Turned-off by guys who want to hook-up on their schedule.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    Just wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    Some people don't have set schedules, and have to hookup when they can.
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    Aug 18, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidSome people don't have set schedules, and have to hookup when they can.


    Thanks for the feedback. Guess it plays into guys wanting to get their rocks off when they want to get their rocks off. Not on another guy's rocks-off daytimer...lol
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    Aug 18, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    Way too sensitive...and I say that kindly and professionally. icon_wink.gif

    At the same time, if you perceive their actions in those kinds of situations as selfish, then you are probably going to feel that they are selfish in some other areas as well. Considering your perspective and reason for generating this post, that would be a good sign for you to move on to the next one—selfishness does not seem to be a quality you desire in a “friend.”
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?


    Nope. It's called reciprocity.

    I was recently hit on by a guy. Goodlooking, same age, went to the same college. Asked me out. Good start. Exchange numbers.

    I call to setup the date. He had to travel home in a three days and would be busy right up until his flight, said he'd call when he got back in town because he really wanted to hang out. I thought 'sure whatever.' But he did call me the Sunday when he got back (not a flake? surprising.). Small talk. I ask him to happy hour. He has two birthday parties and work events all week blah blah blah. I interrupt him "You know what, dude? Call me when you're free, I'll clear my schedule for you, alright?" And then I end the conversation.

    Yes, they may be legitimately busy. So am I. But to me, a good dude is worth a little schedule shuffling.

    Someone who isn't willing to take an hour or two out of their oh so busy week to get to know you is not worth the attention (and does not bode well as potential relationship material either). If they want it, they'll find the time.
  • TheAlchemixt

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    Aug 19, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    Sounds like you're the booty call, that just the way it works sometimes!
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    Mixleanmachine saidSounds like you're the booty call, that just the way it works sometimes!


    Yeah, but with some guys even setting up a dump-and-dash is like pulling teeth.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?

    Selfish is as selfish does. A quick & easy way to eliminate the sharers from the non-sharers. I've had my fill of the "all about me" guys, the sooner you can identify them the better. This isn't really a bad thing, but an early warning sign you can use to your advantage.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?

    Hard to tell the actual dynamics from your description. It's natural that one person would first say their available times. Then the other person would say within those times, I'm available at these times. Or if none fit, the person would say none of those times will work for me, and then you try and see if either of you can modify your other appointments to find a mutually agreeable time.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    I'm guilty of having a tight schedule as much as the next guy. Times are tough and sometimes you have to put extra time into other things.

    When that happens, I step back and am realistic that I can't do everything I want to do and sometimes dating just isn't realistically gonna happen.

    However, some guys are guilty over filling their schedule and wanting to be everywhere with everybody. If a guy can't make time for you in his schedule, that tells you, for better or worse, where you are on his priority list.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    Bottoming requires advance preparation, limiting spontaneity sometimes and also limiting days that one can commit both to clean up and out and then to hook up.
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    Aug 19, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?

    Selfish is as selfish does. A quick & easy way to eliminate the sharers from the non-sharers. I've had my fill of the "all about me" guys, the sooner you can identify them the better. This isn't really a bad thing, but an early warning sign you can use to your advantage.


    So true. I met this hot guy online and we seemed to hit it off. He wanted to talk on the phone to make plans to meet. So glad he did. We were on the phone for 20 minutes and he told me all about him, what he was doing in his garden, yard, work, etc. I tried to tell him a bit about me and it always went back to him. So not what I need in my life. Yikes.
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    partouse saidBottoming requires advance preparation, limiting spontaneity sometimes and also limiting days that one can commit both to clean up and out and then to hook up.


    True. My diet about 24 hours going into a date where I think I might be bottoming is much different than my normal diet.

    I guess this is why I haven't hooked up on over 6 months. :-(

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    Aug 19, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    I only like to hook up in between meals, and before the gym, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, although I will alternate Fridays depending on whether the Zumba class is full.

    Oh, and the second week of the month, I have a stripper come over.

    Let me check.... yes.... I can hook up with you next week at 3:45 on Thursday.
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    Aug 19, 2011 6:11 AM GMT
    mdstudio said If a guy can't make time for you in his schedule, that tells you, for better or worse, where you are on his priority list.


    True.

    And never make a priority of someone who only makes you an option.
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    Aug 19, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said. I ask him to happy hour. He has two birthday parties and work events all week blah blah blah. I interrupt him "You know what, dude? Call me when you're free, I'll clear my schedule for you, alright?" And then I end the conversation.

    Someone who isn't willing to take an hour or two out of their oh so busy week to get to know you is not worth the attention (and does not bode well as potential relationship material either). If they want it, they'll find the time.


    Oh goodness I've dealt with that so many times I can't even recall!

    That's a bit different though. That sounds like someone who is avoiding meeting for whatever and isn't taking dating seriously. I find guys who are just looking to fuck...are never available unless it's for fucking. Movies? Busy. Dinner? Busy. But the moment you say, "let's fuck" they are completely and totally available.

    Some people are just full of crap. I treat hookups like I treat clients. If you cannot call with a date and time in mind, then you ain't talking nothing.

    Now...it's different if someone is busy and offers a counter-offer, but if they just say their busy with non at all then they are just pussy-footing around shit.
  • vintovka

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    Aug 19, 2011 6:48 AM GMT
    I'll have my people call your people.
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    Aug 19, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver said
    That's a bit different though. That sounds like someone who is avoiding meeting for whatever and isn't taking dating seriously. I find guys who are just looking to fuck...are never available unless it's for fucking. Movies? Busy. Dinner? Busy. But the moment you say, "let's fuck" they are completely and totally available...

    Now...it's different if someone is busy and offers a counter-offer, but if they just say their busy with non at all then they are just pussy-footing around shit.


    Haha. In dude's defense, he does not want to just hook up, he continues to initiate contact to keep lines of communication open, and he did suggest and alternate weekend date. Unfortunately, I am out of town this weekend -- for the first time since July 4th.

    Point being, when opportunity knocks, answer: he should have made time in 2.5 weeks since we meet. And I figure he would have if he really wanted to. So we'll see what happens when he calls me next week, but I'm not waiting around.icon_rolleyes.gif

    After doing your part, you have to just say "ball's in your court, bro" and check out. Experience has taught me to just assume a dude will flake until proven otherwise, haha.
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    Aug 23, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    I have a major schedule conflict at the moment. I let mine know right off the bat that I'm only available during the day. That drops a lot of people, unless they work from home...icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 24, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    Hehe, I saw "Turned-off by guys who want to hook-up " and started to nod.

    Then I read "on their schedule" and was like. icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said Experience has taught me to just assume a dude will flake until proven otherwise, haha.



    I refer you to The Rules For Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever underestimate the flakiness of a gay man. Ever.
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    Aug 24, 2011 1:09 PM GMT
    alphatrigger said
    TroyAthlete said Experience has taught me to just assume a dude will flake until proven otherwise, haha.



    I refer you to The Rules For Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever underestimate the flakiness of a gay man. Ever.


    Preach.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 24, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?


    Absolutely not, you compromise or shove off.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 24, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    alphatrigger said
    TroyAthlete said Experience has taught me to just assume a dude will flake until proven otherwise, haha.



    I refer you to The Rules For Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever underestimate the flakiness of a gay man. Ever.



    as my long term man has proven to me!


    icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    yankinbc saidJust wondering if other guys have this problem: When I meet a guy on-line and we click, then invariably get around to seeing when we can meet, find some guys (like minutes ago here in Vancouver, BC area) want to meet only on their schedule. Rather than find a time that mutually fits both his and my schedule. Am I being too sensitive?


    Yes. This isn't about sacrifice, or even about either of you. It's about availability. Unless one or both of you cancel something, you'll just have to wait things out a little longer. Being irritated by this could be a symptom that you're blaming him for a problem you both have. Why aren't you available when he is? Get my point?....