How do you cope?

  • tgrissom0312

    Posts: 91

    Aug 28, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    So when you lose a relationship how do you deal with it?

    Do you bury yourself in work or other activity? Do you submerge yourself in sad stuff like music or movies?

    What's your process?
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    Aug 28, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    I reach out to my friends. I cook, run, bike and swim. Spend lots of time with my dog.
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    Aug 28, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Eat Haagen-Dazs, listen to Alanis, masturbate and cry.
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    Aug 28, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    For me it was finding out what I love and doing those things. Like travelling, dance classes etc.
  • paduk

    Posts: 58

    Aug 28, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    Doing things I like and walking aimlessly in the city...friends can be good too but I put a limit to the amount of time I was talking with them about my ex...for theirs and mine sanity :-))
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    Aug 28, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    Well, having come out, divorced after 31 years, filed bankruptcy and lost a house have shut myself off to the world for the last 2 years....other than work was very hard just to walk out the door.realized couple days ago i am missing the best part of my life now...a chance to start over....so now have to loose all the weight i put on last couple years, get outside and start living...not sure what to do yet....
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:15 PM GMT
    Eat sushi, listen breakup music go and hang out with friends
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Aug 28, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    Lots of running, focusing more on work, a rebound fling. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    This wouldn't be my advice, but I have a friend whose guideline for getting over a breakup is summed up as this: two weeks and two liters (of vodka). Then get over it and move on.
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    i talk to him like nothings happened between us. i lost the relationship but not the man.
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    Keep the day busy with activity: work, gym, friends, family, hobbies. When not busy, listen to break up music like Kylie's "Get Outta My Way"!
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    I'm always busy and involved with friends and work, and right now am in a permanent relationship. But in the past, when I ended a relationship, I just seemed to gravitate to another one fairly quickly, after a brief down time where I was busy doing things with friends. There are a lot of good guys out there to meet - you just have to get out and mix.

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    Aug 28, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    Kanaka24 saidi talk to him like nothings happened between us. i lost the relationship but not the man.


    That only works if it's mutual breakup. Sometimes the breakup got ugly, especially if you're the one to dump him. icon_sad.gif. He would want to have nothing to do with you.

    Sometimes if you're the one who got dumped, you can't just turn it off and pretend you have no more romantic feeling for him anymore. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    waimea said
    Kanaka24 saidi talk to him like nothings happened between us. i lost the relationship but not the man.


    That only works if it's mutual breakup. Sometimes the breakup got ugly, especially if you're the one to dump him. icon_sad.gif. He would want to have nothing to do with you.

    Sometimes if you're the one who got dumped, you can't just turn it off and pretend you have no more romantic feeling for him anymore. icon_sad.gif


    it was not mutual...and no common pattern defines what my relationship was.
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:39 PM GMT
    The_Guerrilla_Sodomite saidEat Haagen-Dazs, listen to Alanis, masturbate and cry.


    They say that tears make the best lube.

    My Sifu's wife said that the best way to get over an ex-boyfriend is to get under a new one. Wise words.
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Kanaka24 said
    waimea said
    Kanaka24 saidi talk to him like nothings happened between us. i lost the relationship but not the man.


    That only works if it's mutual breakup. Sometimes the breakup got ugly, especially if you're the one to dump him. icon_sad.gif. He would want to have nothing to do with you.

    Sometimes if you're the one who got dumped, you can't just turn it off and pretend you have no more romantic feeling for him anymore. icon_sad.gif


    it was not mutual...and no common pattern defines what my relationship was.

    You are no ordinary gay man. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    HungGarSig said
    My Sifu's wife said that the best way to get over an ex-boyfriend is to get under a new one. Wise words.

    But what if you are a top? I guess getting ON TOP of new guy also works then....
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    Aug 28, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    I guess this would depend on how long and serious the relationship was. Very long-term and depressed? Consider therapy. Less than a few months?

    Lots of 'fun' options. icon_wink.gif

    Seriously though - there's a million threads and websites based on this very subject. Google it and be stunned.
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    Aug 28, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    waimea said
    HungGarSig said
    My Sifu's wife said that the best way to get over an ex-boyfriend is to get under a new one. Wise words.

    But what if you are a top? I guess getting ON TOP of new guy also works then....


    Cowboy position?
  • tgrissom0312

    Posts: 91

    Aug 28, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    Coping mechanisms are incredible things and so personal.

    When I go through something hard, I tend to make my house DARK, turn up some sad music or low key movies...just submerge myself in anything that's emotionally charged. A good cry can be very therapeutic.

    I tend to be a obsessive-compulsive, so I have conversations with that person in my head over and over. Trying to rework past conversations or role-play how future conversations may go. My mind doesn't turn off. That's the worst part of it. I tend to need medication but never have any around...except scotch and vodka...those aren't so bad. ;-)
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    Aug 28, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    Ditto the obsessive-compulsive behaviors. I start maniacally cleaning like Joan Crawford. I don't think my condo has ever been so clean. Ah, but the circumstances that brought that about... icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 28, 2011 5:19 PM GMT
    Kanaka24 saidi talk to him like nothings happened between us. i lost the relationship but not the man.


    That doesnt always work though... Ive learned the hard way some things cant be worked out, not even as casual friends
  • Rush_

    Posts: 402

    Aug 28, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    What I've been doing since mine:
    Day of: cry like a baby cuz it sucked
    Day after: got that new tattoo I wanted since I wouldn't be spending any money on him (take out to dinner, etc)
    Ever since: work my normal hours, then straight to the gym. Signed up for a few extra sessions with my trainer, a few new group classes and during my lunch hour I do yoga.
    I also started applying for graduate studies programs and had my friends introduce me to some new people to hang out with. Make the best of a shitty situation...it is all we can do.

    I did, however, take one day (we broke up on a Monday, so I pushed it to Saturday) to mourn the loss, cry it out, eat some skinny cow ice cream and just get the negative shit out. Gotta do what ya gotta do.
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    Aug 28, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    I take it like a man.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8T0A8OYLlk&ob=av3e
    (embedding disabled)
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    Aug 28, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    Revenge.

    icon_evil.gif