Dealing with flaky guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    So ever since I came out about a couple of months ago. I've been trying to meet gay guys in Chi. Met a bunch of ppl including assholes... It's very easy for me to talk and meet people since I consider myself a social person but I've been noticing the lack of follow up after we meet. The guys seem real interested in hanging out and we'll talk for a few days after but like after a week they seem to like fly out the window.

    I'm not desperate by any means since I have my own group of friends but I seem to think I'm in a bottomless pit. Kinda frustrating and confused I guess...

    Any thoughts.
  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Aug 30, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    Man that happens to me too! wtf.

    Thought i was the only one icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    get used to it...
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    One day you'll also "flake" at someone else and you'll realize why those people did the same thing to you before. Or at least get the grasp of it. ;)
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidIt's hard to make friends in real life when these are people you meet online.
    This is great advice. Which part of his post mentioned how he was meeting them?

    OP, your cuteness and athleticism are great door-openers, and apparently you're approachable enough to make the sale. Count yourself lucky.

    Now, details: describe a typical date. What's your itinerary, what topics do you discuss, do you have sex right away or not at all, are the guys you meet listeners or are they talkers, are you a talker or listener, etc. Do you appear ready to commit, or do you appear reticent? All of these things can be factors.

    And do you really mean flaky? Flaky, to me, sounds like someone who makes an appointment but then doesn't show, then calls to ask where you were last night. Perhaps you mean, ulp, disinterested?
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    Don't date. Make friends. Or make friends with great benefit packages. The worst way to find a mate is to go looking for one, in my experience. Good luck.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidHym...I could have sworn his post indicated that this had to do with meeting guys from online. Either he altered his post or I misinterpreted what he said. Oh well...
    It's called billboard blindness. After awhile threads start to merge together into a mushy gray.
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    Aug 30, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    pjs1450 saidSo ever since I came out about a couple of months ago. I've been trying to meet gay guys in Chi. Met a bunch of ppl including assholes... It's very easy for me to talk and meet people since I consider myself a social person but I've been noticing the lack of follow up after we meet. The guys seem real interested in hanging out and we'll talk for a few days after but like after a week they seem to like fly out the window.

    I'm not desperate by any means since I have my own group of friends but I seem to think I'm in a bottomless pit. Kinda frustrating and confused I guess...

    Any thoughts.



    With a body like yours you shouldn't have any problem with that icon_twisted.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 30, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Well remember you may have certain goals when you meet them (friendship, etc), but they might have a whole different view on where they want it to go. When they realize you have different goals, they split.
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    Aug 30, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Gay guys are the flakiest subset of the human species. Unfortunately. I think it's proven scientifically. I've given up on trying to find one who isn't. Just enjoying the parade that I'm now starting to find comedic.
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    Aug 30, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    Rules for Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    alphatrigger saidRules for Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male.

    This! No wiser or truer words have been said on RJ.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    Friendships, like any relationship, is a two-way thing.
    If people start flaking on me, i stop calling them. I dont need people wasting my time if they dont want to give me theirs.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy said
    alphatrigger saidRules for Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male.


    This! No wiser or truer words have been said on RJ.


    EXCUSE ME SIR!!!

    Not all of us flake, don't generalize.
    When i say let's do something, we'll do it, and i'm right on time about it.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    You can blame MALES in general for that. It is to be expected when trying to find a MAN in a sea full of boys.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    It's also Chi-town itself. The club life is full of guys just cruising for sex, and when you don't put out when you first meet... bye bye birdie. I wish it were different, I love the city and eventually want to move there.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    Cityaznguy said
    alphatrigger saidRules for Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male.


    This! No wiser or truer words have been said on RJ.


    EXCUSE ME SIR!!!

    Not all of us flake, don't generalize.
    When i say let's do something, we'll do it, and i'm right on time about it.


    He's not generalizing. He said never UNDERESTIMATE the flakiness of the gay male... not that ALL gays are flaky.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    Cityaznguy said
    alphatrigger saidRules for Gay Men:

    Rule 1. Never, ever... EVER... underestimate the flakiness of the gay male.


    This! No wiser or truer words have been said on RJ.


    EXCUSE ME SIR!!!

    Not all of us flake, don't generalize.
    When i say let's do something, we'll do it, and i'm right on time about it.


    You are an outstanding exception. icon_wink.gif

    Btw, for the bad stuff like this, it's better to "generalize" (which he really is not). It brings the expectations all the way down, so you're less likely to get hurt. And, when someone defies the Law of Alphatrigger that "thou shall not underestimate the flakiness of the gay male", it's a pleasant surprise. Won't you say so?
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    pjs1450 saidSo ever since I came out about a couple of months ago. I've been trying to meet gay guys in Chi. Met a bunch of ppl including assholes... It's very easy for me to talk and meet people since I consider myself a social person but I've been noticing the lack of follow up after we meet. The guys seem real interested in hanging out and we'll talk for a few days after but like after a week they seem to like fly out the window.

    I'm not desperate by any means since I have my own group of friends but I seem to think I'm in a bottomless pit. Kinda frustrating and confused I guess...

    Any thoughts.


    I'm experiencing the same, granted I'm not extremely social and I'm closeted, but I'm here in Chicago as well. It seems the more you ignore them the more interested they become...it's fascinating. This one guy on mh has been talking to me on and off for a while...I finally agreed to meet up with him but I told him I'll only have a drink and a chat, no hooking up...of course he tried to convince me otherwise...I told him I'm tired of one and dones...so he's going to have to earn it...of course he insists and then finally says ok and then signs off LOL!! What a tosser!...Would much rather find out this way that after having slept with him...I think guys just are asses for the most part, straight or gay... I'm not angel myself, but I do make some sort of effort to be considerate of others.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    Is this RealJock or the website where everyone bitches about their inability to successfully date?
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    SFYogi saidIs this RealJock or the website where everyone bitches about their inability to successfully date?


    I'm not complaining, I'm just a cynic.
  • westguy79

    Posts: 175

    Aug 30, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    There are lots of flaky guys...
    I'm also here in Chicago. I got really pissed off the first few years I came out and was wondering if I was the problem when guys were flakes. Its not you. Give it time.

    Plus, just last week I had a guy tell me I was too flaky. icon_eek.gif

    Make peace with the situation and move on. Hope that helps!
    icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy said

    And, when someone defies the Law of Alphatrigger that "thou shall not underestimate the flakiness of the gay male", it's a pleasant surprise. Won't you say so?


    ALPHATRIGGER vs. GIGOLOASSASSIN!!!

    Sounds like a SuperHero Porn film! icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Guys will follow you like dogs in heat if you maintain their interest. I'm not the friendliest guy around and, in fact, I'm on the mean, aloof and flighty side, but for some reason homos like that and they tend to be enamored with the "I don't give a fuck about you" attitude. Go figure.
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    Aug 30, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidGuys will follow you like dogs in heat if you maintain their interest. I'm not the friendliest guy around and, in fact, I'm on the mean, aloof and flighty side, but for some reason homos like that and they tend to be enamored with the "I don't give a fuck about you" attitude. Go figure.



    Unfortunately, this is very, very true. I think I've decided that being a nice guy is definitely not a helpful tool in finding a boyfriend. Friends, yes. Boyfriend, no.