People who cut down where you LIVE

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    Aug 21, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    EDIT: This post is a year old. Can't find anything new to talk about?

    I must imagine this goes on a lot. I live about 35 miles from DC, and there seems to be a problem with people closer to the city like in cities like Arlington and Alexandria, a bit of arrogance, that if you aren't close enough to them you're not worth getting to know. One guy recently said, "I would, but Manassas?" Manassas is only 21 miles from Arlington.

    I'm wondering how many others experience a similar sort of arrogance among other gay guys. It seems a bit rude, well actually it is rude, to cut down where a person lives. Maybe I should think of it as a good filtering mechanism.

    Have you experienced this in your area?
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    Aug 21, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    Friends of mine would call it: GU - Geographically Undesirable

    They had the same issue living in San Jose with people living closer to San Francisco, like in say Palo Alto.icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    It comes with the territory, 'cause I live in "The People's Republic of" Cambridge, Massachusetts. My city's the home of, I kid you not, persons who give themselves the titles of activists for geese, dance, and trees. In reality there's a cross-section of people here which does include blue-collar conservatives as well as a middle class. It only SEEMS to be comprised almost entirely of college students aged from 15 to infinity, seemingly about half of whom are Asian, whence about half of the women appear to be on the arm of a White guy - that, and well-heeled card-carrying members of the Loony Left who keep the cash registers ringing at the THREE local Whole Foods stores. ("Excuse me, can you tell me for certain that this gorgonzola cheese was produced in a cruelty-free environment?" icon_rolleyes.gif )

    I laugh at the political excesses but agree with most of them. The first-ever official same-sex marriage license in the United States was signed by Cambridge's city clerk. Part of one of the few highway-building projects in the country to be stopped cold by protestors would've sent eight lanes of elevated noise and air pollution right through the middle of the area I live in. Unfortunately a Domino's outlet did open this year, but the last time around its permit application was denied because of the chain owner's attitudes which lean to the right of Mel Gibson's.

    Yep, Cambridge is one of those American cities that right-wingers love to hate. But we Cantabrigians also love to make fun of ourselves and not care about what the "mainstream" thinks.

    As for my hometown of Cincinnati, it's also a wide n' easy target from the other end of the political spectrum. There's never much argument from me when the nati-hatin' gets going.

    I don't get much gay attitude about where I live beyond what "everybody" says. Cambridge pretty much gets a free pass. It's within Boston where the snobbery is out there in a major way, also on the city vs. suburb side of things.
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidI must imagine this goes on a lot. I live about 35 miles from DC, and there seems to be a problem with people closer to the city like in cities like Arlington and Alexandria, a bit of arrogance, that if you aren't close enough to them you're not worth getting to know. One guy recently said, "I would, but Manassas?" Manassas is only 21 miles from Arlington.

    I'm wondering how many others experience a similar sort of arrogance among other gay guys. It seems a bit rude, well actually it is rude, to cut down where a person lives. Maybe I should think of it as a good filtering mechanism.

    Have you experienced this in your area?


    You've seen nothing yet- come to NYC and you will see the extreme of this. A couple of years ago one guy told me that he doesn't ever go above 14th street. He lived on 9th. That meant if I wanted to date him I would always be the one to go to 9th and it elimanted doing lots of stuff (that happened to take place above 14th street).

    That's a bit of extreme I must admit... Usually you run into a situation that guys in Manhattan will not date guys who live in any other boros.
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    People who live in Manhattan do it all the time. They're assholes. They complain that anyone outside Manhattan is "provincial" and "in a suburban bubble" - meanwhile, they never leave the island.

    PS: What blackguy said :-)
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    Lol. To be fair, if you live in Manassas you might as well live in W. Virginia compared to living in Arlington. icon_biggrin.gif I don't think it is an arrogance issue as much as it is a convenience issue. THere are more gays living in Arlington, Clarendon, Alexandria and Falls Church than there are in the suburbs of Chantilly, Manassas etc. So you're competing with guys that are within walking distance of each other and in much higher concentration. A five minute drive down Glebe Rd or Fairfax drive is way quicker than getting on 66, then 50 then PW Parkway etc...

    Unfortunately that applies to friendship too and happens A LOT within the straight community there.
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    I live in the san fernando valley. I once met a guy at a club. We had a great time. He asked for my number. Before I could get all the digits out, he said "I dont date 818"
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:50 PM GMT
    There is a perimeter around the city of Atlanta and generally, people are broken into 2 groups: those that live ITP (inside the perimeter) and those that live OTP (outside the perimeter). I know a lot of guys that wont date anyone that lives OTP. Sad though, cause there is all kinds of hotness living OTP.....
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    Aug 21, 2011 6:58 PM GMT
    Where can we call go and gentrify? I'm game...we can make a place better...and wonder why everyone else lives everyplace else....(it should be near the ocean).
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    I already know where I live sucks, but I've never NOT had to travel for a date....ever...not a one. So to me a date with a guy down the street or 2800 miles away is the same thing icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    Come to NYC - it happens all day, every day.And its not just the Manhattan vs. the Outer Boroughs either. There's lots of cutting between the neighborhoods one lives in - Kips Bay vs. Carnegie Hill; West Village vs. TriBeCa; etc in Manhattan or Park Slope vs. Ditmas Park or Brooklyn Heights vs. Kensington in Brooklyn or Astoria vs. Jackson Heights or Forest Hills vs. Bayside in Queens. The Bronx and Staten Island are different animals all together - yes, I realize that could be construed as a cut to both. icon_wink.gif

    What I find funny about it all is that the ones doing the cutting are non-natives who know nothing of the City at all.
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    Don't take it personally unless they specifically mention your house. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI live in the san fernando valley. I once met a guy at a club. We had a great time. He asked for my number. Before I could get all the digits out, he said "I dont date 818"



    Really...? ... what were the rest of the digits? icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    I live one mile north of Detroit. I get snobbery all the time, from locals who "can't wait to get out of Michigan" and from those on the coasts, who refer to where I live as the "Rust Belt." (In retaliation, I've started referring to the west coast as the "Douche Belt.")

    Never mind that Detroit has an amazing local music and art scene, that we have more community gardens than any other city in the country, that we have a ton of local food... etc. Because of the housing prices here, I live in a nice suburban home that is 15 minutes from the city center, where I work.

    But what people see in the news about Detroit is poverty and burned-out factories, so that is how many people assume we live.
  • vintovka

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    Aug 21, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    I always get a kick out of people who were born in Ohio or NJ, moved to Boston for college, then stayed and subsequently throw around a haughty attitude about being "from Boston." I'd like to point out to those people that first of all, there's nothing special about being from Boston, and secondly, you're not really "from" Boston. Get over yourselves.

    (On another note: I think shitty attitudes about neighborhoods correspond pretty much with the income levels and housing prices of an area and is yet another example of how the "market society" (Polanyi, et al.) allows geographic location to reflect economic sorting, but I digress.)
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    I don't get it either. I live 20 minutes from the "gay area" and I have gay friends who I have visited up there probably 50 times in the past year. Most of them have NEVER visited me.

    Funny that they will all drive an hour and a half to go to the gay beach every weekend but the 20 minutes to my beach is out of the question!! Must not be enough guys in speedo's on my beach...
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    All the time. I live in the East Bay (Dublin) about 1 hour from San Francisco, mainly suburb area. With the strong gay community here you would think guys would be all around, not the case...trying to get a guy just to cross the San Mateo bridge is nearly impossible or vice versa trying to visit them is sort of an impossible mission, they would not consider dating anyone or just having drinks. Then there is the gay mindset that anything outside the Castro gay district is not worth their time, or they do not have transportation.
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    uombroca saidAll the time. I live in the East Bay (Dublin) about 1 hour from San Francisco, mainly suburb area. With the strong gay community here you would think guys would be all around, not the case...trying to get a guy just to cross the San Mateo bridge is nearly impossible or vice versa trying to visit them is sort of an impossible mission, they would not consider dating anyone or just having drinks. Then there is the gay mindset that anything outside the Castro gay district is not worth their time, or they do not have transportation.


    I lived in SF for five years. The idea of people Not living in SF was treated like an anomaly. After moving back to NY, me & my partner decided to move back to the Bay Area for a job offer. Due to a time crunch (& pets) we got a great place in Oakland. We both really like it, let's you get a gasp of air from the city, etc. My friends in SF thought I was insane.. But they are getting over it.. I think it's a matter of being sheltered, people needing to reinforce their own choices, & a little misplaced arrogance
  • dancedancekj

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    Aug 21, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Nebraska. Nuff said icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    The funny thing is how guys will talk for months and months with others across the country, just wishing and hoping they lived closer, yet they won't travel in a car for the length of four songs to actually meet someone local. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:55 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI live in the san fernando valley. I once met a guy at a club. We had a great time. He asked for my number. Before I could get all the digits out, he said "I dont date 818"

    Heard the same about 626. Saw a couple of bumper stickers: "626 with 310 envy" and also "310 made it". Funny, normally when a new area code is created, everyone fights to stay in the original ac, but when 310 was carved out of 213, the west side and south bay were very pleased.
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    Aug 21, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    shredcutback saidI don't get it either. I live 20 minutes from the "gay area" and I have gay friends who I have visited up there probably 50 times in the past year. Most of them have NEVER visited me.

    Funny that they will all drive an hour and a half to go to the gay beach every weekend but the 20 minutes to my beach is out of the question!! Must not be enough guys in speedo's on my beach...

    Funny how the beaches in question are so far out of their comfort zone.
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    Aug 21, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    In South Florida, people bitch if they have to drive more than 10 minutes.

    I do it too. Traffic fucking sucks after the first two minutes.
  • MarvelClimber

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    Aug 21, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    Qboy3 saidI live one mile north of Detroit. I get snobbery all the time, from locals who "can't wait to get out of Michigan" and from those on the coasts, who refer to where I live as the "Rust Belt." (In retaliation, I've started referring to the west coast as the "Douche Belt.")

    Never mind that Detroit has an amazing local music and art scene, that we have more community gardens than any other city in the country, that we have a ton of local food... etc. Because of the housing prices here, I live in a nice suburban home that is 15 minutes from the city center, where I work.

    But what people see in the news about Detroit is poverty and burned-out factories, so that is how many people assume we live.


    I got this all the time when I lived in the city proper. I got one guy to come over (very reluctantly) and he was dumbstruck. "This house is bigger than mine," was the first thing he said. People can really show their ignorance when one of the first things they ask is where you live. It's as if people have this fantasy of always being over each other's places. The large part of getting to know each other in the beginning is spent outside the home. It's too hard just trying to find someone you click with... add to that someone who lives close (which can be completely temporary) it makes it impossible to find someone.

    I live in NYC now, and guys discriminate based on neighborhood. You can be less than a mile away, in a different neighborhood by name, but really the same demographically, and IMMEDIATE judgement is passed. Any place without young, white people is sub-par. Manhattan is ripe with "I don't do borough" attitudes. You just have to laugh though and let those dudes wallow in their stupidity... they're probably not the kind of guys you want to be around anyway.
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    Aug 21, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI live in the san fernando valley. I once met a guy at a club. We had a great time. He asked for my number. Before I could get all the digits out, he said "I dont date 818"

    I do this too.
    For me the valley is an hour away, so dating a guy in the valley is long-distance. I might as well be driving to Santa Barbara or Vegas to go on a date.

    And I just started dating a guy in NoHo. icon_sad.gif