he watched his bf get a bj in a gay bar...what should he do? what would YOU do??

  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Aug 28, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    i'm still friends with my pre-K (before hurricane katrina) ex. an intelligent man, instructor at a local college, he was damn cute 7 years ago.

    anyway, he called me early this morning, almost in tears...could hear it in his voice.

    here's the senario:

    he's in a comitted, monogamous relationship with a self professed author of erotic magazines (but a waiter during the day).

    the author was supposed to be doing a double shift, working tables last night.

    my ex, Dr. E, was enjoying an adult beverage(s) in one of the french quarter's gay bars. after several drinks he he went to the back bathroom to answer the call of nature.

    on the way to the stand up urinals, in a broken toilet stall he came across his bf, pants down to his ankles, receving a bj from a known french quarter trick. as he watched in horror as his bf, eyes shut tightly, groaned, shook like a leaf and had an apparent orgasm down the trick's throat.

    Dr. E asked me what to do.

    what would YOU do if you were Dr. E. ?
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    "Once Cheater, always a cheater". He might not be first time he cheated on your ex. He should kicked him out the curb.
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    Aug 28, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    Some men rationalize that a BJ isn't cheating (Bill Clinton, for one). Personally I do think it's cheating, and my partner & I each feel that way and honor that by being totally monogamous in the strictest sense.

    I think the professor needs to get this out in the open (the issue, not the BJ itself). If the two of them are operating by different sets of rules, and have different understandings of what monogamy means, that needs to be acknowledged.

    They may have a fundamental disconnect here, and maybe they can reach a workable understanding. Or maybe the BF is fully aware he was cheating by the terms they had previously established between them, and that was his choice. And your friend needs to know that, too, so he appreciates where he stands, and what to do next.
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    Aug 28, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    I'd say he has a pretty serious problem. The first thing he should do is get tested. The second thing he should do is confront this guy and see where things should go. If he's geniunely remorseful and wants to save the relationship, go for therapy.

    But the more likely conclusion is that he really doesn't feel that bad about what he did and its time to leave this guy.
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    Aug 28, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    The only thing that sounds worse to me than finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you is actually being the one to catch him in the act. I couldn't even imagine. That is awful.

    Anyways, I would tell him to confront the guy immediately. Then again, I would have probably torn his dick off right then and there.
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    Aug 28, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    say good byeee is the only thing to do.
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    Aug 28, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    Have him go to sex addiction therapy so he can be around even more people who are addicted to sex. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 28, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    I agree with once a cheat always a cheat. Id stomp his ass for cheating as well as putting my life at risk for a std.
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    Aug 29, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    I would confront him and tell him that it's the end of the relationship. It would have been better to have confronted him as he was getting an orgasm because then he can't deny that he cheated.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Aug 29, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    At that point I believe there is nothing left to be done except get tested. Sad situation, but not even worthy of an explanatioon on behalf of Dr. E. Call the douche lord to come get his stuff and never talk to the jackass again. No excuse for cheating. None.
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    Aug 30, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    bmoney1 saidAt that point I believe there is nothing left to be done except get tested. Sad situation, but not even worthy of an explanation on behalf of Dr. E. Call The Douche Lord to come get his stuff and never talk to the jackass again. No excuse for cheating. None.

    Turin said"Once a cheater, always a cheater". It might not the be first time he cheated on your ex. He should kick him to the curb.


    ^^THIS!!

    Hmmmm, let's break this down.....in a committed monogamous relationship and ALSO LIED about working a double shift so he could cruise the bars for a BJ?!? AND gets caught with his pants down. icon_eek.gif

    Now THAT'S certainly a tough decision!?!
    icon_rolleyes.gif

    NO explanations OR discussion necessary!! *insert curb kicking sound*

    Now he knows where his "self professed author of erotic magazines" gets his material. Certainly NOT waiting tables! icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Wow, so shit like that really does happen. I feel so naive because I assumed stuff that only existed in shows like Queer as Folk, but then even those writers got their inspiration from somewhere.

    I hope he said something right there on the spot. It was clearly fate for him to have stumbled in on it. What are the chances?

    Its just wrong for so many reasons. Fake stories about work, cheating with a well known slut and then of all places in public place where he knows his bf frequents?

    Gross.

    If he cares enough about his relationship to fight for it, then I'd say he should fight for it. I on the other hand would end it on the spot, as in walk up to the stall, ask if it was good and tell him I hope so because he'd never be getting one from me again.

    Its one thing to hear about it, but to walk in on it would make it even harder to get past.
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    Sep 01, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    I would dump the bastard and insult him in Spanishicon_twisted.gificon_razz.gif
  • Scriven

    Posts: 61

    Sep 01, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    You don't know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's relationship. For all your friend knows that's acceptable.
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    Sep 01, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    Scriven saidYou don't know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's relationship. For all your friend knows that's acceptable.



    Hmmm...scriven, did you see,
    "anyway, he called me early this morning, almost in tears...could hear it in his voice.

    here's the senario:

    he's in a comitted, monogamous relationship with a self professed author of erotic magazines (but a waiter during the day).

    the author was supposed to be doing a double shift, working tables last night."

    rnch, the guy broke a serious vow. Your friend needs to get tested and sex stopped between them for now. He needs to confront his partner right away and quite frankly I'd probably walk away.

    -Doug

    Ditto

    -Bill
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Sep 01, 2011 11:56 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]meninlove said... needs to get tested and sex stopped between them for now. He needs to confront his partner right away and quite frankly I'd probably walk away...[/quote]


    this was my advice to him also.

    for such an otherwise intelligent man; he is "book smart but real world stupid" sometimes.
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    Sep 01, 2011 8:12 PM GMT
    Well this has certainly made my hopes for gay bar relationships go up icon_neutral.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 01, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    I'd change the locks, throw his shit out the front door and tell him it's over. No discussions, no explainations. He doesn't deserve the courtesy.
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    Sep 01, 2011 10:12 PM GMT
    You didn't say how long they were together for, or I missed it.
    Probably say goodbye though
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    Sep 02, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]he watched in horror as his bf, eyes shut tightly, groaned, shook like a leaf and had an apparent orgasm down the trick's throat.[/quote]

    This reads like a (gay) Dear Penthouse letter. "shook like a leaf" He happened to be there just in time to watch (and we get to hear about) the orgasm? I call shenanigans.