How to say how I feel, without sounding needy?

  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 18, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    I'll start by saying the basics, we've been together for seven months and live about an hour way.

    I strongly believe that in a healthy relationship that is unhealthy to be joined at the hip at all times. That goes with any relationship, friend or romantic. I just wanted to say that, so people know I do not want him to devote all of his time.

    With that being said, lately I have been feeling a little neglected and unappreciated by my boyfriend. It all started when his best friend, who I already feel 3rd wheel to, got her own apartment. If he his not working, he is over there. Understandably, he can't call me during work. Though he doesn't call me when he is with his friend either.

    At first I just assumed he is just busy with work, and is just tired afterwards. However, I recalled when he used to have two jobs (some what) earlier in the year we still found time to communicate - more than today. So then I realized he had just got his cell phone back (before we talked every day/every night on this crappy static-y house phone...but we stilled talked ;) ) and was probably avoiding going over his minutes. Understandable. Then I found out when he is home he webcams/chats his best friend, plus he confirmed to me the other night he has unlimited calling.

    I feel like I am better with making time for him. Really all I want is to see some effort from him. From the looks of it, he doesn't care as much as I do. Which sucks. How do I say all of this without sounding needy (which I am not)?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    I believe there isn't a single person on this planet without needs.

    There's a difference between spending all your free time together and and being desperately clingy. The first is mutual, the second usually coercive. I say that in answer to your joined at the hip concept and thoughts about it. icon_wink.gif


    " So then I realized he had just got his cell phone back (before we talked every day/every night on this crappy static-y house phone...but we stilled talked ;) ) and was probably avoiding going over his minutes."

    Don't make assumptions; talk!

    If he's only an hour away why aren't you going over to his place? Bill's an hour away from the office (by bus and train it's taking longer) and he goes every day and comes home every day.

    -Doug
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 18, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    Thank you for your reply. You make a good point, about the mutual bonding. Never looked at it from that way.

    "If he's only an hour away why aren't you going over to his place? Bill's an hour away from the office (by bus and train it's taking longer) and he goes every day and comes home every day."

    Yeah, this is a good point. We're trying to work something out. In between him working and me going to school, it is going to be somewhat challenging. Fine by me, and he does plan on transferring to my university next fall (hope that happens). Neither of us have cars on of our own, but he plans on getting one soon.

    But yes I plan on talking to him about it, soon as figure out how to say it. I find that when I confront him my words don't come out the way I want them too (sometimes):/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Too late. You sound needy because you are needy. Just be yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    Begin with your own language here Scorpio, "I find that when I confront him my words don't come out the way I want them too (sometimes):/"

    Confront is not appropriate here. You're sharing needs. He has 'em and so do you. His may include the need for human companionship. Organic, not virtual, hence the time with the gal friend in the new place.

    Toss out confront and I think the your words will come out the way you want them to, which I think is to not sound clingy or demanding. icon_wink.gif