Are you happy with you're sexuality? (Closed For Comment)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    So here goes,

    I'm 25 and openly gay to all who is around me. I came out when I was 16 years old.

    I have just recently got int a relationship with a guy who genuinely loves me. And when ever we get the opportunity to do so we go for a kiss either in a shopping centre a lift or a pub just a little peck nothing to in your face.

    My problem I'm having is I'm not entirely happy with my sexuality, when we go in for the kiss I break into a sweat and have to check my surroundings and get all tight about it and sometimes come a Ross as a bit nasty when I say no not here. I try to be freely open and walk down the street but I'm concerned on what others would think About me,

    I just want to be able to enjoy my time with my partner and do things I see other gay couples doing, even at a recent gay pride event I was to worried to kiss "god knows why" it's a gay pride for crying out loud.

    I have no problems telling people I'm gay either, if they ask I will tell them which makes it more confusing to me, because if I can tell them why can I not show them.

    Is there anyone who could help me, maybe you have the same experience.

    "please no sarcastic comments"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    i'm happy with my sexuality, it's taken a long time to get comfortable but i am now. i still am aware of my surroundings though just because of the type of people you can run into in this world. it sucks that you have to think that way but don't be ashamed of it.

    just keep going to pride and kissing in public there or other places you know are safe. i was rude to a guy i was with because i was embarrassed and uncomfortable, i don't think i'd respond that way now. you just keep progressing yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    Yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    I'am regardless how many gay men hate on Bisexuals. Everyone in my circle knows about it they're cool with it and I have not been treated any different by any them including my close family. They all love me for who I'am.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Aug 18, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    I'm happy with it because it's something I can't change, so why not be happy.
    No point in stressing about things you have no control over.
    You do have control over how you show affection, and you can do it in public without being obvious. A look or a word can mean as much as a kiss.
    Society is changing, but slowly, I've seen a lot of change happen in my life and that gives me hope.
    I would love to be able to see two guys, or two girls, walking hand in hand, giving each other a sweet peck on the cheek now and then, and know that they feel safe from any condemnation - I know it can happen in some places, but certainly not all - but my hope is the day will come when gay men and women can live openly in all ways just as straight men and women.
    So, learn to be happy with your sexuality - learn to love and accept yourself, life's too short to waste time on some things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    well ... i cant decide ... kinda hard to tell if u r here in my place hehe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:01 PM GMT
    Simon,

    Can I suggest something to you?

    You sound like a reasonable and mature young man who is happy with who he has become and his lot in life. You have a guy you really like and who likes you and you are willing to let the world into this relationship with this fantastic man.

    But you have this one anxiety... may I suggest that it has nothing to do with homosexuality? In my lifetime, I have met many, Many, MANY straight men who were uncomfortable with public displays of affection. They didn't have a problem with their sexuality. Perhaps you do not either? I may be that you have anxiety about PDA that is unrelated to your sexual orientation.

    Obviously you have no problems giving a kiss or peck in private.... perhaps you were raised in a very proper family in which your parents refrained from PDA. That doesn't mean they are bad or unaccepting but rather that they are proper and reserved and that PDA is an inproprieity?

    Just a thought. If so, then it is what it is.... get over it, or accept it as a part of who you are. Either way, you aren't WRONG and you aren't a bad person, just raised in a particular way.

    I was raised in the South and in middle school, I couldn't buy my friend a tee shirt on vacation because , "Gentlemen do not buy young ladies clothing."
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Aug 18, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    Yes,I am now,although it took me a few years through my teens to come to this.It`s not something I had any control over,so I relaxed over it.
    When younger I had a problem with displaying affection to anyone,but now I always hug guys in public,but wouldn`t kiss,even on the cheek,never mind the lips.I don`t feel confident enough and my area is very conservative about such matters.
    On a gay pride parade/march it would be different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    It'll take time and you'll be happy for what you are. You are just cautious about your surroundings and that's it.

    You'll mature in course of time.
    Have a wonderful day ahead icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Simonward saidSo here goes,

    I'm 25 and openly gay to all who is around me. I came out when I was 16 years old.

    I have just recently got int a relationship with a guy who genuinely loves me. And when ever we get the opportunity to do so we go for a kiss either in a shopping centre a lift or a pub just a little peck nothing to in your face.

    My problem I'm having is I'm not entirely happy with my sexuality, when we go in for the kiss I break into a sweat and have to check my surroundings and get all tight about it and sometimes come a Ross as a bit nasty when I say no not here. I try to be freely open and walk down the street but I'm concerned on what others would think About me,

    I just want to be able to enjoy my time with my partner and do things I see other gay couples doing, even at a recent gay pride event I was to worried to kiss "god knows why" it's a gay pride for crying out loud.

    I have no problems telling people I'm gay either, if they ask I will tell them which makes it more confusing to me, because if I can tell them why can I not show them.

    Is there anyone who could help me, maybe you have the same experience.

    "please no sarcastic comments"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    NO I am not! It didnt come with free cookies that everyone promised! You have to go look for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    I am very happy with my sexuality but there are some places I would not be comfortable kissing my husband, for example, a biker's bar in northern Mississippi. But, if I were a straight man, I might not be comfortable kissing my wife in a gay bar. Everyone has a different level of comfort for public displays of affection depending on the place. You are not an exception to this.

    Here in Europe I see men kissing each other all the time and walking hand in hand sometimes or with their arm thrown over the other ones back. It is a cultural thing. I kiss most of my friends, both male and female, on the lips but I would not have done that living in the States.

    This is a topic you might want to chat with your bf about and soon, so you have a mutual understanding of each others feelings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    Seems to me that you're entirely comfortable with your sexuality, and have been. But a lot of people have issues with PDA's -- and I'm one of them. I just don't think that sort of thing needs to be shared with the public. It can range from a simple hand held, to a lite kiss to sucking face, and more. It's OK not to be OK with PDA's but you need to explain that to whoever you're with. If your date or partner understands, so much the better. If not, you have some tough decisions to make.

    Hang in there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidSimon,

    But you have this one anxiety... may I suggest that it has nothing to do with homosexuality? In my lifetime, I have met many, Many, MANY straight men who were uncomfortable with public displays of affection. They didn't have a problem with their sexuality. Perhaps you do not either? I may be that you have anxiety about PDA that is unrelated to your sexual orientation.

    Obviously you have no problems giving a kiss or peck in private.... perhaps you were raised in a very proper family in which your parents refrained from PDA. That doesn't mean they are bad or unaccepting but rather that they are proper and reserved and that PDA is an inproprieity?



    I agree. I am not a PDA kind of guy. That sounds like your thing. Some people are perfectly fine with it and some are not. As long as your with the guy that you love and makes you happy then that is perfectly alright. I'm sure he loves you whether you are into PDA or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    Yes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:24 PM GMT
    Take your boy and move to London where nobody will care, and set yourself free to be who you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:26 PM GMT
    I can appreciate what the OP's saying. I'm perfectly happy with my sexuality. But it doesn't always jive well with yokels and can be frustrating when making a gesture as simple as a "goodbye kiss" to my man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    Blah, don't worry what people think when kissing in public. What are they going to do, say "Eww"? icon_razz.gif

    I'm happy with my sexuality. Other people might not be though, but it's not their sexuality so they shouldn't care.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 18, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    yup! i wouldn't have it any other way.

    quoting Popeye, the sailor man: "i am what i am".

    quoting mario puzo, author of "the Godfather" and "the Last Don": "the world is what it is and you are what you are."



    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    Coming out is only the first step. Accepting - hell, FINDing who you are - takes time. It's great that more and more of us are able to realize we're gay/bi and come out (and do so earlier), but that is only one step. How we fit into society, how we act and want to act and learning the difference, what our nearest and dearest think about us and how much we do/ought to care, etc... Lot of questions for all of us.

    My advice is to a) not force it, but b) challenge yourself. If you find yourself placing limitations on yourself due to anticipated peer or social pressure, try to push the edges of that to move beyond it, as long as you truly think there is a difference in what that that social or peer pressure would be for a straight guy. If you think that you simply have a different personal value system and wouldn't do what someone is asking of you regardless of gay/straight, then don't do it.

    Just don't stop learning and growing. None of us are who we were 10 years ago, or 5, or 20 - and that's a good thing.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 18, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    Yeah regardless if im gay or bi.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    It is all I have ever known, to of been born and lived my whole life as a poof. I am what I am, and what I am need no excuses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for all your replies

    Im settling with the PDA as I know I'm comfortable with friends and family about my sexuality it was just in public so I that's it.


    Once again,

    Thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    i'll be happy when i find the one.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Aug 19, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    Testing.. Testing.. Can I comment here?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    moving from a country where homosexuals are literally murdered..im happy to be gay but im still not happy in the surrounding or society within which i now live. This is partly due to the fact that America is not liberal and progressive as it seems. Every day i see inclins of why i should be proud to be gay but at the same time i see other things which makes me feel utterly ashamed. But i am looking at a brighter side of things....at least i wont be hunted and murdered for my sexual preference...The fact that you feel embarrassed sadly sheds the truth that you yourself is ashamed of who you are. However, some people are not geared or prone to like public demonstration of affection..so you have to be careful not to confuse the two. You might be proud to be gay...but just not the personality to enjoy PDA.