Losing him to suicide

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    How on earth to you even begin to process something like that..?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    It sucks man, I lost a friend to suicide my senor year of college.

    I know it sounds hard but you just bottle up any feelings you have inside and repress the shit out of them.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Aug 25, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    You seek professional help.
    Truly.

    There's a nasty little school of thought that suicide is a 'selfish' act, and promotes healing through anger. I find that terribly convenient and far too easy. You have to speak with other friends about the loss, and then get some objective counseling to give you tools to help you process things.

    It's a life-long journey, frankly. It changes you, forever. How you manage the change, how you process the feelings, questions, fears, doubts, anger, frustration, sorrow, guilt, confusion and all the rest is what allows you to survive and carry forward without being mired in stasis or total paralysis as a result.

    Do not push it down. Do not push it away. We don't own other people's choices, but we are often in the path of things that we could not prevent or control, but which we have to gain control over after the fact before they consume and control us. You must respond and react. It's critical to your health.

    Good luck.
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    Aug 25, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    I feel your pain. I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. My initial feelings were not one of anger at all. It was finally he's at peace and no longer in pain. The one thing that I keep in my heart is the good times that we shared. The fun we had. I did not try to suppress the pain or the loss because one day it would come to a head. You can not hide or run from grief.

    Good Luck to you and Sorry for your loss.
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    Aug 25, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    Kiss dude i wish you an strong Future

    And sorry for your loos

    Sorry i Hope my Words are right
    Kiss
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    Aug 25, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    It is really, really hard. My bio mom (I'm adopted) lost her husband to suicide, and I recently lost someone close to me to suicide. I struggle with reconciling the idea that everyone should have control over his own body with - the impact that such an act has on those left behind, whether anything could have been done to make the outcome different, and even whether the person would have chosen a different path had he waited.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Aug 25, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    For almost 19 years I thought it was a really stupid mistake that my father "left the garage door closed" when he was working on his running car.

    Took me a while to get over the fact that he pretty much did it because of me. No one actually said that, but from the last few moments that my mother could bring herself to talk about (she breaks down almost every time I bring up his name, so much so I had to ask others and still can't talk about it with her), it was pretty obvious it was because of me. Well, because he couldn't be the father he should have been for me. It's a hard thing to live with, thinking about what might have been different if he'd stuck it out and worked through his addictions, and I was lucky I was as young as I was. Ignorance was my coping mechanism, but I still remember crying about him when I was a kid.

    Take it a day at a time, and if it's eating you inside...get help. Suicide is a choice - a stupid one, IMO, but 99.999999% of the time there's absolutely nothing you could have done to stop it.

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    Aug 25, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]mayBbignow2 said[/cite]
    Soundwave said

    Take it a day at a time, and if it's eating you inside...get help. Suicide is a choice - a stupid one, IMO, but 99.999999% of the time there's absolutely nothing you could have done to stop it.



    Its not your fault

    I 2nd this
    I can't believe you believe it's your fault
  • iGator

    Posts: 150

    Aug 26, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    I almost agree with MuscleComeBack...

    I lost my Mom 6 years ago this month to suicide. She had been struggling with severe depression...the kind that prohibits you from leaving the house...she literally didn't move, gained weight for about 5 years.

    I had been in Guam for an internship for 3 months and was literally on my way to meet both my Mother and my Father in Orlando before I went to work for Disney. I spoke with my Mom the night before I was to depart. I flew from Guam to Hawaii...then Hawaii to Houston and called her again using the loose change in my pocket. It wasn't a lot of change and I knew that it was a long distance call. I didn't have my cell phone at that point because it would have been useless in Guam.

    Anyway....

    I talked to her and then all of a sudden...the little operator machine lady came on and said that my time had expired. I dug for more change, but didn't have any. I even tried using a credit card, but wasn't able to get through. I thought nothing of it and went to a corner to sleep...it was a long 14 hours of flying up to that point. They called for my next flight to Atlanta and I got on.

    Upon landing in Atlanta, I tried the credit card again and someone that I thought was my father answered. Except it wasn't my father, but his brother. His words will always be etched into my brain, "You need to come home. Your mother died today." I was a wreck...everyone in the airport was staring at me...and I made my way to the ticket counter to change my flight. I got home to my Brother and Father sobbing at the gate.

    Fast forward now, to Halloween of that same year. I ended up going to Disney anyway as my Father had told me that there was nothing for me to do in Chicago. I went and began working...not an easy thing to come off of something like that and have to be happy all the time.

    I digress...

    Halloween night, my roommates and I went to a local gay bar in Orlando for their costume contest. I had held it together for that 2 months pretty well, actually. But this was the night that ended...I got WASTED...I mean black-out wasted. Then the waterworks started and I was babbling (reportedly) about my Mom and how it was my fault and such. I remember talking on the phone for hours outside sobbing uncontrollably - so much so that security for the complex I lived in came to check on me several times. I was finally able to collect myself and go inside and go to bed.

    It was at that point that my sadness turned to disbelief and I realized that her act was selfish. Irregardless of what she was feeling, she took not another single person's feelings into consideration when she took her own life...none. I blamed myself for 2 months...letting it beat me up inside. I realized though that there was nothing I could do. There was nothing my brother could do. There was nothing my father or any of her brothers or sisters could do. She made the decision on her own, and followed through. A selfish act - please do not try to make anyone think otherwise.
  • iGator

    Posts: 150

    Aug 26, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    Sorry for the dissertation....icon_biggrin.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Aug 26, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    It was a sad story, but an illustrative one. You can't move on with your life unless u grieve. You have to cry and go through the steps of grieving.
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    Aug 26, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    My mum committed suicide a few months ago.

    I have been at that point where I tried when I was far far younger and in a lot of pain.

    So I understand where she was and I understand her actions.

    It hurts shes gone but I hold no blame for her or anyone else.

    Suicide is not a selfish act in the eyes of someone doing it, if people truly knew how it felt to be trapped in that mental state they'd understand, it's horrible and very dark.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 26, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidMy mum committed suicide a few months ago.
    .


    My god, Ben, I'm so very sorry to hear that, very sorry!
    I hope things have gotten a little better....

    icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 26, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Soundwave saidFor almost 19 years I thought it was a really stupid mistake that my father "left the garage door closed" when he was working on his running car.

    As the others have said, and it needs to be repeated: It was not your fault.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidMy mum committed suicide a few months ago.

    I have been at that point where I tried when I was far far younger and in a lot of pain.

    So I understand where she was and I understand her actions.

    It hurts shes gone but I hold no blame for her or anyone else.

    Suicide is not a selfish act in the eyes of someone doing it, if people truly knew how it felt to be trapped in that mental state they'd understand, it's horrible and very dark.


    I express great sorrow to all those here that lost someone close to them to suicide.

    As some have made it clear, suicide is a result of unresolved psychological problems. It would be wrong to call it a selfish act of the victim or the fault of his/her loved ones.
    May their memories be as a blessing.
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    Aug 26, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Just be happy for him/her that he/she is no longer suffering and is hopefully at peace. Don't think of it as a selfish act...it is not. No one is to blame.
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    Aug 26, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    Suicide is one of the hardest things for people to process. And it is also one of the least well understood things....

    Seek the help of a professional in helping you process it. You can see that people come to many conclusions about Suicide. Some say it is the most selfish act. Others blame themselves.

    I believe that a person is driven to it through the most complex and sad set of intrapsychic forces. While it is an act that ends their suffering, it comes at a huge price; the sadness and sense of loss that you and those who loved the person feel. I don't believe that in those moments of considering or carrying out ones own demise, that the person has a capacity for understanding the repercussions of their actions. They want to end their suffering - and can think of nothing else.

    In any case.... don't push away your feelings. Talk to people. Get it out. That is the best and only way to really recover from such a terrible event. I'm so sorry.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 26, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    What I don't get is the way in which some people choose to commit suicide. There seems to be a lot of people who hang themselves, which just seems so gruesome and strange to me. Recently here in Phoenix a realtor I knew (not well) killed himself by driving down the freeway at 110 mph head on into a highway underpass. They knew it was suicide because he left a suicide note. So I think that dealing with someone killing themself is part of it, and dealing with how they chose to do it, and the questions to why they did it, are the hardest things to deal with.