Another Series of Foul & Rotten Dates -- Is It Me?

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    Aug 30, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    OK, so I went out with this guy a couple of times and everything was good, he said he was attracted to me, thought I was really smart, etc. He did discuss his depression issues (on the first date), did seem rather self-absorbed and de-energized, so I was already clued in.

    Long story short, third time out, we're watching DVDs at his place and he falls asleep. Not falling asleep in the cute way where you're both snuggling and cuddling together. . . he was in another chair. I thought, 'man, this is no fun at all.' I left right away.

    Anyway, we don't go out again but a couple wks. later he sends a Facebook message saying he was so depressed (over a variety of things) and on such psychological overload that he couldn't do anything but make it to work and walk the dog in the evening. Going out he couldn't handle.

    I thought 'good grief, that's a see-you-later if I ever heard one,' so I wrote back, wished him well and said if he ever needed a friend to discuss his depression issues he could call me.

    Got a text a couple wks. later saying 'sorry I've been out of touch, I'll call you tomorrow.' But never heard from him.

    I realize this is a long, boring story to nowhere but I keep wondering if the problem is me, because I sure seem to run into a lot of guys like this.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    It's him. Move on.

  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Aug 30, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    He just seems like hes having a hard time atm. Don't take it too personally man, I wouldn't think it would be you.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    Thanks for the responses, guys. I hope it's not me.
  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Aug 30, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    It's not you.
    He is exhibiting classic signs of depression.

    He needs to take care of himself before he can get into a relationship.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    it sounds that he got too much problems with his life
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    Well, you're reading the signs OK. So, obviously it's him.

    However, are you always attracting the same type of loser? I guess that's what you're asking, right?

    So, when you meet a guy, does a little Florence Nightingale come out of you? If you often fall for guys that seem a little off or damaged, then yeah, it's you.
  • OutdoorAdvent...

    Posts: 361

    Aug 30, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    The problem is obvious...you should be dating me.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    So, when you meet a guy, does a little Florence Nightingale come out of you? If you often fall for guys that seem a little off or damaged, then yeah, it's you.



    Mickey, thanks for the response. I guess it's not that I fall for guys who seem off or damaged. But I try to cut people slack, because I know nobody's perfect. So if a guy has some issues, but has other good qualities, I don't just drop him.


    Outdoor Adventure: Sounds good, let's talk, buddy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidI realize this is a long, boring story to nowhere but I keep wondering if the problem is me, because I sure seem to run into a lot of guys like this.

    Possibly. It may be more than a coincidence that you're running into a lot of guys like this.
    Are you attracted to the wounded bird type?
    Do you think you are looking to date guys that aren't emotionally available?
    Do you think there's something about how you act or carry yourself that attracts depressed guys?
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Ermine said
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidI realize this is a long, boring story to nowhere but I keep wondering if the problem is me, because I sure seem to run into a lot of guys like this.

    Possibly. It may be more than a coincidence that you're running into a lot of guys like this.
    Are you attracted to the wounded bird type?
    Do you think you are looking to date guys that aren't emotionally available?
    Do you think there's something about how you act or carry yourself that attracts depressed guys?



    These are good questions. I've asked myself the same thing.

    --I'm not necessarily attracted to the wounded bird type, but I'm not turned away either. . . I think sometimes I want to "fix" them. In this case, I didn't know he was a depressed guy until we went out.

    I don't think I'm somehow, subconsciously or otherwise, seeking out emotionally unavailable guys. (Though I wonder sometimes.)

    --I feel pretty sure I don't act in a way that attracts depressed guys. I'm really upbeat, outgoing and sociable.
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    Aug 30, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles said--I feel pretty sure I don't act in a way that attracts depressed guys. I'm really upbeat, outgoing and sociable.

    Then maybe the depressed guys like you because you show them what's missing in their lives.
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    Aug 30, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidIt's him. Move on.




    Bingo!

    a hug -your buds n BC


    (I went through a lot of this before I met Bill, maybe because I went through this; meeting a lot of men so as well a fair number of flakes was to be expected, lol!)
    -Doug
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    Sep 02, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    Thanks Bill and Doug

    The thing is, I'm always the upbeat one but after dealing with so many depressed guys I'm starting to get depressed myself

    Aren't there any HAPPY gay guys out there?

    If you are, please get in touch icon_wink.gif