Dilemma - My "straight" friend is forcing himself on me

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    Aug 15, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    So my best friend is supposedly straight. He's 28 years old, 6'3, 230 pounds of solid muscle, tattoos and a very handsome face to boot. He's always the hottest guy in the room. In fact, he's probably one of the top 3 hottest guys in the city. The thing is this....we're good friends, so I really don't think of him in that way (usually.) We go to straight bars, not gay ones, and when he gets drunk, he will just out of the blue grab the back of my head and forcefully lock lips with me. Although it's embarrassing, there's not much I can do because he's very strong and I can't fight off a dude with 19" biceps! Last night he did it as we were walking down the street in front of tons of people. A while back, we were sitting on a park bench together debating which is the best car wax, when suddenly he grabs the back of my head and lip-locks me. My eyes were open during the kiss and I noticed a flash go off. He was holding a camera out and taking our picture as we were kissing! I didn't say anything about the camera because I didn't want to embarrass him. About a week later he calls me up all upset and wants to crash on my sofa. When he gets here he tells me he had a fight with his girlfriend because she found pics of us kissing. He was like "did you know you and I kissed?" And then he said "I wonder who took those pictures." I'm still just sitting there not saying anything. Then he tells me how tense I look and starts rubbing my neck. Then he orders me to go lay down on my bed and he rips my clothes off and gives me this awesome massage while grinding his boner against my ass. Then he jumps up and starts palming his forehead and starts screaming "what the fuck am I doing?" Then he runs out of the house. The next day it's like nothing ever happened. Whenever I've even casually mentioned the fact that we fooled around when he's sober, he gets really freaked out and says that it didn't happen. I've never once initiated anything. It's always him. This cycle has been going on for a long time and I'm getting bored with it. My question for you guys is this: Since he can't seem to face what he does once he sobers up, how do I tell him I don't want to make-out and fool around anymore?
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    Aug 15, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    he's not straight.

    And you pretty much tell him you don't want to do that anymore but do it very gently. Not some hard arsed bastard, not as a guy, not as some persona bullshit, but as a friend.
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    Aug 15, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidhe's not straight.

    And you pretty much tell him you don't want to do that anymore but do it very gently. Not some hard arsed bastard, not as a guy, not as some persona bullshit, but as a friend.



    Well, that's kind of my dilemma....he can't even admit that we fool around, so how do I say that without pissing him off?
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    Aug 15, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    Next time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.
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    Aug 15, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidDilemma - My "straight" friend is forcing himself on me
    How is this a dilemma? Go for it, dude!
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    Aug 15, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidWell, that's kind of my dilemma....he can't even admit that we fool around, so how do I say that without pissing him off?

    You can't if that's the way he reacts when you mention it and he's completely incapable of handling the truth of his own self then there is no way to do it that will prevent any sort of backlash from him.

    So you just do it, you try with everything you have to be gentle, to be understanding, to be compassionate to whats going on inside of him, but you do it and accept what could happen.

    Or let him keep up his bullshit.

    and really if hes getting all funny over photos on his phone of you guys kissing and acting like he doesn't know how they got there, I mean come on he knows, he really knows, he may not admit it, he might act stupid or get angry or what ever but he knows.

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    Aug 15, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidNext time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.



    I don't think you understand how this guy kisses. All I can manage to do is breathe through my nose until it's over. His tongue is so deep down my throat it tickles my spleen!
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    Aug 15, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    then teach him how to kiss properly first, the next guy will be grateful!
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican saidNext time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.



    I don't think you understand how this guy kisses. All I can manage to do is breathe through my nose until it's over. His tongue is so deep down my throat it tickles my spleen!


    Dude, I just threw a bone. haha!

    Normally, my straight friends are just that...friends. But, I've been in your situation and had "straight" guy come on to me repeatedly until we finally "Did the Deed". We actually messed around for a couple of weeks until he got it out of his system. We stayed friends afterwards, but that was it.

    You don't know what's going on behind his eyes. I'm still not good that the mind reading thing. However, his actions indicate that he's into you at least on a primal, sexual level. So, next time (if there is a next time) go with it, AND show him the best time he's EVAH had, and have a blast while doing it.

    You never know how it will go. It could be a one time thing. It could be a repeat performance. Or, during "pillow talk" as you two build more trust, he just might start to work some things through in his own head and possibly own up to whatever his sexuality may be.

    Be careful though. The very worst case scenario could be that he realizes that he's more into guys and that you two fall hard for each other. Why is this a possible "very worst case scenario"? You might be his "first" and that could open a whole other can of worms with the whole "puppy dog love" thing going on emotionally with him. This could leave you emotionally "hooked" and then "dangling" if he then decides that he wants to "sow his oats".

    In any case, you might try to approach it like a "sex therapist". It sounds like you're a good guy, and would be a good "first" for somebody who is confused. Be sure to give him as much "aftercare" as he may want, especially in regards to discussing masculinity issues, any perceived stigma, and other issues which my cause him insecurity or lower self-esteem.

    Also, reassure him that what you two do is nobody else's business. And then follow through and keep your mouth shut about it. Let him keep coming back to you. Just be "you".
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican saidNext time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.



    I don't think you understand how this guy kisses. All I can manage to do is breathe through my nose until it's over. His tongue is so deep down my throat it tickles my spleen!


    Also, at some point you're going to have to teach him how to be more gentle, less desperate about the kiss. You know, getting into it and grooving.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican saidNext time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.



    I don't think you understand how this guy kisses. All I can manage to do is breathe through my nose until it's over. His tongue is so deep down my throat it tickles my spleen!


    Also, at some point you're going to have to teach him how to be more gentle, less desperate about the kiss. You know, getting into it and grooving.



    Yeah, right now it's like kissing a facet with a snake trying desperately to get out!
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    Aug 15, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican said
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican said...

    Yeah, right now it's like kissing a facet with a snake trying desperately to get out!


    He'll learn. He's young enough. At least he's got the passion. That's probably the problem. Too much bottled up passion. However, you don't want to let the whole genie out of the bottle all at once. Ideally, you'll want to "play" enough to make it mindblowing...but always hold something back so that he's wanting for more. Don't give up that hot ass of yours too quick.

    Start with mindblowing head. You know. The long lazy kind that will make his eyes roll back into his head as he begs for you to never stop. Edge him. Repeatedly. Then finish him off like only a man can suck bone.

    You'll want to prep well for that first fuck. Make sure it's "his way" that first time. Let him bang you like a screen door in a hurricane. You know. A nasty, bone rattling screw. Make sure you cum while riding his dick. That will up his ego. Be sure you can continue to take it once you pop. See if you can go for seconds as well. Really tire him out like no woman ever could. Make him realize and remember that having sex with a man is, well "sporty". He can get all the soft, cushy cooing and coozing from his girlfriends. Give him something special. A uniquely masculine bonding experience. Make sure he gets all the tastes and smells of being with a man.

    69 is probably the next step (unless he beats you to it). He might also be a butt muncher, so, like I said "prep well".

    After you two have had some time to mess around and build trust. Then, and only then start to see if he's "anal curious" about his own back door erogenous zone. Treat this one slow and gentle. Take your time. It may not happen on the first try. This might actually be better. Get him all worked up so that after a time or two, he's he one who's guiding your hard dick to his virgin pucker. Make love to him. Make it as painless and good feeling as possible. You'll know when he's turned pig-bottom on you. He'll start to buck back like he wants to swallow you whole. Make sure he cums while riding your dick. Then pull out and be done...even if you're not. You know how guys get after they cum. They don't want to get fucked any more. So, be ready for that.

    Again, avoid the public displays of affection (unless he initiates). And keep your mouth shut in regards to the topic (again unless he initiates).

    Who knows? It just might turn into a long term thing. Sounds like it wouldn't be that bad if he's one of the hottest guys in town.

    Best Regards!
    Alan
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    Aug 15, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    i been in your situation, i just kick them to the curve. but if i were you i would show him the best time he ever had. make him never to want to go back to girls lol
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    Aug 15, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    Interesting situation. Obviously, it has to be addressed. Next time you should resist him and make it clear you don't want it to happen unless he's ready to deal with it. 'Straight'/curious guys play more games than women.
    Either way, you can't ignore the situation, especially if he's a good friend.
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    Aug 15, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    Be careful....

    A guy being that strong... could really hurt you if he loses control of himself and goes ballistic after hooking up.

    Maybe a calm conversation... Or you could just ask him, "well it seems like sometimes you have a curiosity...?" Normalize it... say how many guys do... sexuality exists on a spectrum and he might not be 100% straight. Most of all, if you listen to him don't force your opinion of what you think is going on.

    I would say that you are concerned, as it is confusing for you. I am assuming he knows you are gay/bi? If not... might want to let him know so he understands.

    If you are bored with the way he is treating you, then you might just tell him that its not fair or healthy, the way that he comes onto you when he is drinking. Clearly there is an interest there, and if he can't tolerate the reality when he starts losing his inhibitions too much, then he should back off the booze so he can maintain his behavior better.

    I think though that an honest conversation with him... might be hard to have... but its possible and may help him come to terms with the feelings he is having.
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    Aug 15, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    Ugh, I dont envy you there.... its most annoying when its ppl exploring stuff on you and they are in denial about it.... in this case it seems like theres not much you can do... I woudl personally begin avoiding the guy.. not like ignoring, but simply not seeking him out anymore.. i dont wanna be the person to burst his bubble of denial... then when he comes around, be chill bout it... but just not initiate contact anymore
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    Aug 15, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    I am not going to be helpful.

    Instead I just wanted to say how hot this all sounds. Now I'm picturing the 200+ lb muscle man with 19 inch biceps holding down scruffypup and owning his ass ;)
  • Teeboza

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    Aug 15, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    No matter how much he tries to deny it, he is not straight! Perhaps he is just intouch with his feminine side (we probably lookin at a bisexual) neva da les i truly beliv when sumbdy is druk or chemically off balanced (which eva way) they often show their true personalitys which in this case is him being gay so unless u wna take it a step further, jus enjoy what u guys hav goin (afta ol he is good lookin lyk u sed)
  • iHavok

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    Aug 15, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    I dont really think his sexuality is the issue here...
    I think your reaction to his behavior is...and best solution is telling him you're not real fond of him when he's drinking and would rather hang out sober.

    if you wanted more, it would be a whole different story...
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    Aug 15, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    Hmmmm wow I can't say much except to err with caution and listen to what the other fella have to say.
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    Aug 15, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    Well isn't that sexual assult which in 50 states is a hmmm felony!
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    Aug 15, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    GAMRican saidNext time he gives you the lip lock, slip him the tongue. See if he responds.

    He can deny that it ever happened all he wants. You both will know the truth.

    Doesn't sound like he's that straight. Sounds like he wants to experiment or play.



    I don't think you understand how this guy kisses. All I can manage to do is breathe through my nose until it's over. His tongue is so deep down my throat it tickles my spleen!


    HAHAHAHA! i almost spit out my tea over my laptop laughing at this simile! good times!

    (yes, this has contributed exactly nothing to the dialog. i realize that, and i'm sorry.)
  • hawkeye7

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    Aug 15, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    I have to admit I sort of have the same vision in my head that wolveriencub does. Your too good looking to be adoormat.

    I have been though this kind of thing myself and I had sex with him. The next time he wanted to do it I convinced him that he need to give it for me so I popped that cherry. we did it off and on for a while. He liked it but he eventually went back to the girlfriend. When I see him now he just sort of grins.

    Make him deal with it and don't be his doormat. Make sure you bend him over and show him how it is done. Big for the ego.
  • wild_sky360

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    Aug 15, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    I went through this same thing with one of my oldest friends, around that age, maybe little younger. He couldn't face it because of religion. He's completely out now. He was in denial for a long time...but without a girlfriend. It really hurt me at the time, that he would say he didn't remember anything, but it's all in the past now and we are still great friends.

    I wouldn't dismiss the situation as if you are being used. He may not ever identify as gay, but may have a great love and affection, just for you in particular, that he is struggling with.

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    Aug 15, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    he's probably just nervous to come out, when he's drunk he probably doesn't care as much =P
    I'm not out yet, so I think I'd probably react the same way if I got drunk lol