How do you find a date?

  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Aug 15, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    I am newish to the gay scene and I am curious how do you guys meet other guys.

    When I was living in Phoenix, I met all my guys online, and I met some really quality people (including my first 2 bf's). I just recently moved to the LA area and I have had the total opposite experience. I have not met very many people online. I also really don't have any gay friends out here, so it is hard to meet people through a mutual friend. I ended up going to my first gay bar and club about 2 months ago, but I have not met any people by going out. The bars are loud, crowded, and it seems everyone has their circle of friends.

    So how do you guys meet people? How would you recommend someone like me who doesn't have other gay friends meet people. I'd really like to meet some really cool friends who I have stuff in common with, and can hangout and have fun with. Ultimately I would like to find a BF, but I would also like to find some friends.
  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Aug 15, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    Just to clarify, I have plenty of good straight friends. I just don't have any good local gay friends. I'd like the change that. icon_cool.gif
  • mstevens

    Posts: 89

    Aug 15, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    I have met all my gay friends online. No one can really tell that I am gay on the outside, and I am not out, so the only way people know I am gay is when I post on a gay website. There is a lot of trash out there, but I recommend being patient. There are several good guys out there (especially the ones that are not out).
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    I've spent enough time in LA to know that it's not easy to meet quality people. All of my friends who've lived there for years have said the same. They also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidI've spent enough time in LA to know that it's not easy to meet quality people. All of my friends who've lived there for years have said the same. They also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.



    ^^This. 100% Agreeicon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    mstevens saidThere is a lot of trash out there, but I recommend being patient. There are several good guys out there (especially the ones that are not out).


    I don't know...I haven't really found gay men who are not "out" to be any less trashy than gay men who are fully out. So don't let that fool you.

    A lot of people claim discreet under the guise of being "not out" but what that really means is they may have 1 foot in the world and the other foot in the universe not sure what they want to do.

    And most of them may not have a real intent on dating, just playing around testing the waters. And you don't want to be the one to be tested.

    I hear this a lot: "I never fooled around with a guy before but I am more attracted to guys than girls." Or "I mostly date girls but not sure I could date a guy. I'm not out"
  • mstevens

    Posts: 89

    Aug 15, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    If you are gay and not out, the only way you can really find other guys is online. Therefore there are a lot of non-trashy guys who are on those gay hookup sites. That is all I was saying.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    mstevens saidThere are several good guys out there (especially the ones that are not out).
    I've noticed this as well, and is the reason I made that post in the other thread this morning (about going back into the closet for a while). Out of all the guys I've hooked up with online, the one who's stuck by my side and been there as a friend (other than just sexual) is still in the closet. We play on the DL, and hang out as friends.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    There are a couple of additional options that exist in a large area. First, there are sports leagues that are gay oriented. If you google "LA Gay sports league", you'll find links for organizations involved with cycling, diving, bowling, etc. Also So Cal Social Club: Founded in 2007, SoCal Social Club is a community of LGBT trendsetters and tastemakers. As a multifaceted company we organize a variety of events annually to bring people together and to familiarize our members with all the excitement Southern California has to offer. Our members benefit from a social calendar that they know will be attended by people who are equally invested in the idea of making new friends, developing new contacts and living a healthier lifestyle.

    Hope that is of some assistance.
  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Aug 15, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidThey also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.


    Without sounding cocky, I would like to think I could be their "next big thing." I mean i'm pretty good looking, smart, successful, and fun. I just don't know how to meet guys to show them all of that.
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    Aug 15, 2011 11:16 AM GMT
    studflyboy87 said
    unfounded7 saidThey also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.


    Without sounding cocky, I would like to think I could be their "next big thing." I mean i'm pretty good looking, smart, successful, and fun. I just don't know how to meet guys to show them all of that.


    With if you feel that highly of yourself, you'll certainly do well with "dating."

    To be honest, I'm in the same situation as you. I have a hard time just making friends though because usually guys only talk to you if they're physically attracted to you. But to answer the question, I've met some great guys through here. I'm hesitant to call anyone a friend until I meet them in real life, but this is a good arena to meet and talk to cool and interesting guys.
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    Aug 15, 2011 11:22 AM GMT
    I set a complex series of dangerous traps, most of which end with the trappees suffering a horribly painful death unless they escape.

    If he escapes, then I've got potential date material! And if not, then I flee the country. Once again.
  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Aug 15, 2011 1:49 PM GMT
    Off topic, but does anyone know why this topic won't show under the Recent Forum Posts on the main page???
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 15, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    studflyboy87 saidOff topic, but does anyone know why this topic won't show under the Recent Forum Posts on the main page???


    That's pretty hit or miss, not sure why, but I'm bumping this for ya.
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    Aug 15, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    Ive went to gay clubs not my scene so yeah im in the same predicament online epsecially tampa everyone just want to hook up. i mean thats great but i want friends or perhaps a bf not fuck buddies
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    studflyboy87 said
    unfounded7 saidThey also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.


    Without sounding cocky, I would like to think I could be their "next big thing." I mean i'm pretty good looking, smart, successful, and fun. I just don't know how to meet guys to show them all of that.


    If you truly believe you're all of those things, I don't see why you haven't approached at least a couple of guys when you're out and about. Confidence is key in meeting people.

    Also, "the next best thing" mentality is less about you being good looking, smart, successful, and fun and more about them thinking there is someone even better looking, smarter, and even more successful. That's why it's called the next best thing.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    I met my first bf at a Cinco de Mayo party hosted and attended by our mutual straight friends so it's possible to still meet guys through straight friends. The second bf I met online and he was great...until he wasn't.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidAlso, "the next best thing" mentality is less about you being good looking, smart, successful, and fun and more about them thinking there is someone even better looking, smarter, and even more successful. That's why it's called the next best thing.


    Exactly - there's always someone better looking with a better body, a bigger dick, a sharper mind, more friends, more money, a more exciting and adventurous life - just don't get suckered in by guys who buy into that mentality. I don't really know how to avoid it though as I definitely agree that it can be difficult meeting genuine guys in big cities with large gay population.

    I think the best way to do it is just to pursue your interests and try and join gay groups that fit in with them, at least you then have something in common and a mutual foundation to build on. Going out to clubs and bars is not a good way of making friends in my opinion - fine for some guys to hang out with for the night, party pals or whatever, or to meet guys for a fuck, but I don't think it's the best environment for developing deeper connections.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    Op I'm in the same boat. It's hard meeting guys for friends or dates..... But way easier to find guys for sex lol. Its really hard, but I posted a few topics that brush on this point and got a lot of suggestions. Unfortunately most of them involved joining some kind of gay group. Too bad I have no free time to do that in between work, gym, errands and making time for my family and str8 friends.

    I am looking forward to hearinf responses since i have only gone on 2 dates and never had a relationship with a guy. And my only gay friend (who i met on realjock) just. went back to college.

    I find most guys thhat try to befriend me just try to fuck me. If i dont fuck them, i dont hear from them, if i do fuck them the only thing i might hear is them asking to fuck again.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    studflyboy87 saidOff topic, but does anyone know why this topic won't show under the Recent Forum Posts on the main page???


    its by timeline. I think there can only be a a dozen or so on that list. your post probably wasn't as recent as the 12 most recent posts.


    Anyways, I can see how making friends in LA can be a bitch. Particularly if you try to do it at clubs where you'll be judged by one glance.

    I recently met a bunch of new people in LA through an old coworker. She had a birthday party and has gay best friend. He brought a bunch of of his friends that knew her too. I added a few of them on facebook. We haven't gone out or anything like that.

    I say join clubs where people are initially obligated to be nice to you.

    Remember gays come to LA to get into the entertainment industry. So good looking is like TV/movie good looking. The bar for good looking has been raised.
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    Aug 15, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    studflyboy87 said
    unfounded7 saidThey also say dating is difficult because so many guys are looking for the next best thing. I'd say it's like finding a needle in a haystack. It's possible but it's not going to be easy.


    Without sounding cocky, I would like to think I could be their "next big thing." I mean i'm pretty good looking, smart, successful, and fun. I just don't know how to meet guys to show them all of that.


    LMAO. You do sound cocky. You really think you could be their "next big thing"? You must have some celebrity complex. Maybe that's why you have problem meeting nice guys; you think too much of yourself.
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    Aug 15, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    mstevens saidIf you are gay and not out, the only way you can really find other guys is online. Therefore there are a lot of non-trashy guys who are on those gay hookup sites. That is all I was saying.


    Yeah I've got to agree with mstevens. The sites are usually viewed as the gay, trashy hookup sites, but just like him and many others (like me), we don't really have a choice but to use them. And so there is always a chance you might find someone on the site that is in the same situation as you are....not in the scene, just wanting to meet guys and go from there.

    But of course you will always have the other 18 or 19 out of 20 that just want your clothes of for an hour or two.

    You just have to be patient. I haven't had any luck either, but I'm pretty optimistic and I just focus on other things that don't revolve around finding a dude for myself. That'll come in time.

    If you enjoy yourself, a guy will be attracted to your smile, and your laughs and all the shit you do when you literally are enjoying yourself, and not when you're just trying to put a show on to impress him. (You know we ALL do that...hahaa)
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    Aug 16, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    aerovaulter saidI set a complex series of dangerous traps, most of which end with the trappees suffering a horribly painful death unless they escape.

    If he escapes, then I've got potential date material! And if not, then I flee the country. Once again.
    You're on your eighth one now, right?


    Unfortunately, yep. I'm looking toward Canada for my next move.

    Why is it so hard to find an agile, quick-thinking guy that's not attached to all of his limbs? icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 16, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    aerovaulter said
    Trollileo said
    aerovaulter saidI set a complex series of dangerous traps, most of which end with the trappees suffering a horribly painful death unless they escape.

    If he escapes, then I've got potential date material! And if not, then I flee the country. Once again.
    You're on your eighth one now, right?
    Unfortunately, yep. I'm looking toward Canada for my next move.

    Why is it so hard to find an agile, quick-thinking guy that's not attached to all of his limbs? icon_sad.gif
    Because they worked so hard on their arms. Heaven forbid they have to give them up for only one man.


    Ugh, that's so selfish.

    Then again, this is why my traps work so well. They're the perfect indicator of selflessness. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 16, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    aerovaulter said
    Trollileo said
    aerovaulter saidI set a complex series of dangerous traps, most of which end with the trappees suffering a horribly painful death unless they escape.

    If he escapes, then I've got potential date material! And if not, then I flee the country. Once again.
    You're on your eighth one now, right?


    Unfortunately, yep. I'm looking toward Canada for my next move.

    Why is it so hard to find an agile, quick-thinking guy that's not attached to all of his limbs? icon_sad.gif


    You, Aero? Moving away from the US... icon_cry.gif