Relationships in Los Angeles

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    May 06, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    So I recently realized I have to break up with my boyfriend of 7 months. He is so in love with me, and it hurts so bad. I said something horrible to him yesterday because I think i wanted him to hate me so it would be easier to tell him I am falling out of love for him. He was such a great boyfriend, but he was only my second and I realize now what I truly want in a man.

    It just sucks because I don't think I can fin another guy in SoCal and don't think I want to be in a relationship for a while. It hurts me so much to hurt him. I feel terrible and crushed because of what I have to do. Relationships suck and I don't think I am going to date for a while. All i want is sex, but am too paranoid of getting HIV I don't think I can even have casual sex. So I am just going to be a sad, lonely, horny man, who feels numb inside. Who just wants a muscular guy who is down to earth to just be with........
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    May 06, 2008 4:17 AM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with breaking up with someone if you are not in love. Sometimes you have to see what it is you think you want before you can realize what you really want. At 19 (yeah I know young guys don't like to be thought of as young) you simply have not had a chance to know what you want. Just be nice to the person you are breaking up with, saying horrible stuff will only make it worse.

    You have too many conflicts with yourself to really be settling down with someone or even dating as you have already figured out. You should talk to someone, even if it is an older stable gay man that has been there if not a therapist or someone.

    P.S. Wanting sex a lot is normal especially for a guy your age, don't confuse it with the desire to couple up though.
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    May 06, 2008 5:19 AM GMT
    Wow, stop being so hard on yourself. I feel bad for you man. Huge e-hug sent your way. What I'm about to say next I'd say to all my friends. Stop being a pussy and feeling sorry for yourself :-) You make it sound like you are preparing to punish yourself while you step out into the world of single gay adult male life. It can be very exciting and a time of growth. Jesus, you are 19 years old. You've got an incredible journey ahead of you. You'd be crazy to embrace the idea of doom and gloom at this point.

    Now about your version of the future... Take a deep breath and stop seeing it as the glass half empty. I'm not even a fucking psychic but there are a few things we can all predict about your incredible future. 1. You can and will have casual SAFE sex and it will be damn good! The only thing you may catch is a few rug burns from all the friction. Just use common sense. Be picky and be safe. 2. You are never alone as long as you have an incredible family of friends to laugh with and enjoy life. 3. You may hate this part but believe it or not you are going to love and be loved again and again and again. 4. Get use to the horny stuff. You may be chasing dick in some retirement village years from now with the same drive. Don't complain about stuff like that icon_smile.gif 5 You will find that muscle guy. Thats your type and eventually it will enter your life. Don't limit yourself in this area though. Your taste may change after a period of time.

    I admire your honesty and the guts to step away from a relationship knowing that you cannot provide your partner with an equal amount of love. I admire your compassion in not wanting to hurt him in the process. He may not understand now but he will get it in the future that you are handing him a gift in all of this as well because somewhere out there he will find the right person for him. Don't be hard on him during the break up. Tell him you care enough to let him go so he can find that perfect match because he deserves that.

    You've entered a scary phase in your life. You are growing up. Enjoy the ride it's a bitch but it's damn fun. You're gonna make a lot of stupid mistakes. At 34 I'm still doing stupid stuff, could probably make a monthly apology list to everyone I either piss off or irritate, but loving every second of life along the way. You know it's true what they say? Life is a constant lesson.

    You're gonna do just fine!!!
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    May 07, 2008 6:17 AM GMT
    thanks you guys I finally did break up with him and I feel bad but I knew it was the right decision.
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    May 07, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREP.S. Wanting sex a lot is normal especially for a guy your age, don't confuse it with the desire to couple up though.


    That is so true. I've done that a lot. If you think its love check your dick first lol. If its hard you wont love him when its not lol.

    I'm glad you broke it off with him and hope you find what your looking for. I was in a Long distance relationship once with this guy from Laguna Beach when I was 19. The cali boys are hot and seem really nice. I'm sure you'll find one.

    Most guys in Toronto have the personality of a wet cardboard box...icon_rolleyes.gif So i'll be looking a long time.
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    May 07, 2008 6:32 AM GMT
    Yeah I know I'll find someone its just now I have to find him myself. I think also back when I met him I just wanted someone to love me. Because I felt like in my life back then no one did and all I wanted was to be in love. And I realize it wasn't enough. It just came down to the he isn't my type, and because of him I have a better definition of what my type is
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    May 07, 2008 6:37 AM GMT
    What i've learn't is that.

    I've never had a boyfriend. I've only dated. I don't settle and I wont be in a realtionship for a title and sake of it. At the same time thou I still feel like I need to learn to love certain things about myself and stop relying on the affection of others to fill some void.

    I think once you learn to love most of yourself you can give your love to another person. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 07, 2008 7:05 AM GMT
    PhxAriz you need to stop, drop and roll...icon_eek.gif

    That's kinda like really mean and you should feel bad. It's not like he broke up with you... But if you act like you do on here in person I wouldn't be surpirsed why someone dumped your ass..lol.

    Relax. I think sums it up nicely.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    May 07, 2008 7:39 AM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidSo I recently realized I have to break up with my boyfriend of 7 months. He is so in love with me, and it hurts so bad. I said something horrible to him yesterday because I think i wanted him to hate me so it would be easier to tell him I am falling out of love for him. He was such a great boyfriend, but he was only my second and I realize now what I truly want in a man.

    It just sucks because I don't think I can fin another guy in SoCal and don't think I want to be in a relationship for a while. It hurts me so much to hurt him. I feel terrible and crushed because of what I have to do. Relationships suck and I don't think I am going to date for a while. All i want is sex, but am too paranoid of getting HIV I don't think I can even have casual sex. So I am just going to be a sad, lonely, horny man, who feels numb inside. Who just wants a muscular guy who is down to earth to just be with........



    I take it we're all invited to your "Pity Party"??? There is sure no shortage of muscular guys in Los Angeles...it's the "down to earth" ones that are in short supply.
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    May 08, 2008 2:24 AM GMT
    PhxAriz08 saidYou sound really a jerk. So why break up if you think he was a great boyfriend? If you are just a guy looking for a "hook up," then you shouldn't have a "relationship" in the first place! Trust me, I have met many guys are like that (fool around with many guys and have sex) and they are assholes.

    You should feel bad, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOTHING!


    Wow now that was uncalled for. I am done with my pity party and talked to my ex and he understands why I broke up with him because he understands. I am only 19 for crying out loud! I mean I have only dated three guys before and two of them turned into relationships. So I am just learning what it is that I want. And you sound like how I was before. Yes he treated my great, but there were alot of other things that bothered me

    But I dont have to explain myself to you. And yes at first I wrote this as therapy but you know what I am done with releying on other people to help me solve my problems! So I am done with this.....
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    May 08, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    ItsMyLife saidSo I am done with this.....
    Sorry people are kicking you when you are down. Its not very nice. Some people understand where you are coming from though, but some people (on here and in general) just have issues with other people and decide to take it out on the wrong person.
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    May 08, 2008 5:39 AM GMT
    Since you're only 19, pay real close attention to your thought process, and from where you derive your relationship ideals. It doesn't matter where you live, gay relationships are not going to have the same dynamics as male/female relationships, and you must be careful with your heart and always use clear, rational thinking, not overly emotional 'womanly' husband hunting tactics.

    To pursue a real, grounded friendship with another gay man is very rewarding if you're willing to give up the notion of monogamy and give up the ball and chain ideals that str8 marriage and divorce entails. If you take the best of one another and hone in on why it is you're attracted to one another and communicate about everything, YES, EVERYTHING, the monogamy issues will take care of themselves, because you're in a deeply passionate friendship, where there's mutual respect.

    The key to survival is working with what you've got, not banging your head against the wall in hopes that someday things will change. Gay men all over the planet like to have a lot of sex. Do you think that's going to change? Those who are sophisticated enough to seek a friendship that navigates and negotiates everything together will have someone to spend the rest of their lives with, and they will grow old together happily. Those looking for perfection will always have a string of break ups and eventually turn bitter and end up alone.