Dating expectations

  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Aug 21, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    Met up for a high school reunion-ish hang out recently, and they all asked me the same thing: met anyone yet? I give them the same answer I do every year: sorry, I have yet to even land a date.

    I try not to be bothered by it, but the peer pressure is so high in our society to date. Why does mainstream media and college push dating so hard on kids? I digress; to put it succinctly, I found out that everyone I talked to, which was my whole class since we come from a class of 30 not hard to catch up with everyone, has or had been dating someone during college. Then when they find out I haven't been, I get this sort of look on their face and they say something along the lines of: "well, stop being the odd one out man, go get someone." I respond, dating hasn't quite been my cup of tea; it's not as easy as you think as a gay man to find someone. Much more limited dating pool and lots of guys still don't come out till post-college. I personally didn't come out till my second year of college, one of the guys from high school was utterly shocked when I came out to him at this gathering, but I think he took it well.

    I dunno, I guess I'm looking for reassurance from others that it's ok to not be dating. What's the rush?
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    Aug 21, 2011 12:15 PM GMT
    I've said for the longest that this is the primary reason most relationships don't last. People feel socially awkward if they're single, so they jump at the first chance to date someone. Then they wonder why the relationship didn't last.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 21, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    People expect others to live the way they would be living. If you see that dating is not something you should be doing, then by all means do not date haha. That would just give you a guy who is thirsting for a serious relationship, only to quickly discover you're not having it. So by all means, listen to your own desires.

    Some people do think being in a relationship makes them better than singles, because that means they are desirable in their eyes. Why they look at single people and think 'no one wants you? you're all alone?' Something I realized earlier this year was that I was not alone, despite being single, and I was not really lonely either. I felt desirable being single too. Now I have a boyfriend and all, but I have him because I want him - not because people tell me I need him.

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    Aug 21, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    If you're 22yo, and I guess you graduated at 18, I'm surprised that your high school is having a reunion so soon. I know you called it "reunion-ish," but high school reunions don't usually happen until after you've been out for 10 years.

    Since your former classmates are giving you drama about your single status, this just goes to show why reunions shouldn't happen until after about 10 years because that will give people time to develop, grow and hopefully lose some of the immaturity that they still seem to posses. For Christ sake, you guys just finished HS 4 years ago. I'm sure they could give you drama after 10 years too, but hopefully, most of them would have just begun to mellow out since they would be approaching 30. Still young, but not as young. I say, wait another 6 years. And if they have a 10 year reunion, revisit them. Maybe you'll have a relationship. Maybe some of your former classmates will be dead. Who knows?
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    I really was not into dating at all. I thought romance movies were stupid, songs about love were ridiculous, and I was always annoyed when people wanted to show vacation photos with their significant others just so they could brag about having someone. I definitely get where you are at.

    The way it worked for me at least, things kind of change when you meet someone that gets your attention that way. It might just be you have not met anyone "interesting" to you in that way yet. And that is totally fine. It didn't happen to me until I was 25.

    Just accept that society is very Hallmark-y focused on pairing you up so you buy chocolates, greeting cards, and consume consume consume. You don't need to be mad or sad about that fact, work on yourself as well as you can at this point of your life and really focus on you. When the time is right you will meet someone interesting and you can go from there. I never forced myself to date anyone unappealing just to be dating someone - and you should not force yourself to date someone either just for the sake of being able to say you are in a relationship. When the time is right you will know it icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidI really was not into dating at all. I thought romance movies were stupid, songs about love were ridiculous, and I was always annoyed when people wanted to show vacation photos with their significant others just so they could brag about having someone. I definitely get where you are at.

    The way it worked for me at least, things kind of change when you meet someone that gets your attention that way. It might just be you have not met anyone "interesting" to you in that way yet. And that is totally fine. It didn't happen to me until I was 25.

    Just accept that society is very Hallmark-y focused on pairing you up so you buy chocolates, greeting cards, and consume consume consume. You don't need to be mad or sad about that fact, work on yourself as well as you can at this point of your life and really focus on you. When the time is right you will meet someone interesting and you can go from there. I never forced myself to date anyone unappealing just to be dating someone - and you should not force yourself to date someone either just for the sake of being able to say you are in a relationship. When the time is right you will know it icon_smile.gif


    omg no wonder why you're single. which is fine if that's how you want it.
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    waimea said
    spaghettimonster saidI really was not into dating at all. I thought romance movies were stupid, songs about love were ridiculous, and I was always annoyed when people wanted to show vacation photos with their significant others just so they could brag about having someone. I definitely get where you are at.

    The way it worked for me at least, things kind of change when you meet someone that gets your attention that way. It might just be you have not met anyone "interesting" to you in that way yet. And that is totally fine. It didn't happen to me until I was 25.

    Just accept that society is very Hallmark-y focused on pairing you up so you buy chocolates, greeting cards, and consume consume consume. You don't need to be mad or sad about that fact, work on yourself as well as you can at this point of your life and really focus on you. When the time is right you will meet someone interesting and you can go from there. I never forced myself to date anyone unappealing just to be dating someone - and you should not force yourself to date someone either just for the sake of being able to say you are in a relationship. When the time is right you will know it icon_smile.gif


    omg no wonder why you're single. which is fine if that's how you want it.


    I'm not single icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    I've always thought of dating as just hanging out with someone that takes a romantic interest in you, and/or that you take a romantic interest in.

    -Doug