Long distance relationship anyone?

  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Aug 20, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    I want to try having a long distance relationship and I am looking for some advice.

    I had an amazing boyfriend before I moved to LA. He is 6'6", brown hair, blue eyes, and has a perfect six pack. He is really smart, ambitious, has a great six figure job like myself, and is really fun to be around. The only reason we broke up was we wanted each other to enjoy themselves, and since we would be so far away, it made sense. We are still friends and talk often. I have had a tough time meeting guys in LA for a variety of reasons and I want to try giving the long distance thing a try.

    First, would you recommend having a long distance relationship? For those of you who have done a long distance relationship, what have you done to make it work out? Any lessons learned? I really want to make this work. icon_biggrin.gif
  • mstevens

    Posts: 89

    Aug 20, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    Long distance is only on the table for me if it is someone extra special. To make it work, we would need to see each other at least once a month and have some physical contact. I would also want to talk on the phone most days and keep in touch.

    If it doesn't work out, let me know. I can't ever find a good guy around my height.
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    Aug 20, 2011 10:42 AM GMT
    Your immediate criteria make it sound like any-cock-L-do. I used to think that same way, but once I hit 25 I realized some guys are in their prime at 22-24. Everything (hair, body, sun damage sets in, ... Ughhh) physical starts to decline after that.

    BUT Good Luck.
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:08 AM GMT
    LDRs are okay. just talk to them alot to make up for the lack of physical quality time. though you cant replace the reAl thing. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:48 AM GMT
    If you truly want to make a LDR work, there has to be a lot of communication and trust involved--like any other relationship. However, the goal has to be that someday in near future, you will be together again. Until that time, you will have to set dates on when you can meet so you both have something to look forward to in the mean time. Have date nights over the phone, like watch a movie or have dinner at the same time. The great thing about LDRs is that you learn a lot about each other in a short amount of time. Instead being distracted icon_twisted.gif from the physical connection, you build a deeper emotional connection. Be prepared to hear the same stories over and over again icon_razz.gif
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Aug 20, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    LDR can work but are a bit more challenging. I have a former business partner (lesbian) who lives in Virginia and has had a LDR with a woman in Germany for about 3 years and still going strong. It doesn't get much more long-distance than that.

    Regular communication is one key to build the emotional and trust connection. That's easier today between phone, text, cam and skype. It's nice that you can actually see each other, even if it is by cam to have a virtual face-to-face conversation.

    Being able to get together on a regular basis is important to. In the case of my lesbian friends, it's about once a quarter. And when they get together it's for two or three weeks at a time (at least). If you are closer, you can increase the frequency of the get-togethers.

    When things get a bit serious, you'll have to determine if you want to have a plan to eventually be in the same place. Having a date to shoot for, even if it's a couple years down the road, gives you both hope and something to look forward to.

    Last, but not least, you'll need to find a way to satisfy your sexuall needs. It may be with your hand or having phone or cam-2-cam sex with each other. Or you could be open to others. Talk through it together and figure out what will work.
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    Aug 20, 2011 12:08 PM GMT
    I don't believe in LDRs as I feel its too taxing on the one another..Unless the couple has been pair for a while before being separated, I for one don't favor it.
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    Aug 20, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    Ive gone nearly 11 months with mine but it was only about 1.5 hours away so its a short long distance lol
    We see each other once a week on avg, talk in vent, game, facebook, txt n' other stuff like that through the week and maintain a close connection.

    The most difficult part of it is the drive home :/ But when it rolls through your head and heart how much fun ya had and start looking forward to the next trip down it makes it much better.

    Mines goin through college right now and working a lot and has a lot of friends, but we've done a very good job about hangin in there and havin things work out well. Its amazing what love can do if your willing to step up and do whatever is necessary to support one another.

    Love > Money/All
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Aug 20, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    I've tried a long distance relationship, it didn't work, but I'm glad I gave it a try. Sure some long distance relationships don't work, but also a lot of short distance relationships don't work also. Everybody is different. Go for it, or you'll always be wondering 'what if.' Keep in mind at some point you guys might wanna move closer together. There is no set time table for that, but keep it in mind.
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    Aug 20, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    I'd only recommend it if there's a time frame in which the distance could be erased (meaning, one person would be willing to move sooner rather than later).
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    Aug 20, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    Don't go there! Long-distance relationships never succeed. There's a reason one has a relationship and that's to be always with his boyfriend, speaking on phone is hardly the way to describe being with someone.

    I tried those several times - finding a good guy in my region is very rare incident - and all times it failed so fast and in a bad way as well.

    If your relationship was meant to be, it would have been from the start. Either you wouldn't have moved and preferred to be with him, or he would have thought of moving with you. Your relationship didn't stand up for the moving challenge and that has more reason than just your mutual interest in letting each part enjoy himself.

    Keep him as a friend, look more in your new locality. And if for any reason you find it very hard to find a great guy in LA, always remember how hard and long it took you to find him in your previous city of residence.

    And Good luck of course... For both of you.
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    Aug 20, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    semaj562 saidIf you truly want to make a LDR work, there has to be a lot of communication and trust involved--like any other relationship. However, the goal has to be that someday in near future, you will be together again. Until that time, you will have to set dates on when you can meet so you both have something to look forward to in the mean time. Have date nights over the phone, like watch a movie or have dinner at the same time. The great thing about LDRs is that you learn a lot about each other in a short amount of time. Instead being distracted icon_twisted.gif from the physical connection, you build a deeper emotional connection. Be prepared to hear the same stories over and over again icon_razz.gif



    This is very well stated. Me and my boyfriend have been in a LDR for almost 6 months now. I lived in Ohio, he lived in Syracuse NY. He recently just moved to NC for school, so we are about 8 hours apart. Communication and trust are most def a key, just like in any other relationship. Trust especially in a LDR. Your not always gonna be there to know exactly what the other is doing and when. You just need to channel your attention into something else and put faith in your relationship, or it will just cause problems which are hard to solve over a distance.
    We do all the stuff stated above. Skype whenever we can, call, text (i think i had 7000 one month from us), send pictures throughout the day, emails, send videos while they are sleeping so when they wake up they can see you first thing to start their day, we have movie nights on netflix, play games on ipad, and so on.
    One thing that makes a LDR work is knowing that one day it will not be a LDR. It should be a temporary situation until your paths are ready to combine. I will be moving down to NC next May and joining my bf. I look forward to that every time we talk and see one another. It makes the nights and days when you miss them soo much it physically hurts, worth it.
    I wish you the best of luck. Its not the easiest thing in the world to do, but if you think that theres a chance you will make eachother happy, then you shouldnt short yourself of that.
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    Aug 20, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    My man lives in Florida and I live in Nevada. So far, it's going very well. We plan to continue seeing each other for several days at a time, each taking turns traveling back and forth. Communication and trust are HUGE. We talk every day, through phone calls and text messages. If your bond is strong and you each trust one another, then it can work. It's hard, and the need for physical contact is taxing, but as long as there is trust, honesty and maturity, there is no reason why this can't work.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 20, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    My partner and I have been together (13 years the end of next month). It hasn't always been a long distance relationship... it started that way and is currently that... but he only lives 100 miles away and we see each other almost every other weekend.

    Is this the way it will be permanently? I don't think I could handle that and sooner or later something has to give..... but in the meantime, you have to have communication, trust (and I mean real trust, not some manufactured bs). He has a room here at my house (and its "our house" in every way that counts). I don't go through his room, I don't ask what he does in his spare time and I don't need to know... he gives me the same respect.
    Its a maturity that makes it work, othewise, I think it would have been done a long time ago.

    He's 6'3 and is about 200 pounds, former baseball player. He knows he's going to be attacked upon his arrival... and if not then, later. Poor guy.
    I guess I've never heard any complaints! LOL

    Seriously, the sexual scene can be challenging so you need to be open and honest about everything. If you live "states" away, it might be a much larger issue.
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    Aug 20, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    My long-distance relationship (2003-2006) wasn't really that long - Seattle and Vancouver - but it involved an international border, he being Canadian, me American. I think the line, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is so true. It's the time and money that dictate if it works. If you have both and are two guys who appreciate living alone on either end of the country, then go for it. Btw, I immigrated to Canada in 2006 with great help of my boyfriend with immigration paperwork (15 months it took took ), then married in an Anglican Church in 2008. So you see, it is possible. Oh and one more thing: we met through another online gay personals website.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 20, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    I think it could work for me if it was an hour or so flight, or a few hours drive. I tried it once with someone in Florida and, as much as I cared about him, the distance just proved too much.
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    Aug 20, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    I wouldn't recommend it.

    I was never a fan of LDRs to begin with, but had no choice but to try to pull it off because of my military career.

    It was not fun, and definitely ruined my relationship.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 20, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    Currently my guy is living about 2.5 hours away and we only see each other on weekends. It's not idea, but it's alright.
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    well .. i had a long distance relationship and it was long .. i am from Egypt and the guy was from Canada ...2Months of dating on internet and then he came to me .. had amazing time with him ... so it gonna work if u sure that the guy wont cheat on u
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    I was in a long term long distance relationship. The quick deeetz:

    Me: American
    Him: Irish
    Us: living in Scotland for University

    Met: May 2010
    Graduate June 2011

    Basically we met just before summer, I moved back to the USA, he moved back to Ireland. 3 1/2 months of long distance, but we survived just fine because of a lot of communication and a SET DEADLINE END to the situation. We both know the date we'd be on a plane heading back to Scotland.

    Subsequent school year went great, he graduted early in nov. 2010, though. So he started looking for jobs. Got on back in Ireland in April, so moved home. We kept the relationship going for a little while, because we were able to go back and forth to see each other enough, then I graduated this past June and moved home. Now he's trying to Move to Canada, as am I, so we can get back together.

    Long (distance) story short: It CAN work, but definitely needs to be well communicated on both sides. How long things will be going on for, how long you will be apart, if you're trying to move together... etc. You can't just do it indefinitely and not make any attempt to get back together. In the long run, what's the point of being together if you're going to be apart for ever. It takes commitment..
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Aug 20, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    Who's listening to me and not jacking off after all those hot guys in the chat before? But, dude, if it's love, you'll follow him al over the planet. If you were just interested, he'll be a chapter in your memoirs. Don't let him get away if it's love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    It can work. If he's the guy for you, and you're the guy for him -- prioritize, communicate, you do what you need to do, make the sacrifices you need to make, compromise, don't be selfish/self-pitying, surround oneself with others who will support you in the endeavor, and trust God.

    From experience: 7 years LDR, me Los Angeles, him Tokyo.
    We've been together now 17+ yrs. I am now living in Tokyo. icon_biggrin.gif

    At the end of the day,
    love > geography
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    studflyboy87 said I have had a tough time meeting guys in LA for a variety of reasons
    There's the key folks..icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    I was in a LDR with someone I met right here in Forums. We lived 2600 miles apart. We started out with e-mailing and phones. Soon we talked a few hours every day. This went on for months. Finally he flew out to Phoenix to see me and we saw each other for the very first time. It went so beautifully, since we had laid a good foundation with all those hours on the phone - talking over every subject you can name. When we finally met and began seeing each other as often as we could, everything really meshed. Finally though, it got to the point where one of us had to move across the country. We decided he would more west, so one year ago, we moved in together. We had known each other for about two years LDR style. Amazing the places you can meet someone - who later turns out to be 'the' one.

    icon_cool.gif