Is there a such thing as bar/club burn-out?

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    Sep 02, 2011 7:58 AM GMT
    I am finding it harder and harder to go out and enjoy a bar or club much at all anymore. In case you don't know, I turned 24 last month (I know that's not old) but understand I've been clubbing since I was 17! I used to have my bogus I.D. and snuck out the house on Saturday nights...and when I turned 18 I would go out about 3-4 times a week! That's 7 years. 7 YEARS...

    In Miami I was partying it up from 19 til 21. I would go out faithfully about twice a week, if not once a week.

    But now, I don't what happened (maybe the move) but I just don't enjoy going out at all anymore. Like I try, but then later I leave feeling empty. It seems to have become a place where it's impossible to actually have a genuine conversation with anyone. I don't like having to try TOO hard, or even think that I have to try to hard to meet someone. I used to be able to go out, and meet someone precisely around an hour or later before the bar closed. Now I'm leaving early because I don't even have patience for the whole thing.

    I went out tonight, left at 12:30 and didn't even finish half of my drink. Actually i wasn't even drinking at the end because I didn't feel like getting fucked up or even the slightest bit hungover tomorrow morning because I have a dentist appt. and then have to go to work.

    Another thing too is I just get so tired of meeting guys in the bar, and then later on it's like all that interest and vibe that was going between us at the bar is like non-existent the next day.

    I just feel silly talking about it but ARRGHHH, I'm so over it LOL. I live in a boring little suburb where everyone is married or straight and I just feel compelled to go out just to get in touch with other gay people. That seems to be the only way to do it. But I just hate going out here. It's nothing like it was back in Florida. Nothing. It's just so cliquey here and I'm convinced people here don't even know how to communicate with strangers. It's like some weird twilight zone or something.
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    Sep 02, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    Hugs AND Drugs. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 02, 2011 9:03 AM GMT
    lol Im 22 and I get bar burnout... Haven't been to a gay club in a few months.
    Maybe try a different scene... like going out with your straight friends.
    I even went to a rave a few weekends ago and had a blast. Or maybe go out without the goal of meeting someone. Just go out with people you know to spend time with them.... Or, have people over to your place for drinks. That's always fun.
  • Neferti

    Posts: 55

    Sep 02, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    I suffer from bar burnout. The biggest reason is that we have only one good gay bar in town and it is the same thing every weekend you go out. I pretty much have the DJ's music rotation fixed into memory, too. The only reason I still go is that all of my friends are there and it's where we gather on Fridays and Saturdays to catch up. On the odd weekend night I decide to not go, by 10 PM I start to get restless just watching tv or a movie and decide to go any way. In a smallish town it's about all we have to do on the weekends at night.
  • smudgedude

    Posts: 260

    Sep 02, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    it's happening to me too...lately it annoys the shit out of me more than anything. but then i remind myself that i better do this stuff while i can, before i get too old and will look like the stereotypical old dude hanging out at bars trying desperately to get laid.
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    Sep 02, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    I got gay bar/club burnout within a few months after turning 21. I haven't been back since. icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 02, 2011 5:36 PM GMT
    Yes, there is. It's call growing up icon_smile.gif You're looking for something more substantive and lasting, which is normal and fine. It's also normal and fine not to as well, but I don't think it's burn-out, just moving on.

    Congratulations.
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    Sep 02, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    smudgedude saidbut then i remind myself that i better do this stuff while i can, before i get too old and will look like the stereotypical old dude hanging out at bars trying desperately to get laid.


    LOL...what sucks is generally I go out to the club/bar alone. Only because I don't like being one of those people who say, "I moved here but never go out because I don't know anyone. I'm shy." What a sad waste of a few dozen weekends. I refuse. When I lived in Miami...I went to the bar so I could meet people! And every weekend I met someone and went on several 2nd dates (not many 3rds LOL) but then found a guy who ended up being my best friend and roommate for nearly 2 years.

    But going back to that, seen an old guy at the bar alone...and I was also the only other person alone. I had to quickly move to another side of the bar as I just started to feel old and disgusting too LOL

    Like, it's a Thursday night and you're like 50 or 60 years old in a club that hosts 1 night for 18 year olds. It didn't even look right. That's just gross.

    And I ended up leaving later because I felt gross too! My 24 year old ass around all these teenagers. I felt like a pedophile LOL.
  • The_Martian

    Posts: 29

    Sep 02, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    You just need to change your scene, and either step it up a notch, or chill out and play the background. Whatever is the opposite of what you're doing now man.
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    Sep 02, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidI've never even been to a bar (only 20) and I'm already tired of it.


    Good for you! I've never been into the bar and club scene. Just been a few times, didn't really enjoy myself at all. I felt like an outsider.
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    Sep 03, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    The_Martian saidYou just need to change your scene, and either step it up a notch, or chill out and play the background. Whatever is the opposite of what you're doing now man.


    I don't know...I just never had this much issue with it. I remember back in the day, like when I was 18...I didn't give a fuck. I would just go right up and talk to any guy who I thought was hot. Sometimes I struck out, but half of the time they'd be glad I spoke to them.

    But here, it's like no matter what the case; it doesn't go anywhere. And it doesn't matter if I talk to them first or they talk to me first.

    For example, I had to really find out the intentions of one particular guy today who I met at the bar last Friday. He stared at me as if I was a friggin angel descending from the heavens. As in..staring with awe.We had a decent conversation and exchange numbers. Well, I asked twice when we could meet again. He'd stop replying. Or he'd take 2 or 3 days to respond to my text. I told him today, "you're coming off as a flake to me. Because when I met you, you seemed all interested but now it's like complete opposite". He then tells me, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I didn't make any guarantees". I'm like...nah, not even. But if you didn't want to chill outside the bar we didn't have to exchange numbers.

    It's like the same scenario and then repeat with guys I have met from the bars. When I lived in Florida, it was different. I would meet guys, go on 2nd or 3rd dates but maybe it didn't work out. Here...they don't even want to meet you outside the bar.

    I haven't met a single guy from the bar in this city, that actually wants to meet again outside the bar. It's like they only exist in the club, but no where else.

    It leads me to believe a lot of these people out here are conservative. And not just sexually. They are afraid that if they hookup with someone who isn't either in their 'clique' or the same background even if they attracted to them, that their friends are going to criticize them about it. That's the only other reason I can think of that they would behave like this.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 03, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    The old people in my country had an expression: too much candy will make anyone sick. They fucked around in 1911 just as much as we do in 2011, who are we kidding. But, sometimes it just gets boring if you're doing it with every slut that comes along.
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    Sep 03, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidThe old people in my country had an expression: too much candy will make anyone sick. They fucked around in 1911 just as much as we do in 2011, who are we kidding. But, sometimes it just gets boring if you're doing it with every slut that comes along.


    Well I'm not even necessarily referring to fucking around. I'm just talking about meeting people and just chillin.

    People don't do that here. It's like a foreign concept to them. I do not believe nightclubs were designed to go to with friends and stand around in a circle all night. That's what house parties are for. Why would I spend $10 just to do that? They were made to mingle and expand your horizons...and do things you wouldn't normally do.

    That's why I don't mind going out alone, but it's turned into work rather than fun.

    I did have a guy come right up to me last night. He was cute, but not my type. But, I would have chilled with him. He is there with 5 friends (aka, wingmen/refuge/saftey net) in a group. He comes up to me, introduces himself to me, a short chat and then asked why I wasn't dancing. I told him I was just finishing up my drink for a second and danced earlier. He says, "well when you feel like dancing let me know." and then proceeds to go right back to his group (aka saftey net)! This conversation lasted only 20 seconds! He was so nervous about speaking with me that he couldn't even stand his ground.

    He assumed that because I was alone, that I was going to chase him. No...instead I stood there for like a minute, and then walked away. I wasn't going to go up to his group and ask, "wanna dance with me? Please? Why did you walk away, I wanted to dance??

    People here barely even know how to approach strangers..because not many people do it. In Florida, I used to had to run away from people to get them not to talk to me. Not here...
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Sep 03, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    It's actually rather simple. You're growing up, and you are desiring things that are simply more emotionally and mentally fufilling and sustaining.
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    Sep 03, 2011 7:13 AM GMT
    In a word, yes.
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    Sep 03, 2011 7:36 AM GMT
    tautomer4314 saidIt's actually rather simple. You're growing up, and you are desiring things that are simply more emotionally and mentally fufilling and sustaining.


    I don't know what's gotten into me...but I've also lost the desire to attend the meetup.com group I've been going to for the past 3 or 4 months as well. After tonight, I don't want to go to another meetup.

    I just feel that I'd almost rather be alone, or just with 1 or 2 friends and a rotation of fuck buddies or 1 boyfriend than to go places where I feel like I have to force myself to fit in. Many times, I force myself to fit into places and then realize later that they aren't they type of people I even want to hang around in the first place.
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    Sep 03, 2011 7:59 AM GMT
    nvr been 2 a club cept teen nights (ughh). i can hardly wait 2 go 2 college night @ BS West to check out the closeted jocks from ASU.

    i love 2 dance, but i'm not a drinker. so i do wonder bout fitting in...
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    Sep 03, 2011 8:00 AM GMT
    Ehm, yeah of course aftre a while clubbing gets boring babe ^_^ They never really change... theres plenty of other possibilities to spend your evenings though, dont think you have to go home and be bored.. theres comedy, theatre, concerts, tons of stuff!!
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    Sep 03, 2011 8:39 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidEhm, yeah of course aftre a while clubbing gets boring babe ^_^ They never really change... theres plenty of other possibilities to spend your evenings though, dont think you have to go home and be bored.. theres comedy, theatre, concerts, tons of stuff!!


    I would love to go to those things, but with who? I would feel equally bored going to a comedy or theater alone. That's why I feel I'm 'trapped' going to bars. Even though I don't like the ones out here, it's one of the few places where you can meet someone boldly.

    I just need to move. This city has taken so much out of me. I have lost the zest and confidence and motivation to go out and have a good time anymore. I never expected it to do that. I didn't get worse from the time I was 20 years old to the time I'm 24. I improved. So I don't deserve this shit.


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    Sep 03, 2011 8:56 AM GMT
    Hmmm, well I do think there might be cities where its harder to make friends if you're not part of an "in-crowd".. I had that in downtown vancouver... notoriously difficult to make friends there... I didnt make any new friends there other than the other visitors who basically felt the same way about the place that I did... Never had that problem in any other cities.... Most ppl like outgoing types...

    Incidentally.. i DID mak a friend in vancouver recently. but he is visiting Curacao, i met him here... and he is orginally from Toronto,.. and like everyone else, he told me that, yes, it is hard to make friends in that city as ppl there generally are not open to visitors and stick to their crowds.. so yeah, you may need to look for a different way to make friends
  • builtofbrick

    Posts: 54

    Sep 03, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    yes, its called turning 25 lol
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 03, 2011 12:07 PM GMT
    by the time that southern decadence is over each year; there are more than a few guys leaving new orleans, hung over, broke and all fucked out, who would agree with your thread title.


    icon_exclaim.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 03, 2011 12:09 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidHmmm, well I do think there might be cities where its harder to make friends if you're not part of an "in-crowd"...



    agree!

    i found atlanta to be extremely "clickish", plastic and facile. returning to new orleans was a much appreciated treat.
  • Neferti

    Posts: 55

    Sep 03, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    rnch saidby the time that southern decadence is over each year; there are more than a few guys leaving new orleans, hung over, broke and all fucked out, who would agree with your thread title.


    icon_exclaim.gif


    My one Southern Decadence experience was slightly disappointing. Nearly all of the guys were older, hairier and fatter than anything I go for. I went solo as sort of a spur of the moment trip and none of my friends could go. I did find a group of similar aged guys as me that met my field specs for guys and we all ran around together the last day or two there. I've generally had more fun on trips there when it was an off season from SD or Mardi Gras. It definitely did never leaves me with bar burnout and I typically stayed out all night my last night to get as much in before I left.
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    Sep 03, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    Im going to a club sunday night. I havent goen dancing in forever. I am looking foward to it.