you work days, he works nights...HOW do you keep the relationship goin' on?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 19, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    when we met over 3 years ago, we both both worked similar shift work and had the same sleeping habits.

    next month, i'm starting a new job that will schedule me from 7 am to 3:30 pm, mondays thru fridays.

    my bf works 7pm to 7:30 am, on a 3 nights work, 2 nights off, 2 nights working, 3 nights off schedule in the ICU of the best hopsital here in new orleans. he's rejected ever transferring to day shift.

    looks like we will be able to get together about once every 7 to 10 days!

    not nearly enough "quality time" for me.

    any suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    Well, ya screwed... break it off with him!


    That is what your looking for isn't it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    Last time I had a bf who complained about my unpredictable on-call schedule, we broke up.
    Work comes before relationship...gotta make money..."togetherness" doesn't pay the bills.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 19, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    rnch said
    any suggestions?


    break a leg when you really gotta see him. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    Three words: Sex At Work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 6:08 AM GMT
    rnch said
    looks like we will be able to get together about once every 7 to 10 days!

    not nearly enough "quality time" for me.

    any suggestions?


    Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

    I know guys that still come to see me and we only meet once every 3 or 4 MONTHS. And we've known each other for some 3-4 years.

    I'd say keep up with emailing, calling, etc.(and make sure he is too). Then when the time comes to meet once a week...it'll be that much sweeter. You both will have something to look forward to at the end of the week.

    Regardless of what anyone tells you...seeing someone everyday or all the time certainly does not equate to a longer lasting relationship.

    If you guys want to see each other more often...marry each other. That's the only other way. Just go to Zales, get a ring, and get married. Like straight people do.

    paulflexes said"togetherness" doesn't pay the bills.


    Unless you're together in bed icon_wink.gif


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    Aug 19, 2011 2:14 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThree words: Sex At Work.


    That'll be my future fantasy as a future nurse icon_biggrin.gif


    Anyway, you really need to sit down and have a serious talk about this, because in my opinion it won't last much longer and if it does most probably one of you two will bound to make a mistake and hurt the other one and it'll turn out to be an ugly breakup.

  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Aug 19, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    rnch saidwhen we met over 3 years ago, we both both worked similar shift work and had the same sleeping habits.

    next month, i'm starting a new job that will schedule me from 7 am to 3:30 pm, mondays thru fridays.

    my bf works 7pm to 7:30 am, on a 3 nights work, 2 nights off, 2 nights working, 3 nights off schedule in the ICU of the best hopsital here in new orleans. he's rejected ever transferring to day shift.

    looks like we will be able to get together about once every 7 to 10 days!

    not nearly enough "quality time" for me.

    any suggestions?



    The question you have to ask yourself is this and its a two part question you and he should answer together.

    How long do you two plan on staying together, seriously do you plan on lying with him on your deathbed or just a few years of fun, what's the level of seriousness your relationship stands and how long do you two plan on keeping this work pattern, is it going to be 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, etc.?

    If its going to be for a long haul and you two plan on being together until you dies then a few years of this minor detail isn't something you should worry about.

    Wish you all the best buddy, as it stand my partner and I only get a few hours at most each day with each other but we make those few hours count you can bet on that ;-)
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 19, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    rnch saidwhen we met over 3 years ago, we both both worked similar shift work and had the same sleeping habits.

    next month, i'm starting a new job that will schedule me from 7 am to 3:30 pm, mondays thru fridays.

    my bf works 7pm to 7:30 am, on a 3 nights work, 2 nights off, 2 nights working, 3 nights off schedule in the ICU of the best hopsital here in new orleans. he's rejected ever transferring to day shift.

    looks like we will be able to get together about once every 7 to 10 days!

    not nearly enough "quality time" for me.

    any suggestions?
    If you want it to work then you'll make it work.


    Agreed, just make the times you are together extra special. You'll appreciate him more.
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    I agree with what some of the others have said....sit down and discuss your concerns to see if you can come up with some sort of agreement that will meet both of your needs.

    I was in a similar situation when my partner and I were starting out. We made it work by scheduling time (I would meet him at work for lunch or he would meet me at my office for lunch..etc) together. I found that we were still able to fulfill our needs (both emotionally and sexually). His schedule just happened to change a short time later and we are now on the same schedule. Good luck to you!
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:32 PM GMT


    Time will be made.

    You will find that you can carve out time to spend together.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 19, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    we shall see what happens.

    we both value our solitude, privacy and personal time; we could never do a "24/7" relationship...with each other or anyone else.

    my ideal time frame would be to get together once every 3 days or so.

    he seems to desire longer time intervals.

    icon_sad.gif


    for the last couple of years i have viewed him as a long term bf; perhaps even a "forever" man for me.

    now i am starting to wonder about our long term compatability. when i mention anything involving a long term comittment he is Strangely Silent.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    I'm missing something here...if you finish at 3.30pm and he doesn't start a shift until 7, there's 3.5 hours there - maybe cut down to 2 hours to account for travel, getting ready etc, but that's still enough time to spend some time together each day, surely?

    I thought you were living together but your comment about being happy to only see him every 3 days made me think differently.

    I think you both need to see if you're on the same page when it comes to your relationship and where it's going. I don't know how long you've been together but generally speaking when you are more serious about the relationship you should be aiming to spend more time together, not less. I don't think I would be very satisfied only seeing my bf every 10 days! icon_eek.gif

    If you really want to make it work then you will definitely need to schedule the time together. If he doesn't seem interested in doing that, then that's probably a bit of a red flag...
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 19, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidWell, ya screwed... break it off with him!


    That is what your looking for isn't it!



    LT, please kindly take your opinion and stick it where your pay-in-advance one night stand tricks enjoy.



    icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:37 PM GMT
    I have a perfect book that you may relate to, its a very good one too

    http://www.amazon.com/911-Chris-Owen/dp/1934166529/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1313768186&sr=8-2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    You'll find the time if it's important to both of you. Sounds likely will be tough and ultimately this schedule will tell how much each one of you are committed to each other and to making it work.

    Right off the bat, it sounds like, even on days when you both work, there's a few hours you could get together (3:30-7pm). Sure, you'll be tired and he'll have to get ready for work earlier but that's a couple hours for a meal or just walk/talk. A hassle? Sure. Worth it? For you to decide.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Aug 19, 2011 4:01 PM GMT
    If you guys really love each other, which I think you both do you should find some way to make things work. You can try to use your time the best that you can and try to do nice things for each other like leave him a nice little note for when he gets home from work every now and then. He would probably like the romantic gesture. Just try to do what you can to make it work. Good luck!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 19, 2011 9:17 PM GMT
    benz72 saidI have a perfect book that you may relate to, its a very good one too

    http://www.amazon.com/911-Chris-Owen/dp/1934166529/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1313768186&sr=8-2


    thanks for the referral, 72.

    i just bought a used copy of it online; looking forward to reading it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2011 10:37 PM GMT
    rnch said
    lilTanker saidWell, ya screwed... break it off with him!


    That is what your looking for isn't it!



    LT, please kindly take your opinion and stick it where your pay-in-advance one night stand tricks enjoy.



    icon_mad.gif

    Na, I prefer to put the money in the bank, I get interest then!

    And I'm not the one who keeps making threads that sound like your just looking for the perfect excuse to break up with him.

    If you want it to end, have the balls to end it. Otherwise you have a really really easy thing to get over and have a successful relationship.