I'm instantly and completely turned off by guys that hook-up. I feel bad about it though.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    I would like to see myself as an open-minded person. My best friend is about the biggest slut ever and I love him for it. I honestly feel as if something is very wrong or very different about me because I am instantaneously turned completely off if I believe the guy I'm talking to likes hooking up. This doesn't affect my ability to be friendly by any means! I understand that it is a problem that I have and I should never be so arrogant as to push that off on another person.

    I'm interested in knowing if there are guys that are completely and utterly turned off by people who ONLY engage in monogamous relationships? That would sorta neat to know someone like that.

    I'm going to guess that this thread has been done soo ooOOOooO oo o oOOOOooo many times that you are all sick of it. I apologize.

    If you do not find any of the material ^ up there entertaining I can attempt to provide accommodations in the form of lulzpictures?

    Thanks everyone n_n


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    Sep 03, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    I was always turned off by hearing of guys doing hookups. then after my first relationship ended I found myself alone for christmas then my birthday coming the following january. I didn't want to be alone. I met this guy on line that was in town visiting family and he agreed to spend the night with me. it was dinner, movie then back to my place after that. Then I found myself only doing it during these types of circumstances something would come up like christmas, or my birthday. or feeling lonely id find myself doing it.. I never did it over just wanting sex or being horny. it was too keep from being alone during certain circumstances. 5th and last time was about 6 months ago when I decided too never do it again.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 03, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    I don't think it's bad to have different values and not want a relationship with someone who doesn't share your values.
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    You are just another self-hating homo, like thousands other on the webpage as well, who still have to shake the homophobic indoctrination that you are subjected to in this country in childhood and youth.

    Sorry I wanted to say it before someone posts it and actually means it.

    Is the occasional hook-up already a deal-breaker? Or people who have one-night stands with someone they met at a club? Or people who go to bathhouses?
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    atljoe75 saidI was always turned off by hearing of guys doing hookups. then after my first relationship ended I found myself alone for christmas then my birthday coming the following january. I didn't want to be alone. I met this guy on line that was in town visiting family and he agreed to spend the night with me. it was dinner, movie then back to my place after that. Then I found myself only doing it during these types of circumstances something would come up like christmas, or my birthday. or feeling lonely id find myself doing it.. I never did it over just wanting sex or being horny. it was too keep from being alone during certain circumstances. 5th and last time was about 6 months ago when I decided too never do it again.
    Oh, wow...


    I could see how lonely that must feel and why you would do that for such a reason. Perhaps I was too stubborn to see the way loneliness affects someone. icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidYou are just another self-hating homo, like thousands other on the webpage as well who still have to shake the homophobic indoctrination that you are subjected to in this country in childhood and youth.

    Sorry I wanted to say it before someone posts it and actually means it.

    Is the occasional hook-up already a deal-breaker? Or people who have one-night stands with someone they met at a club? Or people who go to bathhouses?


    All of that turns me off majorly. When I hear about someone doing that and I'm interested I feel almost nauseated on the inside like "whoa, didn't know you were like that when it came to sharing yourself around."

    I feel bad about it, but that's just what immediately comes to mind. Hmm. I don't feel very good about it because I feel I'm being too judgmental.
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said

    Oh, and don't be too surprised at the answers you'll get from the 'open relationship' guys....what the hell are they supposed to say, lol? icon_lol.gif




    Oh, I would never discredit someone who vouches for open relationships to just automatically post something rude to me. I remember reading some guy's post on here and he was adamant about open relationships. It was really informative and he wasn't rude at all. I just like to see different viewpoints.icon_surprised.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    Well, I'm not the only one then.

    I wanted badly to save myself for a soulmate who was my type, hot, smart, polite and chewed with his mouth closed. My profile read like I was channeling my late mother. But, I'm 45 now.

    If you are exposed to HIV, testing won't be accurate for at least two or three weeks. Bath houses provide the 10 minute rapid antibody test, but a negative result there should never be a green light for risky sex.

    However, If you've never had a gay hookup before, hooking up with Mr. Incredible might not be the best time to learn. Porn doesn't help figure out the logistics of being prepared for gay sex.

    You just have to be smart...and realistic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 03, 2011 10:49 AM GMT
    To begin, there is nothing wrong with you being turned off by this. Not hooking up is one of your values and it is only natural that you would seek other men who believe in the same thing as you. Its the same reason I get turned off by guys addicted to coffee, cigarrettes and marijuana as well as guys who do terrible in school and don't own a car. It just screams that we are going to clash, because our vices are drammatically different and I can't understand them. I don't mind hooking up every now and then, but would be lying if I said I didn't prefer doing it with someone I assumed I'd spend more time with.

    I would have to say that I am sometimes turned off by guys who are hardcore serial monogomers. Where they talk so lowly of me for having hookups, but then they are in super serious relationships back to back and back to back. Sometimes I have felt some of them only end up in relationships so quickly so that they can feel less guilt about hooking up, but thats my own opinion and isn't based on fact.

    A guy who likes finding someone important, and simply prefers to be in a relationship to do those things is ok. But a guy who breaks up, a month later is in another relationship, breaks up and two months later is in another relationship, breaks up and a two weeks later is in yet another relationship breaks up and a few more weeks later is nother relationship seems as desperate and tacky to me as multiple hooks does. And some people truly have this track record too!

    So when you do take into account that hooking up is a turn off, I do say also say be sure to ask that monogamous guy how many boyfriends has he had within the last 3 months. I've heard some crazy high numbers. One guy once said: "Oh about 5, but I'm not a slut. We were serious and monogamous. I don't believe in hook ups."
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    Sep 03, 2011 11:10 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    I sowed my wild oats when I was 20. And then I grew up.


    I'm so bored with this notion that people who hook up need to grow up.

    I hung out with this 30 year old doctor a bit during my vacation in early august and he was a really cool guy. He was smart, able to carry a conversation, and we had a lot of fun talking about stuff from art, movies and even a bit of science. My deployment is finally over and I'll be home soon, so I decided to email him. See if maybe he wanted to do something. I haven't heard from him since we hung out but I just figured he was very busy. He replies very honest: "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to decline. I only get into hook ups and fucking."

    Now yes, for me that was a turn off. because if I can't at least view a guy as a friend, my sexual attraction towards him dwindles drammatically. I don't understand how guys can find it fulfilling and be satisfied with that alone. But at the same time, I didn't find anything about it childish. He was being honest with me. I wrote him back telling him that I respected his honesty, but that kind of detachment wasn't what I was looking for and that was the end of it.

    What part of it do you feel indicates that a man needs to grow up? I'm asking out of curiosity, not to be confrontational or anything.
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    Sep 03, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi said
    bhp91126 said

    Is the occasional hook-up already a deal-breaker? Or people who have one-night stands with someone they met at a club? Or people who go to bathhouses?


    All of that turns me off majorly. When I hear about someone doing that and I'm interested I feel almost nauseated on the inside like "whoa, didn't know you were like that when it came to sharing yourself around."

    I feel bad about it, but that's just what immediately comes to mind. Hmm. I don't feel very good about it because I feel I'm being too judgmental.

    I think that many will feel judged, however you can't help to feel how you feel. As long as you don't get all superior on them, nobody should feel offended. Far to many gays think that being gay = being a slut. (Not that there is anything wrong with being a slut, I'm a proud slut)
    And far to many think that their way to be gay is the right way, hence feel superior, while everybody else is a self-hating homo or a wanton slut.

    Btw, how do you feel about ex-sluts? Meaning someone who is done with hooking up for whatever reason and now is looking for meaningful relationships. How do you feel about guys who have fuck-buddies or friends with benefits?
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    You are judgemental and self righteous.

    Are you a conservative christian? If not why do you try to ape their values?
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    Sep 03, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    InB4 YCYL.

    I think the key to all this is the addiction factor.

    IMO, a certain amount of "hooking up" is part and parcel of being a gay male in the 21st century (and before that, with the bathhouse and bar scenes) for many guys.

    To me, an occasional dip into the hookup pool keep me happy, as does the rare joint and the trip to a coffee house.

    But if I am spending every free moment on A4A or grindr looking for ass?

    Addiction.


    I remember bouncing on one dude who after I had arrived for a hookup - the man was still on Manhunt trying to source his next fuck (after me).

    That may happen more than I know - but it was creepy all the same, not to mention more than a tad rude when your hookup has just arrived, lol.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 03, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidYou are judgemental and self righteous.

    Are you a conservative christian? If not why do you try to ape their values?


    Oh pleez, for someone to show a little decorum doesn't mean it has anything to do with religion. I think it is a legitimate response for some people to be turned off by another guy's horniness. I am immediately turned off(physically) if I'm at first attracted to a guy and someone let's me know the guy is a regular at the bathhouse, etc. I just don't want someone so desperate that they would have to sleep with every guy he can to feel good about himself. In my mind it shows a kind of desperation and perhaps low self esteem.

    As the OP sez, I also have friends that hook up all the time and are big slutz, but they are still my friends and I don't MORALLY judge them for it. One thing I have noticed, I am still able to be friends with these guys because we never fooled around together. I've seen a lot of friendships end because they hop into bed together, and that is way too much drama for just some cheap sex. I have one extremely handsome friend that really doesn't like to go to any of the gay bars anymore because there are too many ex-hookups in every bar for him to deal with. I just think it's a sad way of life, sorry.
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Sep 03, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with casual sex of itself. There is nothing wrong with monogamy of itself. What is unacceptable is having a preconceived objection to either.

    I am as guilty as the next man of having prejudices. But it is important to recognise them and try to work against them I think the OP is half way there.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    [quote] I have one extremely handsome friend that really doesn't like to go to any of the gay bars anymore because there are too many ex-hookups in every bar for him to deal with. I just think it's a sad way of life, sorry. [/quote]

    That's something one of my friends has to deal with. I always get texts from him when he's out saying how much he hates gay men. Yet, he always goes back.

    As for me, I don't have the time or the energy to invest into a relationship. I've learned that I don't like being in one. Its just not for me. I still have needs, so friends with benefits and hooking up is the way to go.

    There was a situation where I dealt with a guy who only wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. There sure as hell was a physical attraction between both of us, but he wanted a boyfriend and that's a label I don't like attached to me. We just frustrated each other the entire summer.

    I don't think you should feel bad about being turned off about it though. You're still friends with your friend who's into hooking up, you just wouldn't date him. In your first paragraph you stated you wouldn't push your views on anyone else. I really don't think you should feel bad.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    I only get turned off when i think "What if i fall in love with that guy ?"
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Sep 03, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    For friendship it would be absolutely no problem.

    But I agree that a guy who is just looking for his next shag can be a massive turn off. If you legitimately date around and sleep with those guys then yeah that's fine, if you are trolling manhunt and gaydar, cruising gay bars for sex, or going to bathhouses then that is a definite turn off and I will not view that guy as dating potential.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:14 PM GMT
    I don't find anything wrong with him being turned off by it. He has a right to have preferences. He has the right to be with someone that shares in the same moral beliefs as himself. It's not like he is getting in peoples faces and calling them names. I personally would never want someone that's ever cheated on a partner or ever been in a open relationship. I'm not saying those who do are wrong just wrong for me and I have the right too feel that way. I had a best friend that was in a open relationship for 13 years. it was a topic never discussed I loved him for who he was and not what he did.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:16 PM GMT
    I think there are many guys who hook up but who genuinely want a LTR but don't want to be celibate why they look for it. I would have concerns about a guy who only hooks up but I know several pretty slutty guys who happily settled down and are amazing partners.
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    Lostboy saidYou are judgemental and self righteous.

    Are you a conservative christian? If not why do you try to ape their values?


    Oh pleez, for someone to show a little decorum doesn't mean it has anything to do with religion. blablabla.


    This thread is a mess and the OP´s need to tell everyone his preferences like this is frankly bizarre. I cannot understand it. Inherited religious values would at least be a rational explanation.

    Of course the wisdom of trying to live by the ethical standards of someone who thinks your existence is an abomination has its own tensions...


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    Sep 03, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    You are a lesbian and that's okay. We'll still accept you and love you in the gay community icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Lostboy said

    Of course the wisdom of trying to live by the ethical standards of someone who thinks your existence is an abomination has its own tensions...


    LMAO!!
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    Sep 03, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    There is sex and then there is intimacy. Hookups are about the sex. I think that some people attach sex to intimacy or even confuse them. It could be that your boundaries require the "great stuff" to happen before the "hot stuff", which is cool.

    For me, I haven't found the "great stuff" yet so if I used that model, I would still be a virgin. So I compromise by having safe "hot stuff" and I'm pretty selective. While I haven't yet found a happy medium, I've definitely found my share of happy bottoms.... icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 03, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    I'm surprised Mr 'You Cruise You Lose' has not chimed in yet.

    It is really a matter of personal choice. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, provided it is not hurting anyone else. I think I am personally inclined toward monogamy. Hookups do not really do it for me.