Im rather mad. I wish there was a cure.

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    May 07, 2008 5:28 AM GMT
    Storie goes, Im having a rough month though im working hard. I have had the displesure of waking up. every day of the week over the last month, pissed out of my gord.
    Im having self esteam issues, Like bad, I feal unatractive, Badly dressed (only because im dirt poor) And disowned.
    You know I never get hit on by the guys I want to. and I always geet the creepers, Im not up for random flings, but its makes me feal good about my self. people treat me like a kid, That sucks...

    And now my (parent) is being a hard to deal with drunken ass whp has no abilitys on understand an inch of what I feal like. Because the lure of alcohol, keeps him in a sad state whitch I have to deal with..
    well this is pritty much going to be a rant.
    I just wish I had money, I felt good about my self. I had some good friends again, and a boyfriend, and Not just the fuck buddy kind, the ones that more relationship focused. and Now I have acid reflux

    Arrrg...lenne.icon_mad.gif
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    May 07, 2008 9:58 AM GMT
    I'm a creeper, so I don't count, but you're attractive! You look like Keanu Reeves forgodsakes! icon_lol.gif

    The rest... well... I'm in the same boat. icon_cry.gif

    ...

    so meet me at the poopdeck. icon_lol.gif
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    May 07, 2008 10:49 AM GMT
    YOU ARE ONE ATTRACTIVE BITCH.
    WHY ELSE HAVE I ADDED YOU AS A FACEBOOK FRIEND? LOL
    OH HONEY, I'M HAVING A CRISIS AS WELL.
    I'LL BE 34 IN A FEW DAYS' TIME AND ALL MY MATES ARE EAGER TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE UP MY SLEEVES.
    I DO NOT FEEL LIKE CELEBRATING AT ALL 'COS I AM NOT YET IN THE PLACE WHERE I THOUGHT I'D BE WHEN I HIT MY MID-30s...YOU KNOW, THE USUAL: A LOVING HUSBAND, KIDS, A DOG, A HUGE GARDEN, A HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS, A BOAT IN THE CARRIBEAN, THE WORKS.
    ANYHU, I'M GLAD THAT OUR LIVES ARE ENTANGLED NO MATTER HOW GEOGRAPHICALLY CHALLENGED WE ARE.
    TRUST ME, LENNE... "I KNOW THIS PAIN..."
    [url][/url]
    YOURS,
    O.D. IN DUBAI aka ZIMATAR ON RJ
    p.s.
    I get to be WENDY, mkay!!!
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    May 07, 2008 1:41 PM GMT
    Lenne you may want to talk to a professional about dealing with an alcoholic (father?). I had the same issues growing up and it is not easy I know.

    Not finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is a common frustration for guys your age. You are young and that actually can work against you because many gay guys around your age are as randy as hell and want sex more than anything else.

    I know this is hard to believe now but continuing to interact with others is your best way to find someone.

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    May 07, 2008 2:16 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to the original poster. You are at a very vulnerable age. It sucks to look over your shoulder looking for guidance from a parent who has turned into a tragic mess. You aren't alone in all of this. If you can find an Al Anon group in your area (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html) you will meet those just like you dealing with relatives and friends addicted to alcohol. You will find a place to vent and apply lifestyle changes for yourself so that you can get on with your life.
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    May 07, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    My god I hate to think of your feeling so badly about your life, don't give up !!! keep heading toward your goals, and be sure everyday to make time for something you like to do, to give yourself some pleasure. (it doesn't have to cost money) As for your looks, man your a great looking young man. There's someone out there for you, just be friendly, and you will soon attract someone you'll like. Take care !!!! Dennis
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    May 07, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    lenne - this is the very cliché you probably want to hear least, but it's the one you need to hear most: this will pass.

    i promise you.

    you won't know when or how, or by through which accumulation of choices, but this will get better. when life is at its darkest there is only one alternative left: a return to light. when you're at your lowest you can only get higher.

    your situation may have not even hit rock bottom yet - it could, in fact, become worse than it is now, and that very often is the case; however, if you navigate through the storm you will sail through the calm. keep your options open.

    my advice in particular: now is not the time to date. a relationship at this time is not what you need. focus on improving your work/money first, your family second, and your relationship status third. do not date someone when you aren't in a position to be a whole person. you have to first make sure you can stand on your own independently so that you can help/separate yourself from this family friction. only then will you MAYBE be ready for a boyfriend.

    je te souhaite la paix.
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    May 08, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    wow is like u took my life an put it up for all to read.

    hugs man,shame u aint closer we could me sad an poor together lolicon_twisted.gif
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    May 08, 2008 2:19 AM GMT
    Wow dancer jack had a good point, and thanks...I need to relax...and kill my father tonight, uh I mean....sleep.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 08, 2008 2:25 AM GMT
    Hey Lenne,
    I read most of what you view as negative, what about the positive things in your life? What do you do.. are you in school, are you working? My suggestion is if you are not in school (or even if so), you focus on ways to improve you.. your situation and your self esteem. School is one way to improve yourself and your future, goal setting is one way to improve your situation and helping others can vastly improve your self esteem.

    If you father abuses booz, deal with it, but focus on the positive things in your life. Good luck and keep us informed!
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    May 08, 2008 4:14 AM GMT
    I wish I had money, too. I shopped at a second hand store for a while, and was still pretty proud of the way I looked, regardless of what brand name I was sporting.

    Lack of money is an obnoxious rock in the road of life, but you know what? If you keep at it, you'll make it. I have faith in you. You remind me of me, not too long ago. I wish you the best of luck.

    I used to fake confidence, and when it worked, I learned to have real confidence. I cant say the same will work for you, but it worked for me.
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    May 08, 2008 6:33 AM GMT
    Lenne

    It sounds to me like you're at a very amazing turning point in your life.

    And as a parent of an 18 yo, I applaud the fact that you actually understand where you are in your life.

    Yes, you're an adult, but you're also still looking for something from your father.

    My daughter is very much the same way... You are so not alone. First, you have this amazing community of men that are here to offer support. Something that I didn't have at your age.

    Let me tell you what I'm going through with my 18 yo. She say's that she's 18 and an adult. She can make her own choices. Yet on the other hand, she still wants my financial support. So basically it's I can do what I want but daddy can I have $$$ so I can buy this. I have no idea what your situation is, so please forgive me if say something that doesn't fit. But what you are going through is so natural. And it's not any different that a straight guy wanted to find himself mate. Love comes... and true love stays.

    My advice is to do what you can do, as you can to start making yourself independant. It's hard to find a real relationship, when you are still trying to figure out who you are.

    Just keep being you, but work for the future. Make wise decisions. But try to start building your own future. And as hard and harsh as it sounds, try to stop looking for acceptance from your family. Love them forever but build your own community. Your own support system.
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    May 08, 2008 8:45 AM GMT
    This topic was odd for me, Im very logical.
    I get that from my mother. I know this about my father from the way I analize it.



    He is very insacure, And actualy looks for acceptance in me, though I am cold as a person, I tell him things like. "Its not that I hate you, You just didint work right." And he gets mad and attacks me (not under the influance) in a verbal rage, And just like my mother I get sharp tounged and poke holes in him like he is paper, till he freaks out and finds some ways to make me mad. by using a strange sort of monarchy controll method that just does not work, but effectively gets me pissed, because I dislike monachry and thocrocys with a flare.

    Hes got a mess of problems, he was In a fraction of
    the military that was absuluty demanding till it got shut down due to an incedent. I only know it by "the parachuters". is marrage with my mom has been a steady one...meaning I recently found out he cheeted when I was 6 and thats why they got seperated. I always though it was because my mom figured out it was not productive...and soem how I new he was cheeting because, I think...When I was little...I picked it up from his body language pertaining to a situation involving a women, anywhays.

    Hes a mess, and I am able to take care of most serious emotional problems on a dime. Maby I should thank him for teaching me to be like him.

    As for my self... Guess I had a moment, we all do, I just got to stressed.


    Good things in my life would include:

    Im alive.

    I, am sain,

    I have good health.

    As for the material fealings, and needs like friends and relatioship, as well as sex. Time will tell. I just have to keep analizing and I will find the right node.


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    May 08, 2008 8:46 AM GMT
    Lenne saidThis topic was odd for me, Im very logical.
    I get that from my mother. I know this about my father from the way I analize it.



    He is very insacure, And actualy looks for acceptance in me, though I am cold as a person, I tell him things like. "Its not that I hate you, You just didint work right." And he gets mad and attacks me (not under the influance) in a verbal rage, And just like my mother I get sharp tounged and poke holes in him like he is paper, till he freaks out and finds some ways to make me mad. by using a strange sort of monarchy controll method that just does not work, but effectively gets me pissed, because I dislike monachry and thocrocys with a flare.

    Hes got a mess of problems, he was In a fraction of
    the military that was absuluty demanding till it got shut down due to an incedent. I only know it by "the parachuters". is marrage with my mom has been a steady one...meaning I recently found out he cheeted when I was 6 and thats why they got seperated. I always though it was because my mom figured out it was not productive...and soem how I new he was cheeting because, I think...When I was little...I picked it up from his body language pertaining to a situation involving a women, anywhays.

    Hes a mess, and I am able to take care of most serious emotional problems on a dime. Maby I should thank him for teaching me to be like him.

    As for my self... Guess I had a moment, we all do, I just got to stressed.


    Good things in my life would include:

    Im alive.

    I, am sain,

    I have good health.

    As for the material fealings, and needs like friends and relatioship, as well as sex. Time will tell. I just have to keep analizing and I will find the right node.




    When I say relation ship with my mother was steady, I mis typed and ment rocky. and messy.
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    May 08, 2008 8:48 AM GMT
    Lenne said[quote][cite]Lenne said[/cite]This topic was odd for me, Im very logical.
    I get that from my mother. I know this about my father from the way I analize it.



    He is very insacure, And actualy looks for acceptance in me, though I am cold as a person, I tell him things like. "Its not that I hate you, You just didint work right." And he gets mad and attacks me (not under the influance) in a verbal rage, And just like my mother I get sharp tounged and poke holes in him like he is paper, till he freaks out and finds some ways to make me mad. by using a strange sort of monarchy controll method that just does not work, but effectively gets me pissed, because I dislike monachry and thocrocys with a flare.

    Hes got a mess of problems, he was In a fraction of
    the military that was absuluty demanding till it got shut down due to an incedent. I only know it by "the parachuters". is marrage with my mom has been a steady one...meaning I recently found out he cheeted when I was 6 and thats why they got seperated. I always though it was because my mom figured out it was not productive...and soem how I new he was cheeting because, I think...When I was little...I picked it up from his body language pertaining to a situation involving a women, anywhays.

    Hes a mess, and I am able to take care of most serious emotional problems on a dime. Maby I should thank him for teaching me to be like him.

    As for my self... Guess I had a moment, we all do, I just got to stressed.


    Good things in my life would include:

    Im alive.

    I, am sain,

    I have good health.

    As for the material fealings, and needs like friends and relatioship, as well as sex. Time will tell. I just have to keep analizing and I will find the right node.




    When I say relation ship with my mother was steady, I mis typed and ment rocky. and messy.[/quote]



    THE realy need to put the edit post option in. When I mistyped again, I mean "thank him for teaching me to NOT be like him." fucking...what ever, pointless
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    May 08, 2008 12:52 PM GMT
    Because of this post yesterday, I chose not to be too drunk last night. Thanks, Lenne. x
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    May 08, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    zimatar saidBecause of this post yesterday, I chose not to be too drunk last night. Thanks, Lenne. x
    I dont know how to rspond to that, I kind of just nodded...
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    May 08, 2008 4:46 PM GMT
    Hey Lenne,

    Just know you have good online friends here and we are all rooting for you to pass this stage in your life.

    Sometimes you got to have a breakdown to have a breakthur.


    Anyway I'm seeing loving energy your way.

    Stay stong!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2008 5:48 PM GMT
    Yew also spel gud too.

    I have to say being a teenager and very young adult were the absolute lowest points of my life. I was bitter, miserable, and took all the post-modern philosophers way too seriously. Turning 30 was almost like a rebirth.

    Life can get much better, just weather the current storm and take away some experience.

    Lenne said[quote][cite]zimatar said[/cite]Because of this post yesterday, I chose not to be too drunk last night. Thanks, Lenne. x
    I dont know how to rspond to that, I kind of just nodded...[/quote]
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    May 08, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    zimatar saidYOU ARE ONE ATTRACTIVE BITCH.
    WHY ELSE HAVE I ADDED YOU AS A FACEBOOK FRIEND? LOL
    OH HONEY, I'M HAVING A CRISIS AS WELL.
    I'LL BE 34 IN A FEW DAYS' TIME AND ALL MY MATES ARE EAGER TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE UP MY SLEEVES.
    I DO NOT FEEL LIKE CELEBRATING AT ALL 'COS I AM NOT YET IN THE PLACE WHERE I THOUGHT I'D BE WHEN I HIT MY MID-30s...YOU KNOW, THE USUAL: A LOVING HUSBAND, KIDS, A DOG, A HUGE GARDEN, A HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS, A BOAT IN THE CARRIBEAN, THE WORKS.
    ANYHU, I'M GLAD THAT OUR LIVES ARE ENTANGLED NO MATTER HOW GEOGRAPHICALLY CHALLENGED WE ARE.
    TRUST ME, LENNE... "I KNOW THIS PAIN..."
    [url][/url]
    YOURS,
    O.D. IN DUBAI aka ZIMATAR ON RJ
    p.s.
    I get to be WENDY, mkay!!!


    Zim you almost made me cry w/ this post. you are toooo fucking sweet. And Lenne, keep your head up!!
    <3
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    May 08, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    meh head up, Im doing better.