Straight guy at work! What is really going on? I am a homophobe who is a homo.

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    Aug 18, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    Ok I think I have talked about this guy before . We are colleagues and we have this silly relationship where we text each other some days for hours about nothing I am sure its probably because we are bored but he does things that make me attracted to him even more everyday. I keep telling my self that its on purpose and distancing my self from him but he always finds a way to get my attention Like when I don't text. he asks if I am mad at him or he loves to delete my number on his phone and then asking for it again.

    We have been to the gym to gether a few times and he is always telling me how he wants bigger calves so he can look better in jeans-I ask my self why is he telling me this? Sometimes I think I am looking too much into it but then I hold back. I hate those challenges of figuring out if he wants something else. It was a feeling I wanted to leave in my 20 s.

    He is actually one of the few guys at work who knows that I like guys because he used to smash the sister of a trainer I would to mess with.. Way to get your business out huh? I guess she told him and one day he told me that he knew. I blew it off and say ok I think dudes are hot but chicks are better! It was dumb but thats all I could think of saying. So now, he just told me he saw the Rock at the gym- all excited.. To me that has all kinds of gay undertones but I still find myself thinking I am looking too much into this. Sometimes I think I am the biggest homophobe who is a homo.. thats weird but its true.
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    Aug 18, 2011 8:49 PM GMT
    HavenJock80 saidWe have been to the gym to gether a few times and he is always telling me how he wants bigger calves so he can look better in jeans-I ask my self why is he telling me this?


    Because many guys do aspire to look good in jeans, thats all. I had a flatmate of mine last year who told me he's into skinny jeans . . . and he's built like a rugby player! (5' 10'', 200 lbs) He wants to use them skinnies btw to impress his soon-to-be girlfriend icon_wink.gif


    HavenJock80 saidI hate those challenges of figuring out if he wants something else. It was a feeling I wanted to leave in my 20 s.


    Thanks for the protip, I'm just about to turn 20 at the end of this year, and my hope is that I won't mess my coming decade up with convoluted thinking that may get me into unwanted trouble . . .

    HavenJock80 saidI blew it off and say ok I think dudes are hot but chicks are better!


    OH NO YOU DIDN'T

    HavenJock80 saidSo now, he just told me he saw the Rock at the gym- all excited..


    People around my uni would get all excited too if the saw The Rock wandering around campus icon_biggrin.gif



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    Aug 18, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    If you're a homophobe you can just go kill yourself now.
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    Aug 18, 2011 9:17 PM GMT
    Let me tell you - Straight guys do all kinds of things that could easily be mis-interpreted by a gay guy. Let me give you some examples using my best friend, who is as straight as straight can possibly get.

    We're training in the gym and he flexes his chest and tells me to put my fingers in the 4-inch cleft between his pecs and says "now that's some meat!" Hitting on me? Definitely not. It's a display of dominance.

    We're in the steam room and he comments that his dick is small while he's looking at mine and then tells me how when it's hard it's got a nice bend to it that allows him to make a woman cum in minutes. Is he trying to get me interested in his dick? no. He's self conscious about it and wants to play down the perceived inadequacy.

    When my mind is preoccupied and maybe I'm a little distant in the gym, he'll touch me a lot more, tell me to feel certain muscles on him when he's training to see if they're pulling equally. Is he trying to wind me up? No. He knows I'm into guys and he'll mildly flirt with me NOT because he wants anything sexual, but because the friendship feels broken and he wants to make it good.

    We both arrived at my brother's place and we both had to piss. I hit the can first and he nuzzled in tight beside me and we both pissed in the toilet at the same time. was he wanting me to see his cock? no. If he thought that I wanted to see it for sexual reasons he would keep it hidden from me. He was just that comfortable.

    The best thing you can do is just remind yourself that he is straight and he likes you as a friend. Man good friends are hard to come by so accept it, embrace it, but DO NOT let your head make more of it than it is. The minute you express any kind of sexual interest in him the friendship will be compromised. Good luck!
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    Aug 18, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    ^

    Best Advice so far.

    There is growing trend now for straight guy to become close to a gay man because they can talk at ease about all sort of things that may make his straight friends either think he's a pussy or a homo/bi man.

    Guys can virtually talk under the sun but notice that with advent of cellphone usage, guys text each other constantly, whether it be about a hot girl picking out groceries or confirming sports night at Jimmies.

    So tread carefully and assume a more friendly position.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    If he's also a homophobe, he's also a homo.
    I've never hit on a homophobe that I didn't eventually hookup with. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    Voltaire gave some good reasoned perspective.

    The only think I can add is this - EVEN IF, he is gay - why does it matter? To satisfy your curiosity? For something more? Maybe once you know you'll have a better idea of how to handle the situation.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    i thought you left the site voltaire O.o

    hello again icon_biggrin.gif


    imo, he's flirting with the idea and is waiting for you to show interest so he can go "ew!" and jump back. something to that extent at least. so basically it's the same either way, straight or not, ignore his behavior.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    HavenJock80 saidSometimes I think I am the biggest homophobe who is a homo.. thats weird but its true.

    In which case you have no business being on this site. This is not a site for homophobes (though admittedly we do have quite a few homophobic right-wingers here disguising themselves as gay).

    But having the decency to identify yourself as a homophobe, I do think your only honorable course of action is to delete yourself, from a site where you are not eligible for membership. Would you not agree?
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    Aug 19, 2011 9:34 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    HavenJock80 saidSometimes I think I am the biggest homophobe who is a homo.. thats weird but its true.

    In which case you have no business being on this site. This is not a site for homophobes (though admittedly we do have quite a few homophobic right-wingers here disguising themselves as gay).

    But having the decency to identify yourself as a homophobe, I do think your only honorable course of action is to delete yourself, from a site where you are not eligible for membership. Would you not agree?

    I'm usually a nice guy, but your comment is out of line.

    You brought nothing to his question and are simply judging. He obviously doesn't want to express interest and have it thrown in his face. Anybody can be insecure about their sexuality at times. He told the guy men can be attractive, but women are more attractive. At the least, the guy thinks he's bi-curious. Who are you to deem who's qualified to join this site?
    ....
    Back to the matter at hand, I don't think there's enough to go on with what you've told. I've found the best way is to see if he acts the way around you, that he would a hot girl he was attracted to.

    Even then, you're too fine to waste your time on a guy who is probably struggling with his sexuality, and have better things to do than worry about a probably closeted guy...like doing ME! haha Shameless plug
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    Aug 19, 2011 10:23 AM GMT
    UglyCygnet said
    Art_Deco said
    HavenJock80 saidSometimes I think I am the biggest homophobe who is a homo.. thats weird but its true.

    In which case you have no business being on this site. This is not a site for homophobes (though admittedly we do have quite a few homophobic right-wingers here disguising themselves as gay).

    But having the decency to identify yourself as a homophobe, I do think your only honorable course of action is to delete yourself, from a site where you are not eligible for membership. Would you not agree?

    I'm usually a nice guy, but your comment is out of line.

    You brought nothing to his question and are simply judging. He obviously doesn't want to express interest and have it thrown in his face. Anybody can be insecure about their sexuality at times. He told the guy men can be attractive, but women are more attractive. At the least, the guy thinks he's bi-curious. Who are you to deem who's qualified to join this site?
    Actually Art_Deco is not out of line.

    I was simply being nice by posting what I did above. What I was about to post was "go fuck yourself" and agree with Anduru.

    Being in the closet is one thing. Being a homophobe is another. What HavenJock doesn't realize is this thread just fucked up any chance he had of meeting me. There's no way in fucking hell I'm gonna meet someone who'd "do me" in private, then talk trash behind my back to his friends.
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    Aug 19, 2011 10:54 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    UglyCygnet said
    Art_Deco said
    HavenJock80 saidSometimes I think I am the biggest homophobe who is a homo.. thats weird but its true.

    In which case you have no business being on this site. This is not a site for homophobes (though admittedly we do have quite a few homophobic right-wingers here disguising themselves as gay).

    But having the decency to identify yourself as a homophobe, I do think your only honorable course of action is to delete yourself, from a site where you are not eligible for membership. Would you not agree?

    I'm usually a nice guy, but your comment is out of line.

    You brought nothing to his question and are simply judging. He obviously doesn't want to express interest and have it thrown in his face. Anybody can be insecure about their sexuality at times. He told the guy men can be attractive, but women are more attractive. At the least, the guy thinks he's bi-curious. Who are you to deem who's qualified to join this site?
    Actually Art_Deco is not out of line.

    I was simply being nice by posting what I did above. What I was about to post was "go fuck yourself" and agree with Anduru.

    Being in the closet is one thing. Being a homophobe is another. What HavenJock doesn't realize is this thread just fucked up any chance he had of meeting me. There's no way in fucking hell I'm gonna meet someone who'd "do me" in private, then talk trash behind my back to his friends.




    There are lots of closeted guys on here(the headless horsemen) who are on the DL, discreet, whatever. It may not be your cup of tea, but not everybody is where you are on the journey to accepting one's sexuality. If he's at odds with being gay and gay guys make him uncomfortable, and at least admits he's homophobic...isn't that the first step?

    I didn't say it was right, but how is telling a gay homophobe to get off the site any different than say...Christians who believe God loves everyone but homosexuals, and turn them away?

    It's like if a "sinner" entered a church, said he was on drugs and the cops were called. Not comparing whatever struggles he has with his sexuality to drugs, but trying to make a point. If this is a so-called gay community, shouldn't we be trying to build up/help those who are at odds with themselves?

    Telling him he's never going to meet you or to get off the site isn't going to speed up accepting himself any faster.

    It's like telling the fat kid to just kill himself. It just doesn't seem constructive to me.
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    Aug 19, 2011 11:29 AM GMT
    OP it sounds like you're gay but you lied and said you're bi. Am I getting this right? If that's the case I think you should just tell him you're gay. Who are these people that accepts bis but not gays? That's just a silly idea.







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    Aug 19, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    UglyCygnet saidThere are lots of closeted guys on here(the headless horsemen) who are on the DL, discreet, whatever. It may not be your cup of tea, but not everybody is where you are on the journey to accepting one's sexuality. If he's at odds with being gay and gay guys make him uncomfortable, and at least admits he's homophobic...isn't that the first step?

    I didn't say it was right, but how is telling a gay homophobe to get off the site any different than say...Christians who believe God loves everyone but homosexuals, and turn them away?

    It's like if a "sinner" entered a church, said he was on drugs and the cops were called. Not comparing whatever struggles he has with his sexuality to drugs, but trying to make a point. If this is a so-called gay community, shouldn't we be trying to build up/help those who are at odds with themselves?

    Telling him he's never going to meet you or to get off the site isn't going to speed up accepting himself any faster.

    It's like telling the fat kid to just kill himself. It just doesn't seem constructive to me.
    Here's the difference between closeted and homophobe.
    Closeted: Denies being gay when confronted, but will not take part is gay bashing activities.
    Homophobe: Vehemently denies being "a faggot" and takes part in gay bashing to prove his point.

    That is why I don't want homophobes on this site. They are dangerous.
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    I dont get this story at all. He sounds like almost everyone I know.
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    Aug 20, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    You are gay. He is gay. But you're both in the closet.

    Like when I don't text. he asks if I am mad at him or he loves to delete my number on his phone and then asking for it again.

    Straight men do not behave like this. They do not want to know how you are 'feeling' or whether you are 'mad' at them for not texting. This is the behaviour of teenage girls or gay men in the closet.

    Sounds like you both need to grow up.
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    Aug 20, 2011 12:46 PM GMT
    this threads dumb
  • rnch

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    Aug 20, 2011 12:49 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI dont get this story at all. He sounds like almost everyone I know.



    agree!
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    Aug 20, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    Voltaire saidLet me tell you - Straight guys do all kinds of things that could easily be mis-interpreted by a gay guy. Let me give you some examples using my best friend, who is as straight as straight can possibly get.

    We're training in the gym and he flexes his chest and tells me to put my fingers in the 4-inch cleft between his pecs and says "now that's some meat!" Hitting on me? Definitely not. It's a display of dominance.

    We're in the steam room and he comments that his dick is small while he's looking at mine and then tells me how when it's hard it's got a nice bend to it that allows him to make a woman cum in minutes. Is he trying to get me interested in his dick? no. He's self conscious about it and wants to play down the perceived inadequacy.

    When my mind is preoccupied and maybe I'm a little distant in the gym, he'll touch me a lot more, tell me to feel certain muscles on him when he's training to see if they're pulling equally. Is he trying to wind me up? No. He knows I'm into guys and he'll mildly flirt with me NOT because he wants anything sexual, but because the friendship feels broken and he wants to make it good.

    We both arrived at my brother's place and we both had to piss. I hit the can first and he nuzzled in tight beside me and we both pissed in the toilet at the same time. was he wanting me to see his cock? no. If he thought that I wanted to see it for sexual reasons he would keep it hidden from me. He was just that comfortable.

    The best thing you can do is just remind yourself that he is straight and he likes you as a friend. Man good friends are hard to come by so accept it, embrace it, but DO NOT let your head make more of it than it is. The minute you express any kind of sexual interest in him the friendship will be compromised. Good luck!


    I don't know. Peeing together is something you do when you're a kid, not when you're an adult. Same thing about the comments in the steam room. It takes the whole "Bromance" thing across a line.