Thoughts of suicide

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    I'm not sure if I'm apathetic, depressed, happy, concerned, or frightened out of my mind. Prior to my mom's passing, I could defiantly say I was in a deep depression. After her passing I had a world of hurt, it felt like a part of me was sliced off. Since then, I've been far less "Feeling" depressed, it's hard to explain. But... I don't know, I just feel like a shell.

    One thing I do notice, is that anything that reignites the feeling of the old me, I start to hurt like hell, and i have to cut it off. I think it's mostly because my mom played such an important role in my life, and those old feelings were things I shared with her, and now she's gone, and there's no one I trust to understand them.

    I think I'm going to live the rest of my life in a shell, which for atleast now doesn't feel so bad. But I just don't know who I am anymore, and what purpose I serve.

    To those of you who will say that there are still people in this world who love me. I understand that, however you have to understand a lot of these people were connected with my mom, and, in her final hour, abandoned her. I don't know how or when or even if I can forgive them.

    I don't know what's next, shortly after losing her, I lost my job, I don't know if is a downward spiral that will end me soon. One way or another.
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    Aug 29, 2011 8:53 AM GMT
    Suicide is not the answer to solve your crises.

    Nobody is good at playing this game we call "life", so you cannot regret the mistakes of your past. The people who were formerly connected to your mother are perhaps not the best people to associate with if you are needing to reach out. If you feel they have done wrong, then let them go. No one is making you forgive them. But you do not need to be alone. Make new friends, establish common ground and surround yourself with people who do care.

    You are grieving your mom's passing, and it's entirely normal to feel the way you do. Losing a parent can be extraordinarily hard, especially if you were close or the circumstances regarding the death were unprecedented. Don't detach yourself from this "old you". It was who you were at some point, and it is unhealthy to repress and ignore that part, even if it is not who you are today.

    Losing your job is a serious blow too, and it can feel very daunting trying to find new work. But you have to press onward. It's a moment of great discourage, but you have everything to lose if you don't try. There is work to be found if you have the proper resources and the best attitude you can muster.


    Long story short: You may think it's pointless to reach out, but everything's at stake if you're contemplating suicide. You have to reach out, you simply have to try. Be resilient, even in the toughest of times. There are people who do need you, you just don't realize who. They can't afford to see you waste away. If at the very least, consider your mother who breathed life into your being. She wouldn't want you to end it all, no mother wants to see her child die. Please seek professional help.
  • kanzanrr

    Posts: 11

    Aug 30, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    I imagine it will take awhile to work through the loss of your mom who you were fortunate to be close with, be kind to yourself, good luck.

    Nice piano music on your profile page.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2011 4:01 PM GMT

    Mike, try this; if your Mom were suddenly here now, what would she say?

    a hug

    -Doug
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    Aug 31, 2011 5:52 PM GMT
    Doug is right

    Would your mum want you to attemt suicide?

    I imagine she would want you to move forwards and be happy.

    She may have died, but you can still honour her memory .

    The fact you are grieving shows how much you loved her,

    I lost my dad at age 25 and totally understand the pain you must be feeling.

    the pain wont go away, but you will learn to live with it and move day by day by day

    Mail me if you need someone to vent with.

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    Sep 01, 2011 5:16 AM GMT
    Mikeslc,

    As you've seen from the responses many people do not understand suicide. We are programmed by society to fear it and reject it. We create laws that prevent other people from enacting it and declare them temporarily insane. It's obvious to me after only a few years of talking to depressed people and hearing their stories that these things were all invented by people who lack an understanding of suicide. I hope that if you are truly considering suicide, that you will call the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255) and get help.

    The death of your mom and the circumstances surrounding it seem very complicated. I think you would really benefit from having someone to work through those feelings and hopefully help get you to a better place.

    That being said, I think you really need to explore some other options besides suicide. It's the ultimate terminal option an in my opinion truly an option of last resort. You mentioned you were unemployed but I don't know if that is still the case. You can contact your local hospital for information about crisis centers and obtaining free or low cost therapy. You don't have to settle for being numb the rest of your life. You can get therapy and gain a companion to help guide you through this.

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    Sep 10, 2011 12:26 AM GMT
    Mike, your mom raised an incredible man. I wish I had half of what you had. I have nobody. You'll get back on your feet. Everything will work out. I promise. You will find this strength within you, and you'll do just do things you never knew you could. And, then all of a sudden, you'll find all of the pieces of your life put back together. You'll feel somewhat alive, more so than before, and you'll be fine.

    Everything is going to work out, I promise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    Scotticus saidSuicide is not the answer to solve your crises.

    Nobody is good at playing this game we call "life", so you cannot regret the mistakes of your past. The people who were formerly connected to your mother are perhaps not the best people to associate with if you are needing to reach out. If you feel they have done wrong, then let them go. No one is making you forgive them. But you do not need to be alone. Make new friends, establish common ground and surround yourself with people who do care.

    You are grieving your mom's passing, and it's entirely normal to feel the way you do. Losing a parent can be extraordinarily hard, especially if you were close or the circumstances regarding the death were unprecedented. Don't detach yourself from this "old you". It was who you were at some point, and it is unhealthy to repress and ignore that part, even if it is not who you are today.

    Losing your job is a serious blow too, and it can feel very daunting trying to find new work. But you have to press onward. It's a moment of great discourage, but you have everything to lose if you don't try. There is work to be found if you have the proper resources and the best attitude you can muster.


    Long story short: You may think it's pointless to reach out, but everything's at stake if you're contemplating suicide. You have to reach out, you simply have to try. Be resilient, even in the toughest of times. There are people who do need you, you just don't realize who. They can't afford to see you waste away. If at the very least, consider your mother who breathed life into your being. She wouldn't want you to end it all, no mother wants to see her child die. Please seek professional help.



    Your photo is in bad taste considering the thread! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    Mikeinslc saidI don't know what's next, shortly after losing her, I lost my job, I don't know if is a downward spiral that will end me soon. One way or another.

    I don't know your age, your profile & pic blocked. At 19 I had a terrible motorcycle accident, that left me disfigured for a time, but worse, affected me like a stroke. I stuttered, my memory was crap, I lost the ability to play the piano, one of my pleasures in life, and above all, my IQ dropped a massive degree. I thought I had no life ahead of me.

    I tried suicide several times because of it. I enlisted in the Army, as much to let them kill me instead as to punish myself for what I had done to myself. But strangely I found my calling, in a career I never had imagined for myself. The next 25 years in uniform were some of the happiest of my life.

    Then not so many years ago my partner died of AIDS, right in my arms. Afterwards I simply lost the will to live. My gay friends did an intervention, literally forcing their way into my house and taking over. They put me back on my feet. And today I have a new partner, I couldn't be happier.

    Lesson: things look bad when things are bad. But bad things pass. The dark clouds will clear, and you'll be as good as you ever were, and better. But it's tough to believe that when you're under a shadow.

    Trust your Bob: it will all get well again. You just have to be patient and never give up. We've all been through this, some worse than you, and come out OK. So will you. Time heals all wounds.
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    Sep 11, 2011 9:27 AM GMT
    If I could, I'd hug you until all the hurt went away