So you decided to be monogamous, do you delete your a4a accounts?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    Hypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?
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    Aug 26, 2011 8:49 PM GMT
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?


    a4a is a sex site no one is on their for friends. DTMFA
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 26, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    How many months have these two hypothetical guys been dating monogamously? I would say after 4-6 months all the sex sites should be a thing of the past. If he does have some actual friends on a4a he needs to migrate them to facebook, then be done with a4a.

    As a side note, I have an a4a account but haven't logged on in over a year. I've literally met and spoken with guys in person and online on other sites that won't give me the time of day because I never responded to their a4a email. lol
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    I'd say delete or hide the nooodz and clean up the profile to be "looking for friends only, NO NSA" or similar verbiage.

    Or just delete the profile outright.
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    If I was in a relationship with a guy (which would always be monogamous), I would insist he delete his profile on a4a, manhunt, etc. and I would delete mine (hypothetically, because I don't have a profile on those sites and never will).

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    Aug 26, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    If me and a guy decide to start dating, all of our profile on sex and dating sites should come down. If he truly is just friends with anyone on a hook up, he can ask for their contact info and keep in touch via e-mail or fb, etc. Anyone who is unwilling to do that, either is a player or has other issues (i.e. addicted to attention or hookup sites). Serious red flag dude.
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    SeaScruff saidIf me and a guy decide to start dating, all of our profile on sex and dating sites should come down. If he truly is just friends with anyone on a hook up, he can ask for their contact info and keep in touch via e-mail or fb, etc. Anyone who is unwilling to do that, either is a player or has other issues (i.e. addicted to attention or hookup sites). Serious red flag dude.


    Agree!
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    Leaving the profile up makes the accessibility and likelihood of actually doing something that much more present.

    In addition, as a 'single' person who has been on similar sites, I find it rather disappointing and disturbing how many 'coupled' or 'taken' men actually have profiles and message other people in hopes of getting together.


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    Aug 26, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    This is funny, because I'm sort of in the same situation. We both still have our a4a accounts, but we just change our about me section. I tease him all the time about still having pictures up and what not and he does the same to me, but I don't think it's too much of a problem.
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:47 PM GMT
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?

    Is this hypothetical or actual?

    My partner was on Silver Daddies. I told him he could remain if he wanted, after we got together. I'm not insecure, I assumed he had friends there. He dropped it anyway.

    I have no gay social site he can't view. In fact, I've been trying to get him to join RJ. I show him these threads all the time, and he's met in person and talked with quite a few guys here.

    Not knowing the exact details, I nevertheless think this is a non-issue in this "hypothetical" situation you present. Keep it that way.
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    Simurgh said
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?


    a4a is a sex site no one is on their for friends. DTMFA


    This!

    To the curb. Kick!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    Bleh .. then he is gonna play behind his back -,-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    When I am with a guy for more than a week, then it's usually because something serious is at work there... In which case Grindr, A4A, and all their cousins get deleted. I don't know about my most recent boyfriend's sex-site accounts... honestly never asked him. But I would have been deeply hurt and angry to discover after a month or two of dating that he had dick pics spreading out on the web to other guys.
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    Aug 27, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?


    Then he isn't serious about the relationship!
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    Aug 27, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    Simurgh said
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?


    a4a is a sex site no one is on their for friends. DTMFA


    Word.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    This is just my piece of advice but if someone is in a monogamous relationship and ONLY wants to find friends, there are numerous options out there, i.e. RJ, your local GLBT center, religious organization, and through other friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    Well, I went through this very thing (sort of). When my bf and I started dating, I mentioned I would be deleting all my online accounts that were specifically 'hook up' type sites. That way I could keep this one. He told me NOT to delete them as he knew that I had friends on some of them (yep, actually had guys I knew and chatted with) and that it wasn't necessary. As it ends up, he likes to go up on the sites with my access and check out the sites. I hardly use them but he enjoys the eye candy. He never reads or replies to any emails or sends any emails but always tells me when there's a new one. We usually read them together. I don't care for them, I have him but as long as he wants to look at them, I'm fine with it.

    Again, as I mentioned in other posts, it's about how you communicate. We're open with our discussions but we belong to each other. We trust each other and it works for us. No jealousy, no cheating, no problems.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Aug 27, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    I'd delete them. I don't need them if I'm in a relationship.
    Everything can be re-opened, re-written, renewed and 're-nude' if need be should things not work out.

    If you're serious, why the fuck go on a hook-up site? Touch base with the buds, give them an email address or phone and say sianora to the activity of surfing it. If anything, you can go back on, as a couple, if you decide you want to play with other guys, and open a new account together.

    Healthy, lasting partnerships - whether open or monogamous - are based in trust. I think one of the first things you have to do to establish trust is express a genuine interest in focusing on each other at least from the outset. Then you can expand if that's part of what works for you. Again, you can always re-new and re-write a profile, how the fuck long does that shit take? Seriously.

    It's simply a matter of respect.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidSo how often does this really happen anyway?

    If a boyfriend has to show pics of his naked junk on a hookup site that is a red flag right there.


    I agree with this.

    I'd delete the account.If things don't work on the just create another one since it's free anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    Absolutely, yes.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    there are no dumb questions....except for this one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    redbull saidHypothetical situation, lol

    2 guys meet on a4a, hit it off, start dating. They decide they are falling in love & dont want to see other men. 1 of them deletes the a4a account, the other doesnt. Says he has alot of friends & etc on there. Even keeps his sexual pics up on there.

    What do you think?
    I think - no, I KNOW - that if you have to talk him into deleting his account, he'll make a no-pic account behind your back and be cheating every chance he gets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think - no, I KNOW - that if you have to talk him into deleting his account, he'll make a no-pic account behind your back and be cheating every chance he gets.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    I met my current BF on grindr, and i did have an A4A profile at the time. Once I realized it was serious, I deleted my accounts on whatever sites, etc.

    If he isn't deleting them and using the friend excuse, then he probably isn't convinced its 'for real' yet ... and wants to see what else there is out there...just in case 'something better' falls in his lap.

    Its what i would do. It's called crappy esteem.

    If he wants to keep in touch with his friends, tell them to get on facebook or RJ.

    And as someone pointed out, they can easily be re-written, so keeping them idle doesn't do anything but keep his cheating options open.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    yup - should both delete.