The Headless Jock

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    Jul 07, 2007 4:09 AM GMT
    I've been seeing a lot of these lately. In the closet? Shy? Ugly? So many excuses, very little explanation...

    What do you think?
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    Jul 07, 2007 6:26 AM GMT
    Jeeeeeeze Leweeeeze ;).


    I personally find it a little silly the way some guys here keep ragging on people who don't have face shots in their public pictures.




    Now, if a guy doesn't feel comfortable exposing his face on the web, why should he? This is the only forum I've been on before where it's expected for people to post up their face. I've been posting on one message board in particular for six years, and while I love a lot of the people there, I have -no- idea what any of them look like.


    If a guy just doesn't feel comfortable showing his face for the whole world on the internet, why should we pick on him for it?
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:23 PM GMT
    You have to be careful posting pics on the internet. Unfortunate, but true.

    Example - I was trading emails with a guy on this site. It all sounded good. He asked me for a face pic, so I sent one. Then he sent pics to me, but I realized they were not all pics of the same guy.

    Then I discovered the next day that his profile here was gone. Likely he was just someone swiping pics for some terrible purpose, I don't know.

    (by the way, the profile name was Jock_Itch).

    So now I'm worried - is my pic going to get posted on some site where I won't even know it?

    I also discovered a pic once on a site, and then found the real guy on a different site. I emailed and asked him how he got to be on the front page of the first site. He wrote back angry and said they had somehow gotten his pic without permission. He contacted them, and they pulled the pic pretty fast, but it had been there for at least a year without his knowledge or permission. That site was eventually shut down entirely.

    So just be careful slinging your pics around.
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    My rule: Don't post anything i wouldn't want my mothers to see. They're both online, and as speedo points out, people can use them fore whatever purpose.

    I also keep the rule that I aim't skeered.. who cares if people see my face.

    As for the headless jock.. I figure the person is either in the closet, scared of being caught, or heinously ugly (I'm thankful in cases involving that last part).
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:38 PM GMT
    What does it matter if someone steals your face pic? It's not like they're stealing your bank details.

    That sounds like the hokiest lame excuse ever!

    I think we should ask Chucky hunk of love Stud what he thinks.
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:55 PM GMT
    What NNJ said. I store face pics in my private photo area. At least I have some choice about who views those photos, this way. This is not a one-size fits all world; do we really need a gay version of the Taliban? :p
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:58 PM GMT
    Ugliness. That's why I decapitate myself.

    I share CoffeeCup's exasperation with this. There most certainly can be consequences if your picture lands in the wrong hands.

    During my supervision, my supervisor told me a client had reported seeing me on a cruising site. The supervisor, a psychiatrist who still supervises my clients' meds, was concerned and had the balls to ask if I might not need "treatment" for this.

    I replied by asking him if he'd asked the client if this was a surprise and he said "no." I tell all my clients in the initial session and it's in their paperwork that I'm gay and that if they're gay, they're likely to see me being as gay as they are. In other words, I decided it was better to be completely open than to try to hide the fact.

    (As a footnote: Of course, the psychiatrist turned out to be online with a headless picture. He hit on me numerous times anonymously... and finally sent his face pic. Eyeroll. I didn't ask him if he needed "treatment.")

    Recently, too, everybody I know sent me embarassing email because some site had hijacked my image and used it with two others for the screen saver they were offering people who joined their site. It was featured in the spam they were sending everyone on the planet. I presume I was used to target men into geriatrics.

    Were I not open with everyone about my habits, I'd be very embarassed about that too.
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    Jul 07, 2007 2:58 PM GMT
    I response to this already. You guys can called me a pussy, if you want. I dont care if other Real Jock see me, but what if somebody at work find out about it. Put it on the company internal email. It like being strip naked infront of everybody (you know with all the gay sexual experience I write in this forum). I will be a laughing stock and object of ridicule . I probably have to quit my job. Not a really pretty picture.

    After all how do you know all the guy that have their picture on , really is his picture. I could post some hot picture of a colt model, and everybody will put me on their hot list. I dont have pic on, but then I dont lie about it.











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    Jul 07, 2007 4:46 PM GMT
    Gosh, there are so many levels to this discussion, really.

    If you are totally out, and unconcerned with that sort of security issue, why wouldn't you have a face picture on a "Gay Fitness" site?

    If you are in a profession in which being on any site, including match.com, which suggests you are looking for a partner, or implies you are open to hooking up, well, then, yes, of course, there are some security issues.

    Then, of course, if you are in a so-called "monogramous" relationship with a man or a woman, and list yourself as looking for a "Hookup", you have more security issues.

    The scenarios in the last two paragraphs imply that someone is doing some backstabbing, searching, sleuthing to find you, or they themselves are "trolling" these cruising sites.

    That's all independent from X-rated pictures. For me, that's the only issue, but I can see why others would want to put their face pix as well as X-rateds (which RealJock now only allows WITH face) in the "Private Photo" section.

    John
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    Jul 08, 2007 5:31 AM GMT
    I have a headless pic of my torso that is a favorite, but I feel that it is mis-leading, because when you look at it I think you would not expect MY head to be attatched to it ( not that I think there is anything wrong with my face ) , but the body sometimes is very different than the head .
    Hmmm. Yah, I generally really find headless shots a bit of a put off, and I have some pals on here who I'd wish would just stick their head on it, Ya know ? I mean, c'mon RJ is not exactly dudetube - Yah, guys hook up here, and yah that is cool, but not all of us are here for that. Pretty much all the dudes I have buddy or hot listed have proven to me that they are real, heads or no heads.

    Hey, man - maybee they were not as lucky as Alice. That darn queen and her angry deck of cards. Oh, brotha!
    - Through the looking glass I go !

    Peace Jocksters !

    xx
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    Jul 08, 2007 6:50 AM GMT
    calling on CHUCKY STUD ... OHHHHHHHHHHH, CHUCKEEEEEEEEE !
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    Jul 08, 2007 8:17 AM GMT
    since i dont have nice body:D i send my face pic
  • GQjock

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    Jul 08, 2007 8:19 AM GMT
    There's an internet closet gradient...

    It starts out with guys who don't post any pictures at all...now these men might be suffering from things like BDS (body dysmorphic syndrome) or more likely - they maybe truly ugly .... we'll never know because - they never post a friggin' picture

    Then there are the men with the cut off heads
    These are the truly paranoid members of the group
    They think that someone is trolling the internet and exposing gay men all over the world for being on these sites. Then they email their family members with direct links to each and every site their on. Yes, truly diabolical yet true.

    :P
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    Jul 08, 2007 9:25 AM GMT
    Well put.
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    Jul 08, 2007 11:26 AM GMT
    I'm closeted and started my profile with a headless torso shot. After a couple weeks, I got a feel for the site and some of the personailities here. I saw Chuckystuds frequent badgerings about face shots.

    I added a face shot. It wasn't because of the badgering...that just pissed me off. It did get me thinking about the subject of why it mattered or didn't.

    I'm not looking for hook-ups here, or a relationship at this point. I've got a relationship that I need to end skillfully. At this point, if someone at work or family found me and outed me based on this site - it wouldn't be how I wanted to 'out' but I'd be relieved. I'd prefer it go according to plan.

    In the end, what motivated me is that I'd rather develop honest friendships with guys here, and if I connected with one leading to a relationship later, the face is very important in the equation of attraction for me. Sorry to say, but fantastic body, wrong face = no interest for me. I'd rather get that out of the way early and not later.

    I'm also 'fit' rather than athletic (I'm working on it!), so a face shot helps because I'm told I look handsome. I think I look ok, my face is just not my type - other people seem to like it ;P
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    Jul 08, 2007 2:15 PM GMT
    GQJock wrote:

    There's an internet closet gradient...

    And I think people move along that gradient. Some people use the internet to help the coming-out process move along. I was out online w/o a picture before I came out to friends and family. The time-lag was not long---maybe four months---but for me it was a helpful experience.
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    Jul 08, 2007 3:30 PM GMT
    To the face-pic fascists, I say quit trying to make everyone conform to your personal beliefs on this and similar topics. Geez, gay men can be as preachy on gay topics as evangelicals are on morality topics. Everyone's journey and circumstances are different. It is kind of arrogant to make blanket assumptions about people based on something so trivial as whether or not an RJ member posts a public face pic. I'm not putting up a face pic, any time soon. Despise me for it if you must.

    BTW: I give pretty darn good face.
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    Jul 08, 2007 6:10 PM GMT
    Given the number of people who have plenty of headless horsemen in their hot list... I suppose many people don't really mind.

    I came out on the net and without a face pic, but I had a good excuse. It was 1986 and it was a text-only BBS. I can certainly understand why people just coming out (or not out yet) are uncomfortable posting a face pic. I also know that things can take time (took me a year to come out to my parents).

    I don't have a large family (and they all know - my partner and I danced together, including slow dances, at several weddings) and I'm fortunate enough to live in a fairly liberal community (for those of you with different notions of Michigan, recall the first politician to come out was in Ann Arbor and the first openly gay politician to be elected was in East Lansing). I'm not "out to the world" or wear my sexual orientation on my sleeve, but I can't imagine living my life terrified by the slim possibility that I could be outed to the point that I would be scared to show my face in an on-line gay community.

    I do remember being worried the first few times I went to a gay bar. Not just about who might see me entering or exiting the place, but who inside might recognize me. Even if they were gay. Thankfully that was "just a phase". Long term I'd be concerned that this could lead to the necessity of "treatment".

    Given that it's probably more likely that someone might stalk the local gay clubs and see (or even photograph) one entering/exiting than find that person on the interent... I'm not convinced that the reasons provided so far aren't just rationalizations. Do you guys also wear hoods when you frequent gay spots in real life? Or do you entirely avoid them?

    BTW, cries of "fascism" miss the point. No one is threatening to unmask anyone or require (real) face pics. We're just having a discussion, sharing ideas. Obviously those of us who are old and set in our ways are unlikely to change what we think, but having the discussion can help those in the middle - one way or the other.
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    Jul 08, 2007 6:23 PM GMT
    "BTW, cries of "fascism" miss the point. No one is threatening to unmask anyone or require (real) face pics."

    Actually, I think that's exactly the point. In this case, individuals are making generalizations and judgments against people simply because they have chosen not to publicly associate a face with an RJ profile. (Similar to those who advocate being out at all costs within other threads.)

    While they don't possess the physical power to enforce their admonitions, they do exert undue social pressure. I lean libertarian, so even if I were on the same side of the debate, I would object to this pressure to conform to an arbitrary standard. On the other hand, I grant them full license to say or believe anything they want; I'm just not obliged to agree.
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    Jul 09, 2007 2:02 AM GMT
    Thank God I am not Chucky Stud that everyone seems to be calling for!

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    Jul 09, 2007 1:05 PM GMT
    Dont mess with Chucky Stud. Love him or hate him, but you cant ignore him. Common Chuck say something!!
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    Jul 09, 2007 1:11 PM GMT
    Chucky couldn't be here as he's accepting a body building award someplace. Instead, we have his stunt double, whose name, coincidentally is Chucky. Chucky would like to address the crowd:

    "Headless pics! You have self esteem issues! Get rid of them or lose your head for real!"

    thundermall_1955_20937596
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    Jul 09, 2007 6:14 PM GMT
    Damnit all to HELL - I miss Chucky !!!!!!!
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    Jul 09, 2007 7:22 PM GMT
    caesarea4 said: "...Given the number of people who have plenty of headless horsemen in their hot list... I suppose many people don't really mind..."

    In the case of the guys on my own hotlist, each has allowed me to see a private picture with their face, even if they have no "public" pictures showing their face. I don't see a reason why anyone would not at least have a private picture that shows his face, which he can reveal by unlocking to only people he chooses.

    Even in the fantasy world of "hotlists", I have a limit on my ability to fantasize/admire. That limit is somewhat dependent on return interest, or at least, enough trust to allow me to visualize the whole guy, not just a six-pack.

    _________________________

    "...I would object to this pressure to conform to an arbitrary standard..."

    Puhlease. People expecting a posting of a face picture, at least in the "Private" section, on a website devoted to chat/social interchange between guys whose commonality is fitness, is not the same thing as "not wearing white after Labor Day." Throwing in the self-characterization of "libertarian" here on this somewhat silly issue is an odd overcharacterization, as is the name-calling term "fascist" for people who believe that honest individuals should post a face pic somewhere on this site, even in "private". I have relatives who experienced "fascism"...please don't trivialize their experience by gross misuse of the term.
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    Jul 10, 2007 12:44 AM GMT
    What...? We're not supposed to wear white after labor day...? (Are you Serial Mom? I recycle, really I do!!)

    Well, if you've seen a face pic, I guess it makes sense to add the torso-only pic on your hot list, but I wonder if this is generally true or if you are more of the exception.

    Is not having a face pic as bad or worse than not having any info in your profile?