Help Coming Out

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    Aug 19, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    I've known i was Bi for a long time, but have just recently started to accept and love the way i am. The next step for me is coming out, and i am absolutely terrified! I don't want to become a pariah in my circle of friends and family (and i know those who wouldnt accept it weren't good people to associate with in the first place) But my dad is quite the homophobe and i really have no idea how to go about coming out to my loved ones.
    If you guys have tips, your own coming out stories or maybe just some motivational words, id be forever grateful.
    Thanks to all in advance icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    My dad was quite the homophobe, and I'd been out to friends for two years before he caught me in the act.
    I guess that's one way to "come out" to parents. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    if ur dad is homophobe then ... i would say just wait .. what would it change if u said u r gay ? i think not much ... i would just say live ur gay life outside the circle of ur friends and family ..at least for now
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    Sometimes people change their views when someone they know, love, respect or care for comes out.

    Obviously I don't know your specifics.
    May be wiser to first come out to accepting people and then go from there.

    Lastly, consider how long it took you to accept yourself.
    Don't expect others to turn on a dime.
    Don't just expect them to magically stick it out with you.
    You'll have to stick with them to erode their ignorance.
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    I'll tell you how i did it and you see if it might be good for you ;)

    For a couple of months i stopped trying to hide my "gay" behaviors.. so when i had dinner with the guy i was turning around at that time, i'd just say it. Eventually i wrote a letter in a valentine day card, explaing i was gay, that it wasn't my parent's falt, made it clear i always had been and that was the only way i could be happy. Finished the letter by saying i loved them. I left the card on the table overnight.

    The next morning, my homophobic father gave me a handshake that i figured meant i love you too son... Not sure he was quite ready to accept it.. I never really talked about it again with him, i guess if he wants to know more he'll ask me!

    I think it's important to tell who you are to people you love.. But it's ok to take your time!

    Hope this story will help you, and other ppl who wish to come out!
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    Are you living on your own or capable of it if your dad takes it badly? I would say that would be the main factor in coming out to him.

    Come out to friends who you think will be supportive and work your way up to the people that are tougher to tell. Do it in your own time. Coming out is more for you than them. You're sharing a personal part of yourself with them.

    I came out via a long letter and had only good results. When you start telling someone that you're gay, their minds will start racing and they'll only hear part of what you say and that can be misinterpreted. If you write a detailed letter, you can say it just the way you want to and they can read and reread it as needed.

    Be proud of who you are. Nothing to be ashamed of despite what others might say or think. It's your life. Live it the way you want to. Good luck.
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    Aug 19, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    I took the route of telling my newest friends, to see how they'd react. It's sort of sad that I used them as test subjects but the way I saw it was that I cared a lot less about them than my close friends, so losing them was no big deal. They were also in a separate group from my long standing friends.

    I slowly got used to the feeling of others knowing I was gay (it's really mostly in your head), and then I started coming out to people I had known for a lot longer. My situation is lucky because I've never really been rejected by any of my friends, including the guys who's say some pretty homophobic things.

    There is one regret though: I was outed to one of my best friends, because of other friends accidentally mentioning me being gay. He accepted it and me straight away, but he was really hurt that as one of my best friends he was one of the last to learn.
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    mdstudio saidAre you living on your own or capable of it if your dad takes it badly? I would say that would be the main factor in coming out to him.
    +1
    Fortunately, I had a friend to move in with when my dad caught me...and a job that could support me.

    mdstudio saidBe proud of who you are. Nothing to be ashamed of despite what others might say or think. It's your life. Live it the way you want to. Good luck.
    +infinity icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 19, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Sooner or later you'll get caught..... maybe that's the time to fess up to things.... otherwise it's no ones real business. We all have our reasons and we are all looking for a passionate partner.... it's all good especially if you find that passion. That may not help but it worked for me....