Hate-On For Bi-Sexuals

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    This site doesn't accomodate blogs, but I figure a forum topic might fit the bill. This is actually a re-post of my blog posting on another site, but it's got a different crowd. Thought it might be interesting to see the reactions from RJers and see how it compares with the reactions from the other site. Here goes nothing...

    Once in a while, I'll stumble upon an odd comment or remark about bi-sexuals. I call it 'odd', because I don't really understand why people think the way they do about bi-sexuals. The comment/remark I'm referring to goes along the lines of:

    "You're bi? Suuuuuuure you are."
    "You're bi? Really? You really like guys AND girls? Really? Really?..... Really?"
    "You're bi? Me too! Well... I've only fooled around once with a girl and we didn't go all the way. But yeah, I'm bi too!"
    "You're bi? You must be a really horny guy."
    "You're bi? You're just transitioning to being gay."
    "You're bi? You're just confused."

    And pretty much every time I hear that remark, eyes are being rolled and/or a sarcastic smirk is made. Clearly, a lot gays don't think bi-sexuality is a "real" sexual orientation. Why is that? Why is it difficult to understand that some people find guys and girls attractive... sexually attractive? Shouldn't gays be more understanding? They have to constantly deal with people who don't understand their sexual preferences. I would think that puts them in the best position to understand and accept different sexual orientations. It's really quite baffling.

    Yes, I find guys and girls sexually attractive.
    Yes, I've had sexual relations with guys and girls.
    Yes, I would be open to a relationship with a guy or a girl.
    Yes, I watch and enjoy both straight and gay porn.
    Yes, the traits that attract me to girls are the same traits that attract me to guys -- multiple interests, a feisty personality, a career, a good pair of legs and a nice butt lol, doesn't sleep around, etc, etc
    Yes, I've been this way ever since I've been interested in sex.
    No, I'm not some over-sexed creep who just wants to tap anything with a hole.

    Is it a jealousy thing? Do gays perceive that bi-sexuals have more choice and resent that fact? Is it ignorance? Are gays less accepting of things they don't understand? Is it fear? Do gays feel threatened that there's additional competition? I can only think of negative reasons for this "hate-on" for bi's. Well, it's not really a "hate-on", but I hope you get my drift. I'd like to hope there's a more rational reason based on psychological factors. Perhaps something related to gay society or to society as a whole? Or maybe something related to upbringing or other major life-events?

    I'd really like to hear some opinions. And...do other bi people hear this as well? Or is it just me?
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 14, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    I also hear the remark that "you have to choose one".icon_rolleyes.gif It's kind of annoying cause I consider myself bi I find a little attraction in chicks as well but ppl think because i like guys im automatically gay and cant like girls. Whatever
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    Aug 14, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    Oh nerdjock you've brought up the near identical things of what I occasionally go through.

    I just tell them, that if you have problem then though. Why do I have to justify anymore if I like the opposite sex as well...

    In this case I just want to date a guy, but if I do find a girl that meets me on common grounds I am not going to flat out reject her.

    Meh
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    Aug 14, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    Bi is gay on layaway icon_lol.gif

    As a "Bi" person I really hate labels and refuse to play by the rules of limiting myself to an inadequate dictionary definition drafted by Puritans. If I am dating a boy, I am very gay. If I am dating a girl, I am very straight. I have never cheated or mixed-and-matched, whatever sort of term is most aptly applied to double dipping both chocolate and vanilla. There is no interim period where it is a question mark either. I have never filled out an online profile as "Bi" - my account on adam4adam is flaming gay replete with a "<3" meanwhile my account on Cupidtino searching for women is plainly heteronormative and unimaginative, which makes it a hit for the simpletons browsing that site.

    The hate you describe is just small-mindedness, an inability to move past simple stereotypes like Homer Simpson's view of the gays - they come in one brand and they come flaming. Unlike Sue Sylvester's recognition of the 21st century "sneaky gay" that unlike Adam Lambert, you cannot see coming a mile away with glitter cannons. It is the same stupid cognitive shortcut in a frighteningly large number of peoples' minds that makes one sort of person good at basketball and another good at math.

    I just laugh it off - if you heard the bridge-builder joke (Q: what do you call a bridge builder who built one hundred bridges and sucked one cock? A: a f*****) applied rudely to you and it doesn't bother you at all, that means you are doing it the right way. When you waste time worrying about what everyone else thinks about you it takes time away from enjoying the small things in life icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    You're bi? You must return your gold card now! icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 14, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    BjörkI’ve always had as many powerful, creative ladies in my life as I have men, and you could probably describe some of those relationships as romantic. I think everyone’s bisexual to some degree or another; it’s just a question of whether or not you choose to recognise it and embrace it. Personally, I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavours.
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    Aug 14, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    Hey guys,
    Thanks for all the responses so far. I guess I should clarify that I don't let any of these remarks/comments bother me in any way. I know what I am and if someone has trouble accepting it, then that's really their issue, not mine.

    My intent for this posting was to explore *why* I encounter these reactions from the "gold-card carrying gays". As I said originally, I find it odd and baffling that a social demographic which has experienced persecution and intolerance can so easily demonstrate the same behaviours that they detest.

    If someone demands and yearns for acceptance, do they really deserve to get it if they can't show that same level of acceptance? I certainly don't want to paint everyone with the same big brush... I'm specifically targetting this against those who have difficulty accepting bisexuals for who they are. I have encountered many who are perfectly fine with whatever I choose to identify myself as.
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Aug 14, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    The issue is bi-sexuals give a ton of ammunition to those that hate gay people. It proves in their mind that sexuality is a choice, its something you can choose. For bi-sexuals, that is largely true.

    On a simpler note, many people simply don't want to date someone who is attracted to both sexes. It can be stressful for the other partner to think that their bf might leave them for a woman, or that their bf may be fantasizing about woman or watching straight porn. I don't think that is all that unreasonable really.
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    Aug 14, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    "Apply directly to the forehead..."
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    Aug 14, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    it's a question of risk...

    Plenty of hot, secure, confident gay guys... why date a bi model that's fucking guys why he's waiting for the skirt he wants to marry and likley slither back into the closet and make you his drunken sports bar phone call/public restroom suck off buddy. Until you meet his wife awkwardly at the Macy's counter and realize that they're two human beings the coward's stringing along, lying to and showing no respect for.

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    Aug 14, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    @awm55: It wasn't a choice for me to be attracted to both sexes. Was it a choice for you to be attracted to men? Was it a choice for my father to be attracted to women?

    @awm55/@MsclDrew: The notion that someone is more likely to cheat b/c he has more "choices" is weak. A cheater will cheat, regardless if he cheats on you with another guy or another girl.

    While I'm defending my position as a bi, it does put me in a "me-versus-you" position. However, please know that I do appreciate and respect your opinions and feedback. (I don't want this to be a flame war).
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    Aug 14, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    A girl-friend of mine once dated a bisexual dude. Her being aware that a huge percentage of bi-guys are actually gay she was all resigned to lose him one day to a guy. When he left her for another woman instead, she was super-pissed.
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:06 PM GMT
    awm55 saidThe issue is bi-sexuals give a ton of ammunition to those that hate gay people. It proves in their mind that sexuality is a choice, its something you can choose. For bi-sexuals, that is largely true.
    That's a good point, but most bi-sexuals aren't openly bi.

    awm55 saidOn a simpler note, many people simply don't want to date someone who is attracted to both sexes. It can be stressful for the other partner to think that their bf might leave them for a woman, or that their bf may be fantasizing about woman or watching straight porn. I don't think that is all that unreasonable really.
    That's just an excuse to hate them. Bisexuals have no greater probability for cheating than anyone else. It makes about as much sense as saying "I don't wanna date anyone who enjoys sex because s/he might have sex with someone else."
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    They say people who are bi-sexual are some of the most emotionally mature people. At least you know they're not homophobic. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:10 PM GMT
    If I were bi, I'd find myself a nice girl and marry her and have kids. That's what I'd do.

    So yes, I am the jealous type.
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:10 PM GMT
    nerdjock76 said

    @awm55/@MsclDrew: The notion that someone is more likely to cheat b/c he has more "choices" is weak. A cheater will cheat, regardless if he cheats on you with another guy or another girl.



    True but the rationalisation of not being fufilled sexually with one gender is a cowardly excuse that's tempting for the spineless
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidA girl-friend of mine once dated a bisexual dude. Her being aware that a huge percentage of bi-guys are actually gay she was all resigned to lose him one day to a guy. When he left her for another woman instead, she was super-pissed.



    To air on amusement, its kinda sitcom funny....icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 14, 2011 11:20 PM GMT
    awm55 saidThe issue is bi-sexuals give a ton of ammunition to those that hate gay people. It proves in their mind that sexuality is a choice, its something you can choose. For bi-sexuals, that is largely true.

    On a simpler note, many people simply don't want to date someone who is attracted to both sexes. It can be stressful for the other partner to think that their bf might leave them for a woman, or that their bf may be fantasizing about woman or watching straight porn. I don't think that is all that unreasonable really.


    If you are the type to cheat you are going to cheat no matter what - cheating with the opposite sex or the same sex of your current partner seems to be a silly thing to get ruffled feathers over, when the actual cheating incident is the elephant in the room.

    From my circle of friends a frat brother that was openly gay as an undergrad married a woman right after he graduated from law school, she knew about his past and worried every day he would leave her for a man. Turns out, he left her for a younger woman that had just graduated from undergrad. People worry about the wrong things all the time - she should have been worried about how much of a b**** she turned into when she quit smoking and gained weight during her brief tenure as a married woman, and how much more fun a drunken sorority girl that smokes is to be around.
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    Speaking from very limited experience, bisexual men are a bit intimidating to date, and exactly for the same reason many people have pointed out - because they've got that choice. With my situation, the guy kept commenting on how sexy the women he saw were. He never acted on his verbal lusts, but in a way I felt like I was still competing. And it didn't exactly feel like an even match-up.

    To be fair, the guy seemed far from relationship-material, from a gay or straight perspective, but it still forced the thought into my mind - no matter how confident, smart, sexy, funny, blah blah blah I was, I would never have boobs, or a vagina, or smooth legs. And thus, there would always be that suspicion that I was not - could not, really - fulfill a bisexual guy's desires.

    I severely doubt all bisexual men are like this, and it does seem stupid to feel dubious of a romantic relationship with a bisexual guy. But then again, until Mr. Bi-Right comes though my door, my uncertainty remains. It only takes a seed...
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    My ex boyfriend was a bi-sexual. I didn't know that he had a girlfriend back in Germany when we dated until like a month into the relationship. That relationship turned out to be really draining, a lot of tears went into that relationship, mainly mine. Lasted for like 8 months. At the end I couldn't handle this shit anymore, so I dumped him.

    He's now living in SF with his long-term BF. Apparently he's now exclusively gay. I still think from time to time what our relationship might have been if he was exclusive gay then, like he's exclusively gay now.

    And you wonder why gay guys hate bisexuals.

    *disclaimer: I no longer hate bisexual guys. I just wouldn't date one. I have no problem having sex with one, but that's about all.
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    OK, I get it -- some guys on here have had bad experiences with bi men. I've had bad experiences with gay men. And we're not talking relationship experiences... we're talking just regular, everyday, person-to-person interactions. But I refuse to label every gay man out there has having those negative traits that I witnessed and despised during those bad experiences.

    I won't defend those bi men who caused all those hardships. They're jerks... who happen to be bi. Those jerks I had dealt with... happen to be gay.

    But I guess I'm starting to get my answer re: why the hate-on for bi's. Singular, one-off, anecdotal experiences, combined with the idea (however silly it sounds to me) that being bi implies a greater chance of cheating... can certainly lead to a general feeling of wariness around bi's.

    Other thoughts besides a bad anecdote or the notion that bi's will cheat more?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 15, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    Embrace all the colors of the rainbow mutha-fucka!!!
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    Leave the Bi guys alone fellas.

    It's time to stop feeling jealous that they could pull off the life with females that you some/many of you secretly wished you could've had a one point.

    It's also time to stop feeling threatened that you might fall in love with a bi guy and have a beautiful girl steal him away from you.

    Lastly, it's time to accept that just like straights are attracted to the opposite sex and gays are attracted to the same sex, that bi's are attracted to both and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.

    Get over it and focus on what you can control.
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    Haters gonna hate those who Live their life the way they want.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Aug 15, 2011 2:54 AM GMT
    I become skeptical sometimes because it is VERY common for gay men to come out as "bi" first because it seems easier to do so. That is EXACTLY what I did.

    However, I do believe that there are bisexual men. Some gay men only doubt bisexuality because they themselves arent bi and have trouble wrapping their head around the concept.