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    Aug 24, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    I'm entering my final semester of school and I've lost all motivation to finish and graduate. The feeling of losing motivation is almost crippling some days; I'll wake up and if I don't have class that day I'll go right back to sleep because it doesn't seem like there's anything worth doing.

    After school, I'll have to get a job and enter the real world, which I never have been and never will be prepared for. My clinical depression has been affecting me more and more for the past 2 years, even though my psychiatrist has been increasing the dose of my medication gradually. Due to my clinical depression and anxiety issues I have a very unstable temperament and find it difficult to keep a job because I usually end up quitting or being fired.

    I was thinking about applying for disability but apparently they only pay about $900 per month and are extremely stingey about the money you receive - if you get paid for anything they withdraw that amount from the money they give you. With that income most people on disability have to live in government subsidized housing, and apparently that means living in an apartment building with schizophrenics and crackheads.

    Literally the only thing that motivates me is clothes and shopping. My boyfriend of 3 months has pointed this out a couple of times. He's told me that he hasn't seen me be motivated so quickly to do anything as I am when he suggests a shopping trip.
    I really would like to work doing styling - maybe for music videos, magazine editorials, or advertisements - but I've heard that those jobs don't usually pay well enough to live off of.

    Every day it gets more and more difficult to understand why life is just a chain of bullshit events that everyone has to go through to survive.



    TL;DR I want to die and I have nowhere else to talk about it.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    Well,Styling can pay well if you're really good at marketing yourself,Live in a big city & have a great sense of fashion...and also have luck.

    You can always work in a retail store & work your way up the ladder to a good paying job and do styling on the side...just a thought.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:42 AM GMT
    It's not the depression, it's called senioritis...This is my last semester too, and not as bad as you yet, but I def feel like UGHHHHHGSDUGUDSHGS everyday going to class...but I man up and do it because I want to keep my GPA up and do well.

    And p.s. no one is prepared for their first job out of college. That's what makes it scary AND exciting.

    Don't think you need meds for that, everyone goes through it.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    luvitohateit saidIt's not the depression, it's called senioritis...This is my last semester too, and not as bad as you yet, but I def feel like UGHHHHHGSDUGUDSHGS everyday going to class...but I man up and do it because I want to keep my GPA up and do well.

    And p.s. no one is prepared for their first job out of college. That's what makes it scary AND exciting.

    Don't think you need meds for that, everyone goes through it.
    There's a difference between the normal reactions to life and the reactions of somebody with clinical depression.
    I've been diagnosed with clinical depression since I was 14 at least and I was definitely showing symptoms when I was 7 years old; I used to say I was going to kill myself and I hadn't even been taught the concept of suicide.
    I've been seeing the same psychiatrist (considered the best in my area) since I was 6 years old.

    I don't think anybody is able to truly understand what it's like unless they've experience it themselves.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    Honey- it'll be okay- talk to a counselor at your college for advice towards your career to see if you can get an internship at such a styling establishment. Trust me, been suffering from clinical depression since I was maybe 9 years old. I know where you are. Don't let it swallow you though, Fight through it. Tell yourself that you can get your goals attained(a styling job) if you put the fight in.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    EVERY gay man who was raised in a homophobic environment has clinical depression, whether he realizes it or not.
    As long as you use that excuse to job hop, you will continue to fail.
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    Aug 24, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Everyone loses motivation in their final semester. (because they flunk out after that hah!)

    At least it's happening in your final year rather than your first year like me.

    I don't really have the answer. Think about the crazy amount of shopping you'll be able to do with a complete degree vs partial. Eh I know that's not a healthy motivation. Have you thought about why shopping motivates you so much?
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidEVERY gay man who was raised in a homophobic environment has clinical depression, whether he realizes it or not.
    As long as you use that excuse to job hop, you will continue to fail.
    I wasn't raised in a homophobic environment.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    Lenoxx saidYou can always work in a retail store & work your way up the ladder to a good paying job and do styling on the side...just a thought.
    I haven't been able to hold any of my retail jobs in the past. I'm applying to a store that I received an email from (the head of HR scouted me on LinkedIn) so hopefully that works out, but I'm still afraid of losing my job because I can't hold my emotions together in certain situations.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:12 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidEveryone loses motivation in their final semester. (because they flunk out after that hah!)
    At least it's happening in your final year rather than your first year like me.
    I don't really have the answer. Think about the crazy amount of shopping you'll be able to do with a complete degree vs partial. Eh I know that's not a healthy motivation. Have you thought about why shopping motivates you so much?
    It motivates me because I get to try on clothes and play dress-up.
    Even when I was a kid I would play video games with character customization (e.g. the sims) because I loved dressing them up and making them look cool. I also made clothes for my stuffed animals out of scraps of my old clothes when my mom taught me to sew.
  • MikemikeMike

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    Aug 24, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    luvitohateit saidIt's not the depression, it's called senioritis...This is my last semester too, and not as bad as you yet, but I def feel like UGHHHHHGSDUGUDSHGS everyday going to class...but I man up and do it because I want to keep my GPA up and do well.

    And p.s. no one is prepared for their first job out of college. That's what makes it scary AND exciting.

    Don't think you need meds for that, everyone goes through it.
    There's a difference between the normal reactions to life and the reactions of somebody with clinical depression.
    I've been diagnosed with clinical depression since I was 14 at least and I was definitely showing symptoms when I was 7 years old; I used to say I was going to kill myself and I hadn't even been taught the concept of suicide.
    I've been seeing the same psychiatrist (considered the best in my area) since I was 6 years old.

    I don't think anybody is able to truly understand what it's like unless they've experience it themselves.


    No wonder you have so much hate!! Go see a better pyschiatrist-get on the right meds-take them- and find a psychologist that offers real direction- not just someone who nods and says "interesting and how did that make you feel/"

    What are you on Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil? Do you take klonopin oir Ativan or valium for anxiety?? Apparently whatever you are taking is NOT working! Do you have ADD as well? Flight of ideas? Go off on tangents? Are you bi-polar or do you have manic episodes, if so you may need a mood stabilizer like Ambilify.
    My first cousin is a PHD and his wife is a phamacologist, so I have heard their stories in detail.

    I promise if you work out daily, it will improve your mood and release endorphins.

    Why didn't you post this in mental health?? Remember health professionals work for YOU if they are not working fire them!!

    As far as work there is a great book called What Color is My Parachute. It helps one identify their own strengths and can lead you toward a job that best suits your talent. Never worry about not making enough money when you start a career. I have found out that when you do something you have a real passion for the money will comeicon_idea.gif

    If this post is serious, get help now. It's hard to tell with all the BS you fling around here.
    This is my best thoughts on the matter. I was in a hospital all day and I am tired so don't spell check me right now I got 2 hours of sleep today.- Get to your folks or whoever you can count on and get help. It won't go away by itself.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:22 AM GMT
    ^ the best thing you can do is work on your passions, in any way possible.

    It's clear what that is. Don't be lazy, if you want to write a fashion blog start one. Doesn't matter if people read it. Anything to keep your mind engaged in what you like.

    Keep up with the fashion threads here too. People seem to enjoy them, and it's more engaging and constructive then... other threads i've seen...

    Don't worry about it or over analyze. You'll figure it out, there's plenty of time.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:22 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidWhat are you on Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil? Do you take klonopin oir Ativan or valium for anxiety?? Apparently whatever you are taking is NOT working! Do you have ADD as well? Flight of ideas? Go off on tangents? Are you bi-polar or do you have manic episodes, if so you may need a mood stabilizer like Ambilify.
    My first cousin is a PHD and his wife is a phamacologist, so I have heard their stories in detail.

    I promise if you work out daily, it will improve your mood and release endorphins.

    Why didn't you post this in mental health?? Remember health professionals work for YOU if they are not working fire them!!

    As far as work there is a great book called What Color is My Parachute. It helps one identify their own strengths and can lead you toward a job that best suits your talent. Never worry about not making enough money when you start a career. I have found out that when you do something you have a real passion for the money will comeicon_idea.gif

    If this post is serious, get help now. It's hard to tell with all the BS you fling around here.
    This is my best thoughts on the matter. I was in a hospital all day and I am tired so don't spell check me right now I got 2 hours of sleep today.- Get to your folks or whoever you can count on and get help. It won't go away by itself.
    I'm on Wellbutrin and Effexor for my depression. Yes, I have ADD. No, I am not manic/bi-polar.

    I don't have motivation to get out of bed, what the fuck makes you think I would work out?
    Now that I'm dating someone I've been going out a lot more than usual, walking around outside during the day etc., but it doesn't seem to help like everyone says it should.

    If I posted this in another forum nobody would read it.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    I know the answer!!

    Make a rule that you're only allowed to wear nice clothes when you go to classes or when you're working on something for school. Every other moment you must be wearing tacky and styleless garb. Make the boyfriend the keeper of your clothes until the end of the term.

    Edit: omg my old doc would tell me EVERY FUCKING TIME I had an appointment "go outside and walk around the block every day". So inspired.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    steampunk said^ the best thing you can do is work on your passions, in any way possible.
    It's clear what that is. Don't be lazy, if you want to write a fashion blog start one. Doesn't matter if people read it. Anything to keep your mind engaged in what you like.

    Keep up with the fashion threads here too. People seem to enjoy them, and it's more engaging and constructive then... other threads i've seen...

    Don't worry about it or over analyze. You'll figure it out, there's plenty of time.
    I'm on http://lookbook.nu , but it's a total bullshit website because people have no taste and there are so many people that deserve recognition and don't get it because there's all these trashy sluts getting all the votes.
    I guess I could start a fashion blog, but I've tried doing blogs before and I get really lazy with them and eventually stop posting.

    It seems like some people go into my fashion threads just to make comments about how I'm fat and have no taste. Not that I care, but nobody really contributes as much as I'd like them to.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidI know the answer!!

    Make a rule that you're only allowed to wear nice clothes when you go to classes or when you're working on something for school. Every other moment you must be wearing tacky and styleless garb. Make the boyfriend the keeper of your clothes until the end of the term.

    Edit: omg my old doc would tell me EVERY FUCKING TIME I had an appointment "go outside and walk around the block every day". So inspired.
    I don't get it. What is it accomplishing?

    When I go to class I usually wake up late and have like 10 minutes to eat breakfast and get dressed so I look like shit.
    I get dressed into something nicer after class when I have time to shower first.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:51 AM GMT
    I have no good advice. There are many days when I can easily say I hate it here. Sometimes I think the only reason I get out of bed is because I'm hungry. I'd sleep more, if I could get away with it. Maybe all I'm saying is that you're not alone in how you feel, if that makes any difference.
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    Aug 24, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidI have no good advice. There are many days when I can easily say I hate it here. Sometimes I think the only reason I get out of bed is because I'm hungry. I'd sleep more, if I could get away with it. Maybe all I'm saying is that you're not alone in how you feel, if that makes any difference.
    It does help to feel like I'm not the only person who thinks that life is fucking stupid and mundane.
    Even things that are exciting to other people don't motivate me to keep living. For instance, when I think about visiting Paris one day, it's more like "yeah that would be nice if I don't kill myself first" instead of "omg i have to do that before i die."
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    Aug 24, 2011 6:01 AM GMT
    After all the insult that you give to people, you expect people to give you sound advice? Do you even trust these advice? How do you know these people are not just intentionally trying to screw you over?
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    Aug 24, 2011 6:01 AM GMT
    waimea saidAfter all the insult that you give to people, you expect people to give you sound advice? Do you even trust these advice? How do you know these people are not just intentionally trying to screw you over?
    lmfao, it's pretty easy to know the difference between good and bad advice if you have half a brain.
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    Aug 24, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    waimea saidAfter all the insult that you give to people, you expect people to give you sound advice? Do you even trust these advice? How do you know these people are not just intentionally trying to screw you over?
    lmfao, it's pretty easy to know the difference between good and bad advice if you have half a brain.
    Not the kinds that are trying to sabotage your career, although I have yet to read one that is suggestive of that. Okay carry on.
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    Aug 24, 2011 6:05 AM GMT
    Now here is whAT i have to say,i know everyone has the same bullshit to say that does not really help, i hope my bullshit helps you a little. my philosophy goes like this, you are an artist and the world you can paint and scalp i n whatever way you like. don't think about what others think, try to be happy, all these emotions your feeling are real to you but in a deeper level they are not really there, you got to be strong and dream of what you like and take action. don't let doubt and fear hold you back. never doubt and never fear, and if you do face it with courage. you are whole. thee is nothing missing in you that you do not take away. bring the art from outside your mind and make it real and solid. create your own rules and idea. everything is made up by other peple, make your own stuff up. the world is yours to do what want, don't let no one stop you. dont listen to your psychiatric or anybody else, not even me, do what you know has to be done cause no one knows you better then you, not even you. you are a perfect person and you just have not realized it yet.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 24, 2011 6:39 AM GMT

    What I was suggesting up there is that if you're motivated by getting dressed up, make it so that you're dressed up at the times you need the most motivating (getting through the school day). It cooooould create some brain association to make you motivated to go to school (just like having a good time every time you go to a certain place will make you excited to go back there.. also just like having a rotten time at a certain place every time will make you dread going there). But even if there's no brain association, it would at least help you get through the school year.

    If you were given by the most crazy orsome clothes & accessories to advertise to the campus, wouldn't that help you get up and get giddy for your day? I'm suggesting a less orsome but still beneficial outside-the-box version of that.

    About waimea's comments. Yes, anduru can be a right proper bitch sometimes, but a topic like this doesn't make people want to attack. Well not unless they're particularly vicious, but that would be easy to weed out.
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    Aug 24, 2011 7:39 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    What I was suggesting up there is that if you're motivated by getting dressed up, make it so that you're dressed up at the times you need the most motivating (getting through the school day). It cooooould create some brain association to make you motivated to go to school (just like having a good time every time you go to a certain place will make you excited to go back there.. also just like having a rotten time at a certain place every time will make you dread going there). But even if there's no brain association, it would at least help you get through the school year.

    If you were given by the most crazy orsome clothes & accessories to advertise to the campus, wouldn't that help you get up and get giddy for your day? I'm suggesting a less orsome but still beneficial outside-the-box version of that.
    Oh, so basically using classical conditioning to develop a behaviour pattern that makes it beneficial (in my mind) for me to get up and go to class then?
    That could work... but again I'm not a morning person at all and I have no time to put together an outfit before class. I could try putting together an outfit the night before, but usually I'll wake up and end up contemplating my outfit again and again and running out of time and throwing on sweatpants LOL