To reply or not to reply? That is the question.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 9:28 AM GMT
    Personally I reserve the right not to reply to some messages. To some, not replying may be construed as rudeness. I believe however that how I treat a message is necessarily only commensurate with the amount of effort the other party has put into composing it.

    9 out of 10 times, I receive a message comprising of just "Hi", "How are you?" or some other silly one-liner like "Are you into wrestling?". Hence if I receive a one-liner, I typically reply with a one-liner and sometimes not at all. E.g. "Nice profile!" gets "Likewise!" or "Thanks for the compliment!".

    In the last two weeks, I have been lambasted by two persons who have taken offence to my seemingly lack of interest. One had asked "Have we chatted before?". I declined to respond because he had obviously recognised my profile from a previous exchange. Subsequently I received "Are you one of those bitches that doesn't reply to messages?"

    Well, actually I do reply to messages that are worthwhile responding to. To me, an utter lack of effort begets an utter lack of effort. I knew I had reason to keep my distance from that basketcase.

    Then just earlier, I was accused of immaturity because I had chosen to *gasp* decline further correspondence with someone who had asked me repeatedly on two sites whether I am into wrestling, despite my repeated insistence that I do not in fact appreciate being pinned down. In his alternate reality (what has he been taking?), I had apparently been the one to have initiated contact with him (I have no recollection of that) and subsequently snubbed him. Frankly, I am open to chatting and in fact meeting anyone capable of a conversation beyond wrestling and "how much can you bench?".

    What policies do you have in replying to messages and how would you deal with people who think you owe their empty messages a reply?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    Yeah, I agree with everything posted so far.

    If they say something of substance than I will respond. If I don't respond it means I have nothing to say. icon_smile.gif

  • ohioguy12

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    Aug 13, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    I reply to one liners "Hey how are you?" is just the start to a conversation. In the first email I'm not expecting someone to give me a long, detailed story about anything if we haven't talked before. But if the one liners continue, then at some point I'll stop.

    But I'm a firm believer that if you think someone is hot, you will respond no matter how much effort they put into an E-mail
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:01 PM GMT
    edmirer saidPersonally I reserve the right not to reply to some messages. To some, not replying may be construed as rudeness. I believe however that how I treat a message is necessarily only commensurate with the amount of effort the other party has put into composing it.

    9 out of 10 times, I receive a message comprising of just "Hi", "How are you?" or some other silly one-liner like "Are you into wrestling?". Hence if I receive a one-liner, I typically reply with a one-liner and sometimes not at all. E.g. "Nice profile!" gets "Likewise!" or "Thanks for the compliment!".

    In the last two weeks, I have been lambasted by two persons who have taken offence to my seemingly lack of interest. One had asked "Have we chatted before?". I declined to respond because he had obviously recognised my profile from a previous exchange. Subsequently I received "Are you one of those bitches that doesn't reply to messages?"

    Well, actually I do reply to messages that are worthwhile responding to. To me, an utter lack of effort begets an utter lack of effort. I knew I had reason to keep my distance from that basketcase.

    Then just earlier, I was accused of immaturity because I had chosen to *gasp* decline further correspondence with someone who had asked me repeatedly on two sites whether I am into wrestling, despite my repeated insistence that I do not in fact appreciate being pinned down. In his alternate reality (what has he been taking?), I had apparently been the one to have initiated contact with him (I have no recollection of that) and subsequently snubbed him. Frankly, I am open to chatting and in fact meeting anyone capable of a conversation beyond wrestling and "how much can you bench?".

    What policies do you have in replying to messages and how would you deal with people who think you owe their empty messages a reply?


    You lying bitch! I bet you that if you think they guy is hot you will respond no matter how stupid his greetings were.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    adam228 saidYeah, I agree with everything posted so far.

    If they say something of substance than I will respond. If I don't respond it means I have nothing to say. icon_smile.gif



    You are lying! If you think they guy is hot you will respond - no matter how stupid his greetings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidI reply to one liners "Hey how are you?" is just the start to a conversation. In the first email I'm not expecting someone to give me a long, detailed story about anything if we haven't talked before. But if the one liners continue, then at some point I'll stop.

    But I'm a firm believer that if you think someone is hot, you will respond no matter how much effort they put into an E-mail


    +1

    You are only one that has the balls to call a spade a spade. Guys repsond based on their perception of how hot they think the guy is.

    Don't understand who these lying bitches think they are fooling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    The internet has a way of diffusing what many people consider good manners, and of course, apps like Grindr and their kin are the extreme case of this.

    In person, most people would not be expected to give a great deal of context to some self-introductory pieces of speech.

    Online, such context may be derived in part from reading the user profiles, and then replying based upon the revealed bits of context.

    For example, I have an interest in Russian Kettlebells and bodyweight exercise; if someone PM'ed me to talk about RKC certification or perhaps even to ask why I liked KBs, I'd be certainly more inclined to develop and pursue the convo to some relevant point.

    But the "Hey there..." or "Unlock photos...?" type PMs will either get a short and less meaningful response, if I am in the mood to respond to such things at all.

    Of course and unfortunately, the hotter guys (in my perception) will tend to have the better chance of my responding to their one-liners than a no-pic/no-info profile or a nondescript headless torso.

    Likewise, if I PM someone I am interested in talking to, I try to establish some common context for us to build a conversation on.

    It also depends on what folks are on here for; many folks see RJ as a hook-up venue, which I really do not see how that could work, at least not as efficiently as Grindr type apps or Manhunt/A4A, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    I don't think a short message in itself should be grounds to not respond, although I will ignore a message only with "sup". I think sometimes someone will not want to initiate a conversation with too long a message because it will come across as too interested or too intense. A shorter message has a lighter touch. Something like "Hey - liked your forum message about xxx. Also nice profile, good workout results and nice attitude." Just because not a lot of effort went into that message, I would never consider not responding.

    I think some of the best friendships can come from what might seem like a short first message. If you are too judgmental, you'll miss out, of course, unless the guy is not hot and you want to miss out. LOL For example, several months ago I got a message like this "Hey - noticed you were looking at my profile. I know it's totally lame, but I'm in a close competition for MOTD. If you liked my profile, would you consider voting for me?" I responded, "Was going to anyway. Nice profile and great attitude." We've gone on to be good friends and BTW he has won that recognition several times since.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    In deference to the reply or not reply issue I must say that sometimes I will send a short message first to see if the other person is alive or just a shell of a human. Oftentimes, I find shells.

    I am certainly not going to put major thought and time into a first email that may tend to lead nowhere. And quite frankly, there is nothing wrong with saying HI back even if you're not interested. In life, I almost always start with HI. icon_biggrin.gif

    I feel like people have become too non-confrontational in this techno-take-it-or-leave-it society. Many guys seem to say nothing rather than saying "No" or "I'm not interested." I almost always say that unless...

    What kills me is guys, mostly on my mobile app, who think they're going to get somewhere with me with pics of beaches and lakes instead of their face or at least a body part. Those I hardly ever respond to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    oh and sup is so 2004.. such a turnoff.

    At least WAZZUP!? or What the F*CK is going on man!?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    A simple " Hi " in the intro is fine by me. If you meet someone on the street, at a bar, at a social event, what is the first thing you say ? Yup, a simple greeting. Conversation builds from there based on mutual interests, etc

    That said, I COMPLETELY agree with the notion that people dropping you a " I am in town " get NO response. ( read above ) Taken literally, I therefore disagree with the idea of ignoring a " hi or hey " because we need to start somewhere without expecting a diatribe of sudden thoughts and feelings. However, if ignored ONCE and the sender persists, THEN I say the senders persistence borders on annoying icon_sad.gif Absent the literal translation, I again agree with the premise that some people simply cannot communicate. I find guys on sites that can't even answer or respond appropriately to a question or comment that I pose. Is education to blame, does the person simply lack basic communication skills, or these and more ? Who knows. Possibly all of the above.

    Regardless, the " net " is a unique beast filled with a variety of beasts icon_evil.gif We all have our own unique way of dealing with people. To each their own !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    I used to whine up feeling bad because of not being replied. But nowadays, i have realized that is the most impolite way of saying "I'm not interested".

    However i just got ignored most of the time even tho' my emails are usually like a TOEFL essay in length (but not so identical lol). Or maybe it's something to do with the subject because i usually make it just as "Hey", or maybe i'm boring with my essays icon_sad.gif I'm always told not to talk too much to strangers but i can't help icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    People need to understand that even though we are RJers, we still have a life outside of RJ.

    Sometimes I don't hear from a member for like a month or two. I will hardly think twice about it. They will write back when they write back. And if they don't, then they don't. I'm not gonna stress myself over it. I will shoot them a quick msg, but that's all. I have other problems in my life. Heaven knows I do exactly the same thing too. My reply rates and frequency have been better in the last couple weeks because I've been more active, but normally I will only write back on weekends when I have time. I figure that I should at least give other people the same benefit of doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    If its a blank profile with no pics ..Yea I'm not replying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    It's all down to the profile and if I'm interested or not. Frankly I don't expect some grand introduction message, as others have said it's just a conversation starter.

    If the conversation doesn't get interesting after a few exchanges then I will probably let the replies fizz out. But only the whole if I don't reply to the initial message it's just because I'm not feeling it.

    No offense intended, but I personal would rather have someone just not reply to my message than reply saying they are not interested.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    Blank profiles.
    People who ask things like "want to c2c?"/meet without speaking to me etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    I have met a lot of guys on Realjock I really like. Guys I enjoy talking with and getting to know.

    But let's face it... this is STILL the internet and if someone ignores you it isn't rude because, (reality check), WE DONT KNOW EACH OTHER!! This is a virtual world and when someone doesn't respond I move on to someone who does.

    I got flamed earlier this week from a freakshow who told me I was flaky and that I was obviously on drugs because I didn't respond to all of his many, many messages. Dude, you can suck my cock. I have no obligations to do anything for anyone. Or vice versa!! I ENJOY getting to know so many of you because you are chill and dramafree dudes who share my interests. If you bring drama and bullshit, BUH-BYE!!
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    Aug 13, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    edmirer said...
    What policies do you have in replying to messages and how would you deal with people who think you owe their empty messages a reply?


    I have no obligation to any person who sends me a message. Just as I have no obligation to respond to any person on the street who says anything to me.

    I do tend to respond with a "thank you" to those who have "hot listed" me, or sent me any kind words about my profile.

    However, I do tend to ignore those who ask for my private pictures. By asking on first communication for my private picture, I get the feeling of being objectified as opposed to being addressed as a person.

    I liberally use "Block Him" and "Ignore His Posts" for those persons who are asshats.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    To take arm against a sea of trouble, and by opposing end them, or something like that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    Agree, no more effort is required on a response than was put into the unsolicited message.
    However, it ain't about having an obligation to respond.
    Everyone is free to be as big of an a-hole as they like.
    If you don't want to be an a-hole, you respond to friendly notes, people who greet you on the street, and you thank those who are kind enough to hotlist or buddylist you or post a complimentary comment on your profile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    I'll generally reply as long as the message is more than 2 words. I don't respond to "hey" or "what's up." It doesn't matter how attractive I find the person. I consider that to be sort of like a passive head-nod when walking down the street. So I hope they consider when they send that message that all I'm going to do is smile and not my head before clicking "back" and on to the next message.

    That said, if someone has something interesting to talk about, I tend to write a long, lengthy reply. I'm sure it gets annoying for the person receiving the message. And if it does, I'm sure they'll stop responding. But otherwise they're still going to receive books as replies.

    There are many times that I'll also just stop responding. I've probably found something to do, and am going to do it. I may remember a couple days later that I was talking with some hottie, and come back and send another reply. Or if I've seen that the joke we were telling has run its course, or the conversation has ended otherwise, then I may not reply again. That's just how those things work when you're not talking face-to-face.

    Some people take online chatter far too seriously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    venue35 saidWell I really like someone here on RJ and this person hotlisted me and i was like fucking happy and everything so I sent a nice friendly message. I never got a response. Weird.
    Ofcourse I want to send another message but I won't. I have my pride too you know...


    Did you have a question or something interesting to talk about in the message you sent them, or was it just "Hi, I find you attractive"? Try sending a well-thought-out message to them that asks an open-ended question, and see if they respond. At least give it a shot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    In my opinion there are several high-quality people on here that you can't always recognize--especially via their writing.

    I have one friend in particular that can't spell a two-letter word correctly. In spite of his terrible writing ability he exudes quality--but only in person. Not only is he is good-looking, but he has more money than God.

    So, probably good to be considerate when replying. You can't always tell a book by its cover. Then again, sometimes a cover is exactly what is inside the book too.... so, good luck!
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidI have met a lot of guys on Realjock I really like. Guys I enjoy talking with and getting to know.

    But let's face it... this is STILL the internet and if someone ignores you it isn't rude because, (reality check), WE DONT KNOW EACH OTHER!! This is a virtual world and when someone doesn't respond I move on to someone who does.



    Sure, but if someone you didn't know walked up to you on the street and said hello, I'm sure you wouldn't ignore him. In my mind, it's the same thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    I will always reply to the frist message and if someone does not that is just plain rude no matter how short the message is. After that if the other person does not get the point I tell them not interested and ignore them after that.

    Always reply to the frist message, even just to say "sorry not intereted"! Otherwise you are saying you don't mind being a rude jerk.