Is it possible to have Gay Male friends when there is no sex involved?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 3:36 PM GMT
    Coming off of another thread that I found a wee bit silly: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/122274/ , maybe its just me.

    In the last decade or so, it seems that every time I make a Gay Male friend, that unless sex is involved, the friendship never lasts. This has been more and more prevelant in the past 5 yrs that I've been in a relationship. My husband I and have invited numerous men into our lives as friends only to have them fall for one of us until things become akward or bitter. To this day, one young man wont face me in public because he know that I know that he made moves on my husband. He gets up and leaves the coffee shop every time I come in.

    I've nearly given up on any kind of significant companship from fellow gay men and I'm sticking to my straight male friends.
  • fitone

    Posts: 276

    May 03, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    My longest lasting gay friendship(25+ years) never had any sex involved. There was attraction at first, but we never acted on it. I haven't had sex with my closest gay friends, besides my husband.

    I haven't maintained close friendships with exes.
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    May 03, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Yes it is possible, although when you are in a LTR it is harder to keep in touch with close friends. I actually had lunch with my closest gay friend yesterday. He wanted the lowdown on my trip to NYC (a city he loves) and I wanted to catch up on his topsy-turvy life. We have known each other since 1989. Strange thing is I don't think I have ever made a good gay friend from the bar scene. Always sports or other social activiites.
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    May 03, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    I have lots of gay friends some for more than 20 years and I haven't had sex with any of them. Maybe you and your husband give out a sexy vibe? icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
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    May 03, 2008 4:47 PM GMT
    We're lucky here, I guess. There are 6 or 7 of us who get together for dinner often and always have a great time.
    Me, my man, my budd of 7 years, his BF, a much older guy who's partner won't join us and occasionally a school teacher and his current boy-toy. There is no cross-couple sexual involvement that I'm aware of.
    So yes, I think you can have a good gay friends that you don't have sex with, you just need to find quality guys to befriend first. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 5:38 PM GMT
    l have a lot of straight ones also! The gay ones here are over the top or they want to get into my Pants?

    Yeh a bit of a problem l think?
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    May 03, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    My bf and I have discussed this to no end because he says he says he doesn't have any friends. Usually when he discusses it he means gay friends. It has caused a problem because of the way he looks for them, but I wont get into that. He has ran into this problem a little with new friends hes trid to meet.

    My gay friends I have had for 10-15 years and havent had sex with them. Thats why they are friends because I dont want to, haha. Anyway, I told him I think you bond and make these friendships when your young but as you get older, atleast for me, time becomes and issue.

    Also like it was said before if your involved with someone its harder also to maintain these friendships. My bf lives 2 hours away so he does get lonely. If we lived together he said it wouldnt be an issue.

    I think everyone needs friends but as I get older and my responsiblities increase, my time gets shorter and shorter. I love my friends but dont really feel I have to have a bunch of friends around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    Sure - it's possible, and a good thing. There are some guys we're just meant to be friends with......like all the guys in my group pic here - uh, except one of them.
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    May 03, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    I'm only attracted to straight guys, thus I haven't had sex with any of my gay friends (I have a few). icon_lol.gif

    Not only is it possible, I find it easy. Maybe the reason you guys drift apart has more to do that you have little in common?

  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    May 03, 2008 6:15 PM GMT
    I've found it difficult to make gay friends, period. But that's mainly because I don't know how to meet other gay guys without the common point being that we're gay. For instance, I joined the gay volleyball group here in Vancouver, hoping to make some gay friends. While I liked all of them, I didn't really hit it off and form more than an acquaintance with any of them. I didn't really find there was anyone that I met that I had enough in common with outside of being gay.

    With straight people, this isn't the same issue. I've met most of my straight friends through work. The few gay people I've met through work have been great, but again, we don't tend to have too much in common.
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    May 03, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    I think it's possible. For me it's easier to make friends with guys who are already coupled because they really seek a friendship but as for single....i think it's extremely difficult. Only ones i became friends with quickly was my gay co-worker. Well we had alot in common
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    May 03, 2008 6:35 PM GMT
    UncleverName saidI've found it difficult to make gay friends, period. But that's mainly because I don't know how to meet other gay guys without the common point being that we're gay. For instance, I joined the gay volleyball group here in Vancouver, hoping to make some gay friends. While I liked all of them, I didn't really hit it off and form more than an acquaintance with any of them. I didn't really find there was anyone that I met that I had enough in common with outside of being gay.

    With straight people, this isn't the same issue. I've met most of my straight friends through work. The few gay people I've met through work have been great, but again, we don't tend to have too much in common.


    I totally understand. My best gay friend in my town is also a dj and produces electronic music. He's super sweet and cool. We've never hooked up. I'm too old for him and he's to young for me (although we are only about 2 years apart in age).

    icon_biggrin.gif

    I throw these awesome dj/art events in my town that pulls a mixed crowd and we are FINALLY starting to pull a decent homo group into it. The problem we've had is that people (esp the 30+ crowd) had become so over the gay bars in this town that they stopped going out anywhere, yet complained about that there was NOTHING to do here.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    Sure, if one of them is dead. ..... icon_eek.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 03, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    So true Caslon ... so f**kin' true icon_rolleyes.gif

    It's possible... but it don't come easy
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    May 03, 2008 8:02 PM GMT
    my best friend of almost 8 years is also gay. there has never been nor will there ever be sex involved! so it can happen. and it is not that he is a troll. he is yummy!! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    i have gay acquaintances, but i don't really have any gay FRIENDS. hold on though, what do you mean by "friend" anyway?

    in the usa we use the term very loosely sometimes. i met a girl at a party once and within 5 minutes she was introducing me to people there as her friend.

    in french there are degrees of friendship and each has its own term (e.g. copain/e vs ami/e). the philosophy in france is that you can hundreds of copains but maybe only 3 amis in your whole life (people you'd actually consider family and trust accordingly).

    so, in that context, i don't have any gay friends, plutonic or otherwise. but yes, i do not gay men i like personally (or even physically) with whom i have not slept.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 9:11 PM GMT

    I have many gays friends - the idea of sex with them is beyond bizarre to me...I don't understand sex w/ friends or friends w/ benefits.

    I don't understand many things!

    B787
  • TheBrad

    Posts: 116

    May 03, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    Yeah its possible. I met a really close gay friend of mine in college and he was also the first person I came out to as well. No sex or anything involved. He's actually a person I tell everything to compared to everyone else I know.

    *sings "My Buddy" jingle*

    Outside of him, I do have other gay friends..one who I dated at a point, and the others who are good friends...but occasionally say little naughty things to me that tend to cross their thoughts. So if I look over those little tidbits, to which I BLATANTLY ignore, Im okay.

    But yeah, its possible. Best way to know that its a good relationship is when you two dont have to set boundaries and its just like every other friendship, if that makes any sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    I have about an equal number of gay and straight friends, So I think yes, it is possible. I've noticed though that coupled gay guys, do seem to have fewer gay friends. perhaps single gay guys in general don't feel as comfortable with partnered gay friends, maybe they feel like they are intruding, or that they don't fit in because of lacking things in common.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 10:11 PM GMT
    My closest friends can be pretty equally divided into gay men and straight women. I guess we have the most in common.
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    May 03, 2008 10:25 PM GMT
    I agree with most of the Posts. I met a person Great guy and I will be honest he had posted an ad on AOL for a BF. He was having trouble with his BF. He told me I backed off. Then he had a big break up,BF had a major crisis in his life. It got messy between us for I read some signals wrong.
    I want to be friends (non benifits type) with this man, but if I try his BF pulls a FIT and it does not happen. Offered to host them this Sept when he was in town for a contest, BF said no. Might have reasons
    All in all just being friends in the Gay world is harder that the rest of Society, for sex is a vital part of the over all equation
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    Still looking. I'll let you know if I ever find one. Oh look. I just found a chocks tooth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 11:44 PM GMT
    Why would you want to have a gay friend and not have sex with him?

    WHAT? You dont want to have sex. Why am I talking to you!
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    May 03, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    caslon maybe hook ups with his equally HOT BUDS
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2008 11:48 PM GMT
    joeindallas saidcaslon maybe hook ups with his equally HOT BUDS


    I have to be buds with them?