How do you convince your "straight" trainer he's gay.

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    Sep 02, 2011 11:43 PM GMT
    I've been with my trainer now some 10 months and we've become buds. I'm suppose to train with him 3 or 4 days a week, yet we always seem to get together every day of the week (often more then once a day). He's become my triathlon training partner, ski and snowboard buddy, and now wants me to teach him to surf. We cook together, wine taste together, go to movies together, do fantasy football together, and hang out at his place watching TV alone on the couch together. We eat lunch or dinner together 3 or 4 times a week and on the rare occasion I don't see him, he's texting me or calling me to see what I'm doing. In the 10 months I've known him he's been on 2 dates. Talked about women a lot initially, but now rarely does. Always tells me either this or that made him think of me and he is always looking for things for us to do together. Signed us up for a century ride, couple mud runs and now a Spartan race. And the clincher, I booked a hotel room with two beds so we could drive down early on one of our triathlons. At the last minute a 3rd guy also doing the tri joined us (I know he is definitely straight). I grabbed one of the beds and went to bed first. In the middle of the night I roll over and guess who is in bed with me. Yeah. He could have gotten in bed with the straight guy, but instead gets into bed with the gay guy. By the way, he knows I'm gay and interested in him. Every so often I tell him I think you're gay, but he insists he's not. I really enjoy being his bud, but then he'll buy me a little gift or do something that makes it obvious he's thinking of me, and I think fuck I want more. Not sure how to convince him he wants more too.
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    Sep 02, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    alcohol and rohypnol
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    Sep 03, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    Tried the alcohol. Not quite desperate enough for the other ;)
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    Sep 03, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    I'm with you on that one anti. I'm not a big a believer in conversions. One way or the other. As for my trainer, wish he knew himself as well as the 10 year old. Of course I'm one to talk. icon_smile.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Sep 03, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    You don't.
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    The great thing about the RJ forums is that no matter how messed up and bizarre your situation is, there's bound to be someone else here who's been in the exact same place. And some of us have even been there twice.

    So, listen up.

    Yes, you're right. Your trainer is gay, and he's in denial. He wants you so bad he can taste it. He fantasizes about having sex with guys - not just you but other guys too, and he's been having these fantasies and wet dreams for years. He probably acts even gayer than you do, and you've probably been mistaken for a couple more times than you're aware of. Nothing in the world would make him happier than being all yours.

    But...

    Somewhere deep in his brain is a mental block that allows him to do all this and feel all this and fantasize about all this, and still believe he's straight. Nothing you can do will change it. Let me say that again - NOTHING you can do will change it. Believeing he's straight is the little fortress he's built for himself that allows him to get through life the way he wants, and he's spent a lifetime building it up, and you can't possibly put a dent in it.

    You can be his friend just like you are now, and he'll keep on being a world class cock tease, and you'll keep on being frustrated. Or you can try to force the issue and make him face up to his denial, and you'll only push him away. Because when someone is that strongly in denial, the biggest asshole in the world in his eyes is the one who tries to make him face reality.

    Of course he might just come around on his own, and you can hang around waiting for it to happen, but don't count on it. And remember - one more time - nothing you can do will make it happen.

    So, there's your choices. They all kind of suck. Just like a lot of other things in life.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 03, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    Just be his friend.

    This is conniving, but you could try going on a date with another guy and telling him all about it, see what his reaction is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    It sounds like you have a good thing. Don't try to change it, just enjoy it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    Hunny, you aint the man for him. mmkay!

    So if you can't accept just a friendship with him move along cause otherwise your gona end up in a world of mess.


    And I can tell you, some trainers are very lonely, being a trainer can be a lonely job (your always the boss, you aren't a clients friend and they pay you for that) so, he's found a friend (and over stepped a boundary), someone that accepts him for who he isn't and is trying to force something he isn't willing to accept onto him.

    So, either be his friend, or leave him be.

    In other words stop looking for your dream guy in your friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    Wow this is better then theropy and its free icon_smile.gif

    I have to agree with several of the post here that I don't want to jepordize the friendship. It is a good thing. And Anti, never thought about the metro angel, could be a fit I suppose. I am generally fine with the friendship, it just when he does something special that throws me for a loop. Given all the choices above I would definately choose the preseve the friendship. Just need to figure out how to distance my self just a bit I suppose. That and get a real boyfriend in my life.

    Damm it. I thought you guys were going to give me the magic answer. icon_smile.gif

    Isn't there some fairy dust or something I can use...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 03, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    Stickey situation your in ....... I have to tell ya

    Is your friend gay? Yeah - he probably is
    and he's tipping his toes in your gay pool
    and liking what he sees .... from what I read

    But .... in his mind he's still "STR8T"
    and this might be as far as he goes or he'll jump head first sooner or later

    Given that if you make a sexual pass at him you'll probably spook him for life
    and you'll lose a friend

    I know I was there all during college icon_confused.gif
    Back then if someone would've asked me if I was gay I would have swore on my mother's life ... sorry mom
    that I was str8
    even tho I was as gay as any gay man out there

    So where does that leave ...you?
    All this energy and wondering about this might be gay ...maybe not gay guy
    is he distracting you from better prospects?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQg2W4c-tRqeLP0WsJ7-U
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Well there you have it. Trainer just called. Wants to go for a late night swim and the grab a bite to eat. Hmmmm. Wonder what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy a nice evening with a friend.

    Goodnight gentlemen and thanks for the input.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    Yes Anti paybacks are most certainly a bitch.

    Hey Paulflex welcome to the thread icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidWell there you have it. Trainer just called. Wants to go for a late night swim and the grab a bite to eat. Hmmmm. Wonder what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy a nice evening with a friend.

    Goodnight gentlemen and thanks for the input.
    Enjoy!
    But be aware that mixing business with pleasure seldom ends well.
    I've played around with my trainer, but only because he also does soft adult work and we work together sometimes.
    Off camera, we've never done anything sexual.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidHey Paulflex welcome to the thread icon_smile.gif
    Howdy. <3 icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidWell there you have it. Trainer just called. Wants to go for a late night swim and the grab a bite to eat. Hmmmm. Wonder what I'm going to do. I'm going to enjoy a nice evening with a friend.

    Goodnight gentlemen and thanks for the input.
    Late night swim eh?
    9hrrc5.jpg
  • Chele

    Posts: 28

    Sep 03, 2011 5:22 AM GMT
    Sounds to me like he feels like he can be himself around you. I don't think you should convince him. He'll get it when he gets it.