Anyone else just... not interested?

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Aug 26, 2011 8:15 AM GMT
    I'll preface this by saying that I feel I've had a fairly normal experience growing up, coming out, exploring being gay and dating experiences. I've been meeting men for the past couple years, with some successes and failures. *Insert bemoaning statement about lack of good quality men* I was looking forward to dating and meeting new people after I got done with school (since I was so busy while I was enrolled) but now that I've graduated and moved onto becoming a young adult... I just really don't have much of any interest in dating anyone at all.

    Don't get me wrong, I think it would be really nice to be in a relationship with another person (sex would be a lot more fun for example) But at this point in time, I feel I just want to spend my time, energy, and focus on myself. Not someone else, not with someone else. Just me.

    It's not that I am not attracted to men anymore, or that I wouldn't love a good roll in the hay, or even that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship really.

    But I just feel so repulsed by the idea of being involved with somebody right now. Even just the idea of going on more than just an initial date with somebody makes me feel like I want to put on the brakes and shift into reverse as fast as possible.

    Does this make me a huge narcissist? Does it mean I've got severe commitment issues? And more importantly, do other people feel this way?
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:13 AM GMT
    I'm kinda right there with ya man.

    I just got asked out on what seems to be a date and my immediate thought was "but I don't wanna be stuck in a relationship"

    So whats that tell ya hahaha

    And that was just a request for a date not a "Lets get into a relationship" I was only asked out on a date and that was my immediate thought!
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    Aug 26, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    You should know that the most important relationship that you have with anybody should be the one that you have with yourself. I know it sounds really selfish but if you think about it, who should be responsible for your happiness? Your parents? Your siblings? Your (future) BF? Or ultimately, yourself? And if our primary goal in life is to experience the feelings the joy and happiness, then wouldn't you say that the most important thing is for you to focus on the way you feel about yourself so you can be happy, and when you are happy enough about yourself, then that overflowing happiness would eventually ooze out and can outreach everybody else? I believe that if you don't focus on the way you feel, then you're not happy, and if you are not happy, then you don't have anything good to give in a relationship anyway.

    So I think it's perfectly fine that you do not want to be involved for a while, especially if you do not have a strong desire to do so. It's a good time for you to enrich yourself further, so when you meet that next (right) guy, you have more good substance to offer to this relationship.
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    Aug 26, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'm there myself to be honest. I'm trying to focus on what my needs are and I don't think I can do that with someone else in the picture. Although, I'm not against it, if someone comes along and says "Hey, you like sitting in the middle of a meteor shower too?! SO DO I!!" icon_biggrin.gif Then, I wouldn't mind. But for now, it's just me, myself and I.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 26, 2011 1:07 PM GMT
    I've gone through periods of my life where I wasn't interested in dating or even dealing with the dating world. Between the ages of 25-30 I didn't have a date or was interested in anyone.

    I always thought it was because I never met any decent guys, or the relationships I did have were pretty lousy. This still might be part of the issue. I also think it has to do with low testosterone. Whenever I do take a pro-hormone herbal supplement I start getting more interested in dating and relationships.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 26, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    Sounds like you might be very satisfied with your life at present and don't really don't want to make "relationship" kinds of changes... and there isn't anything wrong with that at all.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Aug 26, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    Thanks for the feedback from everyone. I guess that if the right guy came along and swept me off my feet, I wouldn't be opposed to seeing where things go. At the moment, I just feel it would take a man of gargantuan personality, character, and talent to make me take notice.

    It's a bit strange at times. Most of my friends are in deep committed relationships, and that is mirroring a subculture I feel is prevalent to the Midwest (marry early, and young). People are often asking me about my love life, and I keep mentioning the absence of it, so I am assuming my singleness is less pathological in reality despite my perception of it being so.

    I just hope that this doesn't leave me a lonely old hermit someday icon_biggrin.gif
  • wpc56

    Posts: 45

    Aug 26, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    You are probably not in that stage of life yet, you are still young so there's no reason not to play around... people will start looking to settle down later anyway.
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    Aug 26, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    dancedancekj saidAnd more importantly, do other people feel this way?
    Absolutely. I've been single a little over 6 years now, and wouldn't change it for the world. As for sex, I have a couple friends with benefits that satisfy the sexual needs when they arise, and a hand that works well when they're not available.
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    Aug 26, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    wpc56 saidYou are probably not in that stage of life yet, you are still young so there's no reason not to play around... people will start looking to settle down later anyway.
    I just love it when people stereotype based on age.
    Explain why I'm 40 and still feel the same way he feels.
    And, I AM settled down, just the way I like it...carefree and rambunctious. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    While everyone around me is dating or trying to be in a relationship, i stand alone and im good. Being in a relationship is not what i want right now, its not even a priority.
    I AM my own Man.
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    Aug 26, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    I'm in the same boat. There's just no time for relationships of that sort at all.
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    Aug 26, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    I'm also going focus on my career and fitness. I want the $$$$...That will make me happy icon_razz.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Aug 26, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    I love being single and the freedom that comes with that. That is not to say that I am not open-minded to Mr. Wonderful walking into my life to rock my world, but I'm not holding my breath
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    Aug 26, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    I got out of the most serious relationship I've ever had (we were talking engagement at one point) about a year ago. It's interesting that the first few months post-break up I really wanted to date and get out there. However, after that wore off I took 6-9 mos off and wasn't really interested in dating AT ALL. I liked meeting new people and had a few fun rolls in the hay while travelling. But any hint of someone wanting to get serious and I ran away.

    I think its prefectly fine to take a break and concentrate on yourself. I did it and was very happy. I got lost in my relationship and decided to focus on things that made me who I am: subscribed to the symphony, went to tons of local rock band concerts, learned to snowboard, travelled around the world, read, went back to the gym, backpacked and just spent time with friends. Yeah, my couped friends pestered me about dating but being single doesn't mean you MUST date.

    I met someone about 6 weeks ago and we've been taking it really slow. At first, I didn't want to date or get serious, but he's growing on me. Ya never know man. Some dude may come along out of the blow and either sweep you of your feet or grind you down and grow on you like my guy. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 26, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Our socialization and interaction needs ebb and flow. I wouldn't over think it. If you can be happy/content/satisfied/fulfilled emotionally in whatever state or status you have at any given time, that's an accomplishment.

    I'm actually on the backswing of your pendulum. I've been not dating for a couple of years, longer even, and have lately been realizing I'm ready to get out there again.
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    Aug 26, 2011 4:34 PM GMT
    i think getting into a relationship just out of boredom or loneliness is the worst thing you can do. it dulls the senses. maybe i am being overly romantic, but i hardly understand the whole serial monogamy thing, because how many times can you really be in love!? and have you really been in love if you can just go from one connection to another without any time to contemplate your place in the world or how you relate to others in it.... it's good to be single and just date here and there until someone you really love comes along.
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    Aug 26, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    Cityaznguy saidYou should know that the most important relationship that you have with anybody should be the one that you have with yourself. I know it sounds really selfish but if you think about it, who should be responsible for your happiness? Your parents? Your siblings? Your (future) BF? Or ultimately, yourself? And if our primary goal in life is to experience the feelings the joy and happiness, then wouldn't you say that the most important thing is for you to focus on the way you feel about yourself so you can be happy, and when you are happy enough about yourself, then that overflowing happiness would eventually ooze out and can outreach everybody else? I believe that if you don't focus on the way you feel, then you're not happy, and if you are not happy, then you don't have anything good to give in a relationship anyway.

    So I think it's perfectly fine that you do not want to be involved for a while, especially if you do not have a strong desire to do so. It's a good time for you to enrich yourself further, so when you meet that next (right) guy, you have more good substance to offer to this relationship.


    Really love this one.
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    Aug 26, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    Whatever makes you happy (as long as it doesn't hurt others) is great. Don't judge or over analyze based on what others do or say. You're happy with how things are now so enjoy it! Your needs may change at some point and you can decide what you want to do then.

    I go through periods of time when I want to get out there and meet people and then other times I'd rather stay home. Dating takes a lot of emotional energy and it's easy to feel burnt out.