To those of you that aren't out..

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Aug 30, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    .. and think it won't affect anyone else.

    As some of you know I recently lost someone was dating and he was not out to his family. The fact that he was not out has made things harder in many ways.

    I couldn't visit him in the hospital,
    His brother told me I prob shouldn't go to the funeral,
    I can't offer help to his family (except his brother)
    His family will never know who he really was.

    If you are ever in a relationship your friends and family will not know the guy your seeing is anything more than an acquaintance.... just something to think about.

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    Aug 30, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    I never even thought of it that way, but that is so true.
    *hugs*
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    Aug 30, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    EVERYONE should read this and send it to closeted people they know. It's 2011. Why not be comfortable with yourself? I live with someone who has been in the process of coming out, and his life has greatly improved through the process. The more people who come out, the less reason there will be to hide.
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    Aug 30, 2011 5:31 AM GMT
    Wow, I am so sorry man.

    *Hugs* bro.
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    Aug 30, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    Wow man, so sorry for your loss. I used to think about that all the time before I came out. Thank you for sharing this as hard as it must be, it might shed new light for guys still in the closet.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Aug 30, 2011 5:58 AM GMT
    amoonhawk saidI am very sorry for your loss. I have lost a companion, but I can't image that happening at such a young age, and with him not being out, that really has to hurt that you could see him in the hospital. I don't understand why you wouldn't be able to go to the funeral. Does his brother think that he wouldn't have wanted it that way. Even aquaintances go to funerals. If he wasn't out to his family, well at this point in time that is the way he wanted it, so that should be respected. It is customary to offer condolences and a sympathy card, even sending flowers is ok. You can just tell the parents you are sorry for their loss, and he will be greatly missed, if not in person, in a card. It sad, but it is a part of life, we all will eventually have to go. When someone passes in life it is better to think of how lucky you were to have gotten to know them, and you always have someone to talk to, even though you can't see them now.


    The Funeral is in Florida.. so Idk it's a bigger deal to fly out there
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:20 AM GMT
    diD h3 d13 Fr0m da AiDz?
























    Trololololololololol.
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:22 AM GMT
    I'm so sorry for your loss man icon_sad.gif

    Chin up icon_smile.gif

    Hugs.

    xoxo.
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:23 AM GMT
    Kristoff said...incredibly hurtful reply...
    Dude, you just lost what tiny bit of human respect I had for you.
    If I owned this site, you would be gone for that.
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    Aug 30, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Kristoff said...incredibly hurtful reply...
    Dude, you just lost what tiny bit of human respect I had for you.
    If I owned this site, you would be gone for that.


    Shhhh.

    The big boys the talking now icon_razz.gif

    You be quiet now.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Aug 30, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    Kristoff saiddiD h3 d13 Fr0m da AiDz?


    No. Head Trauma
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    Aug 30, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear such a sad news. Just touch base with his bro. Send flowers to the family if you would like to. It'll show that there are other people who thought their son was a wonderful person.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    Sorry for your loss.
  • petermalaka

    Posts: 158

    Aug 30, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    Oh man. So sorry for your loss. :[

    I'm not out yet, but never thought of a situation like this. Must be very painful for you man.

    RE coming out: I guess I'm mostly scared that my life will change, and I don't handle change very well at all. I really want to though, because it will make life easier for relationships. Just scared icon_cry.gif

    Anyway sorry for what happened. :[
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:06 PM GMT
    DrobUA said

    No. Head Trauma


    Apparently Kristoff knows all too well how that is!icon_rolleyes.gif


    So sorry for your loss, Drob.icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    Sorry for your loss my friend. Life can be unfair, on so many levels in this case. Had a friend some years back who lost his partner, who was not out to his family. Since they lived in a condo that belonged to the parents, my friend lost his home as well. Fortunately the parents weren't stupid (had kind of figured it out), and they did all right by my friend. Still, it was unreal that at a time of grieving he had to worry about losing his home and all that goes with that. We live in a messed up world.

    You know you don't need a casket to have a funeral. A couple of nicely framed picture, a few of his favorite things, some mementos of your better days with him. Set them out on a table, have his brother and those who knew him and know you over, and celebrate his short life. Grief requires the touch of other in order to transform the pain. Take care my young friend -you've brought tears to my eyes.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    I never stopped thinking about that, but there is nothing I can do, i will probably leave behind my Diaries, but If I die, who's gona tell you guys??
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    DrobUA said.. and think it won't affect anyone else.

    As some of you know I recently lost someone was dating and he was not out to his family. The fact that he was not out has made things harder in many ways.

    I couldn't visit him in the hospital,
    His brother told me I prob shouldn't go to the funeral,
    I can't offer help to his family (except his brother)
    His family will never know who he really was.

    If you are ever in a relationship your friends and family will not know the guy your seeing is anything more than an acquaintance.... just something to think about.



    I am so sorry for your loss. My parents know that I'm gay and they hate it and they don't want me to tell anyone and they said that if I start dating a guy they will disown me.
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    Aug 30, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Kristoff said
    paulflexes said
    Kristoff said...incredibly hurtful reply...
    Dude, you just lost what tiny bit of human respect I had for you.
    If I owned this site, you would be gone for that.


    Shhhh.

    The big boys the talking now icon_razz.gif

    That leaves YOU out.. now go to your room and stand in the corner like all little bad boys do.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    Sorry I was so self centered man

    I really am sorry for your loss! icon_sad.gif

    *Hugs*

    Maybe u should write down ur relationship with him so that u can always read through his life whenever u miss him... idk

    Be strong
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    One of the many reasons why I won't date a closeted person. Either I'm a major part of your life or I'm not there at all. I know there are reasons why people are closeted and I respect their life choices. I just choose not to complicate my life.

    So sorry for your loss.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    amgad had a great idea. write out everything and then when you need a moment to reflect leaf through the pages to remember him icon_smile.gif what an amazing idea
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:21 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Kristoff said...incredibly hurtful reply...
    Dude, you just lost what tiny bit of human respect I had for you.
    If I owned this site, you would be gone for that.


    Agreed. I'm rarely shocked by anything on RJ, but the purified, crystalline malevolence of Kristoff's comment left my jaw on the floor.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    Very sorry to hear about your loss.

    Thank you for sharing that with everyone, hopefully it will get more people thinking about their own situations.
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    Aug 30, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    To the OP: I'm confused about something. In your original thread, you said you went to see him in the hospital and now you're saying you didn't. icon_question.gif