing simple body workouts in the open instead (Sydney has an abundance of amazing locations) . . . and the strangest part is that random guys would still approach me and talk once in a while. Centennial Park (next to the horse racecourse) is full of friendly and fit older guys, while Coogee Beach has awesome Pacific Islander jock types who just love to strike random comments on whatever you're doing. And don't get me started on Manly Beach (they have a beach called Manly in Australia, icon_surprised.gif)

    I'm assuming that most guys would rather not talk idly at the gym, even if they've finisher their workout, due to exhaustion, some form of self-discipline or being too engrossed in whatever new muscle group they were working out just then. It's okay if gym guys would not wanna talk to you once in a while, but if you feel like you're being left socially excluded, a change in scenery will do just fine icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 13, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver,

    That's weird for the midwest, I think.

    Everyone talks to everyone at my gym. In fact, I wear headphones to avoid convo's. Well, that and to discourage thickly muscled str8 guys from asking me for a squat spot. There's just no way to gracefully do that and not get a boner.
  • iGator

    Posts: 150

    Aug 13, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    I run the gym I workout in...

    When I go down to the floor, most people know that I work there and we will have small condos, but nothing that gets too entrenched. I have a few people that I will go to if I need a spot and they come to me.

    A lot of the time, I get suggestions or complaints, which is why I wear headphones most of the time...my gym time is my me time during the day.

    Now, my gym isn't a public gym, and the atmosphere really isn't inclusive of the gay yet, so while I might get ready for a set, jam to my music and think that a guy is hot (which is far and few between), I by no means will ever think about the gay. It's not the place.

    Even at a public gym, I don't think it's the place (unless you're in the gay district). My goal while I'm in the gym (wherever I am) is to continue to get "prison jacked" and get on my way. My feeling is that if I want to hook up, I'll go to a club.

    You're not going to find the love of your life in the gym...most guys have their heads on the task at hand.

    LIke the guy above said...try the club...you'll have better luck there...but keep going to the gym...cause guys with the gay like guys that are muscular icon_smile.gif

  • briefslover1

    Posts: 49

    Aug 13, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    The Bally's near my house closed a couple months ago.. icon_sad.gif
    I am now in a totally str8 gym... (OK, it seems that way..)
    Bally's was great to meet gay guys... Not for hookups or anything... It just seemed to have a fairly relatively accepted large crowd... It made going to gym a little nicer from social aspect... I guess now it is only for workout.
    icon_smile.gif

    Anyway, I guess it was a little clickish and took a while to get into that gay circle at my Bally's... I met my BF at Bally's and I have been with him for about 5 years now...


    Well, good luck... There are other great benefits from going to the gym so there is nothing to lose by continuing there...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    If nobody talks to you after 8 months, it might be advantageous to inspect yourself rather than placing the blame on others.

    I've only been to a "real" gym once this year, and talked to every single person in there the whole time.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidIf nobody talks to you after 8 months, it might be advantageous to inspect yourself rather than placing the blame on others.

    I've only been to a "real" gym once this year, and talked to every single person in there the whole time.


    This. At my gym, I look too "in the zone" to have a conversation with someone. Even people I know wont approach me icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    Join a sex club.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    Ask a friend to be honest about your BO/breath... you never know! icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI don't go to the gym to chitchat. I get in, do my thing and leave. Been going to the same gym for eight years.


    DITTO.
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    Aug 13, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI don't go to the gym to chitchat. I get in, do my thing and leave. Been going to the same gym for eight years.
    Same here, but the only time I go to a "real" gym is when I'm working out of town...which is almost always in a small town. In small town gyms, people are always chatty. And, I can be openly gay and they don't care. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 13, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    Probably a good thng.

    The gym isn't a good place to meet guys actually...@ least not from experience
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Aug 13, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI don't go to the gym to chitchat. I get in, do my thing and leave. Been going to the same gym for eight years.
    Same here, but the only time I go to a "real" gym is when I'm working out of town...which is almost always in a small town. In small town gyms, people are always chatty. And, I can be openly gay and they don't care. icon_biggrin.gif


    How does one go about being openly gay in a gym? Wear a rainbow bin or something?
  • Zcube

    Posts: 40

    Aug 13, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    When I go to the gym, I just go to workout. If someone says Hi to me I'll say Hi back.. If they want to converse.. I do, but I limit it so that I can get my workout done and if they want to talk more, we continue after the workout is completed, if they're still around.

    (For the most part, the latter doesn't happen often. Sometimes they (usually women) just find me on facebook and chat with me there). LOL.

    It's only happened on one occasion when I actually ended up befriending another gay guy at the gym and went on a date with him. I've only been going to the gym for almost 3 years and it only happened once.

    I think it also depends on where you live. There are just parts of town/city/state that seem to be more friendly and more chatty than others.. (i.e. In the Inland Empire, people are more approachable than the OC or LA).. generally speaking.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    You sound very genuine in how you feel about your gym experience. That is good - and thanks for being so open that you actually shared it with us. Is there a reason you are staying at this particular ballys? It doesn't sound too good. I live in Atlanta now, after 40 years in Seattle. The guy that said the South is a talkative friendly place - is absolutely correct. I'm a gregarious gym goof. I laugh loud, talk a lot, tell jokes and am an all around riot. Believe me, there's plenty of people whose faces say "drop dead geek" but they don't say anything. Be yourself, keep talking to people - you are bound to find a friend. But consider finding an environment that fits you. I try gyms out - big time. I like ones that are old school, because the old school way of lifting was to be like in a brotherhood - the Arnold days and all. Last dime from me - do yourself a favor - consider the gym an off-limits place to meet guys for romance. It might still happen, but don't make it a priority or a desire.
  • metta

    Posts: 39143

    Aug 13, 2011 6:21 AM GMT
    I don't have time for conversations at the gym. I'm just there to workout. I listen to my ipod and workout. I feel like my workouts are already too short as it is. I do see people chatting away...but I just don't have the free time or desire to do it. I have never really been into small talk.
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    Aug 13, 2011 10:52 AM GMT
    metta8 saidI don't have time for conversations at the gym. I'm just there to workout. I listen to my ipod and workout. I feel like my workouts are already too short as it is. I do see people chatting away...but I just don't have the free time or desire to do it. I have never really been into small talk.


    ditto, Iphone on and working out. By the time I get home and shower it's already 7:30 and usually go to bed for 9........ya I know.
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    Aug 13, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidJoin a sex club.


    that is funny!
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    Aug 13, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    "I go to Ballys and most of the guys there are older White or Hispanic men 30+ years old married with kids and shit."


    This statement leads me to believe you want more than "conversation" or friendship. If it's friends you're looking for, this is a really bad attitude to have. If you're looking for sex or a date, then I get it. However I think it must be something you're doing wrong....some kind of vibe or look you're giving off that's repelling people. You don't seem to be smiling in any of your pics. Do you smile at the gym? That can really throw people off. I find people at my gym very friendly (too friendly sometimes), but I've never been to your gym so it might be entirely different. Different gyms and different cities have varying social norms. But I would look in the mirror real hard before blaming everyone else. If that doesn't work, go to another gym or try and meet people in a different environment.
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    Aug 13, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    I don't talk a lot at the gym - just things like "Hi" or "can I work in?" or "Oops ... dropped the soap again.....". Anyway I doubt if you're missing anything.
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    Aug 13, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    Seriously? Just go to the gym and do your thing. That's really all you can do in this situation. Trying to spark a conversation at the gym while people are working is quite annoying actually because folks are there to work out. If you aren't there to work then you shouldn't be there.

    You can't and shouldn't act surprised at folks behavior. They are in the zone and just don't want to be bothered while they are in it. No offense

    The guys you see chatting up in the gym are clearly friends and are probably gym buddies/friends. Go find a workout partner and encourage them to come to the gym with you so you have someone to talk to. If not, then I suggest you invest in a ipod nano, create a good gym workout playlist and hit repeat.

    I don't wanna be the mean person but maybe it's your location and maybe it's you. Two very realistic reasons as to why folks might not be chatting you up.