Depression, anxiety, life, insecurity etc....need advice I guess.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    Hey guys, just got back on this, but kind of looking for some advice, venting, etc....I just feel like I'm kind of lost in life. Here is my situation. I left my job last year and I got a great severance, which I'm currently living on. The job was completely unbearable, but very well paying, however it really was pushing me over the edge.

    Now I've moved across the country, and I've been here 3 months. I still need to find a job or something to do with my life. I really just started looking for a job. I’ve been obsessed with working out all summer and have had modest results. I lost a substantial amount of weight last summer……then kept it off but ultimately want to get muscular so I started working with a trainer.

    I kind of feel insecure of my looks and still about my weight. I even feel even when I’m down to where I want to be I’ll still have these reminders (skin issues) of how fat I was. I also feel sad I wasted all those years being overweight which really led me to not being out. I just feel no matter how much weight I lose I’ll never be happy with my looks. I still am not really (just to some close friends). I mean I know I’m only 27, but still that is old in gay years.

    My other issue is I was always clearly defined by work. I worked always since I was 14. I never had a lot of hobbies or really a lot of friends. It was tough in college because I was working 24/7 and taking 18 credits a semester. Also I was a little judge mental because my parents basically brought me up thinking anyone who drank was probably an alcoholic. I realize that not to be true. I have never drank like ever and that makes me feel socially awkward for some reason. Alcoholism runs in my family pretty deep (like both grandfather, father, brother, sister), none of these people drink anymore but they def had issues.

    I found it hard to maintain friendships as well as I gained more weight prob around 23 and kinda withdrew. I mean I had a good paying job but from 23-26 I was truly miserable.

    My parents always encouraged me to make a ton of money and do this and that, and there was just so much pressure I guess I cracked underneath it.

    Also, people always suspected me of being gay, and I mean growing up as many people do, not many people were supportive of that, not anyone haha. I spent years in deep denial, and now I feel like what was the point of it all, I could’ve been so much happier now.

    Surprisingly I am pretty social I think, but I just have few friends and really have trouble connecting I guess. I mean I think the whole thing was all these years hiding my sexuality etc.....

    I just feel like my life is in rubble now, not a lot of close friends, no job, no dating life. I tell myself I went health, wealth, love, and happiness, but I get overly anxious thinking of how to get it.

    The other thing is except for a close friend, no one really knows how anxious I get over different things, and how depressed I truly was. I sometimes just feel I am living in a stage of apathy over everything.

    I’m just looking for comments, advice, stories from anyone else who has experienced severe sadness for years and how they got over it.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Aug 27, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    Hey

    I've recently come through an pretty low episode (about 3 years), so I know what you're talking about. PM me if you want - can probably give you a few pointers.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Aug 27, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    Hey man,
    I too have a documented anxiety disorder that also causes severe depression.
    I have contemplated suicide and have become obsessed with how I look or any other insecurities I have. If you ever need someone to talk 2, msg me and we can or i can give u my cell phone 2 txt. I kno how difficult it is 2 struggle with it, but kno u don't have 2 alone. icon_smile.gif
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Aug 27, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    I think everyone goes through periods of depression... they just don't talk about it much.
    27 is still really young.... you've got many decades of good times ahead of you. icon_biggrin.gif
    FInding a therapist is a really good idea.
    Also, what about joining some kind of activity group or sports team? Hanging out with people (gay or straight) would probably make you feel better and that kind of informal networking might also help you find a job.
    Good luck.
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    Sep 12, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    bump
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    I totally feel you with the whole depression, getting your bearings in a new place & point in your life.. A year & a half ago, I put my life in San Fran on pause to move back to Ny so I could take care of my mother, which also happened to be my last family standing. I spent the next year watching her die quite horribly, then a few months dealing with house belongings, etc. I'll be honest, I used booze to get through it. Now, me & my bf moved back to the Bay Area, I have another new life to start, and I feel like I'm treading water!! I feel like I have all these puzzle pieces but I just don't know how to make them fit!
    Im slowly getting back on track with my career (I'm a writer) and trying to rebuild my life, etc, though a lot of times I'm sleep walking through things..
    Sorry to vent, but I needed that. My boyfriend seems to think I should have snapped back by now. I'm making an appointment with a shrink, which I totally recommend! And p.s. Late 20's is not Old in gay years! That's propaganda!! Message me if you want to chat, just don't be so hard on yourself.. And get over what your parents built you up to be. It's your life, damn it!!
  • gcoastmark

    Posts: 83

    Sep 12, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    I truly believe each of us have similar experiences to a greater or lesser degree. I had a job that was pure torture - 100 hour weeks - that lasted almost 5 years and caused me to gain a ton of weight. It does get better! Others have offered it, and so will I, so if you want to chat - hit me up. You aren't alone with this.....
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 9:45 PM GMT
    Your post is very rich with deep and important issues that you bring up.... Because of the various issues you bring up, I dont think there is one simple answer for you.

    I think you'd do great to consider seeing a therapist to help you through these issues. I do realize that you are not currently employed, but I'm not sure if your severance includes health insurance etc. Even if you are not, you may be eligible to visit various clinics or see a clinician who has a sliding scale fee that would be affordable.

    The feelings and thoughts you are dealing with are very common for men who are coming out.... they also occur in people who are straight. They are quite simply, life issues, that so many of us have dealt with. It's hard to adjust and its even harder to break out of a shell that someone else seemingly created for you.... changing patterns takes time, awareness and willingness to set aside your fears.

    Let me know if I can help you somehow.... therapist referral or maybe to answer any questions you have about therapy, if you like. I work in the field so could help you there.

    Best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    "27 is old in gay years."

    Nope! Age is a number and your ATTITUDE makes all the difference in the world, whether you are 27, 37 or 57.

    Reach out to people and be friendly with them. Volunteer. Connect with people on their level.

    You are at the age where you are trying to 'find yourself'. That's good you recognize this. But you are conflicted with the pretty-boy, party-hardy image projected by the gay media and fed by the gay community that young is everything, besides a starting point of just being beautiful (beauty is in the eye of the beholder but age has a way of catching up to these beauty-boys...)

    Join a gym, find a sport you like (I have just got back into rowing because it is my ONLY sports passion). I think I am the only gay guy in the rowing club. I'm not there to hook-up or pick-up, but to enjoy the sport with others. I recommend getting your priorities 'straight' and go from there.

    Let me know how things are going for you if you try these things. I care...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 12, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Ultraviolet13 saidI totally feel you with the whole depression, getting your bearings in a new place & point in your life.. A year & a half ago, I put my life in San Fran on pause to move back to Ny so I could take care of my mother, which also happened to be my last family standing. I spent the next year watching her die quite horribly, then a few months dealing with house belongings, etc. I'll be honest, I used booze to get through it. Now, me & my bf moved back to the Bay Area, I have another new life to start, and I feel like I'm treading water!! I feel like I have all these puzzle pieces but I just don't know how to make them fit!
    Im slowly getting back on track with my career (I'm a writer) and trying to rebuild my life, etc, though a lot of times I'm sleep walking through things..
    Sorry to vent, but I needed that. My boyfriend seems to think I should have snapped back by now. I'm making an appointment with a shrink, which I totally recommend! And p.s. Late 20's is not Old in gay years! That's propaganda!! Message me if you want to chat, just don't be so hard on yourself.. And get over what your parents built you up to be. It's your life, damn it!!


    I used to work for 3 different hospices in Washington state. Thank you for taking care of your mother. perhaps the greatest gift you could have given to her AND yourself. I took care of my father-in-law up here in Canada up until he died and wouldn't trade it for the world. It humanizes us, puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

    Best to ya guy.
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    Sep 13, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies/advice guys.....it is GREATLY appreciated!