Off the market ...

  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 06, 2008 5:11 PM GMT
    No, no. I'm still single. I'm just taking myself off the market, I need to take some time for myself before I'm ready to jump back into the dating pool again. I'll still hook up from time to time, but no dating for awhile.

    I figured out a couple months ago that I date the same type of guy since I've been 20 years old. Passive, aggressive, aloof, never really tells you how they are feeling, yet explodes at a slight comment.

    Hell, my longest relationship was only 6 months. So, I've never experienced YEARS w/ anyone. I wish I did. Someday ...

    So, do any of you ever just say, "time out" to regroup and regather yourself and then jump back in?
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    May 06, 2008 5:39 PM GMT
    Yup. Right after things ended in typical messy fashion after a ten-month relationship (my longest by far with a guy, in fact) last August. I figured it might be time to assess exactly why I wasn't so great at relationships. So...I took a good bunch of months off and started writing/journaling about it. A hundred or so pages and a few months later, I realized I was ready to jump back in the pool, but also recognized that I felt no real need to do so. Taking time to re-evaluate things, where you're at, and what you want/need is important every now and then, I think.
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    May 06, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    Yup, been there and have done that, a couple of times.

    Most recent one started last year into this year. Was just fed up with the games and BS that gay men seem to be so fond of, all the passive-aggressiveness, etc. so I took some time away from it all, enjoyed being single and just focused on me.

    I didn't write things out as zdrew did, but I find that when you're truly happy being single and with yourself, "one with yourself" if you will, it shows in your personality and people see that.

    Now I'm dating again and really enjoying it and myself.
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    May 06, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    SoDakGuy saidNo, no. I'm still single. I'm just taking myself off the market, I need to take some time for myself before I'm ready to jump back into the dating pool again. I'll still hook up from time to time, but no dating for awhile.

    I figured out a couple months ago that I date the same type of guy since I've been 20 years old. Passive, aggressive, aloof, never really tells you how they are feeling, yet explodes at a slight comment.

    Hell, my longest relationship was only 6 months. So, I've never experienced YEARS w/ anyone. I wish I did. Someday ...

    So, do any of you ever just say, "time out" to regroup and regather yourself and then jump back in?


    Yep, I took a time out from June 1989 to January 1998. The way you describe some of your priors sound like people that may be at the very least mildly depressed. Especially exploding at the slightest comment part. A sign of a guy that is bottling up a lot of negative emotions.
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    May 07, 2008 10:40 AM GMT
    spook911 saidWas this a public service announcement ?


    Brought to you by Kelogg's Sarin Gas Puffball Breakfast!

    SoDakGuy, good luck! And yeah... someday over the rainbow... bluebirds fly... icon_wink.gif
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    May 07, 2008 11:12 AM GMT
    After a year in which I met Mr. Right, um, 8 times, my therapist told me he wouldn't see me if I did not become completely abstinent for a year. No sex, no dating.

    It was painful but extremely valuable. I finally "got" why I found losers so irresistible.

    So, after a year, I resumed dating...a better quality of loser. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 07, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    I think I'll follow suit. I've been dating myself for a while now and things aren't that great at the moment. I think I'll have to break it to him gently after our karaoke dinner tonight.
    [url][/url]
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    May 07, 2008 1:02 PM GMT
    I took from 24, to 30 off. i was time to get to know me. These were the years I also worked as a lumberjack. My next relationship, as lasted 15 years.

    So the last time I split with anyone. One was 24, and it was almost 24 years ago Shit almost 24 years, since I split with anyone.
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    May 07, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    It makes sense.

    My last relationship lasted almost 4 years. Since then - the end was December 2006 - I've went on dates, had a couple of hot flings, but not truly attempted to date. And I realize more each day that I don't want to - I'm not ready. Which is fanfreakintastic. It's a good place and space in which to breathe and expand as a person. The alchemies of romance change with each person, with each phase of life, so it's important to change along with all those things.
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    May 07, 2008 1:51 PM GMT
    I think thats a smart idea. I always respect someone who takes time to reflect and possibly change. Homos are all to willing to jump from relationship to relationship without considering what they are doing. After my last break up, a little over a year ago, I took the time for me and prioritized my life. I found out that dating wasn't near the top of my life, so since then it hasn't been.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    May 07, 2008 3:06 PM GMT
    I've dated enough guys to know what I really do want right now in a guy.

    Man, I could tell you STORIES about the guys I dated and the exes I had.

    Dating can take a back burner, for the time being. A career is A LOT more important right now.
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    May 07, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    Ok, now I'd rather like to hear some of those stories!
    Write a book.

    Call it To All the Boys I Loved and Left.
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    May 07, 2008 3:44 PM GMT
    I did it all the time. I regrouped before spending 6 years with my ex. I attribute my willingness to enter that relationship with the time-off I had just prior to meeting him. I also attribute my strength in ending the relationship to a small period of time-off.

    There was even more time-off taken after that relationship. I dated immediately to prove I still could, then quickly realized I had no business dating until my head was clear and I'd tackled at least some of my issues.

    Met Daniel after a year of time-off. Without that time to reflect, grow and play, I'd never been in a position to pursue him, nor have the confidence necessary to attract him.

    Good luck SoDak. A passive aggressive nature is relationship poison. Look for a sarcastic sense of humor -- it's a nice replacement. Anyone not invested enough in the relationship to tell you how they're feeling isn't worth it. But be certain you're sharing your feelings too.