I have a question

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    Aug 29, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    What if there's a guy who seems to be extremely interested in you and then tells you that because he's going to school full-time and working part-time that he wants to break up with you before that happens so it's a "clean break-up?"


    Would you think that's a cop out or not?
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    Aug 29, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidWhat if there's a guy who seems to be extremely interested in you and then tells you that because he's going to school full-time and working part-time that he wants to break up with you before that happens so it's a "clean break-up?"


    Would you think that's a cop out or not?


    Total cop out, the man is a coward, and you deserve better than that.
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    Aug 29, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    Agreed. Cop out. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 29, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    Yes sir...
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    Aug 29, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    Cop out. "Next!"
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Aug 29, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    Mr. Cop-out, you have a phone call!
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    Aug 29, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    Sorry, gotta agree with the group. That is such a dumb excuse, I hate it when people use something like that.
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    Aug 29, 2011 9:33 PM GMT
    Who is it? Who's pulling this kind of crap on you? Just point and I will go scratch his brain out for you. icon_mad.gif

    Yeah it's a total cop out. Like someone said up there you deserve better.

    Hope you feel better about it... icon_sad.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 29, 2011 9:56 PM GMT
    as someone who has that sort of schedule often, it's not a cop-out. i tell guys up front at the end of summer the relationship ends. honestly, having a boyfriend in your life while trying to handle school and work is an unwanted burden.
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    Aug 29, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    calibro saidas someone who has that sort of schedule often, it's not a cop-out. i tell guys up front at the end of summer the relationship ends. honestly, having a boyfriend in your life while trying to handle school and work is an unwanted burden.

    I don't know if Calibro is being serious or not, but I gotta fully agree, I had to put up with a whiny bitch going at me constantly because we couldn't spend enough time together while I was studying and working..

    Do you know how irritating that is when your trying to study for something and he's in the background trying to demand attention!

    No, I don't think it's a cop out, you were some fun and stress relief for this guy but it's back to more important stuff.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Aug 29, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    calibro saidas someone who has that sort of schedule often, it's not a cop-out. i tell guys up front at the end of summer the relationship ends. honestly, having a boyfriend in your life while trying to handle school and work is an unwanted burden.

    I don't know if Calibro is being serious or not, but I gotta fully agree, I had to put up with a whiny bitch going at me constantly because we couldn't spend enough time together while I was studying and working..

    Do you know how irritating that is when your trying to study for something and he's in the background trying to demand attention!

    No, I don't think it's a cop out, you were some fun and stress relief for this guy but it's back to more important stuff.


    Sort of agree with calibro and lil tanker. It's possibly a cop out, but his point of view has some merit.

    My bud is an art dealer with a lot of extra time on his hands, thanks to this sucky economy. His man is going to med school and working part time. They aren't at the move in point of the relationship, so their available time together is less than a full 24 hour period each week. And that's if there are no other competing social obligations. He's complaining more and more about their lack of time together, but what is the guy supposed to do?

    It's very hard to invest in a relationship in these circumstances. It's different if you are already together for a while and agree to patiently wait it out. Even if you're going through the same thing together, it just might not be there when you come out the other side. There is a time and a place to do it right. I think it's mature to recognize this.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    I found out that it really was a cop out.

    Thanks for the response, guys.
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Aug 30, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    DESTROY!
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    Aug 30, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    calibro saidas someone who has that sort of schedule often, it's not a cop-out. i tell guys up front at the end of summer the relationship ends. honestly, having a boyfriend in your life while trying to handle school and work is an unwanted burden.

    I don't know if Calibro is being serious or not, but I gotta fully agree, I had to put up with a whiny bitch going at me constantly because we couldn't spend enough time together while I was studying and working..

    Do you know how irritating that is when your trying to study for something and he's in the background trying to demand attention!

    No, I don't think it's a cop out, you were some fun and stress relief for this guy but it's back to more important stuff.


    I have to disagree with you guys just a little bit. It can work given the right personalities.

    I dated a guy for about a year and a half while he was in school. I had my own place, but I was always at his. We were perfectly happy just quietly being in the same room with each other as he studied while I read recreationally. I'd go to the gym, come back, fix him dinner, we'd fool around and he'd study again while I read. Then we'd go to bed, fuck like crazed weasels, wake up the next morning and repeat.

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 30, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidWhat if there's a guy who seems to be extremely interested in you and then tells you that because he's going to school full-time and working part-time that he wants to break up with you before that happens so it's a "clean break-up?"


    Would you think that's a cop out or not?




    Total cop out --- Who wants a guy who can't multi-task anyway icon_rolleyes.gif
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Aug 30, 2011 4:34 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidI found out that it really was a cop out.

    Thanks for the response, guys.


    Sorry guyicon_sad.gif

    At least you are young and cute and one step closer now, to finding the right man.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Aug 30, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    School for me was hellish. Lecture and/or clinic 40 hours a week, then studying on top of that, then labwork or other projects on top of that as well.

    While I could have foreseen doing a "clean break-up", on the other hand if I really liked a person, I would have found a way to make it work. Even if it meant only seeing the guy once every week or every other week, or texting between patients or classes, or something.

    Soulasphyxi, sorry for the guy being not only a d-bag, but a cowardly d-bag. You definitely deserve better than that.
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    Aug 30, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    The_Guerrilla_Sodomite saidI have to disagree with you guys [Tanker & cal] just a little bit. It can work given the right personalities.

    I dated a guy for about a year and a half while he was in school. I had my own place, but I was always at his. We were perfectly happy just quietly being in the same room with each other as he studied while I read recreationally. I'd go to the gym, come back, fix him dinner, we'd fool around and he'd study again while I read. Then we'd go to bed, fuck like crazed weasels, wake up the next morning and repeat.

    I was about to post a similar thought -- it depends on the guys. One couple might find maintaining a relationship is a burden on one or both of them, another couple might experience no drawbacks, while yet a third does better as a team than as separate individuals.

    I've always looked for the team kind of relationship, and believe I do better with the right guy at my side than without him. And I hope that's been his mutual feeling, too.

    But I can understand circumstances, perhaps like schooling, where a guy's gotta pretty much be doing it on his own and totally focused at times. There a BF can function as a general helpmate, taking on some of the extracurricular burdens, like domestic chores, doing errands, and even just providing supportive companionship & encouragement.

    But the same circumstances can make having a demanding & needy BF a distraction & hindrance. Someone you might otherwise tolerate in better times because of other positive qualities he has, but whom you can't indulge when he's dragging you down, and taking more from your life right now than you can afford to be giving up.
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:06 PM GMT

    Cop out but at the same time, at least he was honest. He could have just dropped you without saying anything. Know what you're getting into, and either run or have fun while it lasts.
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:27 PM GMT
    Better to find out now that he's a spineless douche bag then to get deep into it and get hit with it later. You deserve better. His loss, right?
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    He ran :/
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    My schedule for the last year and half has been horrific. I have had no time for my family, friends and my now ex boyfriend.

    I feel terrible about it, but at the same time I'm doing what I need to do now, to not have to be this busy tomorrow.

    Until I'm in a more comfortable position i.e. done with school, out of the military, have a decent job. I'm kind of done pursuing relationships also.

    So I can identify with him on some level. He's just being honest and you have to respect that.

    At the same time I'm honest with people from the very beginning. Rather than allowing the emotions to build and then finally admitting it.


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    Aug 31, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    11337S said
    Soulasphyxi saidI found out that it really was a cop out.

    Thanks for the response, guys.


    really? thaz it?

    how bout some f'in details, mary?


    Heh, he just didn't like me anymore. He said it was due to the situation, but I knew better.

    He said that if only the situation was better than maybe it could work out. So I just.... applied some of the techniques I've learned in psychology to get out the motives behind that. I discovered that he just didn't like me anymore period.
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    Aug 31, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    The_Guerrilla_Sodomite said
    lilTanker said
    calibro saidas someone who has that sort of schedule often, it's not a cop-out. i tell guys up front at the end of summer the relationship ends. honestly, having a boyfriend in your life while trying to handle school and work is an unwanted burden.

    I don't know if Calibro is being serious or not, but I gotta fully agree, I had to put up with a whiny bitch going at me constantly because we couldn't spend enough time together while I was studying and working..

    Do you know how irritating that is when your trying to study for something and he's in the background trying to demand attention!

    No, I don't think it's a cop out, you were some fun and stress relief for this guy but it's back to more important stuff.


    I have to disagree with you guys just a little bit. It can work given the right personalities.

    I dated a guy for about a year and a half while he was in school. I had my own place, but I was always at his. We were perfectly happy just quietly being in the same room with each other as he studied while I read recreationally. I'd go to the gym, come back, fix him dinner, we'd fool around and he'd study again while I read. Then we'd go to bed, fuck like crazed weasels, wake up the next morning and repeat.


    If I can find a guy who will do that for me and make me dinner... I'd bloody marry to poor bastard!!!!