Is jumping from man to man emotionally mature?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2008 6:58 PM GMT

    I tried this in the first forum on the list, but only two people responded and neither addressed my question directly.

    Is serial monogamy (successive monogamous affairs with time in between) an emotionally mature alternative to a long-term relationship?

    Have at it. I'm not looking for any expert opinions. In fact, I'm waiting for someone to call me a whore.

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    May 05, 2008 12:51 AM GMT
    it would depend on the person really.

    how long are these relationships lasting? what is each person getting out of this short term relationship and can they honestly say that they feel content with there life?

    being able to hold a long term relationship I believe is not about being emotionally mature, although it does help, its more a desire to be with each other and an ability to look past those things that would normally drive you apart.

    What exactly is emotionally mature anyway? is it the capability to hold a long term relationship? cause I know a few guys who I wouldn't consider being emotionally mature, but yet they hold good relationships that are volatile but enduring.

    So no, I don't think (depending on the person) that it is emotionally immature to have serial relationships.

    And can't you say that everyone has serial relationships until they find someone to have a long term relationship with? OH and how long is long term here?
  • GeorgeNJ

    Posts: 216

    May 05, 2008 2:19 AM GMT
    Carlos, are you running away from commitment? Hmmmm...?

    Or do you just feel that God has put so many beautiful men in this world, why limit yourself to one?

    There is a book out by Richard A Isay M.D., Commitment and Healing , that talks about the healing component of a committed, monogamous relationship. A bit sketchy, but good points are made.

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    May 05, 2008 2:49 AM GMT
    Thanks, guys, for the feedback.

    I honestly don't think I'm afraid of commitment. I just find that within a period of 2 to 4 months, approximately, my level of enthusiasm drops noticeably. It gets to the point where I can't even go through the motions.

    At times, I think I'm just not constituted psychologically to fall in love with other people. That said, I still prefer sex within a context of familiarity.

    My idea of a long-term relationship is more than a year, which has to be laughably short from some men's perspective.

    And I guess what I mean by emotionally mature is fulfilling some more-or-less abstract notion of a psychologically healthy adult.

    I suppose I wonder if I suffer from arrested development of some type, or if this is one of the effects of parental divorce.

    Not crying over my perennially single status, just curious since the partnership track is so emphasized in our culture.

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    May 05, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    Yes, you are a horrible, horrible person for finding one man and getting married to him a week later. icon_biggrin.gif

    Everyone is built different. I don't think monogamy is the default setting on all models, we are just told it is. If serial monogamy is your bag, then go with it.
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    May 05, 2008 4:31 AM GMT
    Hmmm, I don't see any problem with it.. we all get bored when presented with the same thing time and again..

    Perhaps you'll one day meet someone who will just do it for ya, perhaps ya wont.

    I've got a mate, in his 50's now, still single, totally uninterested in a relationship at this point (The bastard gets more action that I do!!!) hes happy, hes found his place and he knows he doesn't need a relationship which is so kewl!

    I wouldn't worry if I where you, as long as you can find something to smile about every day all is right in your world icon_smile.gif

    Although, are there interests in your life that have kept you interested for longer then 2 - 4 months and if so, why do they but not the guys your dating?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2008 4:49 AM GMT
    If that's a persons lifestyle then kudos to them.

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    May 05, 2008 5:25 AM GMT
    I still can count all the people I've dated on one hand, but not all the people I've mated with.

    All my relationships have been long term with a few years gap in between, most of the time.

    Yet I have two long term relationships going now. I love each differently, for diffrent reasons, and have a individual relationship with them both.

    In this I have not jumped from one to the other. I've just continued one, and taken on another. Never thought this would be in my life, as I am a one person kind of guy; but knew it was to come. So it has come to pass.
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    May 05, 2008 5:46 AM GMT
    Meat loaf: paradise by the dashboard light.
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    May 05, 2008 8:00 AM GMT
    Answering the title question: yes, it could be, but the way guys sometimes go about doing it has a chance of being emotionally irresponsible. "Because it's not if you win or lose; it's how you play the game." And believe me, as long as people are entering into a relationship, for however long, knowing what they're going to be able to contribute and commit themselves to; than it won't be a big deal if they decide to cut the lines and set out to sea. Afterall, excuses can only get someone so far before, even those white lies are lied about to the point of insanity...

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    May 06, 2008 6:52 AM GMT
    I am not sure about this because I am not a trained psychologist so this is just a thought that may or may not be correct. It seems to me that emotional maturity is not an effect of a long-term relationship but that an LTR can be affected by it. A person should be able to be emotionally mature and be single all their life or have a series of relationships, be they short lived or long. I think emotional maturity has more to do with how a person views himself than anything having to do with being in an LTR for a certain length of time. If you are satisfied with yourself than the decisions you are making with regard to your relationships should be good ones ultimately for you and, in turn, towards someone you are with.