Back in the early 1990s, when I was in college, I knew a VERY handsome straight guy. He was sweet, nice, dark-haired, around my height, with a boy-next-door quality similar to actor George Eads (Nick Stokes on CSI: Las Vegas
). I enjoyed the time him and I would have during those long in-between class breaks. Sure, I would love to stare into his gorgeous brown eyes, his handsome looks as if illustrated by Tom of Finland, and listening his rugged, breathy voice as he spoke in a moderately-paced tone. But my infatuation for him was over-shadowed by a genuine friendship interest and respect that we also had things in common politically, culturally, socially, and beyond.
Even though this guy openly expressed having a cool gay roommate (can you believe back in the early '90s, gay-dom was still kinda taboo for a straight guy to discuss?), he had no shame in saying so. He knew who he is. Still, knowing he liked girls genuinely, I respected this and never made any uncomfortable overtures toward compromising an established friendship first grounded from being in a couple of classes.
No, I never came out to him. I just didn't see the point at the time, and he never suspected. If he did, he wouldn't have kept pointing at pretty girls (to me) who would walk by to see if I was interested in pursuing.
Sometimes, he would get up to go greet one of these girls. Eventually, one of them would wind up being his future wife. She was awfully beautiful. Reminded me of a cross between Grace Kelly and Natalie Portman.
I won't deny I miss him because during that tumultuous time for me (hey, I was still coming out and coming to terms with myself), he was one of the very few genuine, sincere people I would ever meet -- qualities that disappeared once I graduated into the corporate world full of cheats, phonies, suck-up's, cronyism and nepotism -- where people feign to be your friends for their advantage.
However, it's sometimes nice to think back to those days for me. In a time where I no longer date, thinking back reminds me that perhaps -- hopefully -- there are still good people out there without an ulterior agenda for their selfish gain, but openly enjoy just being in the company of someone they can relate to, have common ground with, and sincerely enjoy their time together. But the only difference is, both are gay and genuinely into one another.