Your opinion-gay bashing at work-

  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Aug 16, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    Hey guys, thought I would post this question to you all and get some feedback.

    So today at lunch with my co-works (I am a project manager so most of the other project managers come from a construction background, thought that may be relevant), some gay bashing started. One guy said how he hates the Vancouver Pride Parade, another said how gay's are trying to convert people (he actually compared gay's to Nazi's!) while another said that all "fags" or disgusting and should be killed. This went on for a bit, I excused myself and went to the washroom.

    I know some of you will call me weak or whatever for not standing up for the community, but I also have to think about my future with the company and my own safety. It is a dream job for me out of university, where I make good money etc, and don't want to be excluded basically. Some will say to leave the company, but I won't be working with these guys really. We are just in training for the next while together.

    So my question is, what should I do. Have you experienced this before. Should I say something to HR and hope they keep it confidential? Or just suck it up and wait till I don't have to work with them again (2 weeks) Anyways, any help is greatly appreciated!

    -D-
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Aug 16, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    Anything?haha
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    Aug 16, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    Skip HR - they're notorious for being assholes. Go Straight to the GM (or the owner, if s/he is available).

    I was closeted at my company for the first year. One day at a company lunch they were bashing gays, and I stood up and put my foot down.

    Word for word, I told them "hey guys, I'm gay, and if you say one more negative word about gay guys I'm gonna kick every one of your asses, choke hold y'all till you're passed out, and butt rape every one of you fat mother fuckers till y'all bleed to death from your asses." AND, I was totally serious about it.

    Needless to say, I still have the same job, and am VERY respected at work. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 16, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Paul, your story is awesome icon_smile.gif

    There's a bunch of stupidly "religious" people where I "work" and they've said many silly things about homosexuality. It used to piss me off a lot, but now I just laugh at them. I feel really bad for not saying anything, but I'm kind of scared to do such a risky thing.

    Maybe you could talk to your coworkers?
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Aug 16, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    Bahha, thats great Paul. Maybe ill try that once I get a bit bigger! As for talking to them, I dunno. I am sure some wouldn't care, but of course rumours spread fast in a company and I work with alot of subcontractors and don't want to have problems with them.
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    Aug 16, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    You can check out BC Civil Liberties and see what they say...


    http://www.bccla.org/lbgtq.html
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Aug 16, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    Gay Bashing is only OK when Im doing it.
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    Aug 16, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    JP85257 saidGay Bashing is only OK when Im doing it.
    Shut the fuck up you fucking faggot. icon_cool.gif
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Aug 16, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    thanks so much guys. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 16, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Before you go to HR, consider the following..

    HR is not there for YOU. They are there to act as a mediator between you and the company to resolve internal issues. In the end, their job is to look after the company's interest. Not yours. So if you want to stand up for you beliefs, be ready to lose your job or face further harassment from within.

    You need to know when to fight the good fight, and when to walk away and protect your own well being.
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    Aug 16, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    A co-worker of mine said something against gays and I laughed at it. He then said "oh I probably shouldn't diss gays like that here" and I said "nah I'm gay and I found it funny." That was how I came out to him.

    But in your case OP I agree with people who say go to HR. Your dream job doesn't include being gay bashed indirectly.
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    Aug 16, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    I'm surprised to hear this is still an issue, especially in Toronto.

    I'm also a project manager. It's a pretty big company. My team has 10 PMs and we all report to a senior Program Manager. I'm out and all my coworkers know Dan. I brought him to my company Christmas party last year. I've posted my experience in the forum before. I hope one day things like that becomes something no one even bats their eyes at. Not trying to advertise, but in case you want a lite reading, here it is:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1282011

    As for your issue, that really blows... What I'd do is gain some support with some coworkers who would be okay with you being gay. As long as you're okay with coming out. Slowly tell more people, and one day during a convo with them, if they start talking shit again, simply drop the bomb. Say, "You guys seem to be the only ones with this backwards thinking...You do know I'm gay right?".

    That's just me though... Not sure what your work environment is like.
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    Aug 16, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    NEVER HIDE OR APOLOGIZE FOR WHO YOU ARE.
    And if anybody ever harrasses you, theres HR, thats what theyre there for.
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    Aug 16, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    Fuck that shit find that dude outside of work and punch him in the face. He's not gonna learn unless you stoop to his level.
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    Aug 16, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    Keep your side of the street swept and clean. Getting all fucked over about this can backfire.

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    Aug 16, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    simple_collision saidI'm surprised to hear this is still an issue, especially in Toronto.

    I'm also a project manager. It's a pretty big company. My team has 10 PMs and we all report to a senior Program Manager. I'm out and all my coworkers know Dan. I brought him to my company Christmas party last year. I've posted my experience in the forum before. I hope one day things like that becomes something no one even bats their eyes at. Not trying to advertise, but in case you want a lite reading, here it is:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1282011

    As for your issue, that really blows... What I'd do is gain some support with some coworkers who would be okay with you being gay. As long as you're okay with coming out. Slowly tell more people, and one day during a convo with them, if they start talking shit again, simply drop the bomb. Say, "You guys seem to be the only ones with this backwards thinking...You do know I'm gay right?".

    That's just me though... Not sure what your work environment is like.


    Especially in Toronto? Dude, that place is one big fake. Infamous Toronto diversity fail:

    toronto.jpg&sa=X&ei=CetJTrvIIcfX0QHoqbjr

    White Liberals are so duplicitous - they are so desperate to portray lilly-white Canada as SO much more open minded than the USA that they will go to these ridiculous lengths.


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    Aug 16, 2011 4:16 AM GMT
    If you are not going to stand up for you are, you have no right to complain. Either open your mouth or shut if the fuck up. Easy peasy.
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    Aug 16, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    Contact your HR Rep, copy your HR Director and copy the HR VP. Let them know that you have recorded all the actions and have a lawyer on retainer if needed. This whole non-sense about HR is not there for you is bs. I've worked in HR for 14 years for 4 different companies(2 were Fortune 100) and have seen several fired, suspended, demoted, and bonus suspended from the very lowest levels to the executive level. You can only bitch that HR won't do anything AFTER you've given HR the opportunity to do something.

    Whenever people start talking about people being killed, run, don't walk, to HR. You shouldn't have to go through that and you aren't any less of a man because you chose to leave the ass spillage.
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    Aug 16, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    Everyone seems to be saying "go to HR." Uhh, DO NOT GO TO HR!!! They are notoriously lying assholes that will tell you anything to get you out of the office with a smile on your face, then you'll be mysteriously fired later for some bullshit reason. HR is the LAST place you want to go!

    Go directly to the General Manager or owners...or better yet, the police if you've received a death threat. Brownale's experience is the exception, not the rule.
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    Aug 16, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    im not sure how the GM would handle it. It tends to be a homobashing type of industry. If there is a problem, the easy solution is to get rid of the gay to keep the peace.
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    Aug 16, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    I am out at work and this real ass/wise-guy I work with likes to make jokes with me about gay sex. He can be pretty funny but other times he's truly offensive and I've told him so.

    I was sick for work for about a week last year and when I came back he was like, "Oh, what was wrong did you have AIDS?" -and this wasn;t the first time he'd made HIV/AIDS jokes and I told him to cut it out.

    I responded, "That's not funny, how do you know I don;t have AIDS?"

    to which he said "Uh...well...you don't know if I have it either...but neither of us probably do because we're not black."

    I actually reported him for that whole comment but not to HR, just to my supervisor and said that I'd asked him to stop in the past but he hasn't and my supervisor had a talk with him and he apologized the next day.

    Things are actually cool between us now and we get along fine. We can still joke around but he just knows boundaries now (at least at work)

    I could have easily gotten him fired if I wanted, but I chose to work it out 'cause he didn't seem to have a clue that he was being an ass.
  • ytOwen

    Posts: 298

    Aug 16, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    How out or not out you choose to be is your choice, however in Canada we have legislation to protect people from discrimination.

    From the Ontario Human Rights Commission:

    An employer is responsible for making sure the workplace is free from discrimination and harassment. The employer must take action if it knows or ought to have known about inappropriate behaviour based on sexual orientation or a same-sex relationship.

    http://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/issues/sexual_orientation

    I'd be assertive. It's your employers problem not yours.
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    Aug 16, 2011 9:24 AM GMT
    Well you better think and act quickly because what you don't correct today will only add on to tomorrows problems.

    If you don't say something now and nip it in the bud then it's going to continue and it will get worse. Soon the kind of attitude and treatment you are receiving will be viewed as the norm and by then saying anything will be too late and you'll have such a ridiculous headache.

    Don't add to the problem by saying nothing. Sometimes silence isn't golden and it's just as bad as being that annoying kid who won't shut up during the good part of a movie.
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    Aug 16, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidEveryone seems to be saying "go to HR." Uhh, DO NOT GO TO HR!!! They are notoriously lying assholes that will tell you anything to get you out of the office with a smile on your face, then you'll be mysteriously fired later for some bullshit reason. HR is the LAST place you want to go!


    That's surprising and disappointing to read, but I can totally see HR being a bunch of bullshitters.
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Aug 16, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the replys (except Dallas', was kind of useless, but hey, everyone is open to their own opinions) Right now, unfortunately HR isn't an option as the HR guy is gone on Monday and no replacement has been found. As it stands now, I am not planning on coming out to anyone as I don't work directly with these guys on a day to day basis. Just needed to vent I guess, thanks so much for the support guys!