Why gay dating sucks

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    Aug 31, 2011 8:46 AM GMT
    I've thought about this a lot. It's a confluence of overlapping reasons.

    1. Gays have less partners to chose from in the first place. Strike one.

    2.. On a primal level, it appears women are biologically predisposed towards monogamy (to protect their offspring), while men are biological predisposed to promiscuity (to spread their genes). We laugh about lesbians moving in t yes, together after a week, but there's truth in the stereotype. Its oversimplistic, but men are generally less apt to "settle down" and engage in traditional courting rituals when women are removed from the equation. Strike two.

    3. Culturally, I would say that most American gay men are indoctrinated to find attractive a very specific type of hyper masculine, young, Nordicist ideal. This is the dominant image of male perfection in gay advertising and media - (for example, contrast that with straight porn stars, who would be average looking by the standards of gay porn). The result are superficial and unrealistic expectations reduce satisfaction in same-sex male dating. Strike three, you're out, but let's put more fuel on the fire...

    4. Technology has accelerated sex and created a hookup culture that is not conducive to getting to know someone, i.e., the current gay/bi norm is not meeting someone in a bar person-to-person, screening them through conversation, and perhaps getting to like them before you know what their pecs and cock look like. The reverse is now more true.

    That's the psychobabble I've come up with to explain why dating guys sucks schwetty balls. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 9:06 AM GMT
    LOL, I wasn't logged into the forum and realized sucks and sweaty balls was censored. Way to go RJ.

    I agree with #4, the whole hookup culture.

    But I also feel gays have some weird engrained psychotic bull crap going on in their little peanuts that possess them to be flaky as fuck many times when it comes to dating. When a mother fucker actually meets another mother fucker that might have some fucking potential, the mother fucker goes and fucks it up by acting in ways that aren't conducive to building anything. Conversing through texts, not answering texts, disappearing acts, excuses, lies (I want love, but I'm afraid to love). Mother fucker, I've only gone on 2 dates with you. Where the fuck you come off?

    I done met about 20-30 guys in this town in the 9 months I been here and not 1 one of them have even mildly attempted to call me 'boyfriend' or our meetups as 'dates' or anything like that.

    Reason why I say, is because I have delved into the straight lifestyle and these guys hookup with women and end up dating them, meet them on plentyoffish, OKcupid, games, bars, clubs, dancefloors, you name it...and they end up dating.

    Yet for gay people, we have pretty much shitted on every possible option of meeting each other. There is so much potential in online dating sites and the bars...that being bringing gay men together on the premise of actually establishing something worthwhile. But we spend so much time discriminating and being prejudice that we push away people who are actually worth a damn. And I'm not just talking about race.
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    Aug 31, 2011 9:20 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver said

    But I also feel gays have some weird engrained psychotic bull crap going on in their little peanuts that possess them to be flaky as fuck many times when it comes to dating.


    I think it goes back to my second point, about male promiscuity. It's probably not about you: it's just that they're also involved with three or four other dudes. It can be hard to keep up, no?
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    Aug 31, 2011 9:33 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    I think it goes back to my second point, about male promiscuity. It's probably not about you: it's just that they're also involved with three or four other dudes. It can be hard to keep up, no?


    It could be, but they always lie and get caught.

    Like this one guy..we've been texting now for over 2 months. Probably 3 months. He always asked when we were meeting, but whenever I tried putting the plan into action, he would disappear for a few days.

    I seen him at a local bar when I texted him I'd be there and that it'd be a great time to meet for the first time since I know he frequents there. This mother fucker come roll up with some other dude looking stupid as hell and the guy hasn't a clue he's been trying to meet me on the DL for several weeks now.

    Full. Of. Crap. I done wasted all that time chatting with him only for him to show up with the guy who he's actually dating! What kind of crap is that? What kind? It's dog crap!
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    Aug 31, 2011 10:17 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidI've thought about this a lot. It's a confluence of overlapping reasons.

    1. Gays have less partners to chose from in the first place. Strike one.

    2.. On a primal level, it appears women are biologically predisposed towards monogamy (to protect their offspring), while men are biological predisposed to promiscuity (to spread their genes). We laugh about lesbians moving in t yes, together after a week, but there's truth in the stereotype. Its oversimplistic, but men are generally less apt to "settle down" and engage in traditional courting rituals when women are removed from the equation. Strike two.

    3. Culturally, I would say that most American gay men are indoctrinated to find attractive a very specific type of hyper masculine, young, Nordicist ideal. This is the dominant image of male perfection in gay advertising and media - (for example, contrast that with straight porn stars, who would be average looking by the standards of gay porn). The result are superficial and unrealistic expectations reduce satisfaction in same-sex male dating. Strike three, you're out, but let's put more fuel on the fire...

    4. Technology has accelerated sex and created a hookup culture that is not conducive to getting to know someone, i.e., the current gay/bi norm is not meeting someone in a bar person-to-person, screening them through conversation, and perhaps getting to like them before you know what their pecs and cock look like. The reverse is now more true.

    That's the psychobabble I've come up with to explain why dating guys sucks schwetty balls. icon_sad.gif
    1. We don't have less. There are simply less who actually admit to being gay, which makes it seem like there are less.

    2 Yep, men are naturally more promiscuous. There are exceptions to the rule, but very few. The rest are lying, and they are the ones who get noticed the most. If they'd stop the lying and admit to preferring polygamy, that issue would be solved. Until then, they'll continue pretending to be monogamous and cheat behind their partner's backs.

    3. Allow me to introduce you to ancient Greece. Nuff said...some things never change.

    4. Before the internet, there were phone sex lines, parks, truck stops, and other public-yet-private places where guys would hookup. The internet exposed most of those things and has taken over as the primary hookup spot because it's more secure...and legal.
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    Aug 31, 2011 11:08 AM GMT
    ....Makes me think of returning back to dating women...
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    Aug 31, 2011 11:34 AM GMT
    Fivealive said....Makes me think of returning back to dating women...
    Honestly, if I were bisexual and could make that choice, I woud date women too. However, I'd choose women who are open-minded enough to allow me to have a male friend or two on the side...probably also bisexual and dating women. In other words, we'd be a swinger couple.

    Socially speaking, that's much more accepted than having a same-sex partner.
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    Aug 31, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Fivealive said....Makes me think of returning back to dating women...
    Honestly, if I were bisexual and could make that choice, I woud date women too. However, I'd choose women who are open-minded enough to allow me to have a male friend or two on the side...probably also bisexual and dating women. In other words, we'd be a swinger couple.

    Socially speaking, that's much more accepted than having a same-sex partner.


    The grass always seems greener on the other side. Believe me when I say that women really aren't any better than gay men. There are plenty of bitchy girls out there who just wanna have flings and step on guy's hearts. My uncle finally had the determination to end his 20 year marriage, knowing that his wife was cheating on him for about half that time. He had to pay her alimony for the rest of his life. Stupid bitches! icon_mad.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 11:59 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Fivealive said....Makes me think of returning back to dating women...
    Honestly, if I were bisexual and could make that choice, I woud date women too. However, I'd choose women who are open-minded enough to allow me to have a male friend or two on the side...probably also bisexual and dating women. In other words, we'd be a swinger couple.

    Socially speaking, that's much more accepted than having a same-sex partner.


    Very very true, Paul. Also- people highlight the promiscuity of gays but treat straight people with very little regard ie. You rarely hear how straight people hook up and have open relationships etc. It happens all the time.

    It saddens me cos I wonder WHY there's so much discrimination sometimes.
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    Aug 31, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    I've been out for ten years and been on tons of first dates--and never anyone I wanted a second date with.
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    Aug 31, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver saidLOL, I wasn't logged into the forum and realized sucks and sweaty balls was censored. Way to go RJ.

    I agree with #4, the whole hookup culture.

    But I also feel gays have some weird engrained psychotic bull crap going on in their little peanuts that possess them to be flaky as fuck many times when it comes to dating. When a mother fucker actually meets another mother fucker that might have some fucking potential, the mother fucker goes and fucks it up by acting in ways that aren't conducive to building anything. Conversing through texts, not answering texts, disappearing acts, excuses, lies (I want love, but I'm afraid to love). Mother fucker, I've only gone on 2 dates with you. Where the fuck you come off?

    I done met about 20-30 guys in this town in the 9 months I been here and not 1 one of them have even mildly attempted to call me 'boyfriend' or our meetups as 'dates' or anything like that.

    Reason why I say, is because I have delved into the straight lifestyle and these guys hookup with women and end up dating them, meet them on plentyoffish, OKcupid, games, bars, clubs, dancefloors, you name it...and they end up dating.

    Yet for gay people, we have pretty much shitted on every possible option of meeting each other. There is so much potential in online dating sites and the bars...that being bringing gay men together on the premise of actually establishing something worthwhile. But we spend so much time discriminating and being prejudice that we push away people who are actually worth a damn. And I'm not just talking about race.


    What I find interesting: guys understand that if they want to have a certain body they must eat right and train right. And some can wax poetic on what to do and not do. This applies to every aspect of life ... well apparently except for one....

    It boggles my mind that guys think and or expect a constant diet of hooking up/anonymous sex to produce men with the ability to have long lasting mono relationships? In which universe? The adage you are what you eat apparently rings no bells...
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    Aug 31, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver said
    TroyAthlete said
    I think it goes back to my second point, about male promiscuity. It's probably not about you: it's just that they're also involved with three or four other dudes. It can be hard to keep up, no?


    It could be, but they always lie and get caught.

    Like this one guy..we've been texting now for over 2 months. Probably 3 months. He always asked when we were meeting, but whenever I tried putting the plan into action, he would disappear for a few days.

    I seen him at a local bar when I texted him I'd be there and that it'd be a great time to meet for the first time since I know he frequents there. This mother fucker come roll up with some other dude looking stupid as hell and the guy hasn't a clue he's been trying to meet me on the DL for several weeks now.

    Full. Of. Crap. I done wasted all that time chatting with him only for him to show up with the guy who he's actually dating! What kind of crap is that? What kind? It's dog crap!


    This person doesn't have the right tools to have a relationship. When I was single, I met so many guys that said they really wanted relationship but clearly lacked what he preached.

    They either couldn't carry a decent conversation only if it was strictly about them with no intent to learn about their date.

    They also would have some type of criteria that only a god could meet. That is just ignorant to what true relationship is about.

    Some of these were so self centered and conceded about their 8 pack and BMW that they were dripping with total douche bag grease. They could learn to exercise that brain a bit more and the heart.

    It's hard dating yes... But as long as you keep your mind sharp and that zipper zipped for more than 3-5 dates, you can learn a lot about a guy.
  • calibro

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    Aug 31, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    #5 gay men are always complaining about how hard it is to date.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    Look, you talk to straight people, and they're cynical too about their lifestyle, they think we have it so easy.

    I think really it's more difficult for gays because there is no societal pressure. While it's liberating, it can also be kind of empty. The minute gay media there is, has defined being gay as being a gym junky and perpetually clubbing, doing drugs and having sex. While perpetually having sex is a nice fantasy, the reality is that there is biology at play..unlike Queer As Folk we don't walk around with hardon's 24/7 able to jump at anything, as much as many people try to claim they do. So even within our small community, we're confined to living up to astronomically unreasonable standards: making lots of money (which requires a lot of dedication), a perfect body (which requires a lot of dedication), constantly available for sex (requires a lot of time)..there's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...

    I think it's time we all start enjoying reality. Many of us have good job, that put a roof over our heads. We have great friends and family. Take that enjoyment and build on that and find someone that completes the rest of you.
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    Aug 31, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    *mumble mumble*


    I HATE GUYS AhHHHHHH!!!

    icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    I would suggest you stop treating guys like women and start treating them like men.

    Talk to your sister/chick friends about how they do it. I have so many dates and guys who want to follow up I dont know what to do with myself.

    Pro-tip, guys are attracted to three things: Sexy, fun, and mysterious.

    Now go! Flirt til your hearts content!
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    Aug 31, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    mayBbignow2 said
    What does number 3 have to do with ancient greece?


    I'm no historian or anthropologist. But what I gather from watching the History Channel is that what the OP described as the male ideal of physical attractiveness has been around in since ancient Greece. Indeed, modern bodybuilding culture in its infancy (around the era of Eugen Sandow) centered around achieving a body that resembled the old classical statues.

    eugen-sandow-german-born-strongman-in-mu
    Eugen Sandow
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    Aug 31, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    mayBbignow2 said

    What does that have to do with

    Hyper Masculinity, Youth and Nordicism?

    If anything HyperMasculinity is way more than a gym and a specific calorie diets
    Youth could be twinkism
    And musclinity is more than a part of the Caucasian genome


    From what I remember, masculinity in ancient Greece was more than just physical beauty. The ideal man (and hence, the most "masculine", I'm assuming) was strong/athletic, physically good-looking, intelligent, wise, etc. I think the Greek statues were meant to portray that ideal man, but the other not-so-physical attributes are harder to convey in sculpture.

    When we think of "youth" in the sense of attractiveness, I think what most people mean is "the prime of life". If trying to look attractive were simply a matter of trying to look and act as young as possible, we'd all be striving to look and act like children. Achieving the ancient Greek ideal for masculinity would most likely occur during a man's physical prime.

    As for Nordic features, I have no idea. Looking at classical statues, many of them had Nordic features.
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    Aug 31, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    ChunkJGZX saidI've been out for ten years and been on tons of first dates--and never anyone I wanted a second date with.


    That sounds god-awfully pretentious. You sure they didn't feel the same about you?

    If it's true, you sound like the plethora of gay men who are never satisfied with the guy that's in front of them. They go on date, after date after date but always nitpick on some silly shit about why they can't meet up with the guy again.

    I mean, to go on tons of dates in 10 years and not meet ANYONE to go on a second date with? Sounds like someone's confused on what they are looking for...
  • MikemikeMike

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    Aug 31, 2011 7:55 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidI've thought about this a lot. It's a confluence of overlapping reasons.

    1. Gays have less partners to chose from in the first place. Strike one.

    2.. On a primal level, it appears women are biologically predisposed towards monogamy (to protect their offspring), while men are biological predisposed to promiscuity (to spread their genes). We laugh about lesbians moving in t yes, together after a week, but there's truth in the stereotype. Its oversimplistic, but men are generally less apt to "settle down" and engage in traditional courting rituals when women are removed from the equation. Strike two.

    3. Culturally, I would say that most American gay men are indoctrinated to find attractive a very specific type of hyper masculine, young, Nordicist ideal. This is the dominant image of male perfection in gay advertising and media - (for example, contrast that with straight porn stars, who would be average looking by the standards of gay porn). The result are superficial and unrealistic expectations reduce satisfaction in same-sex male dating. Strike three, you're out, but let's put more fuel on the fire...

    4. Technology has accelerated sex and created a hookup culture that is not conducive to getting to know someone, i.e., the current gay/bi norm is not meeting someone in a bar person-to-person, screening them through conversation, and perhaps getting to like them before you know what their pecs and cock look like. The reverse is now more true.

    That's the psychobabble I've come up with to explain why dating guys sucks schwetty balls. icon_sad.gif


    I think number 1 depends on where you live. 2. Why I believe open relationships work well for men. 3. Not always. 4. I don't need the internet to get a date. I grew up when social skills were needed and I find it easy to talk and meet people. 5. gay dating sucks and sometimes it swallows.
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    Aug 31, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    mayBbignow2 saidWhat does number 3 have to do with ancient greece?


    "3. Culturally, I would say that most American gay men are indoctrinated to find attractive a very specific type of hyper masculine, young, Nordicist ideal. This is the dominant image of male perfection in gay advertising and media - (for example, contrast that with straight porn stars, who would be average looking by the standards of gay porn). The result are superficial and unrealistic expectations reduce satisfaction in same-sex male dating. Strike three, you're out, but let's put more fuel on the fire..."

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    Need I say more? icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 31, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike said 4. I don't need the internet to get a date. I grew up when social skills were needed and I find it easy to talk and meet people.


    There are people with horrible social skills who don't know how to use the internet and people like me that know how to make conversations, and keep them going who still use the internet.

    But maybe you can help us out, since you don't need the internet to get a date, where do you find your dates?
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    Aug 31, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    MochaMuscle said
    ChunkJGZX saidI've been out for ten years and been on tons of first dates--and never anyone I wanted a second date with.


    That sounds god-awfully pretentious. You sure they didn't feel the same about you?

    If it's true, you sound like the plethora of gay men who are never satisfied with the guy that's in front of them. They go on date, after date after date but always nitpick on some silly shit about why they can't meet up with the guy again.

    I mean, to go on tons of dates in 10 years and not meet ANYONE to go on a second date with? Sounds like someone's confused on what they are looking for...

    It sounds like maybe they wouldn't date HIM again.
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    Aug 31, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    MochaMuscle said
    ChunkJGZX saidI've been out for ten years and been on tons of first dates--and never anyone I wanted a second date with.


    That sounds god-awfully pretentious. You sure they didn't feel the same about you?

    If it's true, you sound like the plethora of gay men who are never satisfied with the guy that's in front of them. They go on date, after date after date but always nitpick on some silly shit about why they can't meet up with the guy again.

    I mean, to go on tons of dates in 10 years and not meet ANYONE to go on a second date with? Sounds like someone's confused on what they are looking for...


    It actually has a lot more to do with how I'm meeting these guys--I don't drink so my interactions at gay bars are pretty limited, plus I live in New Hampshire where there's really not that much going on. That limits my dating to: blind dates set up by friends/acquaintances, and internet dates.

    I find that the way the internet SHOULD work is that it should be an accessory to real-life interactions. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, it becomes a SUBSTITUTE for social interactions. A lot of the guys I've been on dates with have a hard time communicating in real-life--things go great via e-mail, but the first phone conversation or skype hits a snag. Then comes the first date. I talk to strangers every single day, for a living, so I'm good at it, but my interest wanes when someone can't keep up with that.

    I've met a lot of guys that were great dudes, just not ones that I wanted to date. I never said I didn't become friends with any guys afterward, just that I didn't want to date them. I'm also well aware that probably a lot of those guys weren't that crazy about me either, although I don't spend too much time worrying about that. If I don't like him, or he doesn't like me, or both, all three situations have the same end result. I don't look down on someone for not having a spark with me just as I don't take it personally if they don't feel the same way.

    Blind dating sucks. In the past I'd go through these bouts where I'd get bummed about being single and I'd go on date after date after date, with just about anyone--I get it, dating is like the lottery, you can't win if you don't play. But I'd be left disappointed in the end. Nowadays I'm pretty happy being single, and I'm happy enough with myself to know that the right guy will come along eventually.
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    Aug 31, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Dating can be a very heinous experience that is for sure!
    I myself *Love* it.

    I love meeting new people, I learn so much about myself and the person I want to be by interacting with others.

    I've learned how to put myself out there and:
    ---- Work at maintaining the integrity of myself and of others
    ---- Unapologetically put myself out there, whether it is positively received or not
    ---- Look for the good in everyone and work from that premise
    ---- Let other people own their life and story without judgment
    ---- Share myself without concern of being accepted or understood
    ---- *Practice* the art of forgiveness

    It's also taught me how to establish better boundaries and not put up with bullshit from assholes.

    A dating glass can never be half-full if ones life glass is not.
    *Trite but true*

    ....go ahead and punch me.